Between Heaven and Hell

by Erin Trejo

  “I grew up with hatred in my veins. There was nothing good in my younger years. I grew up hated and I knew it. When I was twelve, I was bigger than most kids my age. I was a good six feet tall. I learned at an early age that I had to fight so I trained myself. That night, my father beat me until I could barely see straight, but I stood up to him.” Ava swallows hard before she speaks.

  “You killed him.” It wasn’t a question. It was the truth.

  “I did. I took great pride in taking his life. I went into the Navy when I was old enough. I thought I could find my way there, find a place but it only made me worse. When I was shot, I was released of my duties. They said I’d never have full use of my shoulder again.” Her eyes never leave mine as much as I wished they would.

  “So you started fighting?” I nod once again. She can see through me. I’m like a ghost to her, so much of me visible to her and only her.

  “It’s what I was good at. It made me feel like a person, like I was worth something. I never knew how much I needed that. Once my uncle came to me, I knew what I was needed to do. He was sick and I needed to be groomed properly for this job. He did just that.” Ava’s fingers continue their way across my face and down my jawline.

  “You’ve always been dark, Cord.”

  Chapter 23

  I woke up early but was afraid to move. I didn’t want Ava to wake up. She didn’t sleep well last night, and I know how hard that can be on your body. Hell, I live with that every single night. I watch her sleep instead. The things I let her know about my life should scare me, yet I know they are safe within her. Watching the way she fell apart, knowing what her father did made me think she could understand me, if only slightly. What sealed it was when she said that I’ve always been dark. I suppose she was right about that. Beaten into your own birth was enough to have done that, yet I like to believe that it developed over time.

  “Mia bella ragazza.” Whispering the words, I run my fingers through her silky hair. She’s so soft and delicate but she has the heart of a warrior. Her eyes flutter before opening and locking with mine.

  “Morning.” Leaning down, I press my lips to hers.

  “Morning. I didn’t want to wake you.” Ava sighs before she looks up at me.

  “I have to confront him. I know I have to but how?” Shaking my head, she most certainly will not be confronting him. Does she not understand what that man is capable of?

  “You don’t need to know how because you won’t be speaking to him,” I tell her surely. Ava pushes herself up before moving away from me.

  “You don’t get to make those decisions, Cord. We’re only fucking, remember?” Standing up, she looks for her clothes before I grab her, yanking her back.

  “Nice fucking try. You aren’t walking out of here yet. Not until we discuss this.” Her eyes are wild with fire. I love that spark I see in her. She has that piece of life that I’ve always wanted but was never able to grasp.

  “Discuss what exactly? You said it yourself.” Trying to be defiant, I love it even more.

  “Is that why you showed up here? Standing on my doorstep for almost thirty minutes trying to decide to knock or walk away?” When her eyes jerk to mine, I know I’m inching closer to a line that I shouldn’t be.

  “You knew I was out there?” Cocking my head to the side, I watch her face.

  “Do tell me why it is you ran to me with the information you had? Why not your little boyfriend, Daniel?” As her eyes widen, I let that sink in. I’m pushing her buttons to see how far she will go before she breaks.

  “He isn’t my boyfriend. You know that. I feel safe with you, Cord, that’s why I came to you,” she says softly. Is that really her truth?

  “You feel safe with a murderer? A little ironic don’t you think?” Push after push, I want her to break. I need to see it. I need to feel her crumble in my hands.

  “You had your reasons for that. I don’t fault you.” Why won’t this girl understand that I’m bad for her? Why can’t she get it through her head that I’m ruining her, piece by fucking piece.

  “Fault me? Would you fault me for killing a child?” Now I have her attention. Her eyes widen as she shakes her head.

  “You wouldn’t do it. You’re not like that.” Her voice hitches. She doesn’t believe what’s coming out of her mouth right now. I pull away from her and stand before making my way to the closet. Pulling out a clean pair of pants and a button up shirt, I walk back into the room to find her getting dressed herself.

  “You make me sick! I can’t believe you!” My laughter doesn’t go unnoticed. I may not have pulled the trigger, but I most certainly gave the order. Ava’s eyes linger on me as I pull my pants on before sliding my arms into my shirt. Buttoning up half, I leave the other half undone.

  “You wanted to know. Don’t fault me, Ava.” I mock her. She moves in on me quickly, slamming into my chest. I laugh harder as she takes out her frustrations. Now she’s finally seeing the monster, the demon himself.

  “What’s wrong, Ava? Does seeing the devil live and in the flesh scare you?” My mocking tone does little to ease the rage that’s filling her. She unleashes it on me. Blow after blow to the chest, she lets her anger out on me. Finally having enough, I grip her shoulders in my hands, shaking her slightly.

  “Do you have any idea what you’re doing right now? Do you not understand the things you’re evoking in me!” With one last shake, I release her before walking out of the room.

  I fucking need some space to breathe.

  Chapter 24

  Ava left in a world of her own after the things I said to her. I can’t blame her for that. That was the intent after all. I wanted her scared. I wanted her on edge. The sooner she realizes that I’m not the right man for her, the better off she’ll be. I’m pure evil without an ounce of good in me. Once again, she is heaven and I am hell. Although this time there is no in between. That thin line I walked for a long time has slowly faded away. There are no defining points anymore. There’s only darkness and all that lies within it. My world. My blackened soul. The remnants of a man that once held onto the light that his mother was in heaven.

  I’ve only recently come to realize that my mother was no saint. She had to be as evil as my father to want to have children and be married to such an evil soul. My childhood dreams of her sweet voice whispering in the back of my mind have faded over the years. They’ve faded into a reality that I wasn’t ready to fully understand until now.

  This whole world is corrupt and full of lies. In fact, we may be living in the equivalent of hell on earth.

  Nothing is ever as clear as it should be. There’s always a fine film that coats the most beautiful things in life. Once that coat is stripped and the bare truth is revealed, life can never go back to the way it was. I never felt like I coated anything for anyone. I always thought what I did was as plain as the light of day. I wasn’t someone I pretended to be. I was the man I was destined to become, the man that was so cut off from emotions, but what was about to happen took my breath away.

  “There’s a problem, Cord!” Jordy screams through my office before stopping in front of me. Breathless and with the hint of a tear in his eyes, I cock my head to study him. Jordy has taken his place at my side and became as ruthless as me, but something has him unsettled as he stands here now.

  “What is it?” Jordy looks around, unsure of the words he needs to use to tell me. He’s never held back before, so why now? “Spit it the fuck out!” Growling, I begin to get antsy when Nikolai walks in.

  “There’s a situation, Boss. Andre is dead,” Nikolai says in a hurry. Why is that a situation? Andre is replaceable after all.

  “So replace him with Darren.” Looking back down at the paperwork in front of me, I ignore them.

  “Something else, Nikolai?” My aggravation doesn’t go unnoticed.

  “They took Amelia.” His words are like a slap to the face. How the hell did they get Amelia? I don’t have to ask the obvious question; I know it’s Gambino.
/>   “What the fuck does he want, Nikolai?” Finally looking up, I notice the tears that streak Jordy’s face. He was closer to Amelia than I am. He still has feelings, unlike me.

  “He wants to run New York.” The evil laughter that erupts out of me doesn’t shock anyone. They knew it was coming. It’s a little like an eye for eye type of thing. The only problem is; he won’t be taking Amelia as that eye.

  “Set up a meeting to get her back. I won’t play into his little bargaining game.” Nikolai’s eyes widen before he nods. He knows me better than that. I watch him leave the room before I lower my head. Why did he have to make this personal?

  Why did he have to take what belonged to me?

  He’s only hurting himself in this situation. If he so much as touches her wrong, I will kill him. Anger races through my veins, not even the devil himself can keep me caged. This is a fucking war that I am ready for and I will make sure to tear this world apart.

  “This is all wrong, Cord. She’s a kid.” Looking up at him, I shake my head.

  “Thank you for stating the obvious, Jordy! I don’t think I need your shit on top of this.” Shoving out my chair, I head out of the office and towards the kitchen. I need a fucking drink to get my head straight. I need to plan and calculate my next move. As I pour myself a drink, the thought occurs to me. If Amelia was a target, then they know how much time Ava has been spending with her.

  “Fuck!” Throwing the glass across the room, it shatters into a million pieces, much like my life is. “Nikolai! Get the car!” I let them get to Amelia. I fucked up on that one, but I won’t let them get to Ava too. Whether she likes it or not, she has become a target. A target that they will use against me to their advantage and I won’t sit back and watch that happen.

  I storm from the kitchen and out the side door to where the limo is awaiting me. Climbing in quickly and swiftly, I rattle off Ava’s address before we take off. If it takes everything I have in me, I will protect her at all costs. The ride across town is grating on my nerves. How could I have been so stupid as to let him get near Amelia?

  What the hell kind of person am I to risk my own family? Once we arrive, Nikolai climbs out and heads toward the apartment to retrieve her. I wait in silence, my mind running through so many scenarios that I almost lose myself in them.

  “She’s refusing to come out, Cord.” Nikolai looks as though he wants to laugh at the predicament that I’m in when he returns to the car. In other circumstances it may very well be laughable but not right now.

  “Is the area secure?” I ask. When he nods his head, I storm out of the back of the limo and into her building. I’m not at all happy about being on this side of town, let alone in this shithole she calls home. She deserves way more than this. I stalk my way to her door and knock.

  “Go away, Nikolai!” Ava’s voice booms through the door igniting a fire deep within me.

  “It isn’t Nikolai and I will only say it once. Open the fucking door.” She should be able to tell by the tone of my voice that I am certainly not playing games right now.

  “Go away, Cord. I wouldn’t open it for him, and I sure as shit won’t open it for an asshole like you!” At another time, I would walk away. Better yet, in other circumstances I wouldn’t even be here. I let out a soft sigh before squaring up with the door. Ramming my shoulder into it, the hinges splinter and the door falls in. Ava stands on the other side with her friend Taren, their mouths hanging open.

  “What the hell is wrong with you? You really are insane!” Ava stomps towards me when I grab her around the waist. Yanking her off the floor, she flails trying to get free.

  “Right now a fight wouldn’t be in your best interest!” I growl into her ear, but she doesn’t stop.

  “What are you going to do, Cord? Huh? You going to kill me too?” Her screams cause Taren to flinch. She knows the stories from the look on her face or at least what she’s heard around town about me.

  “You are the one making that an option!” When the words leave my mouth, her body goes limp in my arms. The fight is over, at least for the minute.

  “If I set you down are you going to stand here like a good little girl?” I ask her in a condescending tone. She rounds on me as soon as her feet hit the floor.

  “You have no right coming in here like that! This isn’t your home. You are nothing here.” The fight in her eyes stirs my cock up.

  “This is my city, Ava. Everything in it belongs to me and that includes you!” Her eyes widen before I look away.

  “Trust that the door will be fixed within the hour. You haven’t seen Ava in days, and you have never spoken to me. Understood?” Taren looks between Ava and me, unsure as to how she should answer that. “I said, is that understood!” It wasn’t a question this time. It was a demand. A demand that she answers.

  “Yes. I understand.”

  “Good.” Lifting Ava in my arms once again, I drag her out the door and towards the waiting limo. I toss her body inside and ignore her as the car pulls out into traffic. I watch out the window, far too many scenarios running through my head right now. None of them are good.

  I haven’t spoken a word to her, and she seems to be doing the same. She’s lost in herself as we ride back to a safe house. I can’t go back home, not yet and not with Ava. She doesn’t look up at me the whole ride, not even when the car comes to a stop at a location unknown to her. The driver waits as the gates open up to allow us access. As soon as we are in front of the house, Jordy is there opening the door for us. Ava starts to move towards the door like she’s trained for this all her life before I grab her wrist.

  “I know you have questions and you don’t understand fully what’s going on. As soon as we are secure, I will explain it to you.” Her eyes meet mine with a silent feud lingering.

  “You owe me that much,” she snaps. I owe her more, a lot more than that. Ava jerks her arm away from me before taking Jordy’s extended hand. I follow her out of the car before taking a deep breath of the cool night air.

  I look up at the one place that I’ve never had to go to until now, the place that only the Vitale family know about. A part of me wonders how many of the other Vitale men had to take cover here.

  “She’s all kinds of pissed.” Cutting my eyes at Jordy, he needs not state the obvious for me.

  “Have we heard from Gambino?” Jordy shakes his head before I make my way into the house.

  It’s beautiful to say the least. It’s as big as the house we have that we normally live in but with far more security in place. I guess they figured if we were breached in our own home the safe house needed to be that much safer. I nod at the extra security that Nikolai had brought in before heading down the hallway. I find the kitchen with ease before pouring myself a drink.

  “We’ll get her back, Cord. I know you claim to not have feelings and all, but I can see how torn up this has you. Don’t forget we were best friends before this.” Were best friends. He doesn’t consider himself a friend anymore. He’s a colleague. I down the bourbon in one gulp before pouring another. Setting the bottle on the counter, I look over at Jordy.

  “You’ve seen me through a lot of things and a lot of darkness, Jordy. She’s like you. She can see through me and it scares the hell out of me.” I don’t need to say Ava’s name for him to know who I’m talking about. He’s saw it since day one.

  “Why not let her in, Cord? Maybe your life could be different. She isn’t like the rest of those women you’ve fucked for no reason.” Looking at the amber liquid in my glass, I think on that. Tossing it back, I fill up once more before sitting on the stool.

  “You see what happens to people that get close to me, Jordy? Look at Amelia. She’s going through God knows what right now because of me.” Jordy shakes his head before demanding my attention.

  “That’s bullshit, Cordae and you know it! Amelia was destined to this shit just the same as you were. She carries that Vitale name now. It doesn’t matter if you’re with her or not, someone was going to go after her.”
His words do little to ease the feelings that have crept their way out of hiding. My stomach clenches at the thought of anything happening to Amelia. I may not have shown her the love that she needed and deserved but I did it with good reason.

  “What if I did let my guard down, Jordy? What if I let her in and she takes the wrath of it?” Jordy huffs out a breath before standing and facing me.

  “Are you that selfish, Cord? She’s a grown woman for fuck’s sake! Let her make her own decisions on that. Maybe, just fucking maybe, she feels something for you. Maybe she doesn’t care about the repercussions. Have you ever thought that maybe that girl just wants to love you?” His words shatter what’s left of my soul. Jordy walks away as I stare at the empty glass.

  “I’ve thought about it more than you know but I won’t see her dead because of me.”

  Chapter 25

  Hell is a hot place. When you are that heat, that fire, there is no escaping that hell. Days have passed without a word from Gambino. My chest remains tight as I think of what he could be doing to her. There’s almost a feeling of loss there.

  “Any news?” Ava stands with her arms crossed over her chest, glaring at me from the doorway.

  “No. Not a single fucking word.” Blowing out a breath, I run my hand through my hair. If something doesn’t come up soon, I have plans to bring an army down on the Gambino house.

  “What do we do now?” What do we do? Such a sweet sentiment. We. There is no we. There’s only me and the darkness.

  “I wait until I hear his demands. If I don’t hear anything by tonight, I move.” Ava shakes her head before moving closer to the chair that I’m sitting in.

  “Why am I here? I understand you panicked but.” Is she questioning my judgement?

  Shoving out of the chair quickly, I stand in front of her causing her to jolt.

  “You are here because I say you are here. Don’t you ever question my judgement, and don’t you ever think I panicked! If anything I was thinking as clearly as I ever had when I came for you.” Snarling at her, she flinches back. I brush past her before she grabs my arm, stopping me.