He's My Associate

by Cay Harrington

  Malcolm pinched the bridge of his nose. “Don’t have to tell me twice.” He cast a sidelong glance at their father, hand rubbing circles on Cat’s upper back. She leaned her head on his shoulder while they listened to whatever grand schemes Ryan was concocting without Cooper there to rein him in.

  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his parents look so…

  “They’ve been better, since he quit,” Malcolm said, sounding thoughtful. “I like your boss, by the way.”

  “You mean my boyfriend?” Cooper corrected him, closing up the dishwasher and rinsing his hands a final time. When he toweled his hands off, he saw Malcolm looking at him in a funny way.

  “If you say so.” Cooper held his breath, waiting for the hammer to fall. Instead, all Malcolm said was, “By the way, if you two are taking suggestions, I vote we go to Alaska for Christmas. Never been.”

  Cooper could only nod as Malcolm pushed off from the counter, going to join their parents.

  Cooper was in the shower when he heard a knock. Or he thought he heard one. He finished up and when he stepped out, Ryan was there sitting on the queen-sized bed, headphones in.

  Cooper cupped himself with a hand right as Ryan glanced up.

  His eyes bugged and then he was smirking.

  “Come on, lover, let me see the goods. Don't look so naked and afraid.”

  “Piss off,” Cooper laughed, shuffling back inside the bathroom to grab a towel. He covered himself—despite Ryan’s imploring eyes trying to sneak a look—and went to sit on the sofa chair, sinking into the cushions.

  Ryan pulled his earphones out and sat his phone to the side, lying back with his hands clasped over his stomach.

  “I think I’ll wake up and have gained thirty pounds.”

  “How will you manage to fit in your fourteen suits?”

  Ryan scoffed. “I’ll just rip them apart and sew them into one big suit. Specifically designed to accentuate my gut.”

  “Gloria will think she’s got that grandkid she’s been wanting after all.”

  Ryan rolled until he was facedown, laughing.

  “She fucking would.” Ryan settled down and pushed to his elbows, then straightened out to standing. “I’m taking a shower.” Then he was off, Burberry suit and all.

  Cooper finger-combed his hair into a loose tail and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. He settled back on the bed, his ankles hanging over the edge. He wondered how they’d fit on the bed comfortably while maintaining a decent distance apart. Then he realized that was silly, and of course Ryan would probably threaten him needlessly into getting the bed, while Cooper camped on the floor.

  He was so preoccupied thinking of how they would make it work, he didn’t immediately register when Ryan came out of the shower with a sigh, in a pair of flannel bottoms, q-tip stuffed squarely in his ear. He sighed, smoothed a hand over his bare chest, down his stomach—over the dark trail of hair leading down—

  And flopped down beside Cooper, their bare shoulders touching.

  “Where’s your suit?” he thought to ask when nothing else came to mind.

  “Hanging up.”

  “Huh,” Cooper managed. “Should we—”

  “Were you just waiting up for me to come to bed?”

  “What?”

  “You weren’t reading or on your phone. You were just staring at the wall, looking dumb.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I was not.”

  “Okay.”

  “Alaska.”

  Ryan shifted until he was on his side, propped on his elbow and giving Cooper a look.

  “What about Alaska?”

  “Malcolm suggested we go there for our holiday.”

  “Yes, the holiday. Your parents are very excited. May valiantly refuses to stay in anything less than the best hotel.”

  He smiled. “That’s May.”

  Ryan hummed. “Your parents don’t mind you dated her for a while?”

  “They don’t know. It was a weird thing, we tried it out for a while. Didn’t take.” He raised a brow. “Why? Are you jealous?”

  Ryan narrowed his eyes. “No.”

  “I think you are.”

  “Well, I’m not.”

  “You are!”

  “I’m not!”

  “God, you’re easy to get a rise out of.” Cooper laughed and threw a hand out to jostle him. A joke. A tease. Wasn’t thinking.

  Ryan brushed Cooper’s hand from his arm. Cooper tucked it against his chest as he turned so they could speak better. That was the only reason.

  “What would we do in Alaska?”

  “Snowboard? Fish? Go boating?”

  “Boating is boring. Try again.”

  “I’ve never been boating.”

  Ryan shook his head. “Try again.”

  Cooper pretended to contemplate. “We could Google search results for romantic getaway Alaskan weekend?”

  “Ah, we have a winner. Clearly.”

  “Thought you’d like that.”

  “Are they suspicious?”

  It came out of nowhere, how Ryan suddenly sounded nervous. Why was he worried?

  “No.” Cooper didn’t think it was important to mention Malcolm.

  He wanted to ask about the kiss. Wanted to know if Ryan was still thinking about it like he was.

  The silence dragged and something shifted between them. Some kind of tension filling the air. Cooper didn’t dislike it. But he didn’t like it either. It warned of things to come, a promise he couldn’t tell was good or bad yet.

  But Ryan broke it, snapped it like a twig.

  He flipped quickly to his other side, pulling the blankets high over his shoulder.

  “Good night,” Ryan said, too loud in the quiet and Cooper shrank back at his tone.

  He slipped his legs under the covers but didn’t move. Couldn’t move.

  He listened for an hour to Ryan breathing beside him. At some point it changed to the deep lengthy sighs of sleep. Ryan didn’t snore. He hardly moved.

  Cooper dared to rest his hand palm down an inch from Ryan’s blanket covered back. A water drop fell from his dark hair to splash cold on his finger. It felt better just being nearer to him, and he had no idea how that had happened. What had changed from this morning to right now?

  And then Cooper fell asleep too.

  4

  Cooper woke up to a jerk, a far away pain already halfway gone when he was finally up. There was black hair to greet him, tickling his nose. An ear just ahead. The pale curve of a cheek and Cooper realized, maybe a touch too late that he had his arm looped easily around Ryan’s waist.

  He froze. If he moved now, he’d likely wake Ryan. If he didn’t move, he could pretend to be asleep until Ryan woke up and blame the whole awkward encounter on him. But some quick to react sense of guilt ate him up at that and so he sighed, breath fanning Ryan’s curls. He smelled like soap and the unhurried sweat of a too-hot night. And it was still humid. Cooper’s pants were sticking uncomfortably to the backs of his thighs.

  Ryan’s ass was pressed right against him, and though it wasn’t unpleasant, the fact that it was the two of them was very much so. Highly unpleasant, in fact. Downright disastrous.

  Especially as Ryan did the quick dip-drop of a wakeful sigh, breath shuffling cold against Cooper’s arm as he went still. He knew. There was no chance for saving face now.

  “Don’t move,” came Ryan’s tempered voice. A command, groggy from sleep.

  Cooper watched as Ryan raised a hand to rub the sleep from his eyes.

  He snapped his arm up, pushing Cooper’s off him—and Cooper went along with it easily. He started to roll away, thankful beyond words that he hadn’t woken in a worse state.

  But Ryan turned until they were facing each other, arms drawn up to his chest.

  Cooper braced himself.

  “You were cuddling me.” Ryan’s tone and face gave nothing away. Cooper had no idea where it would lead.

  “No, I wasn’t.”

  “Yes, yo
u were.”

  Cooper rubbed at his face. “I didn’t consciously do it.”

  Ryan’s fingers landed on his wrist, drawing his hand back. Ryan blinked and leaned up on his elbows, suddenly at a vantage point Cooper wasn’t entirely comfortable with.

  “I’m touched,” he said, the corners of his mouth gone wobbly. Cooper waved a hand at him, a dismissal, a gentle slapping that caught Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan grinned.

  He groaned. “Let’s just get up and on with the day. We can say goodbye and get out of here.”

  “What did Joseph say to you?”

  Cooper blinked up at the ceiling. It was peeling in patches. He’d have to tell Cat.

  “When he took me outside?”

  “Yeah.”

  He could lie. That would be easier. But.

  “He tried to guilt me about Malcolm. Then started preaching about how he’s changed.” At Ryan’s steady stare, he continued. “Well, maybe not preached. But I don’t believe him. That’s not my life anymore. This isn’t my life anymore,” he repeated more quietly.

  “Now it’s the firm, May, and me,” Ryan said. It wasn’t a question.

  Cooper looked at the pinch of skin at Ryan’s chin as he lowered his head to flick his hair back over his shoulder. A red mark from the pillows was imprinted on his neck, one half of his jaw. Cooper wanted to rub it away, smooth the flesh back smooth again. Wanted to count his freckles.

  He thought it was a ridiculous inclination.

  “I didn’t know you had freckles,” he said instead like the idiot he was.

  Ryan’s eyes lowered to his mouth. He knew it was his mouth. Had to be.

  “I didn’t know you had a quadruple chin,” Ryan told him.

  “Wow.”

  “What? They’re charming.” Ryan lifted a finger to poke him in the throat, harder than either expected. Ryan’s eyes went wide as Cooper coughed. “Sorry.”

  “You’re not,” he said, rubbing his throat and eyeing him.

  Ryan’s hand lingered in the air, tense between them. He made a fist and let it rest slow on Cooper’s ribs. His green eyes followed the touch, almost stuck to it.

  “Why did you kiss me?” Cooper asked him.

  Ryan shrugged. “Why did you kiss me back?”

  He watched Ryan for a long while, assessing the situation. Wondered what would happen if he told the truth. That he didn’t even know what the truth was. What would happen if he lied, which he was never fond of doing in the first place.

  “You won’t fire me if I tell you?”

  Laughter bubbled out of his boss, tired and empty, odd things that sounded too loud in the small room with its empty cream walls.

  “I don’t screw over people I’ve made deals with, it’s bad for business.”

  “Yes, you do. I see you do it all the time.”

  Ryan met his eyes. “Not the important ones.”

  “Important deals?” Cooper breathed. “Or important people?”

  Silence was his answer. Ryan’s eyes darted down his face again, and Cooper felt something dark turn inside him. Ryan looked wild just then and Cooper wanted very badly to tell him the truth.

  So he did.

  “It felt good to kiss you,” Cooper murmured. Ryan’s breath shuddered out. “I wanted to kiss you.”

  Ryan’s lips twitched, parting to let out a low sound. His eyes flickered between his mouth, the bed, and back to Cooper’s eyes.

  Then, “Do you want to kiss me again?”

  Cooper reached up, choosing instead to palm Ryan’s neck. Green eyes shut, languid, a rough sound seemingly snatched free as Cooper encouraged him forward.

  He could feel Ryan’s breath on his face, felt the grounding twist of Ryan’s fingers against his chest as he fought to steady himself.

  Then a knock sounded on their door and they sprang apart.

  Malcolm swung the door open, looking harried—still in his sleep clothes, hair turned up, bags under his eyes. He took the two of them in.

  “Breakfast.”

  Then he padded away. He didn’t bother to shut the door again and soon enough the sounds of life drifted into the hall from downstairs.

  Cooper felt Ryan beginning to pull away, but he held fast.

  “They expect us to be this way,” Cooper told him. He felt like something important had flown past at an impossible speed. “Stay.”

  “I—” Ryan started.

  “Stay, Ryan.”

  Ryan pulled back again but Cooper didn’t budge. A devilish look entered Ryan’s eyes and he knew then, he was being baited.

  “And here I didn’t think you had the balls for—”

  “Oh my god,” came May’s voice from the door.

  Ryan hummed, clearly displeased. His expression fell so quickly Cooper witnessed every minute change as it happened. Fear, confusion, glee when he realized he could turn the situation around on their intruder again. He pulled away to turn to her where she stood with a hand over her eyes.

  “Say it isn’t so,” she moaned. “I really thought this was a hoax.”

  “Oh, we’re just having a little fun.” He patted Cooper’s chest. “Aren’t we, love?”

  Ryan laughed.

  Like it was a joke.

  It was a joke.

  Cooper had to remember that.

  A game.

  A lie.

  Yeah.

  Cooper felt sick. Something hot painting his throat as he swallowed, again and again, trying for words. A little fun, just a little—

  “Yeah,” Cooper said. “Just a game.”

  From the corner of his eye, Ryan’s wicked grin flickered, gone and back again in an instant.

  May groaned and headed off, eyes still firmly covered.

  Then—

  “You’re right,” Ryan said as he headed for the bathroom. “Let’s get out of here. I miss the office.”

  Cooper finally pulled himself out of bed.

  “You’re in my shirt. And you own a pair of jeans?”

  Ryan sat down at a plate filled with bacon and eggs with a shrug.

  Cooper leaned over and smiled at him, lowering his voice so Cat wouldn’t hear.

  “You look good, boss-man.”

  Ryan’s mouth went tight and he nodded shortly.

  Something had changed.

  Cooper had made a mistake. He shouldn’t have told Ryan the truth.

  He should have taken Ryan’s lead more. Should have learned to lie better.

  His mother noticed something was off about them as they ate breakfast. Cooper kept catching her wandering eyes. She would smile and blink back to her own toast, then a few seconds later be right back to eyeing them again. Especially Ryan.

  She gave Cooper a silent, pleading look and he shrugged. He didn’t know. He’d probably never know.

  Joseph was on the couch watching football.

  Malcolm and May were sipping coffee on the deck, letting the early morning sun wake their tired bones. Malcolm had managed to drag a brush through his hair at some point. He said something. May laughed.

  “They’re getting on well,” Ryan commented around a mouthful of bacon.

  “They always have,” Cooper said.

  May laughed at something else. Malcolm nudged her with an elbow and she returned it.

  He wondered.

  “So, Alaska,” Ryan announced, and Cat lit up. “It was suggested we all head to Alaska.”

  “That sounds wonderful! I’ve only been there a few times.” She turned around in her chair and waved at Joseph. “How does Alaska sound?”

  “Sounds good,” he said, not looking away from the television.

  “Oh! The snow! The mountains! Cooper we could go skiing!”

  “And snowboarding.”

  “Hiking too. And there’s plenty of shopping.” Cooper could swear her eyes were glowing she was so excited. “Oh and—”

  And so it went on and on and on.

  Cooper noticed Ryan kept a set distance between them. He hardly looked over. Barely
evem acknowledged him.

  Cooper moved his thigh to try and press against Ryan’s, but he snapped his leg away to cross it over his other knee. He set his chin on clasped hands and seamlessly indulged every single one of Cat’s Alaskan wiles. Yes of course he’ll pay for the trip. Yes of course he’ll ensure they experience the snow, the sea, and the city. Yes of course he’ll—

  Cooper sighed.

  The back door opened and with it a blast of hot air. Malcolm came over and grasped Ryan’s shoulder. May was behind him, mirth plain in her features.

  “Get up, we’re going out.”

  “Going out?” Cooper asked.

  Huh.

  “Where to?” Ryan asked, and ignored the way Cooper watched him.

  “I haven’t gotten a chance to bond with you, Ryan. A brother needs to vet all girlfriends and boyfriends of their sibling, right? Come on, get up. Let’s go hang out.” Malcolm smiled sadly at Cooper but he knew that smile as one of his brother’s favorite sorry not sorry looks. “You won’t mind I’m stealing your better half from you for the morning?”

  Cooper nodded slow. It took him a moment to realize he shouldn’t argue. Maybe he should.

  “No problem at all. Though we do have a flight at noon,” Ryan told him, smiling cheerily.

  “We’ll be back way before then, no worries.”

  And with that Malcolm hauled him up and away.

  Cooper couldn’t say he wasn’t relieved.

  Joseph came up behind Cooper when he was cleaning up breakfast. He startled at the hand Joseph placed between his shoulders.

  “Take a drive with me, son. Before you leave.”

  It wasn’t worth it, he thought.

  But his mother was watching. He knew she wasn’t happy about the state of their relationship. He knew she’d probably never be.

  “Just let me finish these.”

  Joseph was in the Mustang already when Cooper made his way to the door. He shut it maybe a little too hard, but couldn’t find it in himself to really care. Joseph didn’t look bothered one way or another about it.

  “Where are we going?”

  “I thought out by the water.”

  They hadn’t been there in years.

  “Alright.”

  The drive was nearly silent, save for the radio. Oldies played low, blending riffs with the wind and the rustle of pollen-ripe trees. Cooper sneezed once, and frowned when he couldn’t find a box of tissue.