Back in the Game

by Caz Finlay

  Ignoring her request, Michael walked into the kitchen to see Belle in her high chair, covered in banana. ‘Hello there, beautiful girl,’ he said as he picked her up, not caring that she wiped her banana-covered hands all over his expensive suit.

  Belle gave him a beaming toothy smile in reward.

  ‘She must like you,’ Jake said as he walked into the kitchen, all suited and booted and reeking of aftershave. ‘Not everyone can get a smile off you, can they, Belle?’ He gave her cheek a squeeze.

  ‘Aw, she knows I’m her uncle Michael, don’t you, sweetheart?’ he said.

  ‘Mum,’ said Jake, ‘I meant to tell you, before Siobhan stopped speaking to me for no apparent reason, I asked her about that mate of hers who makes them cakes. She said just put the order in a couple of weeks before you need it. She can make any type you like.’

  ‘Cake?’ Michael asked. ‘What’s the special occasion?’

  ‘Come into the living room and I’ll get you a drink,’ Grace said, trying to change the subject.

  ‘It’s for Belle’s birthday,’ Jake answered before disappearing back upstairs to get whatever it was he’d forgotten.

  Michael followed Grace into the living room as she took some glasses from the drinks cabinet. ‘So when is her birthday then? It can’t be far off now?’ he asked.

  Shit.

  Before Grace could trot out her usual lie, Jake walked in and answered for her. ‘November twenty-eighth, a month after mine.’

  Grace glared at her son’s back. She could bloody murder him sometimes. Why, tonight of all nights, had Michael decided to turn up? The very day after Jake and Siobhan had had a massive bust-up and he’d decided to decamp to Grace’s house for a few days. Why hadn’t she told him to sod off and go back to his girlfriend and work things out like a grown-up?

  ‘A while off yet, then,’ Michael said to baby Belle as he kissed her cheek.

  ‘So what have you been up to today?’ Grace asked him, desperately trying to steer the conversation in a new direction as she took a wriggling Belle from his arms.

  But it was already too late. She could see the cogs turning in Michael’s brain. Belle had been born at the end of November and Ben had died in the middle of January. In Harewood, no one really cared when Belle’s birthday was. Nobody knew Ben, so the fact that his daughter was born over ten months after his death hadn’t occurred to anyone. And to Jake, who paid little attention to such matters, Grace had pretended Belle was two weeks overdue, rather than a week early. Only Marcus knew the truth.

  Michael glared at her and she knew the proverbial penny had dropped.

  ‘Jake, can you take Belle for her bath, please?’ she asked him.

  ‘I’m going out in a minute, Mum,’ he groaned.

  ‘Please, Jake. Just take her,’ Grace said as she handed Belle to him.

  Sighing, Jake left the room, chatting to Belle as he did.

  ‘She’s mine, isn’t she?’ Michael growled before the door had even fully closed.

  Grace nodded. There was no use denying it any longer. She’d known it would come out and had contemplated telling him herself ever since she’d set eyes on him, but she hadn’t been able to find the right time, or the right words. It was stupid to think she could keep her secret once she was back in Liverpool, especially as she’d recklessly got herself involved in a relationship with the very man she was trying to keep the secret from.

  ‘I don’t fucking believe you, Grace,’ Michael barked as paced up and down the room. ‘How could you keep this from me? How could you lie to me? To everyone?’

  ‘I can explain—’

  He glared at her. ‘She’s my fucking child, Grace,’ he shouted. ‘There is no reasonable explanation for you keeping her from me.’

  ‘I thought it was for the best.’

  ‘The best? Who are you to decide what’s for the best?’ he snapped as he moved closer to her. His face was now only inches from hers, so close that she could feel the heat from him.

  ‘I’m her mother, that’s who,’ she snarled back at him.

  ‘And I’m her fucking father. Were you planning on ever telling me? You weren’t, were you? Is that why you moved to the other side of the fucking country?’

  She shook her head. ‘I didn’t find out I was pregnant until after I’d left. I swear.’

  He shook his head. ‘I don’t believe you. Did you honestly think this wouldn’t come out?’

  ‘Michael,’ she said, her tone softer now. ‘I did this for you.’

  ‘Don’t you fucking dare. You did this for you, and only you.’

  ‘You were a married man. How would your wife have felt about you fathering another woman’s child? Do you remember what you said to me before I moved away?’

  ‘Don’t,’ he growled.

  ‘You said you never wanted to see me again. That you loved Hannah and you had to make it work with her. Do you remember?’

  ‘You know that was just the guilt talking. You know I didn’t mean it, Grace. And even if I did, do you think that justifies you not telling me about my own daughter? Do you honestly think I wouldn’t want to be there for you when you were carrying my child?’

  ‘Don’t you think I felt guilty too? Sleeping with someone else’s husband. I couldn’t bear to cause any more hurt than I already had. I thought I’d never come back here. I really thought it was for the best.’

  Michael stood glaring at her, the anger radiating from him like the heat from a furnace. ‘Well, guess what? You don’t get to decide what’s best for everyone. You are not the centre of the fucking universe, Grace. You had no fucking right to keep her from me. I will never forgive you for this.’

  ‘Where are you going?’ she sighed as he brushed past her.

  ‘Out of here before I do something I regret,’ he growled.

  Then he was gone.

  ***

  Grace sat on the sofa with her head in her hands. What a bloody mess she’d made of everything. She remembered the night it happened as clearly as yesterday. It had been a week since she’d left hospital after Nathan had almost killed her. At least one member of the Carter family usually turned up at various times of the day to check in on her and make sure she was okay. At first she’d found it infuriating, but had soon come to realise that they did it because they genuinely cared about her. After all, she would have done the same for them. It was usually Patrick or Sean, although Connor and Paul had called in a few times too. She’d only seen Michael briefly while she was still in hospital.

  When she opened the door to him that evening, he could barely hide the shock on his face.

  ‘Bloody hell, Grace,’ he said. ‘You look a right state.’

  ‘Thanks, mate.’ She laughed. ‘Just what a girl wants to hear.’

  He stepped into her house. ‘You know what I mean,’ he said with a nervous laugh.

  As they sat down in her living room, she caught him staring at her cuts and bruises. ‘It looks much worse than it is now,’ she assured him. ‘I feel fine. Honestly.’

  ‘I still can’t believe what happened.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m so sorry, Grace. I should have been here.’

  ‘You weren’t here because I asked you not to be. You were protecting your family.’

  ‘But I should have been here, protecting you.’

  ‘No, you shouldn’t. Just because I pay you—’

  ‘Not because you pay me, Grace. For fuck’s sake,’ he snapped.

  ‘Okay. Calm down. What’s the matter with you?’

  ‘You! I love you, Grace. That’s why I should have been here. Don’t you get that? Even after all this time?’

  ‘Michael—’ she started.

  ‘Yeah, I know. I’m married.’

  Reaching out her hand, she stroked his face with her fingertips. ‘None of this is on you.’

  ‘I’m sorry he hurt you,’ he said again as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His fingers trailed across the bruising on her neck and over her collarbone. ‘This lo
oks painful.’

  ‘I told you I feel fine,’ she whispered.

  Then he kissed her and she didn’t stop him. Instead she began undoing the buttons on his shirt. With Jake at uni and no pub to run, she’d been feeling so alone. And Michael was so warm. So familiar. It felt good to be kissed. To be wrapped in his strong arms.

  ***

  The following morning he’d told her that he couldn’t see her again. He loved his wife and he owed it to her to make their marriage work. She’d watched his face, racked with guilt, as he’d retrieved his clothes from her bedroom floor, and had felt sick with shame and remorse. But despite that, his words had cut her to her core.

  Grace had moved to Harewood by the time she found out she was pregnant. She fudged the dates and let everyone believe her child was Ben’s. When Belle was born, Grace saw Michael in her immediately. She almost went to see him to tell him he had a beautiful daughter, who had his eyes and looked exactly like him when she frowned. But she didn’t. It would have ripped his marriage apart – and neither he nor Hannah deserved that.

  So she’d kept up her pretence that Ben was Belle’s father and hadn’t allowed herself to think about the possibility of ever seeing Michael again.

  ***

  Michael punched the steering wheel of his brand-new Audi. How could Grace have lied to him like that? Kept his own daughter from him? Did she have no respect for him at all? Shaking his head, he started the engine and put the car into gear. He had to get away from Grace’s house before he went back in there and did something stupid.

  He had been in love with Grace Sumner from almost the moment he met her. There had been a time when he’d thought they might have had something but she’d shot him down in flames. He later learned it was because she’d been in love with Ben McKinley, her ex-husband’s best mate, for years. She’d kept that from him too. How many other secrets did she keep from him? It didn’t matter now anyway. He wanted nothing more to do with her. He would fight for contact with Belle. She was his daughter and he would be in her life no matter how much Grace might try to stop him.

  As he came to a stop at a traffic light he laid his head back on the headrest and let out a long, slow breath. He had a daughter – with Grace. That had once been something he’d fantasised about. And now it was real. Belle Sumner – as beautiful as her mother. How could he move on from Grace when they had a child together? They were stuck with each other for ever now. As much as he hated to admit it, something about that gave him hope.

  Chapter 49

  Jake knocked on the door of Paul’s flat and waited for him to answer. When he did, he was dressed in just a pair of jeans and Jake had to remind himself that he was there to give him some disturbing news. News that would no doubt change the nature of their relationship once more.

  ‘You’re two fucking hours late, lad,’ Paul snapped. ‘It must have been some family drama.’

  ‘It was,’ Jake sighed as he followed Paul inside and into his living room.

  ‘Well?’ Paul asked as he handed Jake a bottle of Bud.

  ‘Haven’t you spoken to your dad?’

  ‘No. Why?’ Paul frowned.

  Jake sat on the leather sofa and took a deep breath. ‘So apparently Belle is your dad’s kid.’

  ‘What?’ Paul almost spat out the lager he’d just taken into his mouth.

  ‘It’s true. Your dad just found out tonight.’

  ‘Fuck me! But I thought she was Ben’s, or even your dad’s?’

  ‘I did too. My mum had us all fooled. She and your dad had a thing before she moved to Harewood.’

  ‘Fuck! My dad must be fucking fuming.’

  ‘Oh, he is.’

  ‘What was your mum thinking?’

  Jake shrugged. ‘Who knows why she did it, Paul? She says she thought it was for the best and she didn’t want to cause problems between your dad and Hannah.’

  ‘I think that ship sailed when they …’ Paul trailed off and Jake was thankful he hadn’t finished the sentence. He’d spent the past two hours with his mum, mostly arguing about why she’d done what she did, and why she’d kept it from him. Jake didn’t agree with her decision and he never would, but she was his mum, and he supposed he understood she had her reasons. What he was less happy about was the fact that he’d been screwing his baby sister’s half-brother.

  ‘You do realise we now have a sister in common?’ Jake said.

  Paul’s mouth was still open in shock. ‘What the fuck does that make us then?’

  ‘I don’t know. Step-brothers or something?’

  ‘Nah. Your mum and my dad would have to be married for that.’

  ‘Whatever it is, it feels fucking weird.’

  Paul shuddered as he took another swig of his lager. ‘I feel violated,’ he said, and laughed. Jake knew he was only half joking.

  ‘I wish she’d have fucking told me,’ Jake snapped.

  ‘So do I, mate.’

  ‘I suppose this means … It just feels too weird now, doesn’t it?’

  ‘It certainly doesn’t make things any less problematic, like.’

  Jake swigged the rest of his lager. He could kill his mum for keeping this little secret from him. He would never have got involved with Paul if he’d known. Then he wouldn’t be eaten up by shame and guilt every time he looked in the mirror, and so he wouldn’t be sitting having this awkward conversation. Why did everything in his life have to be so fucking complicated?

  ‘Hey, at least we know now and not in ten years when we’re married with four adopted kids,’ said Paul, winking at him.

  Jake smiled, but he felt a tightening in his chest that took him by surprise. He had never contemplated for one second the thought of a future with Paul. He was always too caught up in the immediacy of the snatched moments they shared, or busy dealing with his feelings of guilt and shame. And now it was as though it had been offered to him and taken away in the same breath.

  Chapter 50

  Peering through the spyhole on her front door, Grace saw that it was Sean Carter ringing the doorbell at nine o’clock on a Sunday morning. She’d been up half the night with Belle, who was getting her back teeth through, and she had only just settled her back down. Grace cursed under her breath. What the hell did Sean want? She wasn’t in the mood for an argument. She hadn’t heard from any of the Carters since Michael had discovered that Belle was his daughter, two days earlier.

  Opening the door, she forced a smile in an effort to avoid any unnecessary confrontation. ‘What can I do for you, Sean?’

  ‘Can I come in?’

  Grace opened the door wider to let him in and he followed her into her living room. Sitting on the sofa, Grace curled her feet beneath her and waited for Sean to speak.

  ‘Michael told me about Belle,’ he said.

  Of course he had. Sean was his best mate as well as his brother.

  ‘Where is she?’ he asked as he scanned the room.

  ‘She’s asleep. She’s been awake half the night.’

  ‘Is she okay?’ he asked, his voice full of concern.

  ‘Yeah. She’s just teething.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Are you going to sit down?’ she asked, frustrated at him standing over her – in judgement, no doubt.

  He shook his head. ‘I’m not staying. I just came to say that we want to see Belle. Michael wants to see her.’

  ‘Of course.’ She hadn’t kept Belle away from them for any reason other than she hadn’t wanted them to know Michael was her father. Now that it was all out in the open, she was happy for Belle to spend time with the Carters. They were her family, after all.

  ‘I was hoping I could take her today? Sue’s doing a roast. Michael really wants to see her.’

  Grace shook her head. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. She’s not feeling herself today. And she doesn’t really know any of you.’

  ‘Well, whose fault is that?’

  ‘I know it’s mine, Sean,’ she sighed. ‘All I’m saying is she needs to g
et to know you, and Michael, a little bit first.’

  ‘So how do you suggest we do that? Michael doesn’t even want to be in the same room as you, and I can’t say I blame him.’

  ‘I know that. I don’t expect him to.’ She didn’t particularly want to see him either. ‘Maybe Marcus could bring her?’

  ‘Hmm. That could work.’

  ‘Good. Tell Michael that Marcus will bring her for a few hours tomorrow if that suits him. They can arrange between themselves when he wants to see her next. Marcus knows my schedule. And then as soon as she’s used to him, he can see her whenever he wants.’

  ‘And she could stay over at his place? For the weekend?’

  Grace’s stomach contracted involuntarily. She knew Belle would be safe with her father, but she’d only spent the occasional night away from her before. She nodded anyway. It was only fair that Michael got to see his daughter, especially as she’d kept them apart for so long.

  ‘Good. I’ll let him know,’ Sean said. ‘I’d better get going.’

  As Grace stood to show him out, he stared at her, as though there was something on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

  ‘What is it now?’ she asked him, although she had a good idea.

  ‘Why did you do it, Grace? You kept her from all of us.’

  ‘I had my reasons, Sean. As I’m sure Michael has told you.’

  ‘But we’re her family.’

  She sighed. She really wasn’t in the mood for this. ‘I had my reasons. I’m not going over them again.’

  He shook his head. ‘You know what hurts the most though?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I thought you were our family too.’

  Then he turned on his heel and walked out. Grace didn’t have the energy to follow him. Instead she sat back on the sofa and listened to the sound of the front door shutting. Closing her eyes, she remembered a time when she’d thought she was their family too. But the reality was, she wasn’t. As close as they once were, they weren’t blood.