Plays 5
Page 2
No that’s the people who phone up. I don’t answer any of their questions, I just say No thank you, there’s no need to swear at them.
I’ve made a mess of it now anyway.
You’ll get into trouble if you don’t do it.
They won’t know.
They know you exist.
FAN
Love him so much
love him more than you
I’d jump out of the window
eat fire
cut off my hand
eat dogshit
kill my mother
eat catfood
yeuch
just to touch him
just to tell him
just to see him
just to have him see me.
He was born at ten past two in the morning and I was born at two past ten
how do you know?
Mum says
two past ten
she said just after ten so that’s two
that isn’t two
it is two
anyway he was born on Tuesday and I was born on Wednesday and you were only born on Friday
that’s stupid.
His favourite colour’s blue
favourite food’s chilli
favourite animal’s snakes
favourite holiday was in Bermuda
what’s his favourite smell?
Roses
you’re making that up
well what?
I’m asking you
you don’t know
I’m asking you
you don’t know do you go on tell me
you tell me
I don’t know you tell me
all right I don’t know so we’ve got to find out
you mean neither of us know?
It’s all right we’ll find out
I can’t believe neither of us
it’s in here somewhere
I know I used to know
wait
is it chicken?
wait
you can’t find it
I can’t
you’re not looking properly
I can’t find it
here let me
you can’t find it
wait
it’s not there
wait
see you can’t.
What are we going to do?
we’ve got to know
I won’t be able to sleep
what are we going to do?
TORTURE
He’s wearing me out.
Take a break.
Do you want to go in?
I’ll give him a cigarette.
He’s not ready to talk.
I thought we’d got there yesterday.
I thought we’d got there yesterday but he’s past that.
He’ll get to where he’ll say anything.
We’re not paid extra for it to be true.
I’ll give him a cigarette while you have a cigarette and I’ll tell him you’ll be back.
LAB
So we hatch a batch of eggs in the lab
and where do you get the
from the poultry breeders who supply them to the battery
oh the intensive
yes or some of them might go to farms but either way
so either way they’re going to be
yes by twelve weeks they’ll be plucked and lying on their backs
in a supermarket
on your table
so you’re not taking the life
I am taking the life
but even if you didn’t they’d be
they wouldn’t live to be old chickens, no.
So you’ve got the chickens and
about a day old, fluffy yellow like little Easter
and you do some experiment on them?
what we do is we get them to peck
because chicks do peck a lot
they peck at everything and what we do is we get them to peck beads that have been dipped either in water or some stuff that tastes bitter
not poison
no it makes them wipe their beaks on the floor then they’re fine again and of course we’re writing all this down which chick which bead and how many pecks and then my colleague injects this tiny amount of very slightly radioactive liquid into each side of the chick’s brain so
oh no stop
I know but they don’t seem at all
it doesn’t hurt
they don’t show any
ok so what’s it for? it’s going to show up something in their brains
because what we’ve injected has a sugar in it that gets used by the nerve cells and the more sugar is taken up the more brain activity and the radioactivity acts as a tracer like in a scanner so you can measure that and see exactly where in the brain the sugar
and the idea is it’s different in the different
what we hope to see you see is that it’s different
depending on what they’ve learned about the
yes because we give them the beads again and they have learned because the ones who had the beads with water come back and peck it again and the ones
they won’t peck it
the ones that had the bitter bead have learned not to peck it
that’s terrific.
But that’s not what we’re finding out, what we’re finding out
changes in the brain
exactly, what changes in the brain correspond to that memory
so to do that you have to
yes I hold the bird in my left hand and quickly cut off its head with a big pair of scissors
aah
and I drop the body in a bucket and take the head and peel back the skin and cut round the skull and there’s the brain
there’s the brain
so I put it in a dish of ice and my colleague cuts it into slabs with a razor blade and then he dissects out tiny samples that he puts into test tubes and they’re immediately frozen while meanwhile I’m taking the brain out of the next chick
yes
and that’s what I do.
And then you analyse
yes and there is a substantial increase
so you can measure
and not just the increase but exactly where because if you slice
slice the brain
slice the frozen brain into thin sections and put them on slides you get pictures
you can see
you can see exactly depending on how dark and you can convert it into false colour which of course looks
prettier
prettier yes and easier to read though the information is the same
which is
that the learning takes place on the left side of the brain
and you can see
and there’s another version where you stain the sample with silver salts and then you can count the new spines on the dendrites which are
yes the little tiny
because at that degree of magnification a thumbnail would be two hundred and fifty metres wide
so you can see the memory
yes you can see the actual changes
see what the chick learnt about the bead.
SLEEP
I can’t sleep.
Hot milk.
I hate it now.
Book?
I haven’t got one I like.
Just lie there and breathe.
My head’s too full of stuff. Are you asleep?
No no, what, it’s fine. You can’t sleep?
I think I’ll get up and go on Facebook.
REMOTE
You don’t seem to have a tv.
There used to be one but it stopped working. The reception’s no good anyhow.
I brought my laptop.
You might have a reception problem there.
It’s not that I need it. There’s no phone signal is there?
You’d have to go to town. Or I think someone said there’s a spot about two miles up
the road if you go down towards the cliff and stand on a rock, you’d have to know it.
We can listen to the radio. Does it work?
I did warn you.
I know.
It’s quiet here.
I like it quiet.
You can always cycle down and get a newspaper.
It’s all right.
I don’t have time you see.
Don’t you sometimes want a weather forecast?
I want you to be happy here.
I am happy here.
You’ll find you can feel if it’s raining.
2
IRRATIONAL
Is an irrational number real?
It’s real to me.
But can you have an irrational number of oranges?
Not as things stand, no.
I’m not comfortable with the whole idea.
There was someone called Hippasus in Greek times who found out about the diagonal of a square and they drowned him because no one wanted to know about things like that.
Like what?
Numbers that make you uncomfortable and don’t relate to oranges.
I can see how they might want to do that.
Drown him?
Maybe he should have kept quiet about it if he knew they couldn’t stand it.
Is that what you do?
AFFAIR
I don’t know if I should tell you.
What?
But you’re my friend more than she is.
What is it?
What do you think yourself? is it better to know things or not to know things? Is it better just to let things be the way you think they are, the way they are really because if someone tells you something that might change everything and do you want that? Do you think it’s interfering or is it what a friend ought to do?
You’re going to have to tell me now, you know that.
But some people might say you shouldn’t say anything because you might not want to hear anything against your best friend but I do keep seeing them together and last night I was having a drink with her after work and he just sort of turned up and after a bit they left together, they hardly bothered to come up with a story, I just wondered. I’m probably imagining things and I shouldn’t put ideas into your head because it may all be perfectly all right, I’m sorry maybe I should have kept quiet, oh dear, I’ve told you now.
They’re having an affair.
They are? you know that? you knew that?
I’ve known that quite a while.
How long?
Three years.
And you’re ok with it?
Yes it’s all ok. Thanks though.
MOTHER
While Mum’s out
what?
I’ve something to tell you
ok
so you need to look at me
I’m listening
I need to feel you’re really paying attention
I can pay attention and do other things at the same time, I’m not brain-dead, I can see and hear and everything
will you listen?
I’m listening, fuck off. Is this going to take long?
Don’t pay attention then, I’m just telling you, you might like to know Mum’s not your mother, I’m your mother, Mum’s your nan, ok? Did you listen to that?
Does Mum know you’re telling me?
I just decided.
Are we going to tell her you told me?
I don’t know. Do you think?
Why didn’t she say before, she doesn’t want me to know, she’s going to go crazy
it’ll be ok
it’s not my fault, she can’t blame me for knowing
it’ll be ok, I’ll tell her I told you, it’s my fault.
How old were you, wait, thirteen. You were thirteen? Thirteen.
Yes, that’s why.
It’s probably better than not being born.
That’s what I thought, I thought you’d like to be born.
Who’s my dad then?
I didn’t see him any more, he went to a different school. He was twelve.
I don’t think I feel like you’re my mum though. I don’t have a sister, I don’t like that. Do you want me to feel different about you?
I just didn’t want it to be something I could never say.
I’d like it if everything could go on like it was.
You mean not tell Mum?
Do we have to?
But then you’d have something you could never say.
I’ve got a stomach ache.
I don’t care if she goes crazy.
So long as it’s you she goes crazy with.
I can tell her to leave you alone because I’m your mum.
I don’t think that works.
FIRED
You shouldn’t fire people by email.
You can’t come bursting in here and shouting.
I’m just saying it needs to be face to face.
I’m sorry, I do appreciate, but I’m busy at the moment, if you could
I need to be looked in the eye and you say you’re firing me
redundancy isn’t
just say it to my face, you’re fired, just say it, you’re a coward you can’t say it
why don’t you speak to my p.a. and make an appointment
just say it, you’re fired, just say it
MESSAGE
It’s a message
killing people
yes because then they understand
killing yourself
they understand what you’re telling them
but they don’t do they, they just
because the deaths show how important it is
no they just say you’re a terrorist or
and the terror is a message
but they don’t get it do they, they just pass laws and lock people up and
if enough people did it because they don’t really feel terror do they, they don’t live in terror, if they lived in terror they’d be getting the message.
Would you do it yourself?
I don’t think I would, no.
Because you’re scared?
I don’t think that message is what I want to say.
GRASS
What did you do that for?
I thought
What do you think’s going to happen to you?
I know but
and to me and the children did you think about that?
It seemed like the right thing to do.
So will we have to change who we are and go and live somewhere else?
I didn’t say
and you’ll be a protected witness and all our life we’ll be living in fear in a mobile home in a desert in America?
I didn’t say who I was, I just made the phone call
from your own phone?
no of course not from my own phone, I’m not stupid
well you are but ok, from a public
yes of course
but near here like in the high street
no I took a train
you took a train? when?
today, to make the call, I went to Brighton
why Brighton?
I don’t know, it’s somewhere you can go quickly on a train
so you didn’t go to work? You weren’t at work you could’ve got the kids from school
I was in Brighton
I’d have liked a day out in Brighton
it wasn’t a day out in Brighton, I made the call on a public phone in Brighton, I had a coffee and I got the train back.
And what did you say?
I just gave them the name, I said this is the person you want in connection with, no I won’t give my name thank you, goodbye. That’s all.
But if they know the call came from Brighton and they could find out who knew him who went to Brighton
they won’t do that, they don’t need to know who I am, they just need to know who to look at
but if he finds out you went to Brighton
but
he’s not going to know what I did in Brighton
you can’t be sure of that, what if he’s got a mate in the police who says we got a tip it was you, it came from Brighton, and someone else tells him they saw you get on a train to go to Brighton
how likely is that? why would he have a mate in the police? of course he doesn’t have a mate in the police, do I have a mate in the police, you’re making a whole thing up that’s not going to happen.
I don’t see why you had to do it.
It wasn’t very nice what he did, was it.
He’s a friend of yours.
He’s not a friend of mine.
He’s not now. He doesn’t know he’s not now, what if you see him? what if I see him? what if he comes round here and says the police are on to me what am I going to do can you help me?
You’re making things up again.
No I’m not. That’s what’s going to happen.
TERMINAL
Doctor, one thing before I go. Can you tell me how long I’ve got?
There’s not an exact answer to that.
I’d be grateful for anything you can give me an idea.
Well let me say ten per cent of people with this condition are still alive after three years.
That’s helpful, thank you.
3
SCHIZOPHRENIC
How do you know I’m evil?
I’ve been told it.
Who by? Who by?
You know the traffic lights at the corner?
yes
I’m getting signals. The ones on the left as you go up from here.
Ok and what do they say?
I won’t tell you.
Why not?
Because it’s about you, it’s what you’re like, and you know that yourself I’m not going to say it.
Do they tell you to hurt people?
Not people. You.
But you know when you take your medication that doesn’t happen.
That’s why I stopped because it was making it hard to get the information.
You do know you’re ill.
I’ve been told that.
SPIES
So we went to war on a completely
yes but how were they to know
they did know, they knew, he’d already admitted it wasn’t true
he said it to the Germans
and the CIA knew
but Bush and Blair didn’t know
didn’t want to know
they had to rely