Loot and Booty Box Set

by Zeke Biddle

  “That dragon must have boobytrapped the room so that no one could have his treasure after he died,” Eulalia says with her hands firmly on Gillian’s shoulders, as if worried the thief will rush into the room despite the clear danger.

  “Fucking dragons,” Alexandra says. “I could have used some new armor.”

  “No use crying over spilled milk,” I say. “We should focus on finding a way out of here. Whatever caused those holes might spread through the rest of the tunnels.”

  Gillian storms off ahead of us. We follow slightly slower to give her time to recover from the disappointment of losing out on such an epic treasure.

  A few seconds later, she yells, “Come here! Check this out!”

  She’s standing next to a table covered with what must be a map of the world. There are dozens of buttons spread across its surface. Each one has a picture next to it.

  “What is that?” I ask.

  Ynes gasps. “That’s my palace.”

  “Your palace?” Alexandra asks.

  “Well, my mom and dad’s, but it’s not exactly located like that” she says with a blush rising on her cheeks. She quickly changes the subject. “What do the buttons do?”

  “Probably open up tunnels leading directly to the location.” I say. “Damn, Shadow must have easy access to almost every important spot in the world with all these tunnels. Who knows how many monsters Shadow can deploy to a spot before anyone even realizes they are coming?”

  We all scan the pictures next to the buttons and see many castles, churches, and even graveyards.

  “I think this is the only way out from this cave unless we want to spend years digging back through where the rock collapsed on the other side of the bridge,” I say. “Where should we go?”

  “Not to my palace,” Ynes says in a rush. “Not yet.”

  “That reminds me. This belongs to you,” I say, handing her the staff I’d received at the beginning of the quest.

  A bag the size of a backpack falls onto the table.

  Gillian tears into it. “It’s full of gold. We’re rich. I mean, not dragon-rich, but we won’t have to sleep in that tent anymore.”

  “I like the tent,” Eulalia says. “It’s cozy.”

  “Collapsing caves,” Alexandra says to remind us of the urgency of the moment. “Where we headed?”

  “Not a graveyard,” Eulalia says with a shiver.

  “How about I close my eyes and pick one?” I ask. “Why flip a coin and let fate decide where the best place for us to regroup before our next challenge, right?”

  “Is that the plan? More fighting, battles, and challenges?” Gillian asks. “We could just settle down somewhere safe and fuck all the time.”

  “No,” Alexandra says. “The people need us. We must battle while evil still exists. There is nowhere safe while people like Shadow and Esmeralda are still living.”

  “Good answer,” Gillian says. “I was testing you.”

  I’m not sure I believe her, but I don’t push the subject.

  “Why don’t you do the honors,” Ynes says.

  Shrugging and preparing to go wherever destiny decides I’m most needed, I tell everyone to shut their eyes. I do the same and slide my hand over the surface of the table until I find a button. I open my eyes as I press it.

  Instead of a nearby wall sliding open and revealing a new tunnel, everything just goes black.

  When the light returns, we’re in an enormous castle courtyard, so large that it easily holds a dozen trees and a bunch of comfy-looking chairs spread around haphazardly for visitors to just sit around and enjoy the view, apparently. It would be a great place to read a book. Birds sing above us. A butterfly flutters in front of my face and then lands on my shoulder.

  “It’s perfect,” I say.

  Ynes shrugs. “Not bad if you like somewhere small and cozy. I don’t even see any exotic mammals.”

  “Shit,” Alexandra says. “I can’t be here.”

  In and Out and…

  1

  “Welcome back home, my prodigal daughter,” the king says to Alexandra while scowling at the rest of us.

  “Don’t worry, Father.” Alexandra makes the word sound as much like a curse as when she calls me wizard. “We won’t be staying long. We wouldn’t be here at all except for the teleport spell that went wrong. Tell your Elite Guards to stand down, and we’ll be on our way.”

  A gasp goes through the guards that is quickly stifled as they regain their composure.

  The king squints at us suspiciously. “Teleport? You know how I feel about the evils of magic in my castle. If I had my way, it would be—”

  “Yes, Father. We all know you’d ban it throughout the entire kingdom and kill all magic users if you ran the world.”

  His nod of agreement chills my blood and makes me wish I were wearing anything other than my wizard’s robe.

  Alexandra continues in a rush. “Anyway, a magical teleport spell brought us here, but don’t get your panties in a bunch. All we did was press some dumb button in some dumb cave after killing some dumb dragon and here we are. As I said, we’ll be leaving now.”

  She practically growls the last words, daring her father to defy her.

  Clearly upset, the king takes a step toward Alexandra, but a hand on his shoulder brings him to a halt. Some advisor in fancy purple velvet clothes whispers in his ear. The king frowns but nods at whatever the advisor said.

  “Forgive me, Daughter. I’ve let my emotions get the best of me again. We will have a feast in your honor tonight and make plans for your future arrangements.”

  My stomach growls in anticipation. I can barely remember the last time we ate anything at all, and I’ve never had anything that would count as a feast. Despite all the tension in the room, I want to experience what such a fancy meal would be like.

  Alexandra changes the subject. “Where’s my mom?”

  The king’s eyes dart around the shadows in the courtyard as if expecting spies to jump out with recording devices. Not that such recording devices should exist in the game unless they are magical. The king seems like the sort who would start a war over any magic being used around him.

  “Perhaps you should take your friends to your quarters and then meet me to discuss—”

  “Where’s my mom?”

  “We can talk about her in private later.”

  Even I can see the king’s evasive body language.

  “I knew I couldn’t trust you. What did you do to her?” Alexandra demands through gritted teeth.

  “Your mother makes her own problems just fine without any help from me.”

  “But if she were to get herself stuck clinging outside of the top window of the tower, you sure wouldn’t have any trouble giving her a push to help her on her way.”

  When her hands drop to the swords hanging off each hip, the entire Elite Guard springs forward, ready to defend their king. Based on the king’s apparent distrust of magic, I don’t really want to draw attention to myself, but I’m not going to stand by idly if the shit hits the fan.

  I place my hand against the small of my warrior’s back and whisper, “Maybe swords aren’t the best option right now.”

  She looks down at her hands, as if realizing for the first time what she’s done. She pulls her hands away from her lethal weapons, and the muscles in her shoulders relax a tiny fraction.

  Still, she doesn’t back down from her question. “Father, why isn’t my mother here to greet me, too? Is she ill? Or maybe traveling the countryside? I surely won’t be able to take another step until I know her whereabouts.”

  If she grits her teeth any tighter they will shatter.

  The king does nothing to ease the tension. “Daughter, I told you I would talk about it in private.”

  Alexandra stomps her foot. Her face turns red with rage. “You fucking killed her, didn’t you? Setting yourself up to marry into another kingdom to grow your power? Marrying a commoner with no connections or even a history sure was a stupid pol
itical decision, but you shouldn’t have killed her just because you made a stupid mistake.”

  The guards shift nervously.

  The women in my harem fan out into battle formation.

  The king storms across the courtyard, coming to a stop inches from his daughter. Even as tall as Alexandra is, the king towers over her.

  Alexandra doesn’t flinch an inch.

  “I did not kill your mother,” he hisses through his teeth. “She’s…trapped.”

  “Trapped?” Alexandra whispers back. “Where? My friends and I will rescue her from whatever mess you got her into.”

  The king strokes his thick beard. “’Twas not I, Alexandra. Your mother has been…different since you left. Worried. One could easily say you brought this upon your mother.”

  “Brought what?”

  “She’s disappeared through one of these portals that brought you to us just now. We have the portal safely stored in the tower, but until we discover where she’s gone, she’ll remain…wherever she ended up.”

  Alexandra takes a step back and turns to stare down all the guards. She shouts, “Then what are you all doing standing around here with your dicks in your hands?”

  “A kingdom has many moving parts, Daughter. There is a party looking for clues about her whereabouts. Many of our warriors have tried to follow her through the portal, but it has deemed them not worthy. The rest of us have a kingdom to run, a war to prevent, and, now that you’re back, a wedding to prepare. But first, we feast.”

  He claps his hands above his head and storms past his daughter without sparing her another glance. The guards scatter, returning to their tasks.

  All except one.

  He’s a tall but skinny man with a long sword barely thicker than his thin pinkie. He smiles at Alexandra and twirls his long mustache like some kind of silent-movie villain.

  Alexandra relaxes in his presence, though, so I stop imagining what his mustache will look like when I set it on fire.

  “What is really happening around here, Felix?” Alexandra asks when no one else remains in the courtyard.

  He raises the butt of his sword to his forehead in some kind of salute. “Lots of rumors. Very few facts. The only thing anyone knows for sure is the queen really has teleported. There are as many rumors about where she went and how she was able to pass through the doorway that blocks all the rest of us as there are people in the kingdom. But, if you ask me, it smells like the king’s hand had no small part in it all.”

  “How so?” I ask.

  He frowns. “And just who the hell are you?”

  The sword drops to a much more threatening position just off his hip with the tip pointed at me.

  “Relax, Felix. I’m with him. This is Marcus.”

  “You’re with him?”

  “I’m as surprised as you most days, but he’s done a great job of leading us through trouble I wouldn’t have survived on my own.”

  The guard looks at my robe like he thinks the only place my attire belongs is a slumber party.

  I’ve got to find something cooler to wear.

  I clear my throat and ask Alexandra, “Could we head up to your room now so we can figure out what to do next?”

  Alexandra rolls her eyes, and Felix shakes his head as if I’ve come up with the worst plan in the history of planning.

  Felix says, “They’ll kill you,” right as Alexandra says, “You all will never make it out of my quarters alive.”

  The two friends look at each other, and smiles spread across their faces at some inside joke before they start laughing.

  “It’s good to have you back, Alex,” Felix says.

  I raise my eyebrows at the nickname, waiting for Alexandra to shove her sword up his ass.

  Instead, she gives him a hug. “It’s not so horrible to be home, Felix, except for the part about my dad being about to kill me and my friends.”

  “What?” I ask, startled by the proclamation. Sure the tension had been high between them, but he surely wouldn’t kill his own daughter. And what reason could he possibly have for killing me and the other women?

  When everyone just stares at me without replying, I add, “Listen, I really hate to break up this reunion, but is there somewhere we can go and talk? Maybe rest a little before the feast.”

  “No rest for you, wizard,” Alexandra says. “If we don’t get you all out of the castle before dinner—”

  Felix finishes the sentence. “You’ll be dead long before the meal is through.”

  2

  The hair on the back of my neck stands up as if warning of a blade about to separate my head from my shoulders.

  I spin, but no one is there.

  “Okay. So what’s the plan to get the hell out of here?” I ask.

  “We can’t leave without trying to help my mom,” Alexandra says in a firm whisper that chills my blood.

  I hold my hands up defensively to soften my words. “But she’s not here, Alexandra. Weren’t you the one just saying we needed to leave?”

  Eulalia tries to comfort her. “If there were anything we could do, we’d all jump to help. But Marcus is right. Staying here isn’t going to help anything.”

  “She teleported from here, damn it. The portal that zapped her away is still here. If she was able to use it, we might be able to as well. We have to try to find it...and her. Felix, do you know where it is?”

  “If I did, you’d be the first I told, Alex. Unfortunately, even us in the Elite Guard were not told this secret.”

  “The tower in this place must be huge. Easier to find a needle in a haystack, I bet,” Gillian says. I breathe out a sigh of relief, thinking she supports my idea that the best option is to get far away as fast as possible. “But we’ll tear down every wall in this castle if that’s what it takes to find it. Let’s get moving, though. It can’t be very long until dinner.”

  I hang my head when I see the rest of the women nodding their agreement. I’ve got two options. I can either leave by myself without my women—and let’s face it, that’s not a real option—or I can stay and try to pretend like remaining is my own idea.

  Ynes and Gillian are arguing about whether the portal will be in the basement beneath the tower or tucked away at the top of some spire. Alexandra throws her weight behind it being in the cellars beneath the castle, much like how the caves underneath Raven Haven housed the teleportation device we’d used to get to the castle.

  “Damn straight we’ll help you,” I say, forcing as much manly bass into my voice as possible. When Alexandra smirks like she’s about to call out my bullshit, I quickly add, “And I think I know where we should start.”

  Her left eyebrow rises. “Oh yeah? This ought to be good.”

  “You have your own special section in the castle, right?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Yes, of course. But it won’t be there because she never—”

  “Great.” I only let myself enjoy the annoyance on her face at being interrupted for a second. “Your mom would have had a place of her own, too, right? Would that happen to be in the tower?”

  She slaps her forehead. “Of course. She never lets anyone besides her personal maids in there, though. I forget she has it most of the time. My dad probably did put it in there. He wouldn’t want its magic corrupting the rest of his castle.”

  “You know how to get there, though?”

  “I do. I wonder what all she has hiding there?”

  “Only one way to find out,” I say. “Lead on, warrior.”

  She draws her swords and heads toward the stairs to our right. “Stay alert. Hopefully, Dad will only send guards to my quarters, but if anyone sees us, be prepared for a fight.”

  “Why wouldn’t he have had them kill us right there in the courtyard?” I ask.

  “Too obvious. It’ll be easier to deny his culpability if the guards kill us in private so he can blame it on basically anything else.”

  I snort. “Culpability? Nice word, warrior.”

  “Focus, wizard.
If my suspicions about my father are correct, you’ll have bigger things to try to pick on than the fact that I know more words than you do.”

  “About time we got back into some action,” BoomBitch says with a growl. “This place is getting boring.”

  As we creep down a long hallway, hoping to avoid a confrontation, and up a tall, twisting marble stairway, our footsteps sound impossibly loud to my ears.

  How are there not a million guards storming after us if what Alexandra and Felix said was true?

  Alexandra holds her arms out to stop us in front of a giant set of black, massive steel doors. They are covered with intricately detailed trees, all made of gold.

  “This is it,” Alexandra whispers.

  As she reaches for one of the door handles, we hear a shout from the far end of the hall.

  “Halt!”

  3

  Alexandra tugs on the door.

  “Hurry up,” I say.

  Fighting the approaching guards from inside the bedroom where there might be something we can use to create a bottleneck or a barrier we can fight behind sounds like a better option than fighting right out here in the hallway.

  She growls at the doors while yanking on them again. “They’re stuck.”

  “Stand back,” I order.

  Gillian and Eulalia pull Alexandra to the side while I prepare a fireball spell. There’s no time for subtlety. I’m just going to blast it to shreds.

  The heat rises from my stomach and spreads up through my chest and out toward my hands. The wand focuses the magic to create an even bigger impact with less drain on whatever resource powers my magic.

  I smile when I hear the familiar whoosh a split second before the fireball explodes from the end of the wand and collides with the door.

  But nothing happens.

  “Must be enchanted,” I say, turning toward the guards.

  My fireball did have one effect. The guards slowed down when they saw it.

  Alexandra and BoomBitch take point as we pivot to fight the guards.

  Ynes and Gillian stand a few steps behind the other women, spread out as wide as they can get in the narrow space.