He's My Associate

by Cay Harrington

  He heard Joseph shift from foot to foot, saw his shadow follow suit. An arm raised and then dropped back to his side.

  “You know I quit drinking.”

  “Just because you quit doesn’t mean I forgive you. The two don’t go hand in hand.”

  Joseph’s sigh floated over to him, heavy. “I didn’t think it would mean not seeing our son for near on a year.”

  “What did you think would happen? I’d smile after and pretend you didn’t just break my nose? Snap out of it and say I’ll marry a girl, promise.”

  He finished his beer and set it down on the wood. Finally, he turned to Joseph, glaring through the sun to see his haggard expression.

  “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t think it was proper.”

  “And now you do?”

  Joseph was silent.

  “You haven’t changed,” Cooper said, shaking his head. He straightened and pointed at the door leading to the kitchen where he knew Ryan was likely spying through the glare of the sun. “I’m surprised you didn’t throw Ryan out.”

  “Your mother said you hated your boss.”

  Cooper shrugged. “Sometimes I do. Sometimes I like him too.”

  It wasn’t a lie.

  “You’re really dating your boss? Don’t they have a rule against that somewhere?”

  Cooper curled his lips. “Probably.” They did. But it hardly mattered given the situation, and his soon to be promotion.

  “He’s a nice kid.”

  “You’ve barely talked to him except to complain about Malcolm.”

  “He agrees with what I say,” Joseph said. “That’s good enough for me. More than I ever got out of you.”

  “Because I was the problem child.”

  “You were a trouble maker. Bullheaded, hyper, willful to a fault. Popular with anyone who met you. Too popular. A lady’s man. Always thought you’d be the one getting a girl knocked up.” Joseph smiled at some memory. “Don’t know where you got it from.”

  “You,” Cooper reminded him. “You always loved to say I got everything from you.”

  “Not everything.”

  Cooper caught the eye of Ryan through the window. He quickly looked away, hands busy beside Cat’s in a big glass bowl.

  “Like what?” Cooper asked, spinning the empty bottle around as he watched the way Ryan’s mouth moved, saying something that had Cat in giggles. The sun reflected harsh off the glass, a strange theft of the slope of Ryan’s cheeks as he smiled.

  Cooper felt sick to his stomach. Blamed it on the beer.

  “I’m a mean drunk. You’re a happy drunk. And you handle your liquor better than I ever could.”

  Cooper turned to his father, thirty years of experiences and memories playing over in his head, leading up to the fight that had changed so much.

  Joseph was staring hard at Cooper, eyes gentle despite the gravity of his words. Cooper knew it wasn’t the apology, but it was a kind of apology.

  Maybe that was all he’d ever get.

  Cat cooed when she saw Cooper coming back inside.

  “Oh, good! Ryan was just telling me all about the first time you asked him out!”

  Cooper tilted his head, watching the muscle of Ryan’s cheek leap.

  “Oh? How did it go again?”

  Ryan waved a hand in the air. “Please, don’t be silly, Cooper. You remember.”

  Cooper leaned a hip against the counter, not looking away from the myriad of expressions that waged war over Ryan’s face. His twitching eyebrow, tense eyes, hard jaw framing a failing smirk.

  “You tell it so much better than I do.”

  Cat bumped her hip into Ryan’s and smiled conspiratorially at him. “I wouldn’t mind hearing it one more time.”

  Ryan heaved in a breath and sighed, eyes narrowing for an instant before he began.

  “Well I always knew Cooper had a thing for me. You’re very transparent, you know.”

  “Oh,” Cooper said. “For sure.”

  “He was practically begging to be my assistant when a…position opened up.”

  The position being the firing of a former employee. Smooth.

  Ryan dropped his eyes for a moment. “I knew your son was quite educated. Put himself through school. Graduated top of his class. Extensive volunteer work doing things most people wouldn’t even think to do, let alone bother with.” He nodded, almost to himself. “Yes, I approved his hire because I knew any other firm didn’t deserve him. I knew he’d be a good lawyer. I knew he was just…good. A good person.”

  Cat’s smile warmed. “Must have been fate. You just knew you needed to have him.”

  Ryan met Cooper’s eyes, holding them. He nodded again.

  “I did. I needed him.”

  Cooper swallowed.

  It was a game.

  Fake.

  A lie.

  He couldn’t blink.

  “Anyway, shortly after he accepted my request of him being my assistant, I realized I—I realized he felt something for me. You can’t hide so many flirty looks in such a small space, of course. And he always seems to be there, just waiting for me. Always knows exactly what I need when I need it, often before I think of it.” He leaned into Cat, back to his usual suave self. Cooper’s heart still raced, a stampede behind his ribs. “He’s incredibly smart, self-motivated, and hard working. He’s certainly made my life more bearable. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

  Cooper felt his heart might stop.

  Ryan went on. “When he asked me out it was actually in front of my mother—Gloria, who owns the firm for now. I thought it was very bold of him, so I said yes.”

  Not a lie, but not a truth either. Ryan had always been so good with words. How to seamlessly sew two realities together, linking threads that had no business connecting.

  Cat’s eyes went wide. “Cooper, look at you! I remember you always bringing home different girlfriends in high school—oh, he was all the rage you know—I’m happy you finally landed a good one.”

  Ryan laughed, an edge of gossip in it. He shot a hand out and wrapped his fingers around Cooper’s wrist.

  Cooper looked down at their hands, and Ryan noticed.

  Cat noticed too. She waved a hand at them both. “Go on, what’s a holiday if you don’t have some time to yourselves? I’ve kidnapped Ryan enough for today. Thank you for all your help, sweetheart.”

  Ryan actually blushed. “Of course.”

  Cooper nodded, muttering something about dinner. He didn’t even know what, he just knew he needed to get out of there.

  He took the lead. He stepped quickly past the kitchen, Ryan in tow where he still held Cooper’s arm. May was being badgered by Malcolm on the couch, arguing about the semantics of football.

  He walked past all that. He eyed the door and the stairs.

  He led Ryan up the stairs.

  Ryan followed silently, didn’t even bother tugging his hand free. Probably best for keeping up appearances, Cooper knew. Best to hold up the lie.

  Upstairs it was easier to breathe. Easier to acknowledge the strangely erratic thump of his heart as he stopped in the doorway to the guest bedroom he’d put their luggage in. They parted as he doubled over, breathing deep. Ryan just stood by, watching him try and catch his breath.

  “Are you dying?” he asked. “Tell me if I need to call an ambulance, but maybe try and wait it out. I tried the stuffing and it’s very good. I don’t want to miss it.”

  Cooper huffed. He straightened and met Ryan’s gaze, seeing Ryan already staring at him.

  “Did you mean all that?”

  Ryan made a face. “Of course. I only lie when I need to.”

  “You looked at my resume?”

  “Gloria may handle most things, but it’s me who oversees who comes into the company or not. I make the final decision who I’m working with.”

  “And you still made me a temp?”

  Ryan just kept staring at him. “Everyone starts out a temp. Or an intern. There are steps. Why do y
ou think I cornered you into being my assistant when the time came?”

  Cooper threw his hands up. “Always thought it was because I never kowtowed to your…” He gestured at all of him. Ryan nodded encouragingly. “You-ness.”

  “My anger and bullshit, you mean?”

  Cooper nodded. “Yes!”

  Ryan laughed. “You aren’t the type to submit to anyone. I respected that about you. I still do. You’re a very good assistant.”

  Cooper closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the doorframe.

  “So you’re just reluctant to promote me because you know the next logical step is either I make partner in a few years or leave the firm for someone who will make me partner.”

  “Or if you open your own.”

  “Yeah,” Cooper breathed. “That. And just for the record, I do not look flirtatiously at you.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “That’s my extreme dislike for how you treat others.”

  “Absolutely.”

  “And,” Cooper said, finding himself unable to stop talking. Why couldn’t he stop talking? He was rambling. “I do not follow you around. I only seem to be everywhere you are because that is my job.”

  “Yes,” Ryan breathed, and Cooper could feel it soft on his cheek. He stayed still, eyes still shut. He was dreaming, it was a lie, a game, a false—

  Ryan’s hands stroked up his arms, and he was close, too close, close enough—

  Cooper let himself be kissed. Someone let out a little moan, and he wasn’t entirely sure it was him or not. Ryan tightened his grip to bruising when Cooper started kissing back. Soft, slow, close-mouthed things. Easy and innocent, despite the heat crawling over his chest from it. Ryan breathed in and Cooper automatically licked his lips, wanting to be let in. And Ryan let him. Let himself be licked into, and he tasted like bread and onions and he was so warm, even from the barest touch he could get from grasping at Ryan’s waist.

  Ryan whispered, “Cooper.” Melted against him and sighed in a pretty way that had Cooper wanting to tear his clothes off. “Cooper,” he said again.

  Then Cooper heard it. Steps coming up the stairs.

  He bit Ryan’s lip once before letting him go. He reached up to run his thumb over his mouth.

  Ryan was flushed, dark hair out of place from its usual sweep to hang loose at his shoulders. He released his death grip from Cooper’s arms and stepped back.

  It was Malcolm. He glared at them as he passed and Cooper, reminded very much of when Malcolm had been a fifteen-year-old pissed off at his brother coming home to visit during break, watched him as he fled to his room and slammed the door.

  He turned back to Ryan who was worrying his lip between his teeth.

  Cooper reached up and cupped his cheek, allowing himself to run the same thumb over Ryan’s lips.

  “You’ll bruise,” Cooper told him. Ryan immediately stopped.

  It occurred to him then they shouldn’t have any reason to hide what they were doing. They were supposed to be dating, after all. It was a game. This was part of that game.

  And the way Ryan was looking everywhere but at him told him he was right.

  Just a game.

  Dinner was a lot, frankly.

  Dinner was too much food, not enough alcohol, and too much Joseph.

  They all sat packed around his parents’ too-small-for-parties table and passed dishes around from one person to the next until their plates were stacked with food they wouldn’t finish. Joseph’s was the highest, and Cooper knew it had to be his replacement for drinking—and very likely the main contributor to the gut he was starting to sport.

  Malcolm sat next to Joseph, across from Ryan, with May on his other side. Cat sat at the other end of the table with Cooper next to her. Beneath the overzealous spread of food, Cooper was hyperaware of the knee Ryan kept pressed easy to his.

  Malcolm pushed his food around his plate, effectively nibbling while Cat and May dived in, chatting about the game from the afternoon. Joseph swallowed three bites, and Cooper knew it was coming, he knew it.

  “So Ryan, how long will you two be keeping this up?”

  Cooper dropped his fork while Ryan gasped down his own food. He really was enjoying the stuffing.

  “Eating or dating, sir?”

  “Now, son, no need to call me sir,” Joseph told him. His gaze twinkled when he regarded Cooper. “And I mean to say, what are your intentions with my son?”

  “Oh my god,” Cooper muttered, going to retrieve his fork.

  “I plan to have him give me this recipe when we get back so I can have it year-round.” Ryan turned to Cat. “This stuffing is lovely.”

  She smiled at him until May asked her another question.

  Ryan threw a pleading look to Cooper before turning back to face Joseph.

  “I think you should be asking Cooper that.”

  Cooper almost dropped his fork again.

  “Alright. Son, I assume we’ll be seeing a lot more of Ryan now?”

  Cooper felt a twitch threaten his eye. “Why?”

  “Because you brought him…today?”

  “And?”

  Ryan shoved his knee hard into his beneath the table.

  “What I think your father is trying to ask you, Cooper, is do we have plans.”

  “That’s a good way to put it,” his father agreed. “For your future together.”

  Cooper took the slowest bite of ham he could manage, swallowing it down and clearing his throat before answering. He still didn’t have an answer.

  “We haven’t discussed it.”

  There, that was the truth.

  “Oh,” Ryan cooed. “But haven’t we?”

  Cooper hated him.

  “Remind me,” he said dryly.

  Ryan beamed. “You remember.”

  Cooper would strangle him later. Then he’d blame Ryan’s untimely death on the stuffing. He would risk his parents never making it again if it meant he never had to live through the embarrassment of this conversation.

  “I think we did mention something about next month.” A trip or something. Just say a trip.

  “Ah yes, Christmas!”

  As soon as the word left Ryan’s mouth, his eyes shimmied to Cooper in that way he knew meant Ryan was about to flounder. He’d just dug his own grave. Deeper, actually.

  “Going on holiday?” his father asked genially.

  “Well, things have just been going so well today,” Cooper said. “I suggested we take you guys to the mountains for a proper winter holiday. A week long holiday.”

  “Yes!” Ryan agreed too quickly. His eyes said save me and I fucking hate that idea at the same time. Cooper could relate.

  The conversation had died at the other end of the table. May was watching them like a hawk.

  “And Ryan, being the kind, loving boyfriend that I know him to be.” May was staring daggers at him, he could feel it. He would have to explain that one later. “Offered to pay for everything.”

  “I did?”

  “He did!” Cat half-shouted. She reached across to take Ryan’s hands in hers, kissing them in her glee. “We were just talking about how much we miss the snow! We’ve not gone traveling in ages.”

  “I did,” Ryan breathed out, weak. “It’ll be fun.”

  Joseph nodded, pleased. “Knew you were a good kid.”

  Cooper was still confused by his father. He only ever knew the Joseph who drank. The Joseph he’d had relatively few problems with until he brought up a guy he’d been seeing. Then the fight happened. And now they were here, a year later with Joseph seeming totally changed.

  He couldn’t believe it.

  Couldn’t trust it.

  Couldn’t really fathom how Joseph liked Ryan. Like he honestly enjoyed Ryan’s company, what little he’d had of it so far.

  He didn’t want another fight.

  And now it had the potential to be worse than the last time. Ryan was here. If there was a fight, if Joseph got pissed at Ryan—

&n
bsp; Cooper felt an almost fierce anger bloom to life inside him and he tamped it down, quick. Hated it, was scared by it. By how quick it had come.

  He touched Ryan’s thigh beneath the table and though Ryan gave nothing away while he continued talking with his parents about where they’d like to go, he could feel the jump in his leg. Then he relaxed into it, didn’t move away. Cooper rubbed his thumb back and forth.

  He just needed to feel Ryan there, beside him. Safe and okay.

  Cooper would make sure Joseph never treated Ryan like he treated his own children.

  He figured things were stable enough to leave Ryan alone with his parents while he did the dishes. He cleaned the table and washed up while everyone wandered into the living room or the deck to enjoy the cool early evening air.

  “Hey,” came his brother’s voice. Malcolm sidled up beside him.

  Cooper scrubbed while he waited for Malcolm to say whatever it was he thought he needed to.

  “Nan and I haven’t been together for eight months.”

  Cooper sighed down at the suds. “What happened?”

  “The same thing that usually happens to high school sweethearts. Got sick of each other. Got pregnant too young. I wanted a third kid. She didn’t.”

  “Too much too fast.”

  “For her, yeah.”

  “How are the kids?”

  “They’re good. Seth’s toddling.”

  Cooper smiled. “He always was a fast learner.”

  “He gets it from his mom.”

  Malcolm wiped at his eyes.

  “You’re really moving to Missouri? That’s not too backwater for you?”

  “We come from backwater, Coop. And yeah. It’s nice. Quiet. I’ll only be there for a few years I think.”

  “A trial run?”

  “Exactly.”

  “You can’t run away and be a hermit, kid.”

  Malcolm shrugged, looking like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

  “Maybe just for a little bit. I’ll still fly out all the time. And you know Nan’s family is right around the corner in Oklahoma.”

  Cooper started loading dishes in the dishwasher, methodical about it.

  “I don’t care what you two do. If you work it out or not. But do me a favor, Malcolm.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t fuck up your kids’ lives. Be there for them.”