A Heart This Big

by Cheyenne Blue

  The bleakness in her tone tugged at something in Nina’s gut. “You said you had a date recently. How did that go, if you don’t mind me asking?”

  “Fine.” Leigh shrugged. “A colleague. We talked work. Meredith would be the perfect partner for me in that way. We’d have a convenient relationship on an equal footing.”

  “Will you see her again?” Nina’s stomach lurched unpleasantly as she thought about Leigh with the mysterious Meredith.

  “I don’t know.” Leigh pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “I should ask her out again. That sort of compartmentalised relationship is probably what’s best for me. I honestly don’t know if I could handle the impulsiveness and rush of a more usual relationship.” She bowed her head.

  Nina’s gaze fixed on the curve of Leigh’s neck, her fine features in profile. Leigh didn’t sound sad, just resigned.

  “You can stop feeling sorry for me.” The crispness was back in Leigh’s voice. “I chose this life.”

  “It sounds so…sterile.” Nina hesitated. She’d put her foot in it; she may as well continue. “Like an old-fashioned marriage of convenience. You’ll no doubt have enough money to do everything most people can only dream of, but will you be happy?”

  “I’m sure we’d be content.” Leigh’s eyes drilled holes into Nina. “What about you? Are you waiting to be swept off your feet by a princess on a white stallion?”

  “Princesses don’t tend to be attracted to single mothers with bratty daughters. No, I’m more realistic than that. But I hope one day I’ll find someone. And I hope we’ll have friendship and laughter, good times and shared times. And passion.”

  Leigh’s lips hinted of passion. They curved in a natural upward tilt, as if Leigh smiled a lot. Her lower lip was full, pink, soft-looking. How would it be to kiss those lips? No. She mustn’t go there. But if Phoebe hadn’t interrupted when she did, what would have happened? Would she already know what Leigh’s lips felt like?

  Leigh picked up her water glass, took a sip, and set it down again. “Princesses are overrated. Too demanding.”

  “That’s what I tell myself when there’s no one in sight—just me, Phoe, a few ragtag volunteers, and dusty animals.”

  “I think you’ll find someone, Nina.”

  Leigh reached out and ran her hand lightly over the back of Nina’s fingers. It was the softest of touches, but the gentle sweep of Leigh’s thumb over the back of her hand ignited a slow burn in Nina’s belly. Flickers of flame ran over her skin from the to-and-fro of Leigh’s thumb. Nina focussed on their joined hands. It was easier than what she might see in Leigh’s face.

  And then Leigh’s hand pushed into Nina’s hair and lifted it away from her face. Leigh slid her fingers over Nina’s skin so that her palm cupped her face.

  Nina leant into the touch. For a moment, she closed her eyes, absorbed the light caress of Leigh’s fingers on her face. When she opened her eyes, Leigh was closer, enough that Nina could see the impossible evenness of her pale skin, her grey eyes behind the heavy glasses, so piercing, almost silver.

  Nina shivered. What should she do? And then her breath left her body in a long sigh, and she relaxed. Why was she even resisting this? She leant forward and pressed her lips to Leigh’s. They were as soft as they appeared, softer even. And when Nina’s tongue flicked out to trace Leigh’s lower lip, Leigh opened under the implicit invitation, and then they were really kissing.

  Leigh slid her hand up Nina’s throat in the lightest of caresses and curved it around the back of her neck, pushing into her hair.

  Nina shivered. When had a simple touch stirred such a bone-deep wanting in her? It was a kiss, no more, no less. But the way it ignited her nerve pathways in licks of flame made it so much more. The kiss went on. Nina’s tongue ventured into Leigh’s mouth, then withdrew to trace that luscious lower lip once more.

  Finally, Leigh drew back. She opened her mouth as if to say something but closed it again.

  “Passion.” Nina’s voice was rusty, hoarse. “I think that’s what it was. I think you felt it too.”

  Leigh nodded, her eyes glinting in her pale face.

  “Did you get that with Meredith?”

  “No. Not like that.”

  “Well, then.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  The air felt thick. “Nothing heavy. Just that you obviously don’t have to settle for a bloodless, expedient relationship—unless you want to.” Nina’s heart still pounded as if she’d jogged two laps of the paddock. The kiss had been magnificent. And she wanted more. But not now. Too fast, too soon had never been her thing. She stood on shaky legs and picked up the empty water jug. “More water?”

  “Please.”

  Leigh’s voice sounded as cool as a court case. Maybe she shared kisses like that all the time, in which case Nina had made a monumental fool of herself. Retreat. She filled the jug and topped up their glasses.

  “I need to go down to the yard, check on the animals. Find Phoe. Want to come?”

  “Sure. Walk off some of that great food.”

  The sun was unrelenting as they walked down the sparsely shaded driveway. Sweat prickled the back of Nina’s neck. She stole a glance at Leigh. Apart from a slight pinkness to her cheeks, she appeared comfortable. Nina scuffled her feet. She was the one behaving like a weird teenager. Women like Leigh probably kissed other women all the time. It was only Nina with her sparse dating history who was making this into something it wasn’t. She gave a mental shrug.

  Phoe was in the paddock with the ponies. She had an arm around each of their necks and appeared to be in earnest conversation with them.

  “She’s probably telling them about her day.” Nina gazed over the dry paddock. “She’s done that ever since she was small.”

  Phoebe lifted a foot and turned it this way and that. It looked as if she was showing off her new boots to the animals.

  Nina mixed up buckets of feed for the ponies and pulled open a bale of hay to feed Sophia and the goats.

  “It must cost a lot to keep all this going.” Leigh took part of the hay.

  “It does. But at this time of year I have no choice.” Nina waved an arm over the dusty brown paddocks. “Things get better in winter when it’s greener.”

  Sophia lumbered over when called, and Leigh put down her hay. She scratched the cow on her wide forehead and brushed away the flies. They hovered in a thick black cloud for a second and then returned. Sophia’s ears flicked, but it made no difference.

  The goats pushed their way into their pen in their eagerness to get to the hay, and the ponies jostled their way to the buckets. Everything at Banksia Farm was always keen to be fed—including Phoebe. She joined them at the gate.

  Nina made sure the hens were fine, and then the three of them walked slowly back to the house. The buzz from the wine and the heady rush of Leigh’s kiss had evaporated in the heat and the everyday prosaic duties of the farm.

  “More wine?” Nina pulled open the fridge. “And we have pavlova and cake to eat.”

  “No more wine, thanks. I have to drive. May I have a coffee?”

  “If you can handle our cheap instant.”

  “I’ll cope.”

  Phoe watched as Nina cut slices of pavlova, sticky-soft meringue topped with fruit and whipped cream, and thick chunks of Leigh’s cake. Phoebe’s serve was gone in an instant. She yawned. “Can I go and read in my room? Is that rude?” Her gaze slid to Leigh.

  “It is a bit,” Nina said. “Ask Leigh if she minds.”

  “Would you mind, Leigh?”

  “No, you go. It’s your day too.”

  If Phoebe was safely in her room, would Leigh kiss her again? Would she kiss Leigh? Really, she must have drunk too much wine. The kiss of before had been a pleasant aberration, a moment out of time when she wasn’t Nina the farm girl and Leigh wasn’t a partn
er in one of the most prestigious firms in the city. In their normal lives, they were so far apart as to make kisses like that impossible. It was just a kiss for the day that it was.

  They sat again on the couch overlooking the drive. Leigh sipped her coffee, then set it down on the low table in front of them. “Thank you for inviting me today. It’s been the most relaxing time I can remember.”

  Leigh’s lips formed the words, but Nina barely heard them. Her gaze focussed on the smooth curve of those lips. With an effort, she smiled. “It was my pleasure.”

  “I better go. Before I get too comfortable.”

  “Phoe will come out on the hunt for food soon.”

  “I must go and say goodbye to her.” Leigh rose.

  Nina stood too. “Would you like to take some leftovers? Save you cooking this evening.”

  “Trust me, I wouldn’t cook anyway. But if you can spare some, that would be nice.”

  Nina went to the kitchen, found a couple of takeaway containers, and filled them with chicken and salad. She added two slices of cake. She could hear Leigh and Phoebe talking, their voices rising and falling. They seemed to have a lot to say to each other.

  Leigh returned. “Thank you again.” She came closer, put her hands on Nina’s forearms, and tugged her closer.

  Nina swallowed. Would Leigh kiss her? A million reasons why she shouldn’t respond flickered through her head, but the one reason why she should was stamped in big, bold letters in her mind.

  Because she wanted to.

  Leigh hesitated and then carefully pressed a soft kiss to Nina’s cheek and withdrew. “Thank you for a wonderful day. And for the gifts. I enjoyed myself.”

  Nina nodded. She didn’t know what to say. In Leigh’s world, people probably asked other people to stay the night. She’d bet anything that Meredith would if that was what she wanted. But it wasn’t her style to suggest it, even if Phoebe wasn’t in the house. So what else could she suggest? A date? With a twelve-year-old tagging along? She settled for a smile and pressed her lips to Leigh’s cheek in return.

  “My firm is closed now until the new year,” Leigh said. “Will you need a volunteer in that time?”

  “Anytime.” Nina’s voice was soft. “Come anytime you want.”

  Chapter 12

  Leigh prowled around her apartment. Up and back, to and fro. With Petersen & Blake closed for the holidays and her parents away, time hung heavy on her hands.

  Leigh sat on the couch that faced the floor-to-ceiling window. But even the stunning view of Sydney Harbour failed to hold her attention. She lived in one of the most exciting cities in the world, and she was restless, bored even. For a moment, she wished she had some files she could work on. But it was firm policy that no one take files home over Christmas—a nod to work-life balance not found during the rest of the year.

  In previous years, she’d visited her parents, and the social obligations of the Willoughby family had filled her days. This year, there was no such distraction. Nothing to stop her from dwelling on Christmas Day at Banksia Farm.

  She was an idiot. Worse, she really hadn’t any excuse. Christmas lunch with Nina would have been perfectly acceptable if she’d kept it at that—just lunch. But she hadn’t, and Nina hadn’t. And the blame rested squarely on her own head. A lawyer-client romantic or sexual relationship was questionable in the eyes of the Law Society, but it was a definite no-no at Petersen & Blake. It could interfere with a lawyer’s objectivity and increase a client’s expectations. She should never have allowed the flirtation to develop. And a kiss? Leigh stared out at the harbour, a muted blue under an overcast sky.

  The kiss was wrong.

  Sure, Nina had seemed to want it as much as she had. Sure, Nina had kissed her, not the other way around. But Leigh was the one who’d initiated the lead-up. She’d pushed a hand into Nina’s hair, cupped her face. No, the blame was hers.

  Leigh rose and went to the kitchen. Ice cubes tinkled into a glass from the dispenser, and she filled the glass to the brim with water. What would it take to get Nina out of her head? Did she want to? She drained the water glass. The answer to that was easy: no. She wanted to keep seeing Nina; she wanted to help her keep the farm. She wanted to keep volunteering, learning things that a couple of months ago she’d never have thought she’d enjoy doing. She even wanted Phoebe to give her a riding lesson. All of those were acceptable. But anything more would have to stop. There must be no more flirting, no more intimacy. And certainly no more kisses.

  Leigh turned away from the window. Life was out there; there was little to keep her interest in her apartment. She would go for a long walk, maybe call up a friend and see if she wanted to meet for a glass of wine. And tomorrow, Leigh would go back to the farm and do what she had to do: put her relationship with Nina back on acceptable lines—lawyer/client and farm-owner/volunteer.

  Leigh swung the BMW into the shade of a gum tree. Come anytime, Nina had said.

  Leigh had taken her at her word. She pulled a hat from the rear seat to shade her face and went in search of Nina.

  The farm seemed quiet. No kids darted around, doing chores or riding ponies, and no parents wandered around with their offspring. The murmur of voices led her past the veggie garden to the paddock.

  Phoebe was riding Mr Petey, cantering circles with a serious look on her face. The new boots gleamed on her legs.

  Nina stood in the middle of the circle. “That’s good, Phoe. He’s moving forward freely now. Change the rein and try the other lead.”

  Phoebe slowed to a trot, cut across the circle, and cantered in the other direction.

  Leigh waited by the railing. She forced her gaze away from Nina to concentrate on Phoebe and Mr Petey.

  Nina turned and saw her. “Take a minute, Phoe.” She cut across the baked ground to Leigh. “Hi. I didn’t see you arrive.”

  “I’ve only just got here. Everywhere’s quiet. Am I intruding?”

  “No. It’s still the post-Christmas quiet time. There’s no Barn Kids until February—too many people are away. There’ll be a few people here later, but you’re the first arrival today.”

  Nina’s red singlet had a tear in the shoulder, and Leigh’s gaze was drawn to the patch of lighter skin glimpsed through the rip. When she glanced up, Nina was watching, a slight smile on her face. Heat warmed Leigh’s neck. Caught looking. This she absolutely could not do.

  “Give me a task to do, and then I won’t interrupt you.”

  Nina grimaced. “The chores today are all terrible. Pull hemlock in the west paddock, mend a broken manger in Jelly’s stall, or clean the chook houses.”

  “I’ll do the last one. I know how to do that.”

  Nina cocked her head to one side. “You don’t have to do this. What you’re doing for us in your law office is far more important than shovelling chicken shit.”

  “What if I told you I like shovelling chicken shit?”

  “I wouldn’t believe you. I know how it stinks.”

  Phoebe rode across to them. “Hi, Leigh. Look at my boots! I’ve never had anything so good to ride in.” She flushed and hunched her shoulders, as if she’d said too much.

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Tell you what. Leigh and I will do the chicken sheds together. Phoe, you practice those figure eights and join us shortly.”

  Phoe nodded and rode away.

  “How have you been?” Nina’s warmth was a living thing. She extended a hand towards Leigh, her face an open invitation.

  The urgent need to tell Nina that she couldn’t do this thumped in her chest. She swallowed hard. Phoebe would return soon. There wasn’t enough time for the conversation they had to have.

  Leigh pretended not to see Nina’s hand. She walked across the paddock towards the barn.

  Nina fell into step beside her.

  Leigh could do this. Keep it light, keep it f
riendly—and no more. “I’ve been fine. The city’s quiet over the holiday time, so I had a long walk with a friend and then a glass of wine by the harbour.”

  Nina’s face was wistful. “I can’t remember when I had enough time to myself to do that.”

  “Do you ever get away for a holiday?”

  “I haven’t had a proper holiday for three years, only occasional weekends. I have to close the farm to the public and find someone to care for the animals. Gino stayed for a week last time, and Kiren and Andi have given me the occasional weekend break. Last time, I took Phoe to Melbourne.”

  Nina was as tied to her lifestyle as Leigh was to hers. More so. Another reason she should back off—as if she even needed another.

  Nina smiled. “Let’s get on with the chickens. Phoe has plans for you later.”

  “Should I be scared?”

  “Terrified. But that’s okay.”

  There was something so satisfying about the mundane chore. Leigh moved slowly down the line of nesting boxes, keeping a wary eye out for snakes. She pushed down the memory of treading on the brown snake. Something like that wouldn’t stop her. The sun beat down on the back of her neck as she reached into each box in turn to pull out the warm, brown eggs. The rhythm and repetition of the movement was strangely enjoyable, and the smooth curve of the egg in her hand was a simple pleasure.

  It was a long way from the gleaming surfaces and high-end finishes of her city office.

  Nina had already started with the wheelbarrow, cleaning out the soiled straw. They worked in silence.

  Leigh reached the end of the nesting boxes. “Nearly three dozen eggs.”

  “You must take some with you. With fewer visitors to the farm, we have a surplus.” Nina lifted some dirty straw into the barrow. “If you still want to help, you could start from the other end.”