Between Heaven and Hell

by Erin Trejo

  “You’re letting yourself be held back by something I can’t repay, Ava. Whatever you think you see in me is a mirage, it doesn’t exist,” I remind her. Her hand comes to rest on my arm before I look up into those devastatingly blue eyes.

  “I’m not holding back. I know what I want. Whether you believe it or not, I do see something in you. You can’t see it, but I can.” Her words are like a slap to the face. How can she even say that? What the hell would she see in me? Sighing, I lay back on the bed as Ava runs her fingers through my hair.

  “For the record, I haven’t been with anyone else.”

  Why I felt compelled to say that, I don’t know. Ava doesn’t make a big scene of it and for that, I’m grateful.

  Chapter 21

  Long days turn into longer nights. My mind toys with ideas and concerns. Nothing adds up these days. Why are Sinclair and Gambino going behind my back? What are their plans? To remove me from this city? That’s almost laughable. I have every politician, law enforcement officer and judge on my payroll. All aside from that good ole Governor, that is.

  “Nikolai, what are your thoughts on this whole Sinclair situation?” Asking him as a trusted friend and advisor, I want his insight.

  “Gambino wants territory. He’s lacking that with the Vitale family owning over ninety percent of it. Maybe he thinks bringing the Governor in will give him leverage.” Makes sense to a point. The Governor is on that ten percent end.

  “What about the guns? And killing his own wife?” That’s the part I don’t understand.

  “That’s a tough one. Maybe he’s sick of the old broad,” he says with a laugh. Chuckling along with him, he may very well be. That isn’t unheard of.

  “The gun trade is run through Midas now and Midas only. He wouldn’t dare take a higher price off Gambino, would he? He knows I will leave him powerless and send him out to the vultures of this city.” Nikolai nods his agreement, but I see the look in his eyes. He’s thinking something else.

  “What is it?” I ask.

  “What if Midas isn’t as smart as we assume, Cord? What if he is making the deal on the newer guns with Gambino?” Clasping my hands in front of me, I ponder that. He could very well be doing that, but he has to know the repercussions of his actions. He knows I will take out his entire family if he does that.

  “Would it make sense for a man like him? Sure, it’s more money but then he faces the wrath of the Vitale family.” Nikolai seems to understand that as well.

  “We go visit Midas. End of story. I’ll get his kids rounded up and have a family reunion at the warehouse as a reminder of who he belongs to,” Nikolai says. A genuine smile crosses my face.

  “You are a good man, Nikolai. I can always rely on you.” He always knows what I’m thinking before I have to say it. That’s part of why he’s a valuable asset to this family.

  “You work on that and I’m going to meet with Martin about that powder he’s been bringing in. Apparently, some of that is tainted.” I shrug because I have no clue why someone would try to fuck me over in that manner.

  “You got it, Boss. I’ll be in touch.” Nodding to him, he stands to leave as I make a few phone calls. I want extra details on Amelia in case Gambino gets any dumb ideas. After I’m satisfied that that’s all covered, I stand and grab the jacket off the back of my chair and pull it on before heading out of my office and down the stairs. I walk straight outside and climb in the waiting limo and we take off.

  I watch out the window of the limo as people’s lives pass them by. They walk these streets not truly knowing the monsters that lurk around every corner. Monsters like me. The light of day turns to the darkness of night, that’s where people like me dwell. In the shadows, behind every corner, we’re there in the darkness. I suppose some can overcome that darkness and make it back out into the light, but I don’t see that as an option for me. My life’s path is set in stone. It was placed there a long time before I was ever born. My fate has always been this family and it’s where I thrive. It’s where I belong.

  Some people may never know the power that comes with authority. I, on the other hand, have had it handed to me by generation after generation of Vitale men. Money, women, clothes, designer everything has always been at my fingertips; yet the simple things in life, I have nothing. I see the people enjoying the night just for its bright lights and attire, but where does that leave me in the end? Pulling up to the casino, I wait for my men to do their scan of the place, making sure the area is clear before they open my door.

  And just like I was made to do, I climb out catching all the attention of people walking by. Making their way through the evening, so mundane. Jordy holds the door as I step inside. Noises of people and laughter fill the air as I walk towards the back of the room. I have a reason for being here and there is nothing in this place to stop me from that.

  “Where is Martin?” I growl at the man near the backdoor; he knows who I am. His eyes dart around before coming back to rest on mine. I reach for him, grabbing him around the throat before pushing him against the wall.

  “Let’s not play games here. You know who the fuck I am and what I want with Martin. The question is, are you going to play nicely, or shall I just take care of you now?” I lean in closely so only he can hear me.

  “He’s in the back!” That has to be the fastest response I’ve ever gotten. I release my hold on the man before pushing him to the side. Heading in the door, I go straight to the backroom. I know my way around this place, I’ve been here plenty of times before. I push the last door on the left open slowly to see the man himself bent over the table sniffing his own product up his nose.

  “Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to use your own product, Martin?” His head snaps up as he regards me with cold eyes.

  “Who the hell let you in, Vitale?” Chuckling slightly, I walk towards him.

  “In my city, I don’t need an invitation. We need to talk.” He rubs his finger against his nose as I blow out a breath. I was never really one to dabble in drugs. They didn’t appeal to me in ways that they do others.

  “We can do this one of two ways, Martin! You can sit down and speak to me or I can sober you up rather quickly.” Pulling the gun from under my jacket, his eyes widen. There we go.

  “I haven’t done shit, Vitale. I swear to it.” These tweekers always think they’ve done something to warrant my visits. It’s almost amusing to a point.

  “Selling tainted products doesn’t seem like nothing.” Examining my nails, I take a seat across from him. He shakes his head.

  “That’s bullshit. I wouldn’t use it if it was tainted.” I already know all of this.

  “True. So why am I being told the product is coming from you?” I watch as the high takes hold of him. I’ve always wondered what the thrill is that they seek using over and over again. To me, it’s pointless. Whatever sins you’re trying to bury will come back when the high wears off.

  “Last I heard Gambino was out there with his own shit.” Ah the infamous Gambino name arises again.

  “What all have you heard?” Now we are getting somewhere.

  “Just that Gambino had business lined up with the Columbians. I didn’t say shit because I was getting new business in. They thought I had that pure shit.” So Gambino is running with the Columbians now. Isn’t that a shame?

  “So Gambino’s shit is tainted yet you think it’s a wise move to take on his people?” Martin shakes his head as he smiles.

  “Hell no! I knew it was a bad idea, but the money was good. I never touched your stash, Cordae. It was all out of mine.” Nodding my head, I know he wouldn’t dare touch what he puts out there for me.

  “How can we get Gambino’s shit out of the picture?” Clearly asking the junkie about removing potential threats would be the wise choice here.

  “Go after Gambino or his Columbian connections. I heard Vito might know one or two of them.” Of course he does.

  “Get Vito on that then. I want to know who heads up the chain of com
mands. Gambino isn’t working alone on this.” Martin nods before I stand. “Make it good, Martin. I don’t want to move inventory to a new dealer.” He knows I’ll do it too.

  “Yes sir. I’ll work on it now and give you a call when I have something.” I turn and walk back out of the room exasperated. I know where this is leading and to whom, I just don’t like it.

  Chapter 22

  “Nikolai, tell me good news.” I sit at my desk rubbing my temples when he walks in.

  “That depends on what you think is good.” Chuckling he takes a seat in front of me.

  “Well that varies.”

  “I only had to shoot one of his kids, does that count as good?” My eyes come to meet his, but I can see the laughter in them. He didn’t kill any.

  “So he agreed with us?” Nikolai nods his head before leaning forward in his chair.

  “He had a visit from Sinclair and Gambino. They wanted his business. He refused and Gambino made sure he roughed him up. The asshole looks like he’s been through a meat grinder.” Shaking my head, I clasp my hands in front of me before leaning my head into them.

  “Is Gambino going back for another visit?” I can hear him sigh. This is getting worse and worse.

  “He is next Friday. I assured him that we would have people in place.” Glancing up at him, I need to make some new decisions.

  “Good. I’ll personally be there.” Nikolai shakes his head but that isn’t going to stop me. “I will Nikolai! There is no discussion here. Gambino wants to rule this city but there is no way in hell that I’ll let that happen.” He watches me like a hawk.

  “Understood.” He stands to leave when I lean back in the seat. All of this drama is making me insane. If that’s even possible, I’m sure I’ve already been there for a while. Someone once said there’s a price to pay for happiness. I wonder what that price would be for me? Losing everything I have? I’m not even sure how you would describe happiness after the life I’ve had. Maybe there is no such thing. I’d like to believe that there could be for some people. Who deserves that though? How does one deserve happiness? That thought alone disturbs me in ways it shouldn’t.

  I close my eyes as visions of Ava’s blue eyes dance around my mind. So much like an angel yet so lost in her own darkness. She would be one of those people that I’d wish happiness for. She deserves it more than anyone I know. I shove away from my desk and head into my room.

  The roaring of the wind intensifies. The windows shudder beneath the force of the storm outside. Lightening crackles above as I stare out of my bedroom window. Some things never cease to amaze me, and this is one of them. Storms have always intrigued me. The way the wind roars and whips its way around everything in sight. The way the thunder rattles the walls like a drum. I pull up the cameras on my phone, checking security before I lay down. My stomach knots at the sight standing at my front door. She stands there in the pouring down rain contemplating her next move.

  I walk out of my room and down the stairs, never taking my eyes off the phone. Off her. I don’t go open the door. I stand there watching her on that screen. If she wants this, if she wants me, she has to come to me. I can’t offer her that sense of peace she so much desires. As I stand here watching her, she turns to walk away but stops. My chest tightens as I look at the look on her face. She’s worn out and it shows. I watch her raise her hand to knock when I slide my phone into my pocket. Pulling the door open, I look at her. Water drips down her face.

  “Hi.” Her voice breaks while she looks at me. She’s shivering from the cold rain; I reach for her.

  Pulling her into my chest, I savor the feel of her in my arms. This woman is breaking my resolve minute by minute.

  “You’re freezing.” Whispering into her hair, I lift her in my arms and carry her upstairs. Once in my room, I carry her straight to the bathroom before I set her down. Her body shivers and shakes as I reach around her and start the shower. When I step back to look into her eyes, there is more there than just the rain. There are tears. I reach up and wipe her cheeks with my thumbs before pressing my lips to her head.

  “What happened?” I know something is wrong, I can see it in her. The hurt I can see eats at me, but there’s little I can do about it.

  “She’s officially missing, Cord. She said she was going out to shop and never came home. What do I do? Do I call the police?” Wrapping my arms around her as she cries harder, I just want to take the pain away from her.

  “Shh. Everything will be fine.” Her sobs turn to screams as she realizes exactly what happened to her mother. To know that your father actually went through with his plan and killed your mother is a harsh reality. It’s a hard fact that she has to swallow. Now, she has to live with what he’s done to her. He’s ripped her heart out of her chest and stomped it into the floor. No amount of time will ease that ache.

  I pull away from Ava and start to strip her wet clothes off as her cries continue. I quickly strip mine off before taking her quivering body into my arms. Holding her against me, I try to let my heat warm her before I walk us both into the warm shower. Letting the water cascade around us, I never let her go. I can’t let her go, not like this. The sobs slowly calm before she looks up at me.

  “I don’t know what to do, Cord. We weren’t close but she didn’t deserve that.” Not knowing what to say to her, I lean down and capture her lips with mine. Our kiss is heated and full of lust. My hands knot in her hair, pulling her impossibly closer to me. I want nothing between us but the air we breathe and even that seems like too much. Ava wraps her arms around my neck as I lift her body in my arms. As if it’s second nature, she wraps her legs around my waist, locking them at the ankle.

  “I can’t stand it anymore.” Grunting against her lips, I reach between us. Grabbing my cock, I ease it inside of her.

  I’m taken aback by the raw feel of having her without anything in between us. No barriers, no restraints.

  “Cord, I don’t know.” I know what she wants to say but too goddamn bad for her.

  “I’m clean, Ava. I’ve never been with anyone without protection.” Nipping at her neck, she lowers her pussy down my length. “Goddamn!” I bite down on her shoulder as she grinds against me. So intense, I take her hard. There is no in between right now. She needs this as much as I need her.

  “Cord! Harder!” Knowing that she needs to remove all thoughts of her father, I slam into her harder. I have to give this woman what she wants. Our bodies slam into each other as she climbs higher. Her lips are all over me like she may never have the chance to kiss me again. It’s almost a bittersweet feeling. Warmth floods me as I thrust into her a few more times. When her body locks down on mine, I let my seed hit her as deeply as I can. Ava rocks her body against mine as she lets the rest of her orgasm take hold of her. Her head lands on my shoulder but her legs stay tightly wound around me.

  “It’s ok, mia bella ragazza.” Her sniffles begin again before I pull out of her and set her down. I grab the body wash and start to wash away everything that’s hurting her before we step out.

  I carry Ava to the bed wearing nothing but a towel. Why I give a shit so much is beyond me, but I have an overwhelming urge to hold her. Ava’s always made me feel differently when she’s around and now isn’t any different. Laying her naked body on the bed, I pull my towel free. Climbing onto the bed next to her, I tell myself this is for her not me. I crawl up behind her before pulling her body flush against mine. Her back to my front, I hold her tightly.

  “Everything will work out, Ava.” I can hear her sniffles. I can feel the way her body shakes against mine. The storm rages on outside as I hold her in my arms. So many regrets. I regret not being a better man. I regret not being able to give her the love that she so deserves. I don’t regret taking my father’s life and turning into the man I’ve become today though. It was all for a higher purpose. The purpose of building a legacy. A legacy that began generations ago. The cruel realities of the world eat away at the blackened soul within my body. Nothing can change
that; nothing can break the spell that my life is under. Inhaling deeply, I want to keep the scent of Ava for as long as I can. Never letting her go would be perfect in an ideal world. Nothing in my life is ideal.

  “Can I ask you something?” Talking isn’t my strong suit.

  “Yes.” I hold my breath, waiting to hear what she has to say.

  “If things were different for you, would we have a chance?” Stroking the hair down away from her face, I sigh.

  “What’s the point of wondering, Ava? Nothing will change me,” I tell her. Ava rolls in my arms to face me and I can see the look on her face, she isn’t going to let this go.

  “I know, Cord. But you had to have been different before. You had to have wanted things in life.” I close my eyes. I don’t like to rehash the past but if it keeps her calm, I will.

  “When I was younger, I wondered if love actually existed. I’d never known it, so I wasn’t sure it was out there. I saw the way the other kids at school acted when their parents would come in for parent day. They were happy, practically fucking glowing. Then there was me.” I take a deep breath to steady myself before I speak again. “My mother was killed when I was born.” Ava gasps before her hand comes to rest on my cheek.

  “I didn’t realize she was killed.” Nodding my head slowly, I continue, “You wanted the dark truth, Ava. Just remember that when I’m finished.” Her eyes tear up again, but I don’t look into them this time. I look past them. At the person she wants me to see.

  “My father beat her so badly that she went into labor with me. I was born three hours later to a mother that had no pulse or life left in her. We never spoke of her. I asked occasionally but my father was as evil as I am. I may in fact be the son of the devil.” Whether she wants to believe it or not, the truth is out there.

  “Where is your father now?” Her fingers trail down my cheeks as I try to avoid the inevitable question.