Trust Me, I Hate You

by Romeo Alexander

  Matt continued to lay down the branches that would serve as their cots. “I’m a city boy. Chicago.”

  “The Windy City,” Aidan mused.

  “Not as windy as this,” Matt said with a chuckle.

  As though Mother Nature had heard him, Aidan listened as the wind howled fiercely somewhere from far away. The top of the huge fir trees lining their little space shook as the wind threatened to make them bow. He would give Ricardo this much, he certainly knew the places they needed to go to stay safe.

  “I take it you did a bit of camping when you were young,” Aidan guessed, glancing at Ricardo.

  Ricardo nodded. “With my dad and brother when we were kids. Didn’t matter what time of year it was, and with hunting season, you got used to getting stuck in miserable weather every now and then.”

  “Handy,” Aidan said, looking up at the miserably dark sky above.

  “If you want to survive in the snow and ice. Sure,” Ricardo said with a shrug.

  The little pleased expression in his eyes wasn’t lost on Aidan, however, but he left it without comment. Ricardo bent down to help Matt, explaining to him quietly about how to lay the branches down so his body would be separated from the cold ground. Aidan’s attention drifted away from them, and Nick, who was watching them with interest, to the other side of the fire where Sean sat.

  Their team leader was looking thoughtfully into the fire, and Aidan didn’t doubt that the man was thinking carefully about what they were going to do next. They’d made good progress on their first day, but there were still several miles to go. With everyone working well together, Aidan wasn’t too worried about how well they’d do, though.

  It was more that he was worried about how much the entire situation was wearing for Sean. Their team leader hadn’t said much during their trek, despite the ready conversation that had been launched between everyone else. As much as Aidan didn’t trust Sean’s potential mood swings when it came to him, he knew it was important to make sure Sean was at least functioning.

  Heaving himself up from the fallen tree he was seated on, Aidan made his way over to the other man. Sean didn’t notice his presence until Aidan plopped down next to him. Sean’s eyes, brighter in the light of the fire, widened and flicked to him in surprise. Aidan smiled, saying nothing as he sat next to the other man, waiting patiently.

  “Something on your mind?” Sean finally said, raising a brow at him.

  Aidan couldn’t help but notice it wasn’t said with the same rancor and hostility that Sean normally reserved for him. It was a relief, knowing they could manage at least something close to civility when it came down to it. On some level, Aidan couldn’t help but feel a little confused, wondering what had changed that Sean could look at him without wanting to strangle him.

  “Doing alright?” Aidan asked casually, keeping his eyes on the fire.

  Sean eyed him, letting out a huff. “I don’t need you to check up on me.”

  Aidan’s nostrils flared, blowing out a cloud of mist as he tried to keep himself in check. It wasn’t until he glanced at Sean, and watched the man quickly avert his eyes, that Aidan found the real check to his temper. Aidan bit back his response without thinking, looking down at his feet.

  Now he knew what was making Sean so awkward and wary around him.

  Aidan sighed, speaking quietly. “I meant what I said.”

  Sean looked up. “What?”

  “Back in the barracks. That was between you and me. No one else.”

  No way in hell he would ever dream of going behind Sean’s back and telling General Winter. Sean hadn’t abused his power of authority to make Aidan do what he wanted. Aidan had been a willing participant the whole way through. There was nothing that would ever convince him that he needed to tell anyone what had happened between them in that dark alley, no matter what.

  Sean looked up, eyes darting about nervously. “I know.”

  “I don’t think you do,” Aidan said.

  Sean frowned. “Excuse me?”

  Aidan forced himself to look Sean in the eye. “I think you heard me, but you didn’t believe me.”

  “You think so, huh?”

  Aidan wasn’t fooled by the attempt at arrogance. Behind the snide tone, and the attempt at anger, Aidan could see the small nugget of fear laying at the back of Sean’s eyes. For all their fighting, for all their feuding and how often they’d slammed their heads together, Aidan could see the man who was terrified of the power he thought Aidan had. Worse, he was terrified of the power he thought Aidan might be willing to use.

  All too aware of Sean’s pride, and of the nearby team, Aidan bit back his first response. Despite how much the other man had infuriated him, driven him to the edge of madness, Aidan wanted so badly to reach out and take hold of Sean’s hand as a show of support. Maybe once he would have thought the idea of Sean being unnerved by him, maybe even scared of him, would have been enough to give him pleasure.

  But not like this.

  Aidan smiled, looking down. “I-I won’t go into it, I can’t. But, I can promise you, Sean, from the deepest part of me, that I won’t use that against you. I never would.”

  Sean looked up, brow creased. His bright eyes searched Aidan’s face, and Aidan couldn’t help the ache in his chest as he saw the desperation to believe, to hope. The man had already had so much torn from him, and his place in the military, his team, was all he had left. Even if Aidan hated Sean with every inch of his being, could he really have been capable of ripping the last shred, the last handhold of sanity and reality from him?

  No.

  “You mean that,” Sean said softly.

  Aidan smiled, still fighting the urge to reach out to him. “I do.”

  Sean continued to gaze at him with wonder in his eyes. Aidan watched him, still holding the smile he hoped was comforting on his face. It was like watching Sean wake up to something he thought was only a dream, and Aidan had a hard time pulling his eyes away.

  Matt’s voice rose up over the fire. “Oi, Aidan!”

  Aidan pulled his eyes away. “What’s up?”

  “Got a sec? Ricardo’s trying to tell me that we’re still twenty miles away, according to some bird.”

  “Probably by the crow,” Aidan said with a chuckle.

  “Go sort them out before they start arguing again,” Sean grunted, turning his eyes back to the fire.

  “Yes, sir,” Aidan said, pushing himself up from his spot.

  Leaving Sean to his thoughts, Aidan waded into the argument that had somehow embroiled Ricardo and Matt. He wasn’t sure if he’d managed to get through to Sean, but he hoped that he’d at least given the man something to think about.

  And maybe, he’d given himself food for thought too.

  11

  Sean

  After two days of miles of snow-covered ground, trees, and the sight of frozen peaks all around them, Sean thought he would never be happier than the day he again saw sunbaked sand dunes for miles. Considering they only had a general idea of where they were supposed to be going, and they didn’t have the best equipment for the environment, their progress was slow. They’d reached the base of the nearest range of mountains, one that both Aidan and Ricardo had agreed would take them to the rendezvous point once they skirted around it.

  Nick looked up, frowning at it as they trudged along. “Anyone else feel like twenty miles was some bullshit that General Winter passed on to make us feel better?”

  Sean snorted. “Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve been lied to.”

  It was Matt who laughed. “You still mad about the goat herder?”

  “Yes! Even Clint was pissed about that. A waste of our time,” Sean grumbled.

  “Goat herder?” Aidan asked, looking around.

  Sean sighed. “Bad intel.”

  “But not on Clint’s part,” Matt was quick to point out.

  Aidan chuckled. “Bad intel stories that don’t go tits up are the best ones.”

  Sean grunted. “We were suppos
ed to be going to this middle of nowhere place that Intel was damn sure had a bunch of hidden insurgents in it. Absolutely convinced there was a whole armed militia group waiting to gun us down if we didn’t take care of it.”

  From the back came Ricardo’s chuckle. “Turns out what they thought was a weapons store was some poor goat herder’s cellar.”

  “We invaded this poor man’s house and scared the shit out of him,” Sean continued.

  “Literally,” Nick said.

  “Literally,” Sean said with a sigh.

  “Oh, God. That’s one unlucky bastard,” Aidan said, shaking his head.

  Sean didn’t say anything, still smarting over the terrible intel. If the situation had gone any other way, the outcome could have been entirely different. The only reason no trigger had been pulled was that Clint had taken one look at the place from a distance and voiced an uneasy feeling. After that, Sean had ordered Team Maelstrom to keep their fingers off the trigger unless absolutely necessary. And thank God he had too, he didn’t want to think about what might have happened if they hadn’t been so cautious.

  “The guy alright?” Aidan asked, glancing at Sean.

  “Other than needing new underwear, yeah,” Sean said.

  Nick snorted. “I’ve never seen Sean yell at a whole tent full of people before. We got back, and he didn’t even bother taking his gear off, just marched into the command tent and let them have it.”

  Aidan laughed, a cloud of mist gusting out through his mouth cover. “It’s nice to see that I’m not the only one he’s willing to give hell.”

  “Oh shit, you should have heard him. Sounded like it went on forever, I was sure he was going to get his ass thrown in a hole for a few days afterward. But I guess they decided to let it go,” Nick said.

  “What the hell were they going to do? Lock me up because there was bad intel they gave and even worse orders?” Sean asked with a snort.

  “Wouldn’t be the first time,” Aidan said.

  “Why do I get the feeling you’ve had your ass thrown in a hole because of your mouth?” Sean asked.

  Aidan chuckled. “You’d be right.”

  “I’m not going to pretend to be surprised.”

  “Kinda worked like you guys. They were damn sure they knew where there was a buried cache of weapons and explosives. Like, the Intel guys from their little command center were absolutely sure, totally. Willing to go to bat over it.”

  “But you weren’t so sure.”

  Aidan shook his head. “No, sir, it didn’t make sense. It was nowhere near the normal routes, not even close to one of the lesser-used ones. There was nothing around to use as a marker, and anyone trying to dig something up out there would have been spotted miles off.”

  “What the hell were they working off then?” Sean asked.

  “I guess they’d seen some people making camp out that way before and had it in their heads that they were about to find themselves a good supply of weapons to yank out from under the enemy.”

  Sean could understand the appeal. There were plenty of times when they or someone else was ordered out without warning to retrieve a discovered cache of weapons. Though the insurgents would always have their suppliers, they didn’t have the ability to transport supplies quickly. Taking out a hidden store or two meant less capability in a fight somewhere down the road or at least a delay before the next battle.

  “But they threw me and a few boys out into the desert, told us to find it and dig it up. I told them it was a waste of time, a few people having a camp didn’t mean a thing, but they were eager to prove they were out there for a reason.”

  “What’d you find instead?” Ricardo asked from behind them.

  Aidan let out another laugh. “Turns out I was partially wrong too. It was a pretty commonly used place, but not for insurgents. Seems people who traveled the area used the spot, preferring the open area because it felt safer. There was something under the ground there, and we found it alright.”

  Sean frowned, what could have possibly...and then the idea stuttered, and a new one formed in his mind, ripping a laugh from him. “Oh shit.”

  “Oh, shit is right. Turns out the intel boy’s “treasure” was pounds and pounds of good old fashioned human shit. No weapon’s cache, just the spot where the people camping out there would shit into a hole, burying it after they went. I guess most of them unthinkingly used the same spot, and it was this huge, solid mass.”

  “That’s fucking gross man,” Matt complained with a laugh.

  “Yeah, me and the rest of the guys sent out there to dig it up thought so too. The intel guys were pissed, and they weren’t any happier when I wouldn’t stop laughing during the report.”

  Sean eyed him. “And I’m sure you were oh so tactful in your version of events.”

  “Told them they were shitty at their job,” Aidan said, and though Sean couldn’t see it, he could picture the wicked grin that was probably on display under the man’s cowl.

  “And how long did they put up with it?” Sean asked wryly.

  “About twenty minutes, until I was put on clean-up duty for the next week. Ironically, cleaning up after a whole camp was less disgusting than finding a twenty-pound turd in the ground, though.”

  Sean groaned, pushing ahead of the rest of them. “Thank you so much for that imagery, Aidan.”

  “That thing still haunts my dreams.”

  Matt let out a cackle. “Oh, god, like some, nightmare phantom.”

  “The poop of campers past,” Nick added.

  “Oh, Jesus. Now they’re making poop jokes,” Sean muttered, shooting a glare toward Aidan.

  Not wanting to stick around and listen to the juvenile humor, Sean continued his walk up the path around the mountain. The path wasn’t covered in as dense a layer of snow as the forest had been, but Aidan had theorized the worst of the snow cover was on the other side of the mountain. Between the high walls of rock on one side, and the thick trees that still managed to grow there, the path they were walking wasn’t as difficult to traverse as the forest floor had been.

  It didn’t make it any less treacherous though, a fact Sean was reminded of when his foot came down on a loose rock buried beneath the half a foot of snow. The rock shifted, throwing him off balance and sending him teetering toward the edge of the path. They weren’t up terribly high yet, but Sean tried to jerk away from the edge, heart leaping with a burst of adrenaline.

  A hand clamped on his wrist and yanked him back from the edge. Sean stumbled back onto the path, and he looked up into the concerned frown on Aidan’s face.

  “Might want to take it slow around here, the mountains have less snow cover, but they’ve got their own danger,” Aidan said, glancing toward the edge.

  “Yeah, I see that,” Sean said, heart still pounding.

  “You good?” Aidan asked.

  Sean glanced at Aidan’s hand, still around his wrist. “Yeah, just...yeah, I’m good.”

  Aidan hesitated before finally letting go of Sean’s wrist and pulling back. They were still wearing heavy gear, including gloves, but Sean could swear he could feel the warm imprint of Aidan’s hand on his arm. Before the image of Aidan’s heated skin pressed between the wall and Sean’s body could rise too high, he shoved it away.

  “We’ll get ourselves to a better spot and make camp,” Sean said, grasping for control of himself.

  Aidan nodded, eyes not having left Sean’s face. “Alright. There should be places along the way that will work. We should be able to descend the other side tomorrow.”

  Sean nodded his understanding, turning away before he became too distracted by Aidan’s gaze.

  Sean closed his eyes, listening to the fire crackling and the sound of the wind whistling over the mountain peak above them. They had stopped at a height that was halfway between the base and the top of the mountain. While the rest of them had made camp, Aidan had gone ahead to take a look to see if their path was still clear, and upon his return, swore they would be good to go when
morning came around.

  It hadn’t taken long after settling in for the rest of the team to hunker down for the night and fall asleep. Sean had taken the first watch, keeping an eye both on the camp itself and his sleeping teammates. They’d managed to find a small alcove in the side of the mountain, which had given them a great deal of cover from the elements. And with the fire flickering away happily in the middle of the almost totally enclosed space, it was even pretty warm and cozy.

  Sean looked down at his sleeping teammates, eyes drifting slowly over to Aidan. He would have been lying if he said he hadn’t been more than a little impressed by Aidan’s work so far. Despite not knowing much about the environment, he’d managed to work out a halfway decent path to get them to the assigned rendezvous point, and with Ricardo’s help, they had managed to keep themselves in one piece.

  The sound of his team’s joking and laughter from earlier echoed in Sean’s head. The truth was, even when Sean hadn’t been able to stand the sight of Aidan, the rest of the team had been warming up to the man. Where Sean had seen insubordination and attitude, the rest of Team Maelstrom had seen someone worth knowing and laughing with.

  What had he been missing?

  Aidan rolled over, peering up at Sean in the light of the fire. “Doing alright?”

  Sean jerked. “Jesus, Aidan, I thought you were asleep.”

  Aidan sat up, chuckling softly. “No. I’m still having a hard time sleeping well nowadays.”

  “Dreams?” Sean asked, knowing all about those.

  Aidan shook his head, pushing up to his feet. “No. Just hard to come down from being on alert all the time. Spent weeks on my last assignment, and I was on another one before that.”

  Sean looked at the tree trunk they’d dragged into the alcove, slid to one end, and motioned for Aidan to sit. “Never stayed too long then.”

  “Didn’t read my file?” Aidan asked as he sat down.

  Sean had, but he knew better than to tell Aidan his life’s story for him. He didn’t come to lead a company of trained men without knowing at least something about how to handle other people, and to connect with them. It wasn’t like he’d given Aidan the chance to define himself.