“I don’t wanna,” she says, stomping her little foot on the ground.
It shakes the tower of blocks, but they don’t topple over.
“Too bad. We can’t always get what we want, Luc,” Cassidy says.
She sounds exasperated like this isn’t the first time that they’ve had this fight.
“But Oliver is here. I wanna stay with Oliver.”
My heart melts in my chest. I wish that I could stay with her too, but I don’t say that. Cassidy is the parent here, I’m a visitor. I don’t want to overstep and cause myself to never be invited over again.
“You can see Oliver again later, Lucy,” Cassidy says, bending down to scoop up the toddler who’s clearly not going to go to bed under her own power.
“I promise.”
Lucy doesn’t look at her mother. She looks at me with eyes that mirror my own.
“Promise?’
I steal a glance at Cassidy, making sure she doesn’t look against me saying anything.
“As soon as your mama has time for me to come back over, I’ll come over, Lucy. I promise.”
I hope that that was good enough to calm Lucy, but not put too much pressure on Cassidy. I don’t want her to feel obligated to spend more time with me.
Lucy’s eyes narrow before she decides that my promise was good enough.
“Okay,” she says, the reluctance still clear in her voice.
With that, Cassidy carries Lucy off to her bedroom, leaving me in the living room with our block castle. I stand there, raking a hand through my hair, unsure of what I’m supposed to say or do now. I assume with Lucy going to bed that it’s time for me to head out.
I don’t know how much time passes when Cassidy enters the living room again. Now that Lucy is in bed, I see exhaustion taking over her features. She looks like she could use a day at the spa – or a vacation. I wonder when the last time she really got to relax was.
“Sorry about that. Usually, I have to fight to get her up in the morning, not to get her in bed,” she says, wrapping her arms around her midsection.
We stand on opposite sides of the living room, keeping a space between the two of us. If one wanted to get philosophical, they could say that the space between us is where all the unspoken words between us float around, waiting to be said.
“She’s a kid, Cassidy. It’s fine.”
A beat. More silence. I speak again.
“I guess I should get going then. Dinner was delicious and I appreciate the invitation.”
Before I can turn to walk towards the door, Cassidy speaks. Her voice is quiet. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s trying not to wake up Lucy or if she doesn’t want me to hear her.
“You could stay for wine if you’d like. I don’t get a lot of adult company these days.”
I don’t hesitate to say ‘yes’. I’ve been in love with this woman since she walked into my office about four years ago. I let her walk away and my feelings never died. She could ask me to walk on hot coals and I would without a second thought. I would give anything to have her by my side again, to fall back into place with her...but I know that she doesn’t want that. I haven’t earned her love back yet, and I don’t know if I ever will.
For now, I’ll be happy to just share a glass of wine with her.
Cassidy sits in the recliner in the living room, legs tucked underneath her, making herself seem smaller. I take the end of the couch furthest from her.
I’d give anything to close the distance between the two of us, I don’t know how many times I can express that. I just want to be close to her again. But I also respect her so much more than that. She wanted adult conversation, not her garbage ex to lust after her all night.
The wine we’re sipping on tastes more like juice than actual wine. Cassidy told me that it’s from a local winery. I’m not convinced she didn’t get ripped off.
I’m here for conversation, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what she wants to talk about, what wouldn’t be bothersome to her. So, I let her take the lead.
“Noelle’s been wanting to come down to visit,” she says, swirling the wine around in her glass.
I’ve started to notice that most times when Cassidy speaks to me, she doesn’t look at me. She looks past me like there’s something just beyond my face that’s more interesting. Or she just doesn’t look in my direction.
Before I get a chance to respond, she continues, “But your father would never give her a day off. After he promoted her to his assistant, he worked Noelle to the bone.”
“I can’t argue there. It’s part of the role she took on when becoming an assistant,” I say, hoping those are the right words. “But, when I get back, I’ll make sure that Noelle gets a break.”
“Don’t do me any favors, Oliver.”
Her words don’t yet spit venom, but I know they have the possibility too.
“I’m not doing you any favors, Cassidy. Noelle’s worked hard over the last few years. She’s also the one who found my father and called me to the hospital. I probably should have given her a break before taking one myself. She’ll get a break. Not because of you, but because she’s earned it.”
Cassidy’s lips purse to the side before she nods slowly, taking another sip from her glass of wine.
“Thank you.”
Silence threatens to lull between the two of us again, but I won’t allow for that to happen. I decide to take a risk and break it, hoping that my topic of choice doesn’t result in actual venom being spit in my direction.
“Are you seeing anybody?” I ask her. Before giving her time to answer, I elaborate. “Because I saw someone drop you off that day at the restaurant. It’s none of my business, I know that, but I’d like to know in case someone angrily shows up at my door one day.”
She looks towards me – and I think she actually looks at me this time.
“You mean like you did to Gavin Panton that one time?”
“That’s different.”
“Is it?”
No, but I don’t want to lose this argument.
Gavin Panton was a reporter that Cassidy casually saw after we broke up for the first time. She didn’t show up for work one day after going on a date with him, and Noelle was beginning to get worried. I knew that it wasn’t like Cassidy not to call, and she wasn’t answering her phone, so I went to see Panton for answers. If I hadn’t, nobody would have known that she was in bed sick with her first bout of morning sickness.
“Yes,” I lie.
I take another sip of wine.
“That’s the hill you want to die on, Oliver?”
“I’ve died on dumber ones, Cassidy.”
“That’s true.”
In the dim-lighting of the living room, among Lucy’s scattered toys and the few family photos that Cassidy has plastered on the walls, I think I see a smile on her face. An actual smile toward me that doesn’t involve Lucy being around.
I sigh, finally conceding. I don’t want to test my luck too much.
“You’re right. It’s completely different. You can forget that I asked.”
“No, you asked. I’ll give you the answer...” She pauses before finishing the sentence and my heart is going to beat out of my chest.
I don’t know what to expect. If she is dating somebody, what can I do about it? It’s not like anything can be changed, the damage between the two of us has already been done. I know that finding out she’s dating someone will be a fresh stab in my heart, but I can’t help the curiosity.
So, I take another sip of my wine and wait on bated breath for Cassidy to give me her answer.
“I’m not dating anybody,” she says, “you just saw me with Michael, who’s a friend. Our boss tried to set us up, but I think we work better as friends.”
I don’t know why I feel so relieved. It’s not like there’s a future for Cassidy and myself. I ruined that. Right now, I’m lucky she’s even giving me a chance to be in her life, to try and build a relationship with my daughter.
I eye the bottle resting on the end table between the recliner Cassidy’s in and the other end of the couch. I stand, walking over to that side and pouring more into my glass. Before I put the bottle back down, I offer it to Cassidy, who eyes it for a moment before extending her glass towards me.
I pour just a little bit more into her glass before sitting the bottle back on the table. Instead of walking all the way back to the other side of the couch, I sit on the end closest to Cassidy.
The familiar sense of longing fills my heart. I want her...I want her so damned badly. I love this woman so unbelievably much – and I screwed it all up to the point of no return.
Cassidy takes a sip out of her glass, before letting her gaze settle on me. “What about you?” she asks, “Are you seeing anybody?”
“No,” I don’t hesitate with my answer. “I haven’t really been looking to date, after everything,”
“I’m shocked.”
Cassidy doesn’t need to elaborate. I know exactly what she means. My reputation precedes me. I’m a womanizer, a playboy. I can’t settle down for the life of me, I need a woman on my arm at all times. That was true for past Oliver, who made too many mistakes to count. But I changed when Cassidy walked into my life, I found something worth caring about. I found something worth sticking around for, and I still blew it.
“Yeah, I think a lot of people are,”
“It makes sense. I guess you don’t want to go through the same drama.”
“What drama?”
“The drama your father always seemed to create in your life, which always seemed to upturn our lives. His connections with not so savory characters that always risked getting you in trouble.”
She takes another sip of wine. I don’t know whether the wine is making Cassidy feel a bit bolder or if this is something that’s been on her mind for a while.
“You’re not wrong,” I tell her.
“I know that I’m not.”
She turns to look at me, swinging her legs over the arm of the chair.
This is the most intimate we’ve been in years, not in a physical sense, but an emotional one. The dim lighting, the few feet of distance between the two of us, the fact that she’s now looking at me while we talk.
Cassidy continues, “Your father is the reason that I left because you were going to disobey one of his orders and feared I wouldn’t be safe –”
“You wouldn’t have been.” I cut her off.
Annoyance crosses over Cassidy’s face. Her brows wrinkle together in the center, nose scrunching up.
“How did that ever turn out?” she finally asks. “Was there a point in all of this?” There’s a pause where she gestures around her.
“Or did you blow it out of proportion?”
She’s staring at me now, hard, direct eye contact. She’s searching my eyes for the truth, trying to make sure I don’t let a lie spill from my lips.
While she was still pregnant, my father wanted me to work with some of the ‘unsavory’ characters that Cassidy referenced to make sure that Windsor would be able to sign an author. He wanted me to make sure that the author signed in whatever way necessary, even if it meant some not so perfectly hid threats.
I didn’t want to be that person, not anymore. Cassidy, and our future child, made me want to be a better man. I told her that I would just give the unsavory characters the wrong information and let them work it out with my father. When the author signed with a competing publishing company the next week, my father knew what I’d done immediately.
It was hell for a good few weeks. He threatened to fire me, cut my inheritance, disown me. He threatened to tell the press that I was the one who arranged a hit on the man he was accused of murdering. Never once did he threaten Cassidy.
But, by the time I recovered from the dent in my own pride, it was too late, and the damage was already done. How am I supposed to tell her that my father wasn’t the thing that kept us apart this time...it was me.
I could lie. I could tell her some elaborate story about how scary things were for a while, but I want to repair our damaged relationship, not build it up on even more lies.
“He found out I lied almost immediately,” I tell her, trying to maintain that eye contact. “For a few months, he made sure that my life was a living hell. I couldn’t sleep at the house. He threatened to fire me, threatened to cut my inheritance, threatened to disown me, but he didn’t do any of it. He just treated me like trash until he got over it.”
As I utter the last line, I find myself no longer able to make eye contact.
I know exactly what I would find if I were to look into Cassidy’s eyes.
That’s why I’m so surprised when I hear her laughing.
Chapter Twelve
Cassidy
I’m laughing, and it’s hard to put into words ‘why’ exactly. I clamp a hand over my mouth, trying not to disturb Lucy. The last thing I want is to have to lull her back to sleep right now.
I’m not laughing because what Oliver told me is particularly funny or because I’m drunk on wine.
I’m laughing because I uprooted my entire life due to Oliver just overthinking, due to him being overdramatic about what consequences he would face if he didn’t act as his father’s lap dog. I don’t know why I ever believed that I was in danger. Alan Windsor was a lot of things, but I doubt he would have lashed out towards me and his grandchild.
I doubt the unsavory people who he worked with would have lashed out in my direction too, now that I think about it.
I feel like an utter idiot. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I uprooted my life. My child has grown up without a father. I gave up my dream job...all because Oliver was being overdramatic.
“Please tell me you’re lying,” I finally say as I unclamp my hand over my mouth.
“Cassidy.”
“Oliver, tell me that you’re lying. Tell me all of this isn’t because of what you thought would happen. Tell me that you didn’t even show up to your daughter’s birth because of your damaged pride. Please tell me that.”
He looks down before chugging the rest of his wine.
“I know how stupid it sounds, but I was genuinely concerned, Cassidy. I didn’t know what he would or wouldn’t do. I didn’t want anything to happen to you.”
“You didn’t know what would happen, fine. I get it. Your father wasn’t somebody to trifle with, but what about after? Did you seriously stay away because of pride? Oliver, if you would have just told me what had happened back then...I would have laughed but I wouldn’t have been so fucking angry at you.”
I can’t hold back the bitterness that starts to leak through. As unironic as it all is, I’ve had to do all of this alone because of his damn pride. I find it hard to wrap my head around that. All of this is because of Oliver’s pride. Nothing more, nothing less.
“I know. I’ve told you before, I know that I messed up, Cassidy. That’s why I’m here now, to do what I can to fix it. I want to repent for the things that I’ve done to you. I’m trying to make steps forward.”
I believe him. I hate that I do, but I do. My mom’s right about one thing, I’m so weak for this man. However, I can usually tell when Oliver is lying to me. Right now, he isn’t.
Just because I believe him doesn’t mean that I forgive him. Those are two separate things. I don’t forgive him, and I don’t know if I ever will. Right now, I’m just taking baby steps.
“And that’s fine. I’m okay with giving you that chance because Lucy deserves to know her father. That doesn’t mean I’m not still angry with you Oliver. It definitely doesn’t mean we’re anywhere close to where we used to be. I doubt we’ll ever be like that again.”
I can tell that hurts him because it hurts me too. In a perfect world, we would be able to fall back together so easily, but things are far from perfect.
Oliver downs the rest of the wine in his glass.
“I just want the opportu
nity to know my daughter. That’s it. I want an okay enough relationship between the two of us that things are close to normal for Lucy growing up. We both grew up in households lacking one parent and I don’t want my daughter to have to do the same.”
I know. It’s exactly why I’m doing so. It’s why I let him in in the first place.
Now that I’m grown, I don’t feel like I’m lacking anything from not having a childhood with a father in it. But as a kid, it kind of sucked. It was hard to grow up, seeing my friends spend time with their dads, and being left wondering why my father wouldn’t even call me.
I don’t want Lucy to feel the same way.
“I get it,” I tell him, “that’s why we’re here.”
I can tell the conversation swung to a point where it’s too much for him. Oliver’s never been one for deep conversation and baring his emotions for someone else to see is likely a form of torture for him. The fact that he’s been so open since he’s been here has been a miracle. Now, I know that we’ve crossed a line.
He stands from the couch and stretches before turning his body towards me.
“I assume you have to get up early for work tomorrow?”
“I do.”
I’m not upset. Secretly, I think that I’m thankful that the conversation has ended. We’ve moved a few steps forward tonight, especially now that I know more of the truth about why things ended up dissolving between us, why he never showed up after promising that he would.
“I’ll let you get to bed then,” he pauses. “Is there any chance I’ll be able to see Lucy anytime soon?”
“How long do you have left in town?”
“That wasn’t the question, Cassidy. I can stay as long as I need to. I’m taking care of the company from here. Our daughter is more important to me.”
I want to question that. Is she really that important to you? Why did it take three years to show up? Is your pride the only reason you stayed away? Because that’s pathetic. But we’ve reached a comfort with each other again and I don’t want to go backward from there. I want to keep moving forward, so I swallow my bitterness down like a pill.
My lips press into a line, hopefully, a signal that I’m not going to deal with his attitude.
Fake Love Rich Boss Series Page 37