In Name Only (A Pine Falls Novel Book 2)

by Jennifer Peel

  Sheridan sat next to me. “Do you mind if I turn on the TV? Brant’s interview is airing soon.”

  “Not at all.” I was anxious to see it as well. I didn’t know how he was still out there campaigning and fielding interviews while he knew he would be dropping out as soon as he could. Assuming they could convince John. I wasn’t sure John would ever agree to expose his secrets. And after having to endure all of the chatter about Brock and me in the public arena, I could hardly blame him. Yet I did blame him. He’d forced my hand and made me think I had no choice other than to marry Brock and lie about the baby. He’d forced poor Brant into an engagement he didn’t want, all because of something he had done. Worse, he did it all in the name of helping us and loving his sons. Now he had the chance to make it right. His wife and his sons had all told him they would love him no matter what it was and that they would get through it together. Yet John still hadn’t opened up about what was really going on.

  John had been by to visit once since I’d been at Brock’s. Sheridan hadn’t let him in, and she’d come back crying after their brief exchange at the door. All I’d heard of their conversation was Sheridan telling John that if he loved her, he would do the right thing by his family. He’d responded that he was doing exactly that by keeping silent. He had gotten out a heartfelt “I love you” before she’d slammed the door on him. After that, Sheridan had scrubbed the house from top to bottom even though it was already immaculate. Brock’s military training had made him a neat freak.

  Sheridan grabbed the remote and clicked it, making Brock’s state-of-the-art giant flat screen come to life across the room. She scooted closer to me, and I found myself resting my head on her shoulder. I felt this connection to her that I couldn’t explain. It was different than any other female connection, even the one I had with Grandma. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Grandma with all that I was. But Grandma wasn’t always as gentle as Sheridan was. Grandma had to be tough with me at first because I wasn’t the most pleasant of humans when I’d come into their lives. I’d needed the firm, yet loving, hand she’d given me. And Grandma’s generation was cut from a different mold. Feelings were a luxury when she’d grown up. Not to say Grandma hadn’t been better than her own parents—she was. Grandma was my greatest champion and my saving grace. Sheridan, though, was soft in word and deed. She made me feel so accepted and loved. She had a mother’s heart, and she shared it with me. I wanted to be like her.

  Sheridan kissed my head. “I love the smell of your shampoo.”

  I smiled, thinking it was good that I was showering daily again. “It’s tea tree oil based. I get it for five dollars at the grocery store.”

  Sheridan laughed. “Five dollars? I spent fifty dollars on my last bottle, and it smells awful. Please don’t ever forget it’s okay to buy cheap shampoo,” she sounded wistful.

  “Are you all right?”

  “Yes. It’s just, I forgot. I’ve forgotten a lot of things. It’s easy to get caught up in the glitz and glamour of the Holland world. I’ve realized that I like this lifestyle more than I ever wanted to or should. I wonder if it contributed to John’s behavior.”

  “You can’t blame yourself for what he did because you enjoy things like expensive shampoo. There’s nothing wrong with liking the finer things in life. You do so much good with your money and influence. If it weren’t for your family’s donations over the years, I’m not sure Children to Love would have made it. I know several charitable organizations in the area that would say the same.”

  “You know, a lot of that was John,” her voice was on the verge of tears.

  Ugh. It made me uncomfortable when she said things like that. I didn’t want to feel any shred of goodwill toward him. However, I also didn’t want to be callous toward Sheridan’s feelings. It was apparent how much she loved John. “Perhaps he will find it in his heart to sacrifice the ultimate gift this time—his dignity.”

  She patted my leg. “Oh, honey, you know as well as I do how much these Holland men would rather do anything than sacrifice their dignity. It was a miracle we got Brock to get help. Well, I say that, but he would do anything for you. You know that, right?”

  I squirmed a bit. I wanted to believe that, but my emotions were still so raw, and my heart begged for me be careful. It was almost as if it had been placed in a cocoon and was melting into a gooey mess like caterpillars did before they transformed into beautiful butterflies. Though I wasn’t sure my heart was brave enough to transform and fly again.

  “I know you’ve been hurt,” Sheridan interrupted my thoughts. “I know my son hurt you,” she clarified. “You don’t know how terrible he feels about it all. Especially about the baby. He wanted to love your baby. And I think he would have,” she cried out.

  I lifted my head off her shoulder and faced her. When I was honest with myself, I realized I was not only hurt that Brock had kept me at arm’s length for so many years, but I was angry at him for not loving my baby, even though I had no right to expect it. Even though he said he would at the beginning, I should have known better. It was wholly unfair of me to assume he could and would. It wasn’t his baby, after all. “Do you really think he would have loved the baby?”

  She nodded and brushed some tears off her cheek. “I do. Brock has always had a tender heart, though I know he doesn’t show it as well as he should. When he was a little boy, he was always the kid who asked me what he could do to help at home. And when John was gone on business trips, Brock would offer to sleep on the floor in my room to protect me.”

  I smiled. “That sounds like Brock. He spent a few nights on my dorm room floor when I was sick. He even held my hair back when I vomited in the toilet. I loved him so much. All I ever wanted was for him to love me back, to be there every night to watch over me and me to watch over him.”

  She rested her hand on my cheek. “He wants that too, but I know you need proof.”

  “Lots of it.”

  She patted my cheek. “You deserve that, and I can’t wait for you to get it.” She leaned back against the couch; confident her son would deliver. For me, it remained to be seen. My head found itself right back on Sheridan’s shoulder while we waited for Brant’s interview to play on one of the major cable networks.

  Before long, Brant and Jill appeared.

  My head popped up. “Was Jill scheduled to do this interview with him?”

  Sheridan rolled her eyes. “Oh, that woman. She is a piece of work. The sooner Brant can sever ties with her, the better.”

  I was sorry Brant was giving up his dream, though I was relieved he would be ditching the nightmare that sat cozied up to him wearing a bright-red pantsuit like she was the daughter of Santa Claus. She looked even more ridiculous in comparison to the host, the lovely Laurie Summers, who was dressed to impress in a printed wrap dress. She reminded me of a young Diane Sawyer from 20/20—classy and fair minded. Brant and Jill were seated on a comfy taupe couch while Laurie sat on an overstuffed chair next to him. It was as if they had borrowed some random person’s living room.

  I leaned forward, interested in seeing how this would all play out, especially now that Jill was involved.

  Brant looked calm and collected while wearing his million-dollar smile. Wow, he was a good actor. I prayed he could use those skills to get us all out of this mess. Or at least break free from Edward. At this point, I would take the fallout just to be rid of the evil man.

  Laurie crossed her long, lean legs and smiled at the pair. “It’s a pleasure to have you both on the show today. I know this has been a difficult time for your family. Please tell us, how are Major Holland and his wife, Dani, doing?”

  “Thank you for asking, Laurie.” Brant turned slightly toward her, away from the clutches of his fiancée.

  Jill wasn’t having it and placed her hand on his upper thigh, a little too high for comfort. Yikes.

  Brant paid her no attention and proceeded. “They are doing as well as can be expected. I’m extremely proud of my brother for accepting that he need
ed help and then seeking it. My sister-in-law is amazing, supporting him even though they are both grieving over the loss of their unborn baby,” Brant’s voice wobbled.

  I grabbed Sheridan’s hand. “I’m sorry Brant has to lie about his baby. Our baby.”

  “Don’t be. Maybe it was foolish of all of you to think you could live with that choice, but each of your intents were noble.”

  “That’s a word for it,” I half scoffed. I didn’t feel noble lying, even if it was to protect my baby.

  “Take my word for it.”

  We focused back on Brant.

  “Dani has been encouraging my brother to seek treatment for some time now. As you may know, she works closely with the foster care system in Colorado and is a big advocate for mental health awareness and treatment for all, regardless of a person’s financial situation. She and my family want to see the stigma regarding mental health challenges erased and have these medical conditions be treated like any other illness we face.”

  I swore I saw Jill’s fist clench and her hand on Brant squeeze him like boa constrictor. She obviously didn’t like me or that Brant was giving me any praise. The question was, did she have suspicions about me? Or was her father shielding her from those?

  “Yes, I’ve read about the foundation Dani started. What a wonderful program. I know you have spoken many times about the need for more funding for the foster care system and for those who have aged out of the system. If you’re elected, will your brother and sister-in-law play a role in structuring the child advocacy bill you’re hoping to present before Congress?”

  For the briefest moment, I saw a hint of sadness in Brant’s eyes. I knew what he was giving up—for me. I wanted to yell at him not to do it because I knew what good he could do and wanted to do. Yet, I didn’t want to see him tied to such miserable people as the Copelands. Just looking at Jill trying to keep her face in a state of adoration all while fighting off the glower that kept appearing every time my name was mentioned made me cringe. Brant didn’t deserve a lifetime of hell with that woman.

  “Absolutely,” Brant answered. “I can’t think of two people more capable or more passionate about the needs of all children in this country.”

  “I’ll be championing that bill too,” Jill jumped in without being asked. “In fact, my employer, Jameson and Jameson, just donated several thousand dollars to after-school programs in Maryland.”

  “How benevolent of that multibillion-dollar conglomerate she works for,” Sheridan spat. “I guarantee she had no say in it. They have a charitable outreach coordinator that has nothing to do with Jill’s department.”

  I had never seen Sheridan so fired up. I liked it. “How does Jill get all this time off to be with Brant?”

  “Like everyone else, her company loves the exposure interviews like this give them. She’s worth more sitting on that couch than in her office making deals.”

  Laurie Summers gave Jill a placating smile. “You talk as if Brant has already won. Are you confident in your fiancé’s ability to beat the incumbent, Senator Richard Wadsworth, who has had high approval ratings during his last two terms?”

  Jill leaned into Brant. “Of course. Brant has the drive and fresh new ideas Colorado and our nation need.” She fluttered her eyes at him. “And the two of us together are an unstoppable team. I’m going to be with him every step of the way.”

  I pretended to stick my finger down my throat and gag. Sheridan laughed at me.

  “Speaking of that . . . When are we going to hear wedding bells for the two of you?”

  Brant’s face turned a shade of red, which came off as blushing, so that was good. Jill, though, was happy to take that question and run with it. “We were hoping for a Christmas wedding. Unfortunately, the venue we wanted was booked, so we had to push it off until March.”

  “Right,” Sheridan snorted. “Their wedding coordinator quit because Jill’s mother is as friendly as Godzilla. She made so many demands that the venue canceled on them. Even refunded their money—they just wanted to be done with them. I heard this all from my friend Carol, who knows all the best gossip in DC.”

  “Does she have any on Edward?”

  “Edward is careful. I’m sure he had words with his wife about her carelessness. It’s all about image. Obviously, they have the perfect spin for it and probably paid off the venue to keep their mouths shut. But no one is invincible. If Brant says he knows something, I believe him. The question is, Will it be enough to save my son? People like Edward don’t just go away.”

  I shivered despite the warmth of the house. “I know.”

  We tuned back to hear Jill blathering on about a wedding that I hoped never happened. I think Laurie Summers got tired of it, too, as she abruptly switched gears and directed her next question to Brant. “Tell me, how do you respond to critics who say you are too privileged to understand the plight of the average citizen?” That was a fair question after Jill’s faux pas of speaking in such detail about their star-studded would-be wedding.

  Brant nodded and leaned forward, engaging Laurie. “I understand that concern. Absolutely. The truth is, I was born to a wealthy family and was given opportunities most people don’t have access to. However, I was also born into a family that believes in helping others whenever we have the opportunity. My father taught us that we should never go to the store without opening the door for someone and giving them a smile. I know that’s a little thing, yet the little things help make up who we are. My parents also taught us about the big things. That the more we are given, the more we should be expected to give. It’s why my law firm’s caseload is ninety percent pro bono work. And each case has taught me to see the world through a different lens. Through the eyes of a single mother working four jobs to make ends meet, or a man who’s about to have his house foreclosed on because he was unjustly fired by his employer. Those are the people I promise to fight for.” His passion rang true.

  I let out a heavy breath. “I hate that I’m keeping him from his calling in life.”

  “Dani, you’re not. This goes beyond you and the baby. If anything, you’re helping to liberate him. Besides, Brant forgot to mention one thing that we taught him—to always do the right thing no matter the consequences.”

  The question was, What were those consequences going to be?

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  I paced the hardwood floor of my bedroom, staring at the phone, waiting for Brock to call. He had been in therapy for over two weeks now and had emailed to say he would be calling tonight. I found myself anxious to hear how he was doing. I had researched the treatment center he was in, and I liked their approach. They used several different therapies, from cognitive, behavioral, and exposure therapies to eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. They also used medications for anxiety and depression, and even sleep aids, as necessary. Though I doubted Brock was a big fan of taking any type of drug, which was silly since he was a doctor and should know better. But he thought it was great for everyone but him.

  I sat on the full-size bed that had been mine since I’d moved in with Brock back at the end of August. So much had happened since then. The room, though lonely, didn’t seem like such a prison anymore. Staying in the house with Sheridan had helped it feel more like home. Probably because she had made me decorate it for fall. The woman was a master online shopper. The house was now filled with plaid blankets and throw pillows, pumpkin centerpieces, and candles galore. We were HGTV certified and ready for the Thanksgiving holiday at the end of the month.

  It wasn’t only the decorating, though. Sheridan and I also took short walks on the trails near the house; at least when it wasn’t bitterly cold. It had already snowed a couple of times. During our walks, we talked about everything from her childhood and mine to silly things like my love for Frosted Mini-Wheats cereal. I would eat the little biscuits straight out of the box. We never really talked about our husbands. I believed we both did that on purpose. Sheridan knew I had to make my own decision about Brock, and I kne
w I couldn’t say anything to take away the obvious pain she was in being separated from the love of her life. I could often hear her at night, crying or roaming the house, even watching TV. She didn’t seem to be herself without him.

  I wanted to tell her that she didn’t need him. She knew that, though. The problem was, she wanted him. Not the man who he had hidden and become, but the man she’d married and raised her sons with. She was waiting for that man to show up. I was beginning to wonder if he would. He’d been on a business trip this past week overseas. He had called Sheridan, and though I hadn’t heard what was said, the tears at night told me it wasn’t what Sheridan wanted to hear.

  My phone buzzed and startled me. I composed myself before answering.

  “Hello.”

  “Dani,” he said my name with such tenderness and longing. “How are you?”

  “The question is, How are you?”

  “Please, tell me how you are first. How are you feeling?”

  “Physically, better.” The bleeding had all but stopped.

  “How’s the rest of you?”

  I thought for a second. “I have my moments. It seems so surreal, like it didn’t happen, but then there’s this emptiness that never seems to be filled no matter what I do.” I lay back on the mattress. “Anyway, let’s not talk about me.”

  “No. I want to talk about you and . . . the baby.”

  I sprang up. “You want to talk about the baby?”

  He cleared his throat. “I do. Patrick, my therapist,” he coughed it out like it hurt to admit he had a therapist, “said we need to work through the loss together and the trauma of that day.”

  “But it wasn’t your loss.”

  “I beg to differ with you,” he spoke kindly, but firmly.