Trust Me, I Hate You

by Romeo Alexander

  “Just in case of what?” Aidan asked.

  “Just in case someone...special rolls through,” Sean finished.

  And that was the point, wasn’t it? Why Aidan was on his team in the first place. As much as Sean wasn’t sold on the general’s vaunted niceness or honor, Sean knew the man didn’t make a decision just for the hell of it. General Winter had always put thought behind his choices, and he wasn’t going to throw Aidan onto his team simply because he had to.

  Which left Sean wondering what he was supposed to do, knowing that?

  “My mommy always told me I’m special,” Aidan said wryly.

  Sean looked around. “But you don’t have any pictures of her.”

  “My mom was a drunk who was pissed off that she had me in the first place and liked to remind me that I was unwanted my entire childhood. My dad took off before I was born, so who the hell knows what he thought, other than he didn’t want me either. My mom didn’t tell me I was special Sean, I was being a smartass,” Aidan said, sounding uncharacteristically tired.

  It was, Sean thought, the third genuine emotion he’d seen from Aidan. First had been the anger, and then had come the lust. Sean had been prepared for the anger, had even wanted to see it. The lust had hit him around the side of the head and dragged him along for the ride before he’d known what he was doing. Just hearing Aidan sound tired, right down to his bones, maybe even his heart, was something Sean didn’t know what to do with.

  “Oh. So you…” Sean continued, realizing he didn’t know how to finish.

  “Don’t have any family, no. Don’t have any friends either. Kind of hard to make them when you're being shunted all over the place to do your job,” Aidan said, now sounding almost irritated.

  “Shunted,” Sean repeated, frowning.

  Aidan sighed, walking past Sean to flop on his bed. “You didn’t come here to get my oh so very sad backstory. You came here because you fucked me against a building.”

  Sean cringed. “Jesus.”

  “Would you prefer I said, ‘had sexual intercourse’ instead?”

  “I’d prefer you didn’t sound like an asshole when you talked about it,” Sean snapped.

  Aidan’s jaw tightened. “Maybe you should try not being one yourself, for once.”

  They continued to glare at one another for a good minute before Aidan jerked his eyes away, throat working. Sean thought the man was going to come back with something sharp and biting, specially made to get a rise out of Sean. Instead, the anger in Aidan’s eyes died away, and he sighed.

  “Look, I know why you’re here. Because of what happened, and the fact that you’re my CO.”

  Sean looked away, realizing with a sudden cold wash of shame, that it was exactly why he was here. Not because what they’d done had felt necessarily wrong, but because he didn’t want his ass handed to him by the Brass. The last thing he needed was another kick while he was down.

  When Aidan spoke, it was soft but earnest. “I’m not going to go running to General Winter because we had sex, Sean. I’m a big boy who doesn’t need to go running to Daddy. Plus, it’s not like I wasn’t right there, a part of it.”

  “I know,” Sean said, meaning it. “But…”

  “But we haven’t exactly been getting along, and you were worried that I might get it in my head to use that against you,” Aidan said, something sharp and pained flashing in his gaze.

  “Sounds worse when you say it out loud,” Sean admitted.

  “I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t...abuse that,” Aidan said quietly, looking down at the floor.

  There was such a quiet emphasis on the way he said it, that Sean drew his head up with a frown. He opened his mouth to ask where that had come from but was stopped by a sharp rap at the door.

  Aidan snorted. “I’m popular today.”

  Ricardo’s voice came from the other side of the door. “Aidan, you in there?”

  “Yeah, come on in,” Aidan called back.

  Ricardo stepped in, freezing when he saw Sean standing there. Almost immediately, Ricardo’s eyes scanned the room, reading the emotional weather between them. If Ricardo thought anything was strange, other than the fact that Sean and Aidan were in the same room without trying to kill one another, he didn’t say anything.

  “Saves me the trouble of trying to hunt you down,” Ricardo said to Sean.

  Sean frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Word from General Winter came in. We have to get suited up.”

  Sean straightened, immediately alert. “For what?”

  “I guess he’s done waiting for us to give him the green light. He’s throwing us out somewhere.”

  Aidan stood up, cocking his head. “Somewhere?”

  Ricardo shrugged. “All he said was that we’re getting put out into a ‘real’ test of our team. And to suit up and meet out by the airfield.”

  “Where the fuck are we going?” Aidan asked.

  Sean grunted. “Let’s go and find out.”

  The headset crackled to life in Sean’s ear, filling his head with Matt’s voice. “Is this really necessary?”

  “General Winter seems to think so,” came Ricardo’s response.

  “Feels excessive.”

  Sean was inclined to agree, but he wasn’t going to voice that to the rest of his team, who were anxious enough as it was. They hadn’t been given much time to get their gear together and meet their ride out at the airstrip. First had been a plane, but not before they’d had helmets strapped on their heads, limiting their hearing, and completely blocking out all light. They’d flown for a while, before being deposited in what he was sure was a helicopter. Their only contact was with one another, over the intercom built into the helmets.

  “General Winter doesn’t want us to know where we’re going,” Nick said.

  “Yeah, thanks for that,” Matt said dryly.

  “He wants us tested, which means throwing us into the unknown without time to prepare. The guy doesn’t do anything without a reason,” Nick said.

  “Yeah, but we usually have a good idea of where we’re being dropped off and what’s ahead,” Matt replied.

  Aidan’s voice came back, quiet and thoughtful. “That’s my job.”

  From the silence, Sean guessed that the rest of the team wasn’t sure what Aidan meant, but Sean did. With Aidan being the newest member of the team, and their intelligence specialist, Sean could see the logic General Winter was working with. He needed to be sure that Aidan was not only good at gathering and working with information, even under unknown and stressful circumstances but also that they could all work together with whatever Aidan gathered.

  Sean wracked his brain, trying to decide what it was that General Winter might want to throw at them. In his mind, they were either going to be thrown into something familiar for them all, to see if perhaps they could still function in a desert climate, or something altogether different. Sean couldn’t see the point of something different, other than to see if under chaos and the unknown, they could work together.

  Matt’s wry voice came over the comms again. “Alright, any idea of where we’re headed?”

  “Several,” Aidan replied, voice distant.

  “That’s not very helpful.”

  “Speculating won’t do us much good while we’re sitting blind in a helicopter,” Aidan said.

  It was the quiet, almost distant way that Aidan spoke, which had Sean’s attention. The man was normally sharp and on point, but it was as though he were lost in thought. An idea occurred to him immediately, and he cleared his throat.

  “Matt? Shut up,” Sean grunted.

  For all his attitude and occasional need to fight Sean, Matt did as he was told. Aidan too fell silent immediately, and Sean would swear he could feel the man thinking heavily. Sean couldn’t help but feel a little curious about what Aidan was up to, but he knew better than to press him. The man was a right pain, but at the same time, Sean suspected he was far more capable than Sean might have given
him credit for.

  The pilot’s voice crackled over the speaker. “Alright, boys. You can unbuckle yourselves and prepare to get off.”

  “Can we take these stupid things off?” Nick demanded.

  “You aren’t seeing shit until you open that door, so be my guest.”

  “Then what the hell was the point of them?” Nick asked.

  “General’s orders.”

  Sean didn’t bother arguing, reaching up to unsnap the helmet and pulling it off his head. As the interior of the helicopter came into view, he saw the rest of his team doing the same. Aidan ran a hand over his closely cropped hair and set the helmet aside with far more care than most of the team did.

  “It’s not the desert,” Aidan said, just loud enough for Sean to hear.

  “What is it?” Sean asked.

  Aidan shook his head, pointing down toward the helmets. No doubt, the intercom system was still active, and with a jolt of realization, Sean understood that their comms might be listened to by more than just the pilot. He didn’t see the point in hiding it from General Winter if the man was listening at all, but it was interesting to see Aidan’s distrust toward authority aimed at more than him.

  The pilot called back to them. “Alright, this is your stop.”

  They lurched forward toward the huge, sliding door. Taking point, Sean reached out, wrenching the handle down and pushing at it. The door slid open with a roar, and the warm interior of the helicopter was filled with a bitter blast of frozen wind.

  “Holy shit,” Matt muttered, taking a step back.

  Sean looked down, seeing the snow below billowing in a thick cloud as the helicopter blades blew it in every direction. The vehicle was hovering several feet above the ground.

  “We’re supposed to jump?” Ricardo called from behind them.

  Aidan frowned, leaning out. “Looks soft enough.”

  “Jesus Christ,” Matt muttered.

  Aidan looked at Sean, shrugging. “Your call.”

  Sean brought the thick mouth protector up over his lips. “We jump.”

  And with that, he threw himself out into the bitter cold, tumbling down until he hit the ground.

  10

  Aidan

  God, he hated the cold.

  Growing up in what amounted to little more than a slum at the edge of Detroit, Michigan, Aidan had grown up loathing the cold. More often than not, his mother had been too drunk to bother to turn on the heat. That was when there had been money to keep the heat on anyway. Aidan had spent so many years of his childhood, hiding away in his room, or choosing to wander the streets, even in the heart of winter, enduring the cold instead of his mother’s company.

  And now he was all but tossed into it.

  Aidan peered up, watching the now black dot that was the helicopter they’d arrived in, flying off into the distance. It disappeared behind the mountains, leaving the five of them to stand in a clearing surrounded by snow-covered fir trees. Everything around them, from the ground to the mountains both near and far, was covered in a heavy blanket of snow, and the wind bit deep as it howled through the treeless clearing where they stood.

  Aidan hated it.

  Matt huffed. “Where the fuck are we?”

  “Canada,” Aidan said.

  Matt jerked his head toward him. “Seriously?”

  Aidan thought about it, letting his mind drift to their first flight. They’d slapped the blinders on them pretty quick, but he’d been paying attention to their direction. There had been a few changes in their cardinal direction, both in the plane and then in the helicopter. At first, he’d thought they were dropping them in the northern United States, but the trip was a little too long for that, even if he accounted for them purposefully trying to throw him off.

  Aidan nodded. “Almost completely sure.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I paid attention.”

  “That’s about as clear as mud,” Matt snapped.

  “Enough. Knowing where we are is a good start, but arguing over it isn’t going to solve anything. Get your heads in the game,” Sean barked.

  Aidan turned to him. “What’s our objective?”

  Only the team leader had been given their objective, while the rest of them had been left in the dark. Why that was the case was anyone’s guess, though Aidan suspected, just like blindfolding them had been an attempt to keep them confused, the secrecy was another means of keeping them guessing.

  Sean cleared his throat. “There’s a camp, about twenty miles out from here, to the north northeast. We’re to find it and report in within five days.”

  “We have five days to get through this shit?” Matt asked in horror.

  Ricardo snorted, kicking at the snow around his shins. “Reminds me of home.”

  Aidan snapped his head toward him. “You’re used to this?”

  Ricardo shrugged. “Grew up in northern Minnesota. This was the sort of shit you saw during winter.”

  Sean glanced at Aidan. “Why?”

  “If you’re taking point, then Ricardo should be at the back. If this is the sort of thing he’s used to, then he’s our best bet for watching our asses,” Aidan said.

  Sean watched him for a moment, his bright jade eyes fixed on Aidan’s face for what felt like an eternity. They were finally being thrown to the wolves, made to test themselves and one another. Each of them was used to the desert and the harsh demands that came with it. This frozen wasteland was something else altogether, and Aidan prayed Sean wouldn’t continue the same trend as before.

  Please, let the man Aidan thought he’d glimpsed in his room back at the barracks, be the one that was truly Sean.

  Sean turned to Ricardo. “Advice?”

  Ricardo pointed at Aidan. “That one’s got a compass in his head. If we follow his directions, your lead, and stick to the trees away from the wind, then we should manage to reach the target in a few days, instead of five.”

  Aidan looked off in the distance, frowning thoughtfully. He didn’t know what brought him greater relief, the fact that Sean never questioned him, or the fact that Ricardo had faith. Either way, he could feel the team beginning to grow in confidence, more than they had before. Unity and strength were the only things that would get them through this, especially since they hadn’t been given anything to allow them to communicate with the outside world if they got into trouble.

  His eyes rested in the direction he was sure was north northeast and grimaced. “We’re going to do a bit of climbing.”

  Sean turned in the direction he was facing. “Those peaks?”

  “Not the peaks, but we’re going to have to make it along the side of the mountains if we’re going to make good time,” Aidan said.

  “We don’t have the gear to go mountain climbing Sean,” Ricardo warned them.

  “And we can’t call for backup,” Matt reminded them uneasily.

  Aidan chuckled, clapping his hand on Matt’s shoulder. “Feeling naked without your gadgets?”

  “Maybe,” Matt said sullenly.

  Aidan pulled him along. “Well, when this is all over, we’ll get you a nice new phone to go with the other dozen that you’ve broken.”

  “I haven’t broken the last one!”

  “But I have faith in you. And then you can go on to break the next one and the one after that.”

  “You sound like Nick.”

  “This might surprise you, but he does have a good idea every now and then.”

  Nick turned to them. “Hey!”

  Aidan shrugged. “I’m glad you’re awake back there, but it’s the truth man.”

  “Who the fuck could sleep in this cold?” Nick grumbled.

  “Freaks of nature,” Matt said.

  It was Ricardo’s turn to frown. “Seriously? I just said I grew up with this constantly.”

  “I said what I said,” Matt shot back.

  Sean sighed. “Alright, that’s enough. We’ve got a long walk ahead of us, so if you ladies are done arguing, we’re hea
ding out.”

  “If Princess can get through it without his phone, sure,” Ricardo grumbled as he turned away.

  “Hey, fuck you!” Matt shouted after him, stomping through the snow.

  Aidan chuckled, eyeing Sean. “And just like that, they’re acting like idiots.”

  “Because of you,” Sean said.

  “Yeah.”

  Aidan walked off, smirking even though no one would be able to see the expression under the thick cowl he wore. What he found most interesting, wasn’t the fact that the rest of them were managing to ignore the cold as they bickered back and forth, but the fact that Sean hadn’t seemed quite as irritated as normal. Even his ‘accusation’ hadn’t carried much weight behind it, and after Aidan walked off, their team leader had hurried forward to keep up with the rest of the group.

  Aidan flopped back against the wall of stone behind him, letting out a deep sigh. He was positively exhausted after a full day’s worth of hiking through snow that was often up to almost two feet deep. Between that and the bitter cold, it felt as though he’d had the life drained out of him.

  “Doing alright over there?” Ricardo asked, looking over at him.

  Aidan groaned. “I’ll live. But I’m telling you, I’ll take the desert sun over this shit any day.”

  Ricardo chuckled. “Why do you think I moved?”

  “I figure because Minnesota has to be about as exciting as...well, this frozen shit hole actually,” Aidan admitted.

  “True. I come from this little as hell town, Rose. Weird name, since most of the year, roses aren’t growing for shit. Everyone knew everyone there, and by the time I was eighteen, I was ready to get the fuck out and find the rest of the world.”

  Aidan smiled, nodding his head in understanding. The five of them had made camp against the wall of one of the nearest mountains, with a thick line of trees blocking the rest of the wind. They’d gathered what they needed for a fire, letting it build up and warm the area they’d temporarily claimed as their own.