I hated that I still loved that about her.
Seeing her stirred up a potent mix of feelings I didn’t want to have right now. Hurt. Regret. Desire. I still craved her. It pissed me off, but tonight I was weak. The temptation of a few minutes alone with her was too much to resist.
“Hey.” I scooted the stool next to me away from the counter. “Come on in.”
“I know there’s not much to say.” She had two plastic cups pinched between her fingers, and a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels dangled from her other hand. “Do you wanna drink about it instead?”
“Yeah, I could use a drink.”
“Figured.” She came in and set everything on the counter, then poured us each a generous measure of the amber liquid.
I slid my drink closer as she took a seat on the stool, facing me.
“Plastic cups?” I asked.
“I like to keep it classy,” she said with a smile. “Besides, do you want to wash dishes?”
“Fair point. Where’d you get the whiskey?”
She put the cap back on the bottle. “My office.”
“You keep whiskey in your office?”
She raised her eyebrows, like I’d asked a stupid question. “You know I work for your father, right?”
I raised the cup. “True.”
She raised hers in a toast, and we both took a swallow.
“So your flight back to San Francisco is tomorrow?” she asked.
“No,” I said and took another sip. “I canceled it.”
“You mean you’re staying?” she asked.
“Yeah. I can’t leave in the middle of this.”
She nodded slowly, and silence stretched out between us. I stared at my cup—had to keep my eyes on something other than her. Sitting this close, I could smell the lavender scent of her hair.
She was unraveling me, slowly but surely. I could feel it happening. Like she was gently unbuttoning the collar of a shirt that fit too tight. I could breathe when she was near, yet she still took my breath away.
I wanted to stay mad. Hide behind anger and pretend I didn’t care about her. Keep that emotionless mask where it belonged so no one could get in. Especially Zoe. But my anger was crumbling, exposing the rawness on the inside. I didn’t think I could stop it. And at this point, I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
It would feel good to let go. So fucking good.
“I guess I should get home,” she said.
She stood, and before I could stop myself, I stood and grabbed her hips. Her eyes met mine, deep pools of midnight blue, making my heart beat harder. I knew her eyes, just like I knew her voice. Her scent. The curves of her body. How to make her scream my name. I knew it all, and those eyes mirrored the lust that must have been shining in mine.
“You know this is a bad idea, right?” she asked, her voice quiet. But she shifted closer, so our bodies touched.
“Is it?” I asked. “Maybe we need this.”
A hint of pink crept across her cheeks. “Just to get it out of our systems?”
“Exactly.” I slid my hands around to her lower back and pressed her against me. Maybe this would work. Maybe I could fuck her out of my system, once and for all.
“Damn it, Roland,” she said. “I hate you for being so fucking sexy.”
Our mouths crashed together, and I tasted the whiskey on her tongue. She was achingly familiar. The way she leaned to the right as I kissed her. The way she held the back of my neck. Slid her hands through my hair. It took me back to a time when I could do this every day. When Zoe had been mine.
Fuck, I’d missed her so much.
The reality of that swept through me as I kissed her deeply. I had missed her. God, what the fuck was I going to do with that? Just being around her was opening me up—laying me bare. I couldn’t hide from anything when I was with her.
Maybe she wasn’t mine anymore, but for a little while, she would be.
I pulled her shirt up and she lifted her arms so I could take it off. I let it drop to the floor while she attacked the buttons on mine, our mouths still tangled—wet and messy. Her hands slid across my chest and shoulders, pushing my shirt open. Her thumb brushed my nipple ring and she gasped.
“Oh my god, you still have this?” She traced her finger along the dark silver piercing. Meeting my eyes, she grabbed it and tugged.
I grunted at the jolt of electricity that shot straight to my groin. She bit her lip, the corners of her mouth turning up in a wicked smile, and pulled again. Harder. A groan rumbled deep in my throat and I slid my thumb over the lacy fabric of her bra, feeling her nipple harden. I pinched it through the lace and gave it a light pull.
Her hand left my chest and went straight for my cock, squeezing me through my pants.
“Are we doing this here?” She squeezed again.
“Yeah.” My mind was clouded over with desire, but I was pretty sure we were alone. And this wouldn’t have been the riskiest place we’d ever fucked.
“Good,” she said.
We ripped the rest of our clothes off between hard kisses, full of aggression. Lips, tongues, teeth. She bit my lip and held it, but I fucking loved it when she did shit like that. When she let go, I grabbed her hair and pulled her head backwards, exposing her neck. Grazed my teeth up the skin of her throat.
She reached for my cock, but I grabbed her wrist, my other hand still fisted in her hair.
“Not yet,” I said low into her ear. “I want your taste in my mouth while I fuck you.”
She moaned and relaxed her arm against my grip, ceding control to me. I led her to the upholstered bench on the opposite wall and laid her down on the supple leather. Running my hands up her thighs, I pushed her legs open. “God, Zoe, your pussy is beautiful.”
I slid my tongue up each side of her slit, caressing the silky skin. She sighed my name as I teased her—as I licked and sucked with just enough pressure to make her tremble.
I groaned and lapped my tongue against her clit. Flicked it. Swirled my tongue around the soft nub while she writhed. Her back arched and she moaned. Clamping down on her, I sucked on her clit. She ran her fingers through my hair and her heels dug into my shoulders.
“Holy fuck, Roland.”
Hearing my name on her lips, in that low breathy voice, made my dick throb. I licked and sucked, and her grip on my hair tightened. Her hips rolled, and her breath came in short gasps—soft whimpers in time with my rhythm.
I reached up and pinched her nipple between my thumb and forefinger. She cried out and her whole body shuddered as I pulled on her hard peak.
The need to be inside her was almost more than I could bear. Her taste on my tongue and the sound of her cries were driving me insane. But I had to make her come like this.
I tugged on her nipple while my mouth worked her clit, knowing it would send her over the edge. She rewarded me with a loud moan and bucked her hips against my mouth while she came.
“Oh my god,” she said between breaths. She brushed her hair back from her face. “Now that was a fucking orgasm.”
I smiled and licked my lips. God, I loved the way she tasted. “You like that?”
“Yeah, but I’m still pissed at you.”
“For what?” I asked.
“For everything,” she said.
The challenge in her eyes was such a turn on. If I didn’t have her now, I was going to lose my mind.
“Fine, be mad,” I said. “But get on your fucking knees.”
She gave me that wicked smile again and turned over, getting on her hands and knees. I grabbed her hips and slid the tip of my cock up and down her slit.
“You better fuck me now,” she said.
I smacked her ass cheek with the palm of my hand, just hard enough to make it sting. She sucked in a quick breath and looked over her shoulder.
“Did you just spank me?”
In answer, I smacked her ass again.
She groaned, arching her back harder. “Again.”
Smack.
“Oh fuc
k, Roland. Again.”
I spanked her one more time before thrusting my cock inside her—hard.
Holding her hips tight, I stayed buried deep inside her. I closed my eyes, reveling in the feel of her pussy wrapped around my dick. God, she felt good. She always had. No one had ever felt better. Goddammit, that was true. No one had ever compared to Zoe. I didn’t know what I was going to do with that either.
Instead of dwelling on the growing ache in my chest, I tried to fuck the demons out of both of us.
I dug my fingers into her hips and drove into her. My cock slid in and out of her wetness, and our bodies slammed together with each thrust. I grunted, losing myself in the feel of her. In the taut muscles in her core, tightening around me. In the sound of her voice, rhythmic and sensual. In the swell of her hips and the lines of her back, her hair cascading around her bare shoulders.
God, this woman was sexy as fuck.
I thrust faster, pounding her with reckless abandon. Her cries grew frenzied. Desperate. So I gave her more, feeling her heat build. Her pussy clench. She started to come again…
And I came undone.
The force of my climax sucked the air from my lungs. My body stiffened and every nerve ending seemed to fire at once. The pressure in my groin unloaded in a hot rush of intensity. I thrust again and again as my cock pulsed inside her, my vision going dark. I held tight to her hips as she rocked her ass into me, pulling out the last spurts of come.
My chest rose and fell fast with my breath and a bead of sweat trickled down my temple, past my ear. Zoe shifted forward, letting my cock slide out of her. She stood and smoothed down her hair, her beautiful body glistening in the low light.
I wanted to pull her against me and hold her. Curl up on the bench and tuck her body next to mine. Stroke her hair. Come down off this high with her wrapped in my arms.
But she gave me a little smile and walked back to the counter to pick up her clothes. I watched her dress, the ache in my chest returning with a vengeance.
I felt like a dumbass for just staring at her, so I picked up my clothes and put them back on. I didn’t understand the pain in the pit of my stomach. The emptiness that kept spreading through me. I’d had her. What the fuck else did I want?
Everything. I wanted everything.
She grabbed the bottle of whiskey and came to stand in front of me. Lifted up on her tip-toes to brush her lips against mine.
“Thanks,” she said, her voice soft. “Have a good night.”
Then she turned and walked away.
I watched her go, knowing I was screwed. Maybe that had gotten me out of her system, but she was deep in mine. Deeper than I’d let myself admit until now. Because beneath everything, I wasn’t angry. I was hurt. Wounded and raw, and one ill-advised fuck had ripped me open again.
19
Zoe
“Ms. Sutton?”
I blinked, coming back to reality with a start. Oh my god, I was a mess this morning. My client sat across the little table from me, her eyebrows raised.
“Sorry,” I said. “What was that?”
She repeated her question and we discussed the options for her parents’ anniversary party. I wrote down everything she said, knowing nothing would stick in my brain. Usually my mind was on overdrive during a consultation. I’d already have the event half-planned by the time I got back to my office. Today I was just trying to survive.
Fortunately, this particular party was six months away, so I had time to make up for my lack of vision. I thanked her for coming and told her I’d be in touch soon.
Grateful my one and only client meeting was finished for the day, I trudged back up to my office. Still no Roland. He had plenty of reasons to be away from his office today. His parents had just split up. I hadn’t seen any of the Miles family this morning. They were probably together, working out the details of what they were going to do now that Lawrence was gone. It couldn’t be that Roland was avoiding me after last night.
God, last night. What the hell had I done?
I tossed my notebook on my desk and sank into my chair. Sleeping with Roland had not been my plan when I’d gone downstairs with a bottle of Jack. I’d just wanted to see if he needed to talk. Be a friend, maybe. But I was terrible at being friends with Roland. My behavior last night was proof of that.
It hadn’t been my idea—or at least, I hadn’t made the first move—but I certainly hadn’t stopped it, either.
Had it been a mistake? It hadn’t felt like a mistake at the time. But who thinks they’re making a terrible choice when they’re in the midst of mind-blowing sex? Obviously not me.
My god, he’d felt good. It was like waking up and realizing I’d spent the last four years eating nothing but plain white bread, and here was a freaking gourmet meal. How had I forgotten how fucking amazing he was?
I remembered now. Oh my god, did I remember.
Thinking about him was not helping me get any work done. I blew out a long breath and smoothed down my hair. This was fine. Roland and I had always been good at sex. That had never been the issue. We’d obviously been dancing around our physical attraction to each other, and we’d indulged in it last night. After everything with his dad, Roland had probably needed to get it out of his system. Hopefully he’d gone home feeling better, and when we saw each other it wouldn’t be awkward.
Because it certainly wasn’t happening again.
Another deep breath. Get your head together, Zoe. You have a job to do.
A job that was more difficult to do without my phone, and I didn’t see it anywhere. My desk was messy—as usual—so I rifled through things, looking for it. Where the hell had I put it?
Leo appeared in the doorway and I paused, surprised to see him.
“Hey,” I said. “How is everyone this morning?”
“Mom’s okay,” he said. “Brynn’s with her. They’re going to the spa and Roland paid for a couple more nights in the hotel.”
“Good,” I said. “She needs a break.”
“Yeah.”
“What about you?” I asked. “How are you holding up?”
He shut the door behind him. “I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah,” he said. “We’ll manage. This will be better in the long run, even for Mom.”
“Especially for your mom,” I said.
He nodded and sank into the chair across my desk. “I actually didn’t come up here to talk to you about my parents.”
“Oh?” I asked, lifting a notebook to see if my phone was beneath it. “Then what’s up?”
“The Big House wasn’t empty last night,” he said.
I froze and kept my eyes on the desk. Oh shit. “Okay…”
“Yeah, so we need to talk.”
Oh god. Leo handled winery security, and I knew there were cameras on the property. Were there any inside the Big House? I couldn’t remember—almost didn’t want to know.
Squaring my shoulders, I sat up in my chair. It wasn’t like Roland and I had never been caught having sex. We both had an exhibitionist streak, and it had been worse when we were younger. A couple of horny teenagers who couldn’t keep their hands off each other, and who both got off on fucking in dangerous places, was a recipe for quite a few… interruptions.
“All right,” I said, brushing my hair back over my shoulder. “Were we on camera?”
“No,” he said. “The security cameras are outside. Ben was still here, and he heard something, so he called me.”
That was a relief. Although I felt bad about making things awkward for Ben.
“Okay, so what’s the issue?”
“First of all, gross,” he said. “I hope one of you cleaned up.”
I chewed on my lower lip. I certainly hadn’t. I’d walked out before I lost my mind and asked him to come home with me so we could do it again. And then maybe a third time. And then tied him to my bed and forced him to spend the night so I could fuck him again in the morning.
God, what was wrong wi
th me?
Roland’s dick, that’s what was wrong with me. His great big magical fucking dick.
“I don’t… Leo… Why are you making this weird?”
He sighed. “Because you need to be careful.”
He had that right. I did need to be careful. Because no matter how hard I tried to pretend last night had just been sex—that I was so distracted today I could barely function simply because I’d had a good fuck—I was kidding myself. I’d felt something with him. An intimacy I didn’t think existed anymore. That shit was dangerous.
But I didn’t want Leo to know.
“It wasn’t a big deal,” I said. “We got carried away. Yesterday was rough, and sometimes a nice fuck is just the thing. We’ve done it before, so…”
Leo grunted.
“You don’t need to worry about me,” I said. “I’m a big girl. I can handle it.”
“I’m not worried about you,” he said. “I’m worried about my brother.”
“Why? Trust me, he had no complaints last night.”
“I could tell,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “That’s not what I mean. Do you really not see it?”
“Not see what?”
“The way he looks at you,” he said.
Leo was freaking me out. He was looking at me straight on—not hiding his face at all. He didn’t do that very often. It wasn’t that seeing his scars bothered me—not in the least. They were a part of who he was now. But I wasn’t used to this kind of scrutiny from him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said.
“Zoe, it’s Roland,” he said. “He’s not some dude you can just call when you feel like getting laid.”
“Excuse me?” I asked. “Last I checked, Roland and I are both adults. If we want to randomly have sex, there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Not my point.”
“Then what is your point?” I asked. “Because I think you’re insinuating that I talked Roland into sleeping with me last night. Newsflash, Leo, it wasn’t me. That was all Roland.”
“Okay, and why do you think he did that?” he asked.
I shrugged, keeping my face calm, but inside it was like a storm breaking. Why had Roland done that? It wasn’t the first time we’d been alone together since he’d been home. There had been other opportunities for us to fuck around. He’d had me drunk in his bed. I hadn’t given his reasons a lot of thought last night. I’d been too busy letting my lady parts think for me.
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