Such Great Heights

by Sydney Logan

  I lean down as she cowers in her chair.

  “You will have to worry about me.”

  “Not gonna lie,” Marcus says with a grin. “That baby app is genius.”

  It was almost comical—three professional men, huddled around the baby monitor app on my phone, eavesdropping on the girls in the living room. Unethical? Maybe. But Marcus and Rick both agreed they were merely protecting their clients. And I was protecting Olivia.

  “I should’ve gone in there.”

  “Did it sound like she needed your help?” Marcus laughs. “Hmm. It’s gone quiet. Think someone’s dead?”

  “No, I think Natasha’s gone. I heard a door slam.”

  Marcus nods. “Let me get you a drink. You too, Rick. You look like you need one.”

  Natasha’s attorney sighs and collapses on my couch.

  “When David hired me,” Rick says tiredly, “he said that Natasha had been calling every day in hopes of speaking to her son. And that you refused.”

  I shrug. “Well, David lied. Or Natasha lied to him. I don’t know.”

  Marcus hands each of us a glass.

  “She only called once,” I continue. “And even then, it wasn’t to speak to Ryder. She saw my and Olivia’s picture in the paper. Natasha got jealous and called the house. Ryder just happened to answer the phone.”

  “I can’t represent this woman.” Rick shakes his head and downs his drink.

  As a lawyer, I understand, but I hate it. Rick’s an honest guy. If he stops representing her, Natasha will just find someone else, and this time, she’ll find a crooked attorney who won’t have a problem representing a dishonest, crazy woman.

  The three of us head to the living room. Olivia’s there, sitting on the couch, gazing absent-mindedly into space. Rick wishes us luck before heading out the door.

  “Sweetheart?” I rush over to the couch and sit down beside her.

  “She’s gone.”

  “No kidding.” Marcus says, laughing. “You were awesome, by the way.”

  Olivia’s eyes flicker to mine. Smiling sheepishly, I point to the baby monitor on the end table.

  “You guys were listening?”

  I shrug.

  “Protecting our clients,” Marcus says.

  Olivia sighs. “Did I totally blow this?”

  I wrap my arms around her. “Not at all. Rick’s refusing to represent her now that he knows what a manipulating liar she is.”

  “That just means she’ll find another lawyer who will. Won’t that delay things?”

  “Probably. But we’ll cross that bridge later.”

  “In the meantime,” Marcus says, “I’m out of here. You guys have a good weekend. Jackson, I’ll call you later.”

  “Thanks, Marcus.”

  Once he’s gone, Olivia melts against me, resting her head on my shoulder.

  “I was so mean to her,” she says softly. “I’m not a mean person, Jackson.”

  “I know you’re not. Natasha brings out the worst in everyone. Besides, she deserved it. If I’d done more of that, maybe my son wouldn’t be suffering now.”

  “Done more of what?”

  Smiling sadly, I gaze into her beautiful, loving eyes.

  “Defended my son like that. You are the strongest woman I’ve ever met. I’m so thankful you’re in our lives. You stood up to my wife—something I was never able to do—and you did it because you love my son.”

  “But she’s not wrong,” she says. “Natasha is his mother.”

  “Maybe now she’ll start acting like it.”

  “Maybe. I don’t know.” Olivia chuckles. “I should’ve known you’d find a way to eavesdrop.”

  I grin. “That baby monitor app really comes in handy.”

  With a tired sigh, Olivia snuggles deeper into my arms. We hold each other, enjoying the peace and quiet. After a few minutes, her soft snores fill the air.

  Smiling, I lift Olivia into my arms and carry her to her bedroom, laying her down against the soft blanket. She turns onto her side, and I watch as she nestles her palm under her cheek.

  My heart clenches at the sight of her.

  I can’t believe she’s here.

  I can’t believe she’s mine.

  Not yet, Healey. But someday. If you’re lucky.

  Someday.

  “What time is it?” Hazel asks.

  “Almost five.”

  Today is visitation day, and to say the entire house is filled with anxiety would be an understatement. Even Hazel, who’s usually cool and calm, can’t sit still. She keeps running back and forth to the kitchen, fluffing chair pillows, and generally getting on my very last nerve.

  I glance over at the piano, where Ryder sits next to Olivia as he plays a song from some Disney movie. He’s been quiet today, but that’s to be expected. As I watch them, I can’t silence the questions that roar through my mind. What if Natasha doesn’t come? What if she does? Will Ryder be afraid? Happy? Confused? Will he even talk to her? Will he ask why she left? And will she tell him the truth? And what happens when she leaves? Will he have a tantrum? Will the nightmares return?

  Despite her absence, Natasha still has control over my family. Her mere presence today—or lack thereof—could possibly destroy all the progress Ryder’s made.

  I want her to show up.

  I don’t want her to show up.

  Both scenarios could break my son’s heart.

  Then, the doorbell rings.

  Olivia and I exchange nervous glances just as Hazel returns from the kitchen.

  She did it. She kept her word.

  “Ryder, are you ready?” Olivia asks softly.

  He keeps playing.

  “Ryder,” she tries again. “Your mom is here to see you. We can finish the song later, okay?”

  With a sigh, Ryder climbs down from the bench and takes Olivia’s hand before leading her to the couch.

  “Daddy, sit with us, please.”

  His little voice shakes, and it absolutely breaks my heart.

  The doorbell rings again. Having to wait was probably making her mad.

  Good.

  “Hazel, would you please get the door?”

  She nods slowly as I sit down on the couch next to Olivia. Ryder quickly climbs into her lap.

  That’s sure to make her mad, too.

  But that’s too bad. If being close to Olivia is what he needs to get through this visit, I’m not about to spare Natasha’s feelings by refusing him.

  Moments later, Hazel returns, with Natasha by her side. As usual, she’s impeccably overdressed. Instantly, she spots Ryder sitting in Olivia’s lap, and I watch as her eyes narrow. She recovers quickly and clears her throat.

  “Hi, baby.”

  Ryder says nothing. He just wraps his arms around Olivia’s neck in a death grip while she soothingly rubs his back.

  Natasha kneels onto the floor—which is no easy feat in that tight dress.

  “I brought you a present,” she says, offering him the gift bag.

  Ryder’s eyes flicker from the present, and then to me.

  “It’s okay.”

  Very slowly, Ryder climbs out of Olivia’s lap and sits down on the floor. He timidly reaches for the present.

  “What is it?” he asks softly.

  “Open it and see,” Natasha says.

  Ryder carefully opens the bag.

  “It’s a remote-control truck,” Natasha said. “I hope it’s okay. I wasn’t sure.”

  “It’s great,” I said, happy to see that she bought him something age-appropriate and fun. At least she’s trying. “What do you think, Ryder?”

  “I like it. Thank you.”

  Natasha beams. “You’re very welcome.”

  Ryder smiles as his mom helps him open the truck. As they play, his eyes occasionally flicker to Olivia and me on the couch. I’m not sure if he simply needs the reassurance that we’re here, or if he’s silently seeking permission to play with his mom. Either way, he seems to be doing okay.

&
nbsp; So far, so good.

  The first hour drifts into the second, and Olivia and I remain on the couch, watching as Natasha and Ryder play on the floor. His eyes are bright with excitement as he tells her about his teacher, Dr. Jane, and of course, Olivia.

  Like a good mother, Natasha hangs on to every word.

  As she runs her fingers through his untidy hair, I can’t help but wonder if maybe she’s changed. Maybe she has a mother’s heart, after all.

  But if that’s true, how could she have ever left him?

  After a while, Hazel comes back into the living room, announcing there’s cake and ice cream in the kitchen. I’m pleasantly surprised when Ryder leaps to his feet and grabs Natasha’s hand. Unsure, she glances at me.

  “Go on,” I tell her. “We’ll stay here. Enjoy the time with your son.”

  The smile on her face matches our son’s, and the two of them practically skip to the kitchen.

  “That was very nice of you,” Olivia says.

  “I don’t want to spoil this for either of them. I’ve never seen her so affectionate with him. Besides, Hazel will keep an eye on them.”

  Laughter echoes from the kitchen, and it makes me smile. My once broken-hearted little boy is enjoying the afternoon with his mom—the same woman who turned his world upside down. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for what she did to him—or to me. But kids are amazing, forgiving creatures.

  “What are you thinking about?” Olivia asks.

  “Just thinking that kids are so resilient and forgiving. Maybe if adults were more like that, the world might be a better place. Then again, some things can’t be—and shouldn’t be—forgiven.”

  “But for his sake, I think it’s good,” she says softly. “Natasha’s really making an effort. And Ryder sounds very happy.”

  Leaning in, I kiss her temple. “He does. Let’s just hope it lasts.”

  When Natasha and Ryder make their way back into the living room, his little hand is still in hers. Their smiles are radiant as he leads her over to the piano. They sit on the bench as our little boy starts to play.

  “I don’t recognize this one.”

  Olivia smiles softly. “Must be something he’s working on with Eric.”

  I’ll be forever grateful to her friend, Angel, whose boyfriend has been giving Ryder piano lessons once a week. With all the drama with Mrs. Langham and her broken fingers, I was afraid we’d never convince another teacher to give him a chance. But Eric’s been a godsend.

  When the song ends, Ryder takes his mom by the hand and leads her to the couch.

  “Good visit?” I ask, already knowing the answer. This first visitation has gone miraculously well.

  “Mommy says she’ll come back next week!” Ryder’s excitement is infectious, and we all laugh. Then he frowns. “But she has to go now.”

  I tousle his hair. “Why don’t you tell Mommy goodbye and then go with Olivia. Your mom and I need to talk before she leaves.”

  Olivia offers her hand. “Come on, buddy. We’ll help Hazel clean up.”

  “Okay.”

  Before he goes, he looks back at his mom. I can tell by the look on his face that he wants to hug her. But Natasha was rarely affectionate. He remembers that.

  “I’ll see you next week,” she says.

  His little face falls, and it breaks my heart.

  “Okay,” he says with a little wave. “Bye, Mommy.”

  Ryder takes Olivia’s hand and follows her into the kitchen.

  “He wanted to hug you, Tash.”

  Her eyes grow wide.

  “Oh. I . . . didn’t realize. I’ve never really been a hugger. You know that.”

  “I know.”

  She stares down at her shoes. “So, did I pass?”

  “Pass?”

  “This was my first test, right?”

  “I didn’t consider it a test. I thought you wanted to see your son.”

  “I did. I do.”

  I’m confused. “So what? Do you want a gold star for actually showing up? For doing the right thing?”

  “You don’t have to be a jerk, Jackson. I just wanted to know if you thought it went okay. That’s all.”

  I take a deep breath and try to control my temper.

  “Ryder enjoyed your visit. I’m glad it went so well.”

  Natasha nods.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t want to argue with you.”

  “Neither do I.” She eyes me curiously. “What do you want to talk about?”

  “The divorce.”

  She laughs. “Wow. Seriously? You want to talk about that today?”

  “Yes. Today. Ryder needs to understand why you aren’t living with us anymore.”

  “He knows why I left.”

  “No. He just knows that you left. He doesn’t understand why. Together, we can sit down and explain that Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce. And it needs to happen. Soon.”

  “Soon.” Natasha eyes me coldly. “You just want to be with her.”

  “I want us all to move forward. You have. My son and I would like the chance to do the same. So, stop dragging your heels and tell your lawyer . . . oh wait, have you found a new lawyer?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Yes. I have a new lawyer.”

  “Good. I’ll let Marcus know.”

  “You do that.”

  I walk her out, leading her to the elevator. As we wait, I glance at the woman by my side. There’s no denying she’s beautiful.

  Man, looks can be so deceiving.

  Finally, the elevator arrives, and Natasha slowly steps inside. Hoping to end the visit on a positive note, I offer her a smile.

  “I’m glad today’s visit went well, and I truly hope you and David are happy.”

  “It was good to see my son.” Then she smirks. “I hope you aren’t expecting me to wish you and Olivia the same happiness. Because I won’t. I will never approve of your relationship with her.”

  “Well, that’s the great thing about divorce, Tash. I don’t need your approval anymore.”

  Her eyes narrow just as the elevator doors close.

  The weekend arrives, bright and sunny. I smile gratefully as I squint at the sky. It’s a beautiful day, and for what we have planned, we need a beautiful day.

  Today’s the day that Ryder learns a new vocabulary word.

  Divorce.

  We were thankful that Ryder’s visit with his mom had gone so well, but after his session with the therapist later that week, Dr. Jane suggested to Jackson that it might be time to have a heart-to-heart with his son. While Ryder seemed to understand that Mommy doesn’t live there anymore, he doesn’t really understand why.

  “Keep it simple,” Dr. Jane had warned us. “Daddy loves him. Mommy loves him. Daddy and Mommy just don’t love each other anymore, but they will always love Ryder. Right now, that’s all he needs to know.”

  In hopes of keeping the day as simple as possible, Jackson decided to talk with his son at the park. Jackson had a meeting with a client this morning, but promised to meet us at the playground for lunch.

  “Livia,” Ryder says as I push him on the swing. “Higher!”

  “Okay, hold on tight!”

  I push a little higher. The kid’s unimpressed.

  “That’s not higher,” he groans.

  “Sorry.”

  I’m not really. My nerves are already on edge. If I push too hard, my favorite little boy might fly off the swing and land face-first in the sandbox. This would do nothing to calm my anxiety and could put a damper on our whole day.

  Better not chance it.

  As I continue to gently push Ryder on the swing, I gaze at the other people taking advantage of the pretty day. Families having picnic lunches by the water. A young couple laughing as they steal innocent kisses at a nearby gazebo. A group of boys playing touch football in the grass. Everyone’s so happy, and here I am, wishing we could save this hard conversation for another time—maybe when the sun isn’t shining so brightly—just so we can enjoy
this beautiful day.

  But it needs to be done.

  “Can we feed the ducks?” Ryder asks, jumping out of the swing.

  Without waiting for my answer, he grabs my hand and leads me toward the lake. When we reach the shore, I dig in my backpack for the baggie of breadcrumbs that Hazel saved from breakfast.

  “I know how much Ryder likes the ducks.” She’d winked at me, because we both know it’s actually Jackson who loves feeding them.

  “Do you think we should wait for your dad?” I ask.

  Ryder glances behind us. “Daddy’s here!”

  I smile as Jackson walks toward us, with a pizza box in hand. As soon as he reaches us, he kneels down, and Ryder flies into his arms. Watching the two of them together never fails to cause butterflies to erupt in my stomach. He might not have been the best father in the past, but Jackson is more than making up for it now.

  “We’re feeding the ducks, Daddy!”

  Jackson playfully arches an eyebrow when he sees the bag of breadcrumbs.

  “Surely you weren’t feeding the ducks without me,” Jackson says, rising to his feet. He then leans in to kiss my cheek. “Hey, beautiful.”

  More butterflies.

  “Hey you.”

  “Everything okay?”

  “So far, so good.”

  Jackson nods. “Hey, Ryder, let’s eat lunch first. Then we’ll feed the ducks. Deal?”

  I take the pizza box as Jackson coaxes Ryder onto his back. The three of us make our way across the grass to an empty picnic table. While we eat, Ryder talks nonstop, his voice growing louder and more animated as he tells his dad all about our day. Jackson hangs on to every word, his eyes sparkling with joy as he listens to his son’s constant chatter, and sneaking smiles at me whenever Ryder would stop to take a breath or a bite. I try so hard to stay in the moment—to soak in all the happiness—but scary words keep flashing in my head.

  Divorce. Trial. Lawyers. Custody.

  Would a judge be persuaded to give Natasha custody? Jackson was confident that her neglect would be enough to deny her full custody, but I just can’t forget the fact that she is his mother. And now, she’s making an effort. Granted, it was just one visit so far, but Natasha had played nice. If she keeps playing nice, will a judge be impressed enough to grant her joint custody? Would Ryder have two homes? Spending one week here and one week there?