Back in the Game

by Caz Finlay

  Swallowing a mouthful of whisky, he grunted at one of the barmaids to top up his glass. What the hell was wrong with him? He’d tried to forget about what happened two nights ago with Paul. It was a drunken mistake and the pair of them hadn’t spoken of it since. But Jake couldn’t get it out of his head. He’d fought those urges for so fucking long, and just like that he’d given in. And with Paul Carter of all people. God, if people found out he’d be a fucking laughing stock. A pariah. There was no room in their world for queers. And he was no queer. He was Nathan Conlon’s son, for fuck’s sake.

  He took another swig of his whisky as the barmaid walked over with the bottle for a refill. ‘Just leave it there,’ he snapped.

  As he poured himself another whisky, he noticed the old blonde who’d been sitting at the bar sidling over to him. He’d seen her in the place a lot, although he never paid much attention to her. The only reason she’d caught his eye was because she’d looked so out of place. She must have been well into her sixties, and she usually drank alone.

  ‘You look like you’ve lost a pound and found a penny there, lad,’ she cackled.

  Jake looked sideways at her. ‘Hmm,’ he said, in no mood for a chat with her.

  ‘I suppose people don’t really understand how hard it is being you, do they?’ she asked.

  ‘What?’ He looked at her now. What the hell was she on about? Who was this woman?

  ‘I’m Eve,’ she said, raising her glass in greeting, as though she’d read his mind. ‘You do own this place, don’t you?’ She frowned at him.

  He frowned back. ‘So?’

  ‘Well, I’m just saying it must be a lot of pressure. Especially for a young lad like yourself. Not that there’s anything wrong being young.’ She laughed. ‘I was meself once, believe it or not. I don’t think people appreciate how hard it is always having to be the one making decisions.’

  ‘I think you’re right about that, Eve.’ He raised his glass to her in return. ‘Want one?’ he asked, indicating the bottle of Chivas Regal on the bar.

  ‘Ooh, I wouldn’t say no.’ She smiled at him and he thought she might have been beautiful once, a very long time ago.

  He poured a large measure of whisky into her now empty glass. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Eve,’ he slurred. ‘You might just be the sanest person I’ve spoken to all day.’

  ‘A pleasure to meet you too …’

  ‘Jake.’

  ‘Jake.’ She smiled. ‘A fine name.’

  Eve was about to say something else when a figure appeared behind them.

  ‘Can I have a word?’ said Paul Carter.

  Jake turned around and almost fell off his stool.

  ‘For fuck’s sake,’ Paul sighed. ‘Look at the fucking state of you.’

  ‘You can’t speak to him like that, he’s the boss,’ Eve shrieked.

  ‘Oh, fuck off, love,’ Paul replied. ‘Are you coming or what?’

  Jake’s head was spinning as he stood up. He followed Paul into his office and sat down before he fell over.

  ‘Here, have some of this,’ Paul said, shoving a bottle of water at him.

  Jake drank half of it and placed the bottle on his desk. He might be a bit drunk but who did Paul Carter think he was speaking to him like he was some dickhead?

  ‘What the fuck’s the matter with you?’ Jake shouted at him.

  ‘Me?’ Paul shouted back. ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ He closed the office door and went on. ‘You’ve done nothing but drink and fucking pick fights with everyone for the past two days. My dad nearly lamped you one last night.’

  ‘What?’ Jake sat up in his chair.

  ‘You called him a fucking cunt in front of his employees, Jake. You’re lucky you’re still walking.’

  Jake shook his head. He’d been so drunk last night, he didn’t even remember that. God, he needed to get a fucking grip. ‘What the fuck do you want from me, Paul?’

  ‘I want you to get your fucking act together. Forget about the other night. Pretend it never happened. Tell yourself it was a drunken mistake. I don’t care. Just snap the fuck out of this pity party you’re throwing yourself. Connor is beginning to wonder whether we’ve made a mistake going into business with you.’

  ‘What? So, I’ve been a bit drunk and had a few arguments. That’s hardly the crime of the century, is it?’ Jake shouted.

  ‘It’s not what you’ve done, it’s why you’re doing it, Jake. If you can’t handle a bit of fucking pressure, then what good are you?’

  ‘Pressure?’ Jake snapped. ‘This isn’t pressure. This is my whole fucking life going to shit, mate.’

  Paul stared at him. ‘Get a fucking grip, Jake. And thanks, by the way.’

  Jake shook his head. ‘I didn’t mean that. It’s just … This is a massive deal for me, Paul. As much as I want to pretend the other night didn’t happen, I can’t. I wish I could just go back in time and not let it happen, because then my life could go back to some sort of normal.’

  Paul walked over to him. ‘Look, Jake. So, you might be gay. You might be bi. Big fucking deal. I bet half the men on our payroll have sucked a cock or two when they were inside. You don’t have to let the world know about it if you don’t want to. Nobody needs to know except us if that’s what you want. If that’s what you’re worried about you can trust me – and Connor.’

  ‘Connor knows?’ Jake shouted.

  ‘I had to explain why you were acting like such a nutter, didn’t I? Besides, I can’t keep secrets from him. Listen, have you ever found out about any of the other fellas I’ve slept with? Did you have any idea I was bi until the other night?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Well, there you go then.’

  Jake looked at him. This man had turned his life upside down and here he was telling him to get a grip. Could he trust Paul? His instinct said he could, but he wasn’t sure he trusted himself anymore.

  ‘Look, go home, Jake. Take a long shower. Bang your missus. Get a good night’s sleep, and I promise you’ll feel much better tomorrow.’

  Jake couldn’t argue with that advice.

  ‘We have a job to do tomorrow night. Meet us at Eric’s gym at seven,’ Paul said as he opened the office door. ‘Don’t be fucking late.’

  Chapter 41

  ‘Are you sure he’ll be here?’ Connor Carter barked at his brother.

  ‘Stop flapping. I told you I had a word with him. He’ll be here.’

  Just as Connor was about to reply, the door of Eric’s gym opened and Jake Conlon walked through, looking sober and well groomed, much to Paul’s relief.

  ‘You’re late,’ Connor snarled at him.

  ‘Sorry. I had to stop at your dad’s and have a word. Apparently, I called him a cunt in front of his lads the other night.’

  Connor laughed and shook his head. ‘I heard about that. You’re a braver man than I am, lad.’

  ‘Well, catching my mother walking out of his kitchen half-dressed certainly made him more open to my apology,’ said Jake, smiling. ‘So, what are we doing tonight, boys?’

  ‘Remember those lads from Kensington who were minding some gear for us?’ Connor asked.

  ‘Well, they had a party at the weekend with a load of girls on a hen do from Newcastle, and have now snorted half of it. So, we’re going to pay them a visit.’

  ‘Nice,’ said Jake.

  ‘Choose your poison, Jake,’ Paul said as he indicated the array of weapons on the bench behind him.

  The twins chose pickaxe handles and Jake a small wooden mallet that could be easily concealed.

  ‘Let’s go then,’ Paul said before bounding out of the door.

  ***

  Connor was always the driver so Jake sat next to Paul in the van on the way to Kensington, their thighs pressed against each other in the confined space. Even through their jeans Jake could feel the warmth of Paul’s skin and he tried to ignore the feelings that stirred in him and focus on the task at hand instead. A good scrap was probably just what he n
eeded. It would give him a chance to let out some of the pent-up rage which seemed to be permanently coursing around his body of late.

  ***

  Paul jumped into the van after his brother and Jake, the adrenaline pumping around his body.

  ‘Fuck!’ he shouted as he sat down. ‘Let’s get out of here, bro.’

  Connor crunched the battered old van into gear and started to drive.

  ‘Well, that didn’t exactly go according to plan,’ Connor said, and laughed. ‘Feeling better, Jake?’

  Jake shook his head. ‘Sorry, lads. I couldn’t help it.’

  ‘We were supposed to give them a bit of a slap, Jake,’ said Paul. ‘Not put them all in hospital for a month.’

  ‘I must have missed the memo,’ Jake replied with a grin.

  ‘You’re a fucking animal,’ said Connor good-humouredly. ‘I thought our Paul could be a bit of a savage, but you could give him a run for his money.’

  ‘Whoa,’ Paul said as he sat forward and looked over at his brother. ‘Let’s not get carried away here, Con. Breaking a few bones and stamping on a few heads does not a savage make. I think you forget you’re talking about me here.’

  Connor shook his head. ‘But he did it all on his own, bro. Me and you just stood there and watched.’

  ‘True. You did go a bit Rambo, didn’t ya, lad?’ Paul said, nudging Jake in the ribs. He opened the glove-box and pulled out an old rag. ‘Here, you’ve got blood on your face,’ he said, offering it to Jake.

  ‘Thanks, mate,’ Jake said as he took it.

  Half an hour later the three of them were back at Eric’s gym. Eric had left for the night and they had the place to themselves.

  ‘Can you two get rid of these?’ Connor said, handing them the weapons they’d taken with them. ‘I’m off to see my bird. See you both tomorrow.’

  ‘See ya,’ Jake and Paul chorused.

  ‘Better get going then?’ Jake said.

  ‘Don’t you think you should get a shower first and change out of that gear? You’re covered in blood, mate.’

  Jake looked down at himself. ‘Shit, yeah.’

  ‘I’ve got some spare clothes here you can borrow.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Jake mumbled.

  ‘No problem.’ Paul opened his locker and held out the T-shirt and jogging bottoms he kept in there.

  Jake walked towards him. ‘I’m sorry I was such a prick about the other night.’

  Paul shook his head. ‘Don’t worry about it, mate. Let’s forget about it.’

  Jake stepped closer to him and took the clothes from his hand. ‘I’d rather not,’ he growled.

  Paul looked at him, that familiar feeling stirring in his groin. ‘Eric doesn’t clean up until the morning. The showers in here will be full of pubes and toenails by now. You can shower at my place if you want?’

  Jake smiled at him. ‘Sounds like a much better idea.’

  Chapter 42

  People stepped out of Jake’s way as he stormed towards the bar area.

  ‘Libby,’ he barked. ‘Where is my fucking drink?’

  She glared at him. She was a stroppy cow, but for some reason his mum seemed to like her and she’d promoted her to assistant bar manager.

  ‘I was busy serving customers,’ she snapped at him as she indicated the few stragglers who were already sitting at the bar.

  ‘Fine,’ he snarled at her as he took a seat at the bar himself. ‘A whisky. Now.’

  Libby made pouring him a drink look like a gargantuan effort. Eventually she handed it to him and he took a swig.

  ‘Hi, Jake,’ he heard as he became aware of a figure sitting on the stool next to him.

  He turned to see the old woman he’d been chatting to the week before. ‘Eve?’ he said as her name popped into his head.

  She smiled, showing a row of perfect teeth, which he suspected must be dentures, given that the rest of her features were so worn and tired.

  ‘Get my friend here a drink too,’ Jake barked at Libby.

  ‘Stuck up cow, that one,’ Eve said with a sniff as Libby rolled her eyes and went to get the bottle of whisky she’d just put back. ‘Don’t know why you keep her around.’

  Jake shook his head. ‘Apparently she’s good at her job. Or so I’m told.’

  ‘Pah, she’s shite if you ask me.’

  Jake laughed. There was something about this old lady that amused him. She spoke without caring if she offended anyone. She seemed to have taken a shine to him, but that was probably because he’d given her a few free drinks. Whatever it was, it was nice to have someone around who looked up to him. Someone who didn’t question every fucking decision he made.

  Eve was regaling him with a story of how she’d once met and partied with The Rolling Stones, when Jake heard someone else saying his name.

  ‘Jake, I’ve been looking for you everywhere,’ his mum said as she approached.

  He turned on his stool to look at her. ‘Well, here I am.’

  She frowned at him before taking his glass out of his hand. Sniffing the contents, she pulled a face and handed it back to him. ‘Is that whisky?’ she asked.

  He nodded.

  ‘But you don’t drink whisky. You hate it.’

  ‘No, you hate it,’ he reminded her.

  She shook her head. ‘What’s going on with you? You don’t usually even drink.’

  He started to laugh. ‘Well, now I do.’

  ‘He loves a good whisky, don’t you, lad?’ Eve butted in.

  He watched as his mum looked Eve up and down in disgust, before dismissing her completely. God, were all the women in his life stuck-up cows?

  ‘I’ll speak to you tomorrow. When you’re sober,’ she said tersely.

  ‘I’m sober now,’ he growled. ‘I’ve only had a few drinks, for fuck’s sake.’

  She glared at him then, the way she used to when he’d got into trouble as a kid. ‘You become more like your father every day,’ she said with a scowl before storming away.

  Jake put his glass on the bar. He was nothing like his father. How dare she say that to him? Just because he was having a drink. This was his club and he was entitled to drink in it whenever the fuck he wanted to. Besides, the people in this place drove him to it!

  Nevertheless, he bade his goodbyes to Eve and decided to go back to his office. Or maybe he would go and find his mum and see what the hell she wanted him about.

  ***

  Grace closed the door to her office and sat down. Leaning back, she rested her feet on the desk and rubbed her temples. She could feel a headache coming on and she still had next week’s rota to finish before she could go home.

  She thought about Jake. He’d been such a moody sod for the past week and she wondered what had got into him. Anyone who spoke to him was liable to get their head bitten off. Even her. And her patience was wearing thin with him. She saw more and more of Nathan in him and it terrified the life out of her. She’d glimpsed a side of him she’d never seen before and it made her wonder how she had gone so wrong with him. Even the drinking was so unlike him; she knew something was going on. Bobby White had backed off, she was sure of that, so what else was making her son so intolerable to be around lately?

  Lost in her thoughts, Grace didn’t hear the tapping at her office door. She looked up as Jake walked in.

  ‘All right, Mum?’ He half-smiled at her and she was struck by how young he was. For all of his cockiness and his bad temper, he was still a child in so many ways. Her child. For some reason he was in pain and for once she didn’t know how to fix it.

  ‘I’m good. How are you?’

  He sat in the chair opposite her. ‘I’m good.’

  ‘Are you sure, son? You don’t seem yourself.’

  He smiled at her, no doubt trying to convince her he was fine. ‘I’m okay, Mum. Honest. It’s just been a rough couple of weeks.’

  She smiled at him. He was lying, but she hoped he sorted whatever it was soon.

  ‘So, what did you want me about?’ he
asked.

  ‘I only wanted to ask about that woman who made the cake for Siobhan’s birthday. I want her to make one for Belle’s.’

  ‘Oh, her. She’s Siobhan’s mate. I’ll ask her to speak to her for you. It shouldn’t be a problem.’

  ‘Thanks, son.’

  ‘If that’s everything, I’m going to meet the twins for a drink,’ he said before kissing her cheek.

  ‘See you later, Jake,’ she said quietly as he walked out of her office. Grace watched as the door closed behind him and shook her head. She’d never seen Jake like this before. Siobhan seemed her usual self, so it couldn’t be any domestic between the pair of them that had her boy walking around like the world was about to end. Was it something to do with the twins? The three of them seemed to be inseparable lately, and the more Grace thought about it, the more she realised that Jake’s moodiness coincided with him starting to work with Paul and Connor. Whatever it was, Grace was determined to get to the bottom of it, even if that meant pulling the twins back into line and asking them outright.

  Chapter 43

  Siobhan cursed as she shook the rain from her umbrella. She’d been enjoying a soak in her Jacuzzi bath when Mel, the cleaner for The Blue Rooms, had phoned to say there was no one at the club to let her in. She’d just come back from a week’s holiday and so her own set of keys was in the club safe. It was almost midday and Jake had left at seven that morning to go to Paul Carter’s flat for an early business meeting, so he should have been at the club hours ago. Siobhan had phoned his mobile a few times but it just kept ringing out. Grace had keys too but she and Marcus had taken Belle to Chester zoo for the day.

  Just as she was about to press the buzzer to Paul’s flat, a woman with a pram came out, allowing Siobhan to slip into the hallway. Taking the lift to the top floor, she started to worry about Jake. Where was he? What if he wasn’t at Paul’s? What if he was in some kind of trouble? She shook her head. He was fine. Probably his meeting ran over and he’d lost track of time.

  Rounding the corridor, Siobhan tried to recall which number Paul lived at. She’d been to his flat once before and hoped she could remember which one it was. She had a feeling it was the second from the end. Connor lived on the same floor, but she didn’t know which flat was his. As she looked up she saw Jake walking out of the door of the second flat from the end of the hallway. So she was right. She smiled to herself. Just as she was about to shout his name, she saw a shirtless Paul Carter taking hold of Jake’s arm and pulling him to his chest. She almost threw up the latte she’d stopped for on the way as she watched in horror while the two of them shared a deep, lingering kiss.