How Much I Feel

by Force, Marie

  I hear from Terri, my former colleague in New York, that Howard and Ginger are “working on their marriage.” I give the guy credit. He’s far more forgiving than I would’ve been in his position, but I’m not one to judge. Besides, I’ve got far bigger things to think about today than people who no longer matter to me. I’ve got so many new people in my life I can hardly keep them all straight. But I do make the effort, which Carmen appreciates.

  I’ve asked the entire family to come to brunch today, even the cousins who live in New York. I think they know why I asked, but the one person who hasn’t got the faintest clue is my beloved. Carmen thinks they’re all here on a routine visit. She even organized an outing with her cousins last night to the iconic Ball & Chain nightclub on Calle Ocho and actually made it to midnight before telling me I had twenty minutes to get her to bed before she fell over.

  My girl can’t hang late at night, which is fine with me. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than in bed with her.

  Today I’m wearing one of the four-pocket guayabera shirts she bought me for Christmas, but she’s had no luck convincing me to try Cuban cigars. You can take the doctor out of New York, but he’s still a doctor and a nonsmoker. My Spanish has gotten much better and my comprehension improves with every month I spend living in Miami. The more I hear, the more I understand, and Carmen enjoys teaching me.

  My mom and brother are in town, too, but I wisely keep them hidden until it’s showtime. Carmen met them when we went home to Wisconsin for an after-Christmas visit last winter, and just as I predicted, my mom adores her—and vice versa. Having them here would be a dead giveaway that something’s up, and I want Carmen to be completely surprised.

  I’m quite sure she’s actually forgotten that Tuesday is our one-year meet-iversary, but I’m used to her forgetting. I’m the one who’s reminded her the other eleven months. My plan is actually contingent on her not remembering.

  I also invited Mateo and his mother, Sofia, who now works as a waitress at Giordino’s, to join us for brunch. Carmen’s family has fully embraced the single mother and her son, who’s doing so much better. In consultation with his oncological team, I keep a close eye on him with regular exams and scans. So far, so good.

  It’s Nona’s turn to host, and she’s gone all out with the eggplant parm I’m addicted to, along with Carmen’s favorite, chicken marsala, as well as a massive antipasto that everyone attacks before we’re seated for the main courses.

  Somehow, I manage to actually eat, but only so Carmen won’t be suspicious. I’ve become well known around here for my ravenous appetite. I think that’s the thing her grandmothers love best about me, that I’m always hungry for whatever they’re dishing up. I’ve become a complete snob when it comes to Cuban and Italian food. Nothing ever measures up to Giordino’s.

  I spend more time than ever at the gym to offset the uptick in delicious food I’m consuming these days at the restaurant and at home. Carmen is an amazing cook, and long before she officially moved in, she said my kitchen inspired her, which is fine with me.

  She loves to cook. I love to eat. Win-win.

  I look over at her, talking in her animated way with her cousin Dee. I first met Dee when we went up to New York for a long weekend in the spring so I could officially move out of my apartment there. We also had dinner with many of my former colleagues, who wanted to meet the woman who’d lured me to Miami.

  She told them I was easily led, which is true. I had a choice between being happy with her or miserable without her. In the end, it was a no-brainer.

  I’m so glad Miami-Dade came through with privileges, because commuting to Fort Lauderdale or Palm Beach would’ve been a bitch. I would’ve done it if I’d had to. We’re both thankful I don’t have to and that we can grab lunch together a couple of times a week in the hospital cafeteria, where we’re careful not to give Debby anything new to talk about.

  She’s a good egg, who’s become a friend to both of us, as have Mona and many other people we work with.

  Apparently, Mr. Augustino suspected that Carmen was the reason I wanted to relocate, but we had no idea until Carmen finally worked up the nerve to tell him we’re involved, and he said he’d known that for months. He congratulated her on finding new love after everything she went through in the past.

  It’s going to have to be one hell of a wedding to accommodate Carmen’s massive family and all the friends we’ve made together and separately.

  Yesterday afternoon, I took care of one last thing that had to be done before today. I went to see Tony’s parents. I’ve gotten to know them fairly well over the last year, as they’re very much in Carmen’s life. I wouldn’t have it any other way, and I want them to know they’ll always be important to both of us.

  I thought about calling first but decided to just drop by the way Carmen does anytime we’re in the neighborhood.

  When she came to the door, Josie seemed surprised to see me there alone. “Come in.” She kissed my cheek and took me by the hand to lead me into the cool comfort of her home. “This is a nice surprise.”

  “Is Len home?”

  “He is. Let me get him.”

  She told me to have a seat in the family room, where I was hit by a flurry of nerves as I took in the handsome, smiling face of Carmen’s first husband. They have Tony’s official police photo and a shadowbox containing his awards on display on the mantel over the fireplace. I studied the man whose likeness has become so familiar to me and hoped he’d approve of me being in his parents’ home to talk about my plans to propose to his beloved wife.

  “Hey, Doc,” Len said when he came in from the pool area.

  I stood to shake his hand. A lot of the people in Carmen’s life call me Doc, which is fine with me. I like that they’ve given me a nickname. That means they like me. After some initial hesitation on his part, Len has come around to being happy for Carmen—and for me. At least I think he is. “Good to see you.”

  “You too. How about a cold one?”

  “I won’t say no to that.”

  He got beers for the two of us and an ice water for his wife. “Is everything all right with Carmen?”

  “She’s great. Maria and Dee have her out shopping this afternoon, so I figured I’d come by.”

  “We’re so glad you did,” Josie said.

  Here goes, I thought. “I want you both to know how much I appreciate how welcome you’ve made me feel since Carmen and I have been together. That means so much to me, and I know it does to her, too.”

  “She means everything to us, and you make her happy,” Len said. “That’s obvious to everyone who knows her.”

  “She’s the best thing to ever happen to me.” I paused before I added, “I’m painfully aware that the only reason I get to be happy with her is because of the worst thing to ever happen to you.”

  “Life goes on,” Josie said softly. “Somehow the sun keeps rising and setting, and the years go by, and you keep breathing. Our Tony loved Carmen with his whole heart. The only thing he’d care about is her safety and happiness. We both think he’d like you.”

  “I’m glad you think so.” I rubbed my damp palms on my shorts. “I wanted you to know that I’m going to propose to her during brunch tomorrow.”

  Josie gasped, and at first I wasn’t sure if it was a happy gasp. “That’s so wonderful, Jason. I told Len after brunch last week that it was only a matter of time before you two tied the knot.”

  “Congratulations,” Len said. “That’s great news.”

  “Thank you for coming here to see us first,” Josie said. “It means so much to us.”

  “Carmen loves you. You’ll always be part of us. I give you my word on that. Our future children will be very lucky to have you as grandparents.”

  Josie wiped away tears and came over to me.

  I stood to hug her.

  “Take good care of our beautiful daughter.”

  “I will. Always.”

  Now the big moment is upon me, and I’m hit with a
crisis of confidence. Is proposing to her in front of everyone really the right thing to do? I debated this for months and decided she’d want the people we love to be part of this moment. I just hope I’m right about that.

  Nona crooks her finger at me, in on the surprise since I spoke to her, Abuela, Viv and Vin two weeks ago to ask for their permission to propose. They were so excited that I’m not sure how the four of them managed to keep the secret for so long.

  “I need to help Nona with something,” I tell Carmen.

  “Okay.”

  She’s so happy to have Dee in town that I’ve hardly gotten a word in with her since we sat down to eat. Dee looks like her sister, Maria, and Carmen, but I see Nona in Dee, as well.

  “You ready?” Nona asks me.

  “I think so.”

  “Why do you look like you might be having a stroke?”

  “Um, because I’ve never done this before, and I’m rethinking whether I should do it here.”

  “Pshaw. She’ll love it.”

  “You’re sure about that?”

  “Hundred percent.”

  “Well, it doesn’t get any more reassuring than that.”

  “What really matters is that you’re sure about her.”

  “One million bazillion percent.”

  She kisses my cheek. “Then go get your girl.”

  Fortified by Nona’s encouragement, I step into the open part of the horseshoe of tables that’s become a familiar part of my weekly routine. I’m at home in this place with these people, and more than anything, I’m at home with the extraordinary woman I met a year ago.

  “If I could have your attention, please.”

  Getting this group to shut up is not a simple task, but since I’ve never asked for their attention before, they go silent far quicker than expected.

  “Carmen, could you come here for a second, please?”

  She glances at Maria and at Dee, both of whom shrug. They have no idea what I’m up to. It was a big enough risk to tell her parents and grandmothers. I didn’t dare tell her closest cousins.

  Carmen gets up and comes around the long table to join me in the middle.

  I offer her my hand, and after giving me a confused look, she takes it.

  Over my shoulder, I look toward the kitchen where my mom and brother are hiding. “Hey, Mom, Benny, you can come out now.”

  “What’s going on?” Carmen asks, seeming shocked as my mother and brother join the party.

  “Everyone, this is my mom, Donna, and my brother, Ben. Mom, Ben, meet Carmen’s family—and this isn’t even all of them.”

  Carmen looks up at me, a baffled expression on her gorgeous face. “Jason, why didn’t you tell me your mother and brother are in town?”

  “Because I wanted to surprise you.”

  “Well, you have.”

  “Good, because they’re not the only surprise I have for you today.” Here we go. As I look at her, at that one-in-a-million face I saw for the first time one year ago this week, all the nerves fade away. The only thing that matters is telling her what she means to me and asking her to be mine forever. “Betty, you’re on.”

  From the kitchen comes the sweet woman I met the night before fate brought Carmen into my life. My beloved is speechless at the sight of Betty, who’s wearing the same red dress she had on the day we met Carmen and teeters on her signature spike heels. After Betty sent me a sweet thank-you note and fifty dollars to reimburse me for the money I gave her, Carmen and I have kept in touch with her ever since.

  Carmen can’t believe what she’s seeing. “What the . . . Betty . . .”

  Betty hugs my shocked beloved and then hands me the velvet box containing the ring. “Love you guys,” Betty whispers.

  While Carmen is still processing the fact that Betty is here, I drop to one knee.

  Carmen lets out an inelegant squeak and then covers her mouth as tears fill her eyes.

  “We met one year ago this week.”

  She shakes her head. “No, it’s next week.”

  I shake my head. “One year ago this coming Tuesday, a momentous day in many ways.”

  She gives me a stern look, putting me on notice that I’ll blow the most important moment of my life if I mention the word jail.

  “Since that first day when you made me a prisoner to your love . . .”

  Of course she gets my joke and gasps at how close I came to spilling secrets she’s locked into the vault.

  “You’ve changed my life in every possible way in the last year. You turned my nightmare into a fairy tale so beautiful I still can’t believe this is my life, that you are my life. I love you more than Priscilla, and you know that’s a very high honor that only you will ever achieve.”

  Carmen is laughing even as tears spill down her cheeks.

  “I promise to always accommodate your morning crankiness and to fetch the cortadito on the weekends.”

  As planned, Juanita comes out of the kitchen bearing a take-out cup of her wonder brew that she hands to Carmen as she leans in to kiss Carmen’s cheek. “You go, amiga!”

  “I can’t believe you’re here!” Carmen says, clearly astounded.

  “I wouldn’t have missed this for anything.”

  I give Carmen’s left hand a squeeze to remind her of what we’re in the middle of here. “Will you marry me and allow me to spend the rest of my life with you, which is the only place in this world I want to be?”

  She’s crying and nodding before I’m even done asking. “Yes. Yes.”

  I slide the two-carat stunner I’ve had for months onto her finger and stand to hug and kiss her as the family goes crazy clapping, cheering and whistling.

  Nona wipes away tears and gives the waitstaff a signal. They come out carrying trays full of champagne flutes that are distributed to the family.

  Vincent and Vivian stand next to us and raise their glasses.

  “To our beautiful daughter and future son-in-law, Carmen and Jason. Congratulations.” Vincent’s eyes are bright with unshed tears. “We love you both so very much. May you share a long and happy life together.”

  “Hear, hear,” Len says, raising his glass to us in a toast that means everything to Carmen and to me.

  The celebration goes on so long we have to scramble to clean up and get the restaurant ready to open to the public at four. Everyone pitches in, and we make it just in time to admit the first customers.

  Carmen and I have barely had a second alone since the big moment, but she’s been right by my side as we accepted congratulations and wallowed in the excitement of our loved ones. My mom and Ben left at three to catch a flight home but promised to be back for a longer visit soon.

  “Second-best day of my life,” I tell her when we’re finally on our way home in Priscilla, laden with leftovers that make it so we don’t have to grocery shop. We have much better things to do today than squeeze avocados, which has become part of our Sunday ritual.

  Her left hand is flat on my leg, the ring sparkling in the late afternoon sun. In another few weeks, it’ll be too hot for the convertible. “What’s the number one best day?”

  “A year ago this coming Tuesday.”

  “That was better than today?”

  “Hell yes. Will we ever forget your two trips to jail in the same day?”

  “I would love to forget it. I just need to do something about you.”

  “Mmm, I have a few ideas of what you can do about me.”

  “Believe me, I know all about your ideas.”

  “You’ve only seen the start of them. Wait until we’re married.” I glance over at her. “Today was good?”

  She gives my leg a squeeze. “Today was beyond amazing. Thank you for all you did to make it happen.”

  “I was hoping it’d be okay to do it there.”

  “It was perfect.”

  “I wanted it to be perfect for you.”

  “You did good.” I feel her gaze on me as I drive. “When Tony died, one of the things that made me the sadde
st was losing the person who knew me better than anyone else. Today, when you asked me to marry you in front of all the people I love the most, you showed me I’m known that way again, and that means so much to me.”

  I bring the car to a stop at a red light and lean across the console to kiss her. “I’m glad to know you in every way.” I waggle my brows playfully, because today is not the day for sadness of any kind. “The ring is okay?”

  “The ring is exceptional. I love it.”

  “Good,” I say, releasing a deep breath. “I’m glad you love it.”

  “I can’t believe you were worried about any of it. You knew I was a sure thing.”

  “No way! You’ve made me work for it every step of the way. I was afraid you’d turn me down in front of everyone.”

  “You were not!”

  “Nah,” I say, laughing, “not really. But I’m glad the deed is done, that ring is on your finger and you’ve agreed to spend forever with me.”

  “I can’t wait to spend forever with you.” She looks over at me with love in her gaze. “I heard you went to see Len and Josie yesterday.”

  “Of course I did. They deserved to know what I had planned, and I wanted their support. I knew it would matter to you.”

  “You got it just right, Jason. Thank you for doing that.”

  Her approval means everything to me. “I want to get married soon.”

  “How soon?”

  “This fall?”

  “That’s in, like, three months!”

  “Sounds about right.”

  “You want to get married in three months.”

  “I’d do it tomorrow, but something tells me you won’t go for that.”

  “You’re correct about that.”

  “So three months?”

  “You really can’t wait any longer?”

  “I really can’t.”

  “Then I guess it’s a good thing my parents own a restaurant.”

  AUTHOR’S NOTE

  Thank you for reading Carmen and Jason’s story! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I LOVED writing it. I wrote the opening chapters (everything up to the first time they go out for dinner) more than ten years ago and have wanted to do something with the story I started then ever since. South Florida has played an important role in my life, and I’ve always wanted to set a book there. My dad attended Embry-Riddle Aeronautical Institute in the 1950s, when it was located in Miami (it’s now a university and has since moved to Daytona Beach). He fell in love with South Florida and would’ve stayed there permanently, except he was the only child of a widowed mother at home in Rhode Island. So luckily for me (and my brother), he moved back home to RI, where he met my mother and went to work as an aviation mechanic, eventually owning his own FAA-certified aviation repair station.