Blending In

by RJ Blain

  “They pay some asshole a few thousand to save themselves a fortune? That’s disgusting.”

  “So, the lawsuits I sent you accuse Gaithers Mutual Funds and Investments of mishandling funds. It looks like Timothy was working to replenish the accounts in his parents’ company or working to ensure he fully inherited the business. Maybe both. If I add the puppy mill operation profits and what was stolen from your company, it’s the type of money that might be able to hide the thefts in the Gaithers operations.”

  “Add in some bribes to the right people, and I could see a business dodging the full brunt of their scam in the courts. I’d been so busy trying to root out any other participants I failed to look for additional information,” he admitted.

  “I’m just tired of watching you work day in and day out. It’s almost Christmas, and you are done doing overtime because of that piece of shit.”

  Chase arched a brow. “I see you have opinions you wish to share with me.”

  “No more overtime until January at the absolute earliest. Non-negotiable.”

  “I see you find overtime offensive.”

  “Overtime would be easier to deal with if you weren’t exhausting yourself. I had time to claim an entire room for Caleb and set it up. I’m still working on how to get out of my lease with my landlord, as I have decided I’ll be staging a permanent invasion as a Christmas present to myself.”

  “Well, you certainly seem to know what you want for Christmas.”

  “Think that’s worth a few points towards my coal mine?”

  “Definitely. All right. The office is closed until after the holidays, so I do have to do some stuff to make sure this is taken care of. I’ll forward your emails to Dad and have him do his fair share of the work, too.”

  “What about your mother?”

  “You’re joking, right? Mom’s probably ready to kill my father for working overtime, too. And I’m not even realistically paying him for it, either.”

  “Wrote in a clause he’d only be paid when present in the office?” I guessed.

  Chase grinned. “As a matter of fact, yes.”

  “Well done. Did you get his agreement to pay for any future weddings and fifty thousand per chameleon incident notarized?”

  “I have the paperwork. I locked it up at a bank, I had three certified copies made, and I’ve hidden them in safe locations. My father looked rather miffed about my precautions, but I enjoyed reminding him New York weddings are serious business. I’d be worried, by the way.”

  “Why?”

  “He’s informed me he’s sneaking in several hats sized for chameleons into the Christmas Eve service.”

  “What kinds of hats?”

  “A Christmas hat and a wedding veil at a minimum. He was trying to have one of those little lady’s hats made, but he’s discovered they are rather complicated to create in miniature.”

  “Get an amendment added to that documentation. It’s going to cost him ten grand for every hat after the first one.”

  Chase laughed. “You have yourself a deal. Since it seems I’ve been cruelly forced to take time off work, what do you recommend we do until Christmas?”

  I didn’t need to think about it for long. “Work at the shelter! Those puppies need love.”

  “The puppies are spread all over the city, Miriah. We can’t love all of the puppies.”

  “We can spend several days loving puppies, even if we can’t love them all.”

  Chase sighed, grabbed his phone, and tapped the screen before putting it to his ear. “Hey, Dad? I need a pet sitter during the days until Christmas Eve. You will have four puppies and one cat to protect with your life. Should you fail to do so, Miriah will kill us both. It seems I’ve been ordered to go love puppies in need of love until Christmas Eve. She’s giving me the look Mom gives you when you do something incredibly stupid and is thinking of the best way to punish you. As I’m smarter and better looking than you are, I’m giving her what she wants. Also, I’m forwarding you a few emails. You can look into it while I go with Miriah to give puppies in need of love their fair share of attention.”

  Pleased with my victory, I sought out my cat, picked him up, and cuddled with him, burying my face in his fur. “Who is the best kitty? Yes, you are, Goliath. The absolute best kitty.”

  As Goliath always did when anyone even looked at him, he began to purr.

  “And she’s showering Goliath with her affection, although this is not unusual. Ah, yes. I’ve been informed we have to add an amendment to the contract. For every hat you put on Miriah’s head when she’s a chameleon, you must add ten thousand to her payment.”

  While I’d ordered him to make it for every hat after the first, I wasn’t going to complain.

  “Yes, Dad. Also, as one of the puppies will be Caleb’s, I need you and Mom to pretend my animals are yours for the Christmas Eve service. What? Of course we’re taking them to the service. We’re not going to leave them home so—” Chase blinked. “Okay. Let me ask Miriah.”

  “If it involves leaving my babies unattended, the answer is no.”

  “Mother would like to put them in a safe place using her magic for the duration of the service. They’ll be at their house, which is what we need for Christmas morning anyway. It’ll make things easier Christmas morning and help make sure Caleb’s puppy is a surprise. Have you decided which one you’re giving to him?”

  “The boy.” That left me and Chase with the two girls and Pupperina. The horgi stuck to Chase like glue, which left us to accept the inevitable: she was his dog.

  “Okay. Dad? We’re giving him the boy beagle, so when you’re preparing them for Christmas morning, make sure he goes to Caleb. I’ll email you with their feeding instructions for the night and morning until we get a chance to come over. Yes, Dad. I’ll make the turkey, just make sure you have all the ingredients I emailed you the other day.”

  He hung up, shaking his head. “They’ll be around in half an hour if traffic doesn’t delay them.”

  I set Goliath down and headed for the bathroom to take a much needed shower and change my clothes so I could catch up on doing time at the shelter.

  Chapter Twenty

  I overdosed on puppies and kittens and bunnies and other small animals at the shelter and dealt with the shortest hearing in the history of hearings, resulting in thirty days of community service working in a pet shelter. Although confused if I was being punished or rewarded, I wisely kept my mouth shut.

  Opening my mouth might make them change their mind, and I left the courthouse with a skip in my step.

  When Christmas Eve finally rolled around, I spent the entire day wrapping presents for Caleb. After several hours of watching me work, Chase laughed and said, “I’m not sure Caleb’s obsessive compulsive behaviors are solely Gavin’s fault. That’s insanity, Miriah.”

  “If they aren’t wrapped just right, you will learn the powers of a child’s disappointment, Chase. He will give me the look, the one that means I have failed in my sacred duty as a mother to make Christmas perfect. Then, he’ll try to fix it because he can’t handle the sight of imperfect wrapping paper. He measures everything, Chase. Everything. His obsessive need for perfection is definitely from his father.”

  “His father is far from perfection.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You know that, I know that, but he hasn’t figured it that out yet.”

  “Maybe you should have put all the dog toys in a single box rather than wrap them individually?”

  “You will learn the value of an excited child busy opening presents tomorrow. It’s the one time a year I’m guaranteed a chance to drink my coffee without having to do anything other than observe, smile at the appropriate intervals, and otherwise enjoy just doing absolutely nothing.”

  “Obviously, we’re going to have to make sure you get a few extra quiet mornings each year moving forward.”

  “Lying is bad and will earn you coal for Christmas, Mr. Butler.”

  “I’m genuinely surprised you h
aven’t started lying to increase your odds of acquiring a coal mine.”

  I laughed, added the finishing touches to Caleb’s latest present, and added it to the growing pile waiting to be delivered to Chase’s parents along with the menagerie. “I have to have some standards.”

  “I suppose maintaining some standards is a good reason.”

  “I think I’ll have to invest at least an entire year to earn that coal mine, so I figure I’ll start earning it seriously on Christmas.” With only a few presents left to wrap, I’d have time to take a shower and get dressed and still leave on time to deliver Caleb’s hoard, get the animals settled, and make it to the church in time for the service.

  I had made a special trip, unsupervised in the middle of the night through the clever thieving of Chase’s keys and borrowing of his car, to return to my apartment long enough to pick up my little black dress and its matching heels. The real trick would be changing into my new lingerie without Chase discovering I was up to something early.

  My first step in acquiring my coal mine would involve a thorough validation of my tramp stamp, and I’d put my fingers in my ears, sing gibberish, and otherwise ignore anyone’s attempts to tell me I failed at acting like an actual tramp.

  “Should I be worried?”

  “You’ll probably survive. You’re useless to me dead.”

  Chase laughed. “Have I told you that you’re nowhere near as restrained as I was led to believe? You’re hardly shy, you’re rather opinionated, and you’re definitely assertive.”

  Before Chase, I hadn’t been. “Thank you.”

  “Just how bad of a temper tantrum does he have if his presents are poorly wrapped?”

  “He doesn’t. He just oozes disappointment and heaves these horrible sighs making it perfectly clear I have failed as a mother. He particularly hates when I force him to cope with his perfectionism and his tendencies to obsess over it in public settings, and Christmas with family counts. He hates it, but I can’t shelter him forever. No one else will in life. He needs to be able to function, and he can, but it’s a challenge.”

  “Would it help if I told him he doesn’t have to have the present instead? I can do that.”

  I chuckled. “That’s why he limits his disappointment to horrible sighs. The first time he had a tantrum because of an improperly wrapped present, I took the present away and made him wait two weeks to get it. I informed him he could sigh and only sigh, and for every time he displayed other forms of tantrums, he’d have to wait an additional week to get it.”

  “Gave him an allowed outlet so he wouldn’t have a complete meltdown?”

  “He was four, and yes. It worked, fortunately. It’s been a while since he’s had a complete meltdown.”

  Chase eyed one of the remaining presents. “Come on. Just one. It’ll be spectacular.”

  I joined him in a staring contest with an inanimate object, a leash and collar for Caleb’s puppy. “That’s the first dog-related present he gets to open, and if the meltdown isn’t spectacular, I’m going to be very disappointed yet proud. It’s been a while since I’ve tested his coping mechanisms.”

  “What’s his least favorite color?”

  “He doesn’t really have one, but he hates glitter. It’s impossible to get out of things.”

  “Ah, yes. The herpes of the craft world. I do believe I have some jarred herpes of the craft world available from another prank.”

  Uh oh. The confession he pranked with glitter would likely cause me trouble in the future, but it would keep Caleb occupied in his new room for at least three weeks if any got on the floor. “I can promise you a few weeks of silence and sour glares broken by the occasional disappointed sigh if you do the glitter wrapping in his bedroom and get some in the carpet.”

  “That is definitely earning you points towards your coal mine. Anything else?”

  “If you have string or yarn, knotting it at random intervals and tying it around the present beneath the wrapping paper should drive him wild.”

  Chase chuckled, grabbed the leash and collar, and headed for the other room. “This will take me a while, so if you want to finish your meticulous wrapping and take a shower, I should be done by the time you’re finished.”

  As Chase intended to drive my son absolutely wild with his wrapping job, I combined his final presents into one larger box, and I kept the wrapping neat but didn’t spend the time to measure anything. I spent the extra minutes on my makeup and hair, something I rarely did.

  The little black dress took a lot of wiggling to squeeze into, but it did a good job of reminding me I was a woman in addition to being a mother.

  It’d been a long time since I’d dressed up for anyone. Then again, the curse had done a good job of making certain I couldn’t.

  While waiting for Chase to finish wrapping my son’s worst nightmare for Christmas, I ferried presents to the car, giggling when I ran out of the room, resulting in me calling Chase’s parents to ask for help transferring the presents.

  They arrived when Chase emerged from Caleb’s new bedroom. “Ack. What are you two doing here?” A few moments later, he noticed me in my dress, and he took his time admiring me. “I have no idea where you’ve been hiding that dress, but Merry Christmas to me. I’ve decided I don’t actually need any presents at all this year. It seems I’ve been a very good boy. That dress is stunning on you.”

  He had no idea how right he was, and I fully intended to make it clear he’d be having a very good Christmas after the service. “Thank you. I loaded the car while you were taking care of that present, but I ran out of space, so I took the liberty of asking your parents for help moving the rest. There isn’t enough room in your car for the pets and the presents.”

  “We really need to go retrieve your car soon,” Chase muttered. “I’m also tempted to light that car on fire.”

  “You’re not lighting my car on fire. If you light my car on fire, I’ll need to get a new car, and if I need to get a new car, I’ll need its trade-in value to help with the down payment.”

  “That’s so practical it’s painful,” Chase complained.

  “There’s a reason I figured out your problems so efficiently. Being practical helps.”

  Chase pouted, sniffed, and captured Goliath and cuddled with him before coaxing my cat into his carrier. “For that, I’m confiscating my cat for the near future. My cat, Miriah. Mine.”

  I scowled as Goliath’s adoption papers did list Chase as his owner. I viewed his statement as a declaration of war, one I’d win through use of my feminine charms by Christmas morning. “Keep telling yourself that, Mr. Butler.”

  Chase’s parents cackled.

  My parents likely hoped Midnight Mass would magically transform me into a proper Catholic woman. Previous years, I’d amused myself watching the other attendees and struggling to remember when I was supposed to kneel, stand, or do whatever it was they expected me to do.

  Caleb and Gavin had beaten us to the church, and while Gavin was many things, he’d taken his fatherly duties seriously, bothering to put on a suit almost as nice as Chase’s for the event. I’d have to ask the secret for getting Caleb to dress up, as he wore a suit that matched his father’s.

  “You’re late,” Caleb declared, tapping his watch and giving me a dose of the death glare.

  “Has the service started?” I demanded, arching a brow. Gavin shook hands with Chase and wisely dodged responsibility for our son’s plucky attitude.

  “Well, no.”

  “Then I’m not late. I didn’t promise when I’d show up, just that I’d be here. I’m here. That only works when the other party is aware of the time you’ve decided is late, squirt. That’s one confession for you for being bossy to your mother, and you can ask your grandparents to take you in for a good cleansing of your soul. It seems you need it.”

  Caleb gulped. “Sorry, Mom.”

  “That’s better. And how has your trip with your father been?”

  “Good! We went on a long drive, and w
e got to stay in a bunch of hotels.” Caleb adjusted his suit and then showed it off, turning in a circle. “We got matching suits!”

  “Your suit looks very nice. Don’t forget to remind your father we’ll be doing Christmas morning with Chase’s family this year, all right?”

  Caleb’s brows furrowed, the first sign of trouble on the horizon as I disrupted his routines. “I don’t understand why.”

  “It’s more fun with more people, and they have space so if your grandparents want to come, they can. Have they arrived yet?”

  “They’re inside waiting,” he mumbled.

  Ah. Realization annoyed me into sighing. “They’re upset you arrived before I did, aren’t they?”

  “Yep.”

  “Well, that’s not for you to worry about. Go on in and ask if they’ll be accepting the Butler family’s invitation. We’ll be in shortly.”

  Caleb bounced forward, grabbed me in a hug, and with the energy of someone who’d likely been given copious amounts of sugar, ran inside the church. As I was a terrible daughter and a worse Catholic, I’d enjoy watching the Midnight Mass mayhem about to unfold. “Dare I ask what sugary substance you fed him?”

  “Oh, my sweet Miriah, you assume I used only sugar,” Gavin replied.

  “Please tell me you didn’t give him coffee.”

  “Two cups. He’ll be wired all through Midnight Mass, make it through the reception after, and pass out the instant I get him into the car.”

  “Clever,” I conceded. “Has Tiana arrived?”

  “She’s inside annoying civility back into your parents because good Catholics don’t show their prejudices while in church.” Gavin smirked and nodded in the direction of the church’s ornate double doors. “It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed such entertainment.”

  “That’s only because it takes a real idiot to invite a deity from a different pantheon to a holy day. Think they’ll ask me to come to Midnight Mass next year?”