Plays 5
Page 3
they wanted it to be true
they thought it was true, everyone thought
not everyone no, plenty of people, I didn’t, I always knew it wasn’t true
you can’t have known
I knew it was all made-up stuff
and how did you know?
because of what America’s like, what it wanted to do
you didn’t know it was made up, you wanted it to be made up, that’s what you wanted to be true.
And it turns out I was right, didn’t it.
Do you think you’ve just won an argument?
DREAM
I had this dream last night, I was in a garden and there were blackberries, big bushes of brambles, I was picking them, and a butterfly flew across and I could see this orange-and-black butterfly really clearly on a yellow rose, but then the whole thing was a dance because I was at the ballet. And I looked all those things up on a website about dreams, blackberry, butterfly, ballet, and every single one means infidelity. So now I know he’s cheating.
So you don’t feel you have to be faithful to him any more?
No, why should I?
So that leaves the way clear for us?
Don’t you think?
Unless it’s not about him.
Who then?
You. You and me.
That would mean we’re definitely going to do it.
So either way.
Either way.
RECLUSE
Two inside, one outside the door who can be heard.
Don’t answer
it’s only
look through the spyhole.
You’re right, I thought it was the boy delivering the
don’t answer don’t
of course I won’t answer, don’t panic.
Hello. Hello Mr Rushmore. I believe this is where you live. We saw you going in, we know the car outside is
make him go away
shall I speak to him?
yes no no
and of course I respect your desire for privacy and it would so much help your thousands of admirers to understand if you could say a few words to us about that privacy about how it feels to live here in a forest miles from
I’m going to die
sh it’s all right
five minutes of your time I could explain to the world why you’ve chosen to leave it all behind and withdraw to this remote
I should have a gun
because that would enable you to set the record straight about your ex-wife’s allegations of
I’m going to bed
to confirm or deny that you said of the Queen that she
I’ll have to hide in the cupboard
to put an end to speculation once and for all about your
I’d kill myself but they’d write an obituary
shall I tell him to
no no because then they’ll write about you
it doesn’t matter
it does they mustn’t if they know about you if you talk to them I’ll never see you again
because we have a photograph of you taken last week in the
why don’t I just
ALL RIGHT.
What?
Hello, Mr Rushmore?
I have three things to say. I am now a citizen of China. I have six illegitimate children. I have recently been abducted by aliens and returned to earth unharmed.
Mr Rushmore, if you could just open the door for a moment
that’s all right you see that’s fine if I tell him lies that’s fine I haven’t told them anything about myself at all that’s fine I feel fine about that I think that’s fine I think I feel fine about
and when exactly were you last in China?
that’s fine that’s fine
good good I’m glad you feel ok about
and will he go away now?
in a while he’s sure to go away in a while if we keep
Mr Rushmore
Time passes.
He’s gone.
He’s gone.
Well that’s all right then
yes
you handled that very
no I feel
what?
I feel terrible I feel
but you didn’t tell him
but he knows
he doesn’t know anything it was lies
he knows I’m the person that told those lies
no because he doesn’t know it was lies
yes but he knows I said
you mean he’ll work out it’s lies and
whichever whichever he knows I said those words he knows I was in this room we’ll have to move he knows it was me he
knows I shouted out those
so you don’t feel as good as you
no no I don’t I feel
GOD’S VOICE
God told you to do it?
He did, yes.
How?
How do you mean, how?
Did you hear words?
It was the word of God.
But like something you could hear with your ears, actual words from outside you?
They came into me.
The words.
What God said.
So you didn’t exactly hear…?
In my heart.
So how does that work then?
I was praying about it
in words?
sometimes in words, sometimes just
silently
the words were silent, I was praying in
in your head
if you like, my head my heart
so sometimes in words and sometimes
sometimes just being in a state where I was praying
I don’t know what state that is
well you’ll have to take it from me there is such a state
ok, so there you are praying
praying and not knowing, seeking guidance, open to guidance from God
ok
and he told me what to do.
What’s his voice like?
Firm. Kind.
He speaks English?
What sort of a question is that?
I know but does he speak rp or have a regional accent? I’m trying to understand what you heard.
It wasn’t hearing like I hear you but it was hearing.
And he definitely said do it.
He said do it.
In words.
In words and inside me in knowing it was the right thing to do.
In your heart?
Right through my whole being.
In your toes?
Yes in my toes, will you stop now?
THE CHILD WHO DIDN’T KNOW FEAR
One person tells a story to another.
Once upon a time there was a child who didn’t know what fear was and he wanted to find out. So his friends said, Cold shiver down your back, legs go funny, sometimes your hands no not your hands yes your hands tingle, it’s more in your head, it’s in your stomach, your belly you shit yourself, you can’t breathe, your skin your skin creeps, it’s a shiver a shudder do you really not know what it is? And the child said, I don’t know what you mean. So they took him to a big dark empty house everyone said was haunted. They said, No one’s ever been able to stay here till morning, you won’t stay till midnight, you won’t last a hour, and the child said, Why, what’s going to happen? And they said, You’ll know what we mean about being frightened. And the child said, Good, that’s what I want to know. So in the morning his friends came back and there was the child sitting in the dusty room. And they said, You’re still here? what happened? And the child said, There were things walking about, dead things, some of them didn’t have heads and a monster with glowing – and his friends said, Didn’t you run away? and the child said, There were weird noises like screams and like music but not music, and his friends said, What did you feel? and the child said, It came right up to me and put out its hand, and his friends said, Didn’t your hair your stomach the back of your neck your legs weren’t
you frightened? And the child said, No, it’s no good, I didn’t feel anything, I still don’t know what fear is. And on the way home he met a lion and the lion ate him.
STAR
It takes the light two point eight million years to get here.
So we’re looking at two point eight million years ago.
It might not be there. It could have died by now.
So who’s going to see that?
It might not even be people by then. The sun’s only eight minutes.
In the morning let’s wait eight minutes and see if it’s there now.
4
WEDDING VIDEO
Several people.
This is the bit
this is the funny bit watch
where he spills
ah ah ha ha ha
gets me every time
and look look the sweet
and wasn’t she little then
just a tiny girl in her pink
and now she’s my god you should see
and her boyfriend
have you met him he’s the most
and there’s that woman
we never knew who she was
yes she’s there in the video but who invited
someone who just goes to strangers’ weddings
there she is talking to who is that that uncle of yours is it no
and look at the dresses I mean
because now you wouldn’t dream
it shows you it’s history
yes the children like it because
and the grandchildren are going to
and it can go down in the family and they can see
and all the ones of them as babies and little
and all the ones of their weddings and their
but it’s sad we haven’t got our grandparents’ wedding video
or great great
or everybody that ever lived videos of
Henry the Eighth
Jesus walking on the
no further back if we had cave if we had Neanderthal
and dinosaurs
but who’d be working the camera?
and things coming out of the sea and tiny specks
then we’d know we’d know
we could keep
we’d know what
because I wouldn’t remember all this if without the video I wouldn’t remember hardly anything at all about it because I can’t remember anything about that day that’s not on the video not clearly
I can remember putting the ring
no I can’t see that in my mind’s
and someone was sick
oh look it’s the speeches now listen to Dad’s speech it’s so
SAVANT
What did you have for lunch on October the third 1998?
Chicken soup and a salad. I was at home. I had the chicken soup in a blue bowl. The salad had tomatoes, lettuce and chicory but no onion because I didn’t want my breath to smell of onion when I went to the movies with my brother in the afternoon. The movie began at 2.15.
What was the movie?
Godzilla.
What happened in it?
You want the whole thing? Shot by shot?
Can you do that?
Let’s not do that.
Ok. I remember Godzilla. There’s a lizard that’s been irradiated by a nuclear explosion so it’s a monster and it goes to New York and the American military drops bombs on it.
That’s the one.
What did you do afterwards?
We walked back to my brother’s place and had poached eggs on toast. I had two cups of tea in his red mug, the one with a chip.
What was the weather like?
Rain in the morning but it cleared up. Rain in the evening. Rain the next morning.
June the sixth 2004.
EX
I’m glad we’ve done it, just to see
so am I
after all these years
because it was very important at the time, it’s been very important
it has for me, all my life, very important
so never to have seen each other again would have been
it would have been impossible
it would have been sad anyway.
You remember the Italian restaurant?
no, yes, on the corner was it?
with the bushes outside?
no, I’m mixing it up with
I can see the waiter now
no, I can’t get the waiter
the waiter with the moustache who always smiled so much when we came in.
I used to have spaghetti carbonara and you had vongole.
I can’t remember eating, no, I was too busy looking at you probably.
I really loved you then.
I loved you.
I always remember you standing in that field
I wonder where that was, was it
all the buttercups.
I’ve got a really clear picture of you running ahead of me down a street. We were running for a bus I think.
Do you remember that hotel, we took a room for a couple of hours in a hotel, there was green wallpaper and we stood there kissing.
I remember the first time
no, that’s got overlaid by so many other times, I can’t, I remember once by a river, we were practically on a public footpath
the kitchen, the kitchen at your friend’s house
which friend?
I never knew your friends’ names
was it Chris? Terry?
I don’t know, you remember the kitchen?
I might if I knew which house. Did we do it in a kitchen?
Behind the door. There was soup on the cooker.
I remember us just looking at each other.
The time in the street, we just stopped.
I was thinking more a time when you were sitting on the side of the bed.
Was that early on or near the end?
Near the end I think. Do you know the time I mean?
I sometimes go past that coffee shop.
Which one?
The one where we kept trying to say goodbye.
I think I’ve blotted that whole day out.
We were really happy.
Or sad, we used to cry.
Did we?
Sometimes.
MEMORY HOUSE
to improve my mind
no but you’ve got a good
my memory to improve
forget a lot?
not not
like names
like names like faces
we all
yes but
not worth worrying
but I’ve got to learn
ah
huge amount of memorising
of course
vocabulary
yes
statistics
statistics
every imaginable
I see your point
stacks of information which I have to
somehow
somehow acquire and retain.
So how do you intend
this course this memory
to improve your
lists lists as exercises
like getting the muscles
muscles of the brain
which of course I know it doesn’t have muscles
and more than that a technique
for remembering
ancient ancient technique Romans
didn’t know they
and all sorts Renaissance
they had a lot of brains then in the
Leonardo da Vinci
so did he?
I don’t know that he actually did
not this technique
not necessarily this actual technique
though he might have done
it’s beside the point, the point
the actual technique
the actual technique is you take a place like you could take a house
take a house?
like my aunt’s got a house
there you are take this house in your mind and you’ve got a list of things you want to remember
like what?
like anything like this list I’ve got here this exercise
crocodile pincushion
and you go round the house in your mind you go round and you put something in each room
can’t quite remember all the rooms because
can’t remember the rooms?
in my aunt’s house I’ve never
take where you live
only be able to remember three things
no you could go round the room and put one on the table and one on the chair
oh I see
but you’ll have to remember what order
what order I’m going round the room
is that all right?
yes I could do that.
So I’ve got my house when I was a child in my mind and I’m going to go round it now and put a crocodile on the doorstep
a crocodile on the table
a pincushion just inside on the mat
pincushion on the chair
pair of scissors in the sittingroom on the sofa
pair of scissors on the other chair
axe in the diningroom on the table
axe on the other chair
wristwatch
wristwatch
could you just in your head do you mind I can’t
I’m not bothered by hearing yours
keep seeing your room in my
because I don’t know where you lived as a child so it doesn’t
so I can still say
yes if it helps and I’ll just
thank you ok so wristwatch in the kitchen on the cooker elephant on the stairs poundcoin in the bathroom biro on their bed hedgehog on my bed tree in the attic
tree
makes ten. So now we go round
pick them up
on the doorstep crocodile
crocodile pincushion
pincushion yes scissors in the sittingroom
scissors wristwatch
no not yet
oh it’s on the other
sh
so it’s
axe
axe axe wristwatch
wristwatch
elephant
poundcoin
now where did I put?
oh
what?
bedroom
on top of the cd player
no in the bedroom I suddenly
biro
yes of course biro but I suddenly
what
saw my father
in his bedroom