Plays 5
Page 4
my father getting dressed
he’s not he wasn’t
no it’s nothing
nothing awful happened you’re not remembering
no nothing like that at all I just suddenly saw him and
so when did you last
no it’s just that he’s dead and I don’t
of course years ago I’d forgotten I’m
no it’s nothing it’s just he was there in the bedroom
and that’s a memory is it
yes I suppose it is of course it’s a memory from
from when you were little
yes because he’s very I’m only half his size so
so is this like a new
yes a new memory and I’m seeing
you can see with your eyes when you were
say maybe four and the sunlight
sunlight
yes because it’s sunny in the room shining in behind him and on the floor on my feet
you can see your feet
I can see my feet when I was four
which isn’t a memory you’ve always
no I’ve never
and you’re sure it’s not some horrible
some repressed no it’s not it’s just a memory isn’t it
so the room faced east
yes it’s morning in the room and I just saw it
some sort of crossed wire.
Because of course it’s biro
biro
hedgehog
I’ve lost the hedgehog wait oh it’s in the microwave I don’t know where I went next oh I know on the pile of old newspapers it’s a tree
tree in the attic.
So could we say the list straight off
I’m sure we could
and then do another list
lots of lists
and how do we keep the lists separate
I’m not sure yet I’ve got to
because I’ll keep getting the hedgehog in the microwave
wait a minute I’ll find out
find out what to do next.
DINNER
I did tell you
you didn’t
I did I said Wednesday we’re going to dinner with
but you didn’t
yes because I remember because you said
all right I must have forgotten I’m sorry
yes you did
I’m sorry.
PIANO
Three people.
1. This is Jennifer.
2. Hello, Jennifer.
1. Here’s the piano. You can play the piano.
2. I’ve never played the piano.
1. You sit here.
He sits. He plays well and JENNIFER sings. He gets up.
2. Hello.
1. This is Jennifer.
2. Hello, Jennifer.
FLASHBACK
Breathe
ah ah ah
just breathe
ah ah
I’ve got you, it’s all right
ah
all right.
Thank you. Sorry. I keep seeing… I can see… I can’t stop seeing…
I wish I could stop it for you.
Short of smashing in my skull.
They say time, you may be able to forget, even if it’s a long time.
Once it’s in there. Once you know that stuff.
5
LINGUIST
How many languages do you know?
To speak fluently
or a bit
well of course some languages I only know a few words, while others
take something like a table, take a table, how many languages can you
table table trapezi stol mesa meza tarang tabulka
That’s so fantastic. Tabulka. Meza. They all mean table.
They all mean the same thing as each other.
Table.
Table means the same thing.
Yes, they all mean table.
Or they all mean meza.
Oh if you mean Chinese.
Or in fact Swahili.
I can’t help feeling it actually is a table.
MATHS
I don’t want to spend an evening with them again.
You like them. You like her.
He will keep making his point about mathematics not corresponding to reality because it’s just a system our brains developed as we evolved in the world and we’ve had that argument.
Whereas maths is really true.
Yes.
Which is why if an equation wouldn’t work without there being an infinite number of universes there really must be an infinite number of universes.
That sort of thing.
But we do only have our senses, don’t we, to perceive with and maybe there’s all sorts of other things we haven’t evolved to perceive. Like an earthworm can’t know about flying or a bird can’t know about computers.
Don’t let’s have this conversation.
Why not go and see them and keep off the topic? We can argue about politics.
Because he won’t keep off the topic, he likes trying to make me angry because he fancies you. And nobody understands what we’re talking about and the evening’s ruined and we all get drunk and I feel like shit in the morning and can’t work.
Are you saying you never want to see them again?
He says maths is just consistent with itself. He keeps saying it doesn’t mean anything.
What does it mean then?
All right, we’ll go and see them.
She fancies you.
SEX
What sex evolved to do is get information from two sets of genes so you get offspring that’s not identical to you. Otherwise you just keep getting the same thing over and over again like hydra or starfish. So sex essentially is information.
You don’t think that while we’re doing it do you?
It doesn’t hurt to know it. Information and also love.
If you’re lucky.
GOD
God gives your life meaning. You’ve said that.
Yes, so?
If there wasn’t God there’d be no meaning to your existence?
And?
So does God have a higher god to give his existence meaning? and that god a higher god and that god
no of course not
of course not, so all this stuff he’s done, he might find it all a bit meaningless. I’m surprised he’s not depressed.
I don’t think he minds whether he means anything or not. I don’t think he thinks about it.
So why do you think about it?
I’m not God am I?
But I don’t mind not meaning anything, does that make me God?
It makes you really annoying.
RASH
It’s just a rash.
But why, why a rash?
There’s all kinds of like detergents and animals and stuff in the air. Shall we have him tested?
He’s trying to tell us something.
Oh come on.
Or he’s trying not to tell us something.
Did you get the new cream?
CHILDREN
You can’t have children?
No.
You can’t have children?
No.
How did you find that out?
When I was married, it came up, we had tests and it was me.
So was that why?
No of course not.
I thought it was because she went off with the Spaniard.
She did
and she’s got a baby now hasn’t she, she and the Spaniard have got a bambino.
So it makes a difference does it?
SHRINK
It used to just be pain
the memories of what happened to you when you were a child and
and the things I wasn’t letting myself remember of course
the things you’d
yes and now
so the analysis has stopped it hurting
not so much stoppe
d
as what?
changed it into
changed it into?
transformed it
into what though?
It has meaning.
Because you see where it comes from?
partly that
and how it’s affected the way you are?
partly that
and partly what?
It just has meaning now.
What does it mean?
It doesn’t mean something. There isn’t exactly another thing that it means.
Then what do you mean when you say it has meaning now?
You spoil it. You completely spoil everything. You always do.
That must be painful for you. You can take it to your analyst and have it turned into meaning.
6
THE CHILD WHO DIDN’T KNOW SORRY
You have to say you’re sorry.
I’m not sorry.
But you know you hurt him. You have to say you’re sorry.
I don’t feel sorry.
You have to say it.
CLIMATE
I’m frightened.
Just walk instead of driving and don’t take so many hot baths.
I’m frightened for the children.
There were those emails those scientists, I can’t remember the detail
no it didn’t make any difference in the end
no I think you’re right, most scientists all agree it’s a catastrophe. The question is how bad a catastrophe.
It’s whether they drown or starve or get killed in the fights for water.
I’d choose drowning.
Are you really not going to take it seriously?
I don’t know how to.
I don’t know how to.
CENSOR
Page forty-two.
Page forty-two.
The sentence beginning ‘On the 21st of May…’
Yes, I’ve got it.
I’m afraid that’s going to have to go.
Why is that?
The Ministry of Defence considers it a breach of security.
It’s not classified information.
That is nevertheless their view.
Have you got a lot of these?
About thirty.
Let’s hear the next one then.
WIFE
But I am your wife.
You look like my wife.
That’s because I am. Look, even that little birthmark behind my ear. Look.
Yes, I see it.
It’s me. Darling sweet, it’s me. I’m here.
No, she’s gone. They’ve all gone.
Who’s gone?
Everyone I know. Everyone who loved me.
No, I love you.
I don’t want you to love me, I don’t know you.
There’s things only we know, aren’t there. That day on the beach with the shells. You remember that?
Yes, of course.
And cabbages. Why is cabbages a funny word, we’re the only ones who have cabbages as a joke because of what happened with the cabbages. Cabbages is a joke, yes?
Cabbages was a joke I shared with my wife. I miss my wife.
But I am… Let me touch you. If you’d see what it feels like to touch me. If we made love you’d know it was me because there are things we like to do and no one else would know that, if I was a stranger pretending to be her I wouldn’t know those things, you’d feel you were back with me, you would I know, please.
You disgust me. You frighten me. What are you?
DECISION
I’ve written down all the reasons to leave the country and all the reasons to stay.
So how does that work out?
There’s things on both sides.
How do you feel about it?
No, I’m trying to make a rational decision based on the facts.
Do you want me to decide for you?
Based on what? The facts don’t add up.
I’d rather you stayed here. Does that help?
THE CHILD WHO DIDN’T KNOW PAIN
But what is it?
Pain is pain, it’s just
if I pinch
aah, get off. But if I pinch you
nothing
nothing at all
but stop because I get bruises.
How come you don’t
I never did when I was a baby
you were born like
yes and I used to chew my fingers
you mean chew?
and they got bandages put over or I’d chew them to the bone because you know how babies
put everything in their mouth
I’d put myself in my mouth because it wasn’t any different.
And if you fell down
I threw myself down
because it didn’t hurt
jumped down a whole flight of stairs because that was a quick way
and you were all right
broke both my legs and once when I went swimming there were rocks under the water and when I came out my legs were pouring blood because I hadn’t felt
so you can’t feel anything
emotions I feel feelings
but physical
not pain, no.
And why not?
because there’s no signal going up to my brain
from your legs
from anywhere to my brain to say there’s damage, it’s hurting
so you never know what hurting is
so tell me what it’s like.
Hurting is well it’s pain, it’s like uncomfortable but more, it’s something you’d want to move away from but you can’t, it’s an intense sensation, it’s hard to ignore it, it’s very
but why would you mind that?
because it hurts. But no, sometimes pain’s all right if it’s not bad like if your gum’s sore and you keep poking it with your tongue or you might cut your finger and you hardly notice, yes if you’re doing something exciting, soldiers can lose a leg and not even know it
that’s like me
yes but they know it afterwards. And bad pain
yes but why, what is it?
if someone’s tortured if they give them electric shocks it’s unbearable or if they’ve got cancer sometimes they want to die because my uncle
yes but I still don’t know what it is about pain
it’s just pain
but what is it?
You’ve been unhappy?
yes
if someone you love doesn’t love you, you thought they loved you and they don’t
yes
or you’ve done something you wish you hadn’t done it’s too late now and you’ve hurt someone and there’s nothing you can do to put it right
yes
does that help?
So it’s like being unhappy but in your leg?
But it’s also just what it is, like red is red and blue is blue.
But red isn’t red, it’s waves and it’s red to us.
So there you are, that’s what it’s like.
Can I pinch you again?
EARTHQUAKE
Have you seen the earthquake? There’s this building my god you think things are solid but they just break.
Yes I’ve seen it.
Imagine being in it, imagine you’re lying on your back and there’s this wall a few inches above your face and you can’t sit up even an inch and if you do it might come down on you. And the air running out, you keep trying to get a deep breath but you can’t breathe deeply enough because very soon there’s going to be no more oxygen. And if you were injured if you’re in pain while all that’s going on and where are your family are they dead or in agony and will anyone come to get you out and how many hours or days, I’m just so upset by it.
I wouldn’t want to be in it obviously, poor them of course. I mean I do know about it.
But you don’t care.
I can’t say I feel it, no. You really feel it?
I cried. Of course I feel it. I cried.
<
br /> Ok.
And imagine the wave coming, imagine hearing it coming and running away and you can’t get away, it came so fast did you see how fast it came?
Yes, I saw it.
You’re not upset though.
That black wave with the cars in it was awesome.
7
CHINESE POETRY
‘The girl waits at the door of her house on the mountain.’
What it literally says is ‘mountain girl door’.
So maybe
A girl from the mountain is waiting outside my door. A girl climbs the mountain and comes to a door.
To get the girl you have to go through a door into the mountain.
The mountain is a door only a girl can open.
The girl’s as big as a mountain and can’t get through the door.
What’s the next line?
MANIC
My god, look at that flower, thank you so much, have you ever seen such a red, red is blood and bullfights and seeing red is anger but red is joyful, red is celebration,
yes, I like it
in China red is lucky how lucky we are to have red flowers,
shall I get a vase?
in China white is death and here black is death but ghosts are white of course so a chessboard is death against death, and blood of course could be death but it’s lifeblood isn’t it, if you look at the flower it’s so astounding
yes
it means so much to me that you gave me red flowers because red is so significant don’t you think? it means stop and of course it means go because it’s the colour of energy and red cars have the most accidents because people are excited by red or people who are already excited like to have red, I’d like to have red, I’ll buy a red car this afternoon and we can go for a drive, we can go right up through the whole country don’t you think, we can go to Scotland we can go to John o’ Groats, did he eat a lot of porridge do you think? but we don’t have to start from Land’s End or Land’s Beginning we should say if we start from there but we won’t we’ll start from here because here is always the place we start from, isn’t that funny, and I need to drive along all the roads in the country because I have to see to the traffic because there are too many cars as everyone knows but our car won’t be one too many you’ll be quite safe, we’ll make sure it’s all flowing smoothly in every direction because cars do go in every direction possible and everything goes in every possible direction, so we’ll find a vase for the flowers,