A Heart This Big

by Cheyenne Blue

  Not that she could pay either. “Who has to fund his treatment?”

  “The claimant at this stage, but an allowance will be made in his damages once his lawyers start putting dollar figures on his claim.”

  “What if I paid for the treatment?” Her stomach turned over at the thought of what it would cost, and the tea she’d drunk sat sour in her stomach. “Would that be easier in the long run?”

  “No.” Leigh leant forward, every inch the professional. Her expression was that of the aloof lawyer from Nina’s first visit. “We haven’t admitted liability for the claim. And it’s extremely unlikely that we will. An offer to pay for treatment will put that in doubt.”

  Nina studied Leigh as she wrote something on the pad. The woman in front of her was light-years away from the laughing woman complaining about her inner thighs. This woman was cool and professional, brisk and businesslike.

  Leigh put down the pen. “You’re a caring person, Nina. I know you want to help Billy, but if you do that, it won’t help you. My job is to make sure you don’t pay more than you have to. You can bet the farm that Billy’s lawyers are trying to find every angle so that he gets more dollars. He may have a psych injury, yes. But it wouldn’t be the first claim I’ve seen where there is actually no psychological impairment. Let it ride for the moment.”

  “Do you think Billy is making it up?”

  “I’m not sure. It would be premature to say.”

  Even Leigh’s language was different from how she was at the farm, her word choices more distancing, more superior. There was more than the polished oak desk between them. Nina frowned. The rapport from Christmas had vanished. Leigh probably wanted to keep it totally professional while they were in her office. That was okay. She could wait until the lunch date she hoped would follow for the Leigh who was her friend, the Leigh who had kissed her, to come out.

  “Do you have anything else to tell me at this stage?” Nina matched Leigh’s tone.

  “Not yet. We need to wait for Billy’s arm to heal.”

  “How long do we wait?”

  “A year would be enough time.”

  “A year?” The teacup shook in her hand, and tea splashed over the side. “I thought it would be maybe a month or two—that’s how long it takes a broken bone to heal. A year’s a long time to have this hanging over our heads. Billy’s too.”

  “It’s more than allowing time for the bone to heal. We have to show that he has no permanent impairment, no lasting effects. In a year, ideally, he should be back to normal, and that will mean he’ll be entitled to less money.”

  Nina stared at the bag at her feet. Crinkly leaves of silver beet poked over the top. “Is there anything else we need to discuss this morning?”

  Leigh recapped her fountain pen. “Just one thing.”

  Nina looked up at Leigh’s tone. It was neutral, flat. Did Leigh have bad news for her? The lunch date she envisaged receded a little. “I was hoping we could go out for lunch together. But you’ve got your bad news face on. Will I need a lot of wine to cheer me up?”

  Leigh’s expression didn’t change. “Is that what you want, Nina? A lunch date?”

  “It would be nice—if you have time. I’d like to see a bit of your world. I dressed up.” She indicated her floral dress. Its last outing had been to a friend’s wedding. The dress flattered her shape and brought out her colouring. She hoped it wouldn’t be too out of place in the sort of restaurant Leigh might enjoy for lunch.

  Leigh’s gaze didn’t waver from her face. “I noticed. You look lovely. As for a lunch date, well, I can make time. But first we need to get something out of the way.”

  She had used the d-word. Anticipation fluttered in Nina’s stomach. A date, a real date, with lunch at a restaurant and wine. Kisses to finish. No doubt Leigh would have to return to work, but one date would lead to another—Nina was sure of that.

  Leigh pulled the file from the side of her desk. “Arbuthnot & Svenson are a long-established, reputable firm with an extensive history defending personal injury claims. I’ve spoken with Ella Taupin, an associate there. She’s prepared to take on your matter pro bono.” Leigh pushed the file over the desk. “Here’s some information about Arbuthnot & Svenson and about Ella. The agreement is also in there. Ella can meet with you at three today.”

  Nina frowned as Leigh’s words sank in. “I’m not sure I understand. Why do I need a second lawyer? What can Ella do that you can’t?”

  “Nothing.” Leigh offered a brief smile. “If you are agreeable, Ella will be your lawyer and will handle the claim from here on in.”

  “You’re dropping me?” A hard nugget of dread settled in Nina’s stomach. Questions buzzed through her head, but they all coalesced into one single word. “Why? What’s gone wrong?”

  Leigh glanced at the glass door, as if checking it was firmly closed. “Nothing is wrong with the claim. That’s progressing as it should. It’s us.”

  “Us? I thought…I thought we were progressing too. Moving past friendship.” Oh, sweet baby Jesus, I’ve got it wrong. Her cheeks burnt with embarrassment, but she lifted her chin and stared Leigh in the eye. “I apologise. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

  “No. Nina, don’t even think it.” Leigh reached over the desk, lifted Nina’s clenched fist, and closed her fingers around it. “You haven’t misinterpreted anything. You and me… Well, that’s why you need to see Ella. A lawyer should not form a romantic or sexual attachment with a client. It’s unprofessional. It can cloud judgement. The Law Society is against it. Not only the Law Society. If our relationship became sexual, this firm would suspend me. I’m already treading a fine line.”

  Nina pulled back her hand. “So you’re saying…?” She thought she knew, but the way her breath wheezed in her chest made her want to be very, very sure.

  Again, that glance at the glass door. Leigh straightened the file on her desk and laid her pen on top of it. “I would very much like to ask you out.” That same cool half smile. “I just did—lunch today. But I can’t do that if you’re my client. A business lunch, yes, but not the sort of thing we both have in mind. If you’re represented by another lawyer, then we have no problem. That’s why I asked you what you wanted.”

  The beginnings of a headache pounded at the base of Nina’s skull. “You didn’t phrase it too well, Madam Lawyer. I didn’t grasp that it was an either/or situation.”

  “It is, unfortunately. I would have liked to see your case through. But Ella’s good. Yes, she’s only an associate, but she’s going places. She’ll be promoted soon, I’m sure.”

  “I don’t give a fuck about Ella. She could be a great lawyer—she probably is, if you recommend her. But she’s not my lawyer. You are.”

  “But, Nina, I can’t be.”

  “Don’t you ‘but, Nina’ me. I don’t recollect the part of the conversation where you asked me if I was happy to be shunted off to someone else. I don’t want Ella. I want you. I came to you originally because you are the best. And nothing’s changed. I still want you.”

  Leigh sat motionless, her gaze steady on Nina’s face.

  Nina searched her mind to recollect the agreement she’d signed. There had been a heading, something like Terminating This Agreement. “Have I failed to follow your instructions? Have I not responded in a prompt manner? Have I given you any reason to suspect I may be fraudulent?” Her hand shook, and she tucked it under her thigh, under the floral-print dress she’d chosen with such care.

  “No, of course not. You’ve been a model client.”

  “Is there any reason other than that we want to pursue a romantic relationship to make you drop me as a client?”

  “None.”

  Nina closed her eyes for a second. “Then I’m sorry, Leigh, really I am, but right now, I put my need for a lawyer above my need for a girlfriend.”

  Leigh still hadn’t mo
ved. “Is that what you want? Your final answer?”

  “It has to be. I have to put the farm first.” Tears pricked her eyes, and she blinked fiercely. She would not cry. She wouldn’t let herself. This wasn’t the end of a relationship. How could it be? Nothing had even started. But she was taking the axe to something promising, something that could have been beautiful. Potential that would never now be realised. “Are you still my lawyer?”

  “If that’s what you want, then, yes, I am.”

  The flatness in Leigh’s voice tore at Nina. She was letting Leigh down, turning away from what they could have been.

  “Can we at least be friends?” Her voice cracked on the final word.

  “Friends? Yes.”

  “Will you still volunteer at the farm? Phoebe wants to give you another riding lesson.”

  “I don’t know, Nina. Right now, I can’t tell you.”

  Nina smoothed the material over her legs, picked up the hem, and fiddled with it.

  Leigh’s gaze jumped to her legs and then darted away.

  “Are we done?” She needed to get out of this office, away from the heavy cloud that hung between them. She needed air and sunshine. A walk, maybe, by the harbour so she could think about what had just happened.

  “Yes. I’ll have Grizz contact you if there’s any further developments.”

  “Thank you.” She rose. “I’ll see myself out.”

  Leigh stood too. “I’ll be in touch.”

  Nina nodded. The thickness in her throat wouldn’t let her say anything more. She wanted to ask what could happen when the claim concluded and they were no longer lawyer and client. But Leigh had said that was likely a year away. Who could predict where they would both be that far ahead?

  She slid open the glass door and left. She found Grizz and put the bag of produce on her desk. “This is for you. For all that you do.” Without waiting for a reply, she hurried down the corridor towards reception, head down, looking neither left nor right, Grizz’s astonished face in her mind.

  She’d made the right decision; she was sure of it.

  It was better this way. Wasn’t it?

  Chapter 14

  Leigh sat at her desk and stared at a file without really seeing it. Nearly seven on a Friday and she was still at work. She had a date with Meredith, but Meredith was running an hour behind. An advice she had to finish, she’d said in her crisp tones. She was sure Leigh would understand.

  Leigh did understand only too well.

  She rose from the desk and, leaving her jacket on the chair, picked up her bag and went out through the darkened office.

  Grizz had gone mountain biking in the Blue Mountains. Not Leigh’s thing, but right now, she envied Grizz both her happy marriage and her weekend activities.

  Leigh left the office and stepped out into Sydney’s heat. She strolled the short distance to where she was to meet Meredith. The ultra-trendy bar boasted over a hundred different brands of gin with prices to match its reputation. Leigh ordered an upmarket gin and tonic and found a seat at a small table with beautiful but uncomfortable chairs.

  It had been more than two weeks since Nina had sat in her office and refused to change lawyers. In that time, Leigh hadn’t been back to the farm. She’d told herself she was giving Nina space to regroup, but that wasn’t all it was.

  She wanted to see Nina. She yearned for her wide grin, the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. She wanted to touch the strands of hair escaping from her messy ponytail, wind them around her finger, and tug Nina closer. Kiss her.

  Not for the first time, she replayed their last meeting in her mind. Could she have handled it better? Yes, she very definitely could. She could have discussed the potential change of lawyer with Nina ahead of time rather than assuming Nina wanted the same thing that she did and steamrollering over her. She’d been insensitive and tactless. Nina was doing what she thought best to save the farm. Of course, she would put that over… Over what? The potential of a girlfriend? That’s all they were to each other.

  Leigh placed her mobile on the small table. Not for the first time, she thought she should call Nina and apologise. Nina had made it clear friendship was still on offer. Leigh missed that friendship. But that wasn’t all. She missed Banksia Farm. There, things were distilled to the elements: grow food, be kind, nurture a community. And Nina and her great big heart were at the centre of it, the touchstone that kept the farm thriving.

  Leigh sipped her gin and tonic. There was no reason she shouldn’t volunteer tomorrow—as long as that was all it was. She could go out there and be a part of it again. She’d weed the veggie garden, share a joke with Ahmed, and buy eggs from the farm shop. Maybe Phoebe would have another legal question for her. And Nina. What would Nina do?

  The answer spun through her mind. Nina would welcome her with a big smile, answer her silly questions about how things were done, and give her a task that was not too arduous, not too unpleasant, because Leigh was her lawyer. Nina would be warm and welcoming, but she would not go further. There would be no repeat of the kiss they’d shared at Christmas. There would be no touch of Nina’s fingers on her hand. Nina’s gaze would not linger on the line of Leigh’s thighs revealed by her shorts. They were friends now. It was for the best.

  Leigh looked at her watch. Meredith was not due to arrive for another forty-five minutes. Leigh drained her gin and tonic for Dutch courage and went to the bar for another. She sat at a quiet table where she wouldn’t be overheard and dialled Nina’s number.

  “Hi, Leigh. You’re working late.”

  Of course, Nina assumed that. After their last meeting, she would think this call was about the claim.

  “I’m not at work. I’m meeting a friend shortly for a drink. I wondered…” She plunged on before she could change her mind. “I wondered if you needed another volunteer tomorrow.”

  There was a long pause.

  Butterflies flew circles in Leigh’s belly. Maybe it was too soon; maybe it would always be too soon for Nina.

  “Yes, of course. You’re very welcome. I’m sorry, I didn’t expect that. I thought we wouldn’t see you again out here.”

  “I’d like to come, but only if that’s okay with you.”

  “Yes.” Nina’s voice was steady. “Of course. We’re friends, Leigh. At least, I think we are.”

  “Friends,” she echoed. “What time should I come?”

  “If you could manage eight, that would be fantastic. Andi can’t make it tomorrow, so I’m one short.”

  “I’ll see you then.”

  “I’ll look forward to it.” Nina’s voice was soft.

  Leigh ended the call. Instantly, the weekend was rosy. There was something to look forward to, something good to do. And she’d see Nina again. Leigh closed her eyes as the memory of Nina’s lips on hers rose in her mind. Nina’s tongue tracing Leigh’s mouth, the fresh, earthy smell of her, the tickle of her thick hair against Leigh’s cheek.

  Hell and damnation. Leigh pressed her hands to her warm cheeks. Maybe she was setting herself up for torment. A day in Nina’s company, close but not close enough. Friends but not more. Billy’s claim could last for another year or even more. There was no quick end in sight to her dilemma.

  She took a mouthful of her drink. She’d have to slow down, or she’d be tipsy when Meredith arrived. Meredith. Leigh had intended to make this a proper date, give her and Meredith an honest chance, but now, after talking with Nina, it was the last thing she wanted to do.

  She picked up her phone and flicked to Facebook to while away the time as she waited for her date.

  “There’s an interesting appeal in the High Court,” Meredith said. “The tobacco industry is again trying to overturn the mandatory cigarette packaging.”

  “Research shows that the photos of diseased lungs on the packet are now not much of a deterrent,” Leigh said. “I would think t
hey’d concentrate their efforts on trying to overturn the ruling that means cigarettes for sale have to be hidden from sight.”

  “Ah, that’s what’s interesting.” Meredith leant forward in her seat. “They are claiming that because the packets are hidden, the scare tactics don’t work. On the face of it, they would appear to be arguing against their best interests; however…”

  Leigh sipped her drink. Meredith was a driven and dedicated barrister. She was a poised and beautiful woman. And, on the few occasions she stopped talking shop, she was a witty and entertaining conversationalist. Now, however, was not one of those times. The contrast with Nina couldn’t be greater.

  “Do you agree?”

  With a start, Leigh realised she had no idea what Meredith had just said.

  “Leigh?” Meredith put a hand on Leigh’s knee. “Are you still with me?”

  She summoned a smile. “Of course. Just hungry. I skipped lunch.”

  Meredith drained the last of her cocktail. “Then let’s go eat. I booked a table at the Long Room. Does that suit you?”

  “Perfect. I haven’t been there for a while.”

  The Long Room was busy, but their table was alongside the kitchen, where diners could watch the many chefs at work behind the glass partition. Once they had ordered and their wine arrived, Meredith poured them each a large glass.

  “Cheers.” She clinked Leigh’s glass. “After the week I’ve had, this is extremely pleasant.”

  “It is.” Leigh sighed. “I’m looking forward to a weekend without opening a file. That’s a rarity.”

  Meredith’s mouth twisted down. “I can’t remember the last time I had time like that. But then I wonder what I’d do with myself if I didn’t have to work. Although I have a friend who’s always pestering me to come out on her yacht. Maybe I should take her up on that sometime.”