He's My Associate

by Cay Harrington

  “Hey, uh. You doing alright?”

  Joseph stayed peering out at the serene water. “Do you care?”

  Cooper pushed the first response that to mind down, ignoring him. “Are you, though?”

  Joseph blinked and finally turned enough to eye him. “It’s been a hard year.”

  “Hard life.”

  “It has.”

  “I’ve been thinking lately,” he started, throat dry. He should just say it and get it done and over with. “About how we ended things during Thanksgiving.”

  Joseph faced him fully, serious.

  “I’m not going to forgive you. You don’t deserve that. But I’m going to forgive your current self for the sake of the future. But that forgiveness is conditional.” Cooper paused to allow his father to respond but he wisely kept his mouth shut. “You have to treat Mom better. And Malcolm. And you have to keep treating Ryan like how you have been today.”

  “Ryan’s a good kid. I like him.” He huffed, but Cooper could see the shimmer to his eyes. Joseph never cried. “He pisses you off.”

  “You like him because he pisses me off?”

  Joseph smiled softly, but the expression was tired. “I see how he keeps you on your toes. He’ll keep your life interesting.”

  Cooper nodded, allowing it. He wasn’t wrong.

  Not that they were really engaged or anything. Not like Cooper actually wanted to be—

  He swallowed and cleared his throat.

  “Thank you, Coop.” Joseph was still looking at him. He inclined his head after a moment and turned back to the water. “I’ll try.”

  That’s all he wanted anymore. Cooper leaned his elbows on the edge of the boat to peer down into the rippling water as it split into waves off the hull.

  “So, I hear you’re planning to adopt soon?”

  Cooper’s elbow slipped before he caught himself. “What?”

  “Your mother tells me you two mentioned kids. When were you thinking of adopting? Hopefully before I’m dead?” And then Joseph laughed, like it was funny.

  Never mind the absolute thundering of his pulse but Cooper shook his head, no. “Not now! Not right now. Not for a long time. Uh.”

  “But one day?” At Cooper’s hesitation to answer, Joseph leaned back to call Ryan over. “Ryan, boy! Cooper can’t seem to figure out what’s going on with your adoption schedule. Care to clear it up for an old man?”

  Cooper didn’t turn but could feel the tension rolling off Ryan as he walked over. He settled at Cooper’s side, hands in the pockets of his suit jacket, tucked under the vest.

  “What,” he said, smooth, “You didn’t tell him how we visited with a sweet girl upstate? She’s a lovely thing. Name’s Sonya.”

  Cooper swore he swallowed his own tongue.

  Something in Joseph’s eye twinkled happily. If anything, Cooper knew, Joseph was always smitten with Malcolm’s kids. Easier to be a doting grandfather a fourth of the time, he supposed, than a good father all the time.

  “Delightful. How old is she?”

  Ryan smiled, effortless. Like it was real. “She’s twelve and a spitfire. Told Cooper to fuck off when we met her.”

  Cooper leaned back, surprised that Joseph was laughing.

  “Oh, she’s a keeper then. She’ll have you two wrapped around her finger in no time. Cooper will spoil her, he loves doing that. Always spoiled Malcolm growing up. Always was a selfless kid. Very giving.”

  Ryan blinked over to him, giving him a searching look.

  Cooper couldn’t take this. Couldn’t take talk of a hypothetical daughter, a tween daughter. Couldn’t take the content glint in his father’s eye at the prospect of another grandchild to send gifts in the mail.

  Couldn’t take how sincere Ryan sounded when he said, “I know Cooper will be wonderful with children. He’s got a good heart. Too big probably, but nothing a few dietary restrictions can’t fix.”

  Joseph absolutely guffawed at that. Cooper couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t take it, any of it.

  And most of all couldn’t take the strangely painful lurch in his chest the more the words hung in the air, unanswered.

  He smiled, feeling weak. Said, “I’ll leave you two to catch up on everything. I’m feeling a little seasick, need to lie down for a minute.”

  Ryan’s eyes trailed him, heavy on his back the entire way into the small cabin beneath the deck. Cooper slumped down, lying back with an arm over his eyes.

  It was fake.

  Why did it hurt?

  Ryan found him minutes later.

  “Cooper.”

  Cooper raised a hand in greeting before letting it fall back to cover his eyes. He heard Ryan approach, crouching beside him. The boat swayed and he planted an elbow beside Cooper’s ribs to steady himself. He rested his hands over Cooper’s chest, picking idly at his vest.

  “Too far?” Ryan offered.

  “Kind of a shitty thing, getting their hopes up.”

  Ryan made a soft sound. He took Cooper’s hand and pulled it away from his face. Cooper sniffled.

  “I got your hopes up too, I think.” It wasn’t a question.

  “I’m being stupid. It’s silly.” Ryan wiped a thumb under one eye. “It’s just—you sounded so—”

  “I meant what I said,” Ryan told him, gaze unwavering as he held Cooper’s eyes. “You’d be a good father, I think. Not that I’m asking you to, you know, have kids with me or anything. That’s kind of wild don’t you think? A touch too soon even.”

  He laughed lightly, trying to brush it off. Cooper swallowed and tried to smile. It didn’t quite work.

  Ryan wiped his eyes for him, leaned forward and pressed his mouth to Cooper’s. It was a sweet thing.

  “Sometimes I forget where we are on this timeline of ours. Sometimes it feels we’re further ahead than we actually are.”

  “I forget sometimes too.” Ryan kissed him again. “Doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”

  It was the first time Ryan had ever…ever gotten so close to what Cooper wanted to ask him. At least talk to him about. The future. Their future. How long Ryan was in this for. How he felt.

  Cooper swallowed down three words he’d had to swallow down so often for weeks. It never got any easier.

  “I talked to Joseph. Just a little, but I said what I needed to for now.”

  Ryan nodded, nosed at his cheek. It felt like comfort. “I promise to tone down the shit starting for a bit.”

  Cooper turned his head, butted Ryan’s forehead with his own. Leaned back to meet his warm gaze. “Not unless you plan on sending Cat pictures of this hypothetical kid. Sonya? Where’d you pull that from?”

  Color rose to Ryan’s cheeks. “It just sounded nice is all.”

  Cooper suspected that wasn’t the only reason why. But he didn’t push it.

  “Hey, Ryan.”

  “Hm?”

  Cooper blinked and kissed his cheek instead.

  “Nothing.”

  9

  There was a lot to be said for natural wonders of the world.

  Like volcanoes. And caves. And forests. Icebergs counted among them, though Cooper admittedly had never thought to go see one. It was a beautiful sight, and he found the tour guide interesting, if a little droning. The guide seemed to be encouraging moves inland as opposed to coastal realty. Really a picker upper.

  But Ryan, he found, had a slightly more wilted view on the subject than he did.

  “It’s kind of…small,” Ryan commented, brows drawn up. “I hadn’t realized.”

  “You’re looking at the wrath of global warming, son,” Gloria chimed in behind him, equally serious as she stared out at the receding glacier. “We’re too late.”

  Cooper rolled his eyes. Cat grabbed at him, whispering in a hushed voice, “Are they always this dour?”

  “Pretty much.”

  Cat clicked her tongue. She raised her camera to snap pictures of them, then of Cooper. He winced and shielded his face to a wave of her laughter.

 
; “He really loves you,” she said, abrupt and happy in her motherly way. “I’m so happy you two found each other.”

  Cooper tried not to visibly react. “You think so?”

  She made a face. “Loves you enough to put up with this chaos for a whole week? Clearly.”

  He snorted. “Ryan likes to think he embodies chaos.”

  “Well, he navigates it well enough.” She hummed and angled her camera to sneak more pictures of Ryan’s profile. “Marriage is easy. It’s dealing with the family that’s hard as hell.” A pause, as the tour guide started explaining the woes of the earth’s climate. “His mother’s a hoot.”

  “Is she?”

  Cat elbowed him. “She loves him. They just have a lot to work out.”

  Cooper huffed a laugh. “What, did she spill the depths of her heart to you while we were fishing?”

  Cat’s eyebrows rose slowly and Cooper gasped dramatically. “No way.”

  “Yes way,” his mother insisted. “But that’s none of your business, nosy.”

  Cooper could only laugh. His mother placed a hand on his side, urging him to go to Ryan, that she wanted pictures of the two of them. They hadn’t taken any pictures together. Though something about having proof of their being together sent a pleasant tingle up his spine.

  Cat corralled them together until she had a good view of glacier. She instructed them to hug, kiss, hold hands, turn this way and that, and on and on.

  Ryan dutifully smiled through all of them. Cooper wondered why until they were finally free and Ryan leaned over and said, “I want copies.”

  “You’re going to put them on your desk?”

  Ryan hummed, conniving. “Don’t push me. I might put them in a framed collage just to embarrass you.”

  A smile pulled at him, and so he buried it in Ryan’s neck. “I wouldn’t dare.”

  They got back late. Malcolm fried them the fish they’d caught that morning and it was, in Cooper’s opinion, some of the best he ever had. He’d have to needle the recipe out of Malcolm before they left.

  One by one, they retired to their own cabins, exhausted. Joseph trudged heavily up the stairs while Malcolm helped clean up dinner. Cooper started to round Ryan out the door so they could try and get some sleep, but not before Cat called out to them.

  “Ryan, I’d love to take you out tomorrow for breakfast, if you don’t mind.”

  Cooper knew that tone. His mother was planning something. But Ryan was tired and halfway out the door already. He waved his ascent and just like that Cooper was gifted a brand new worry; what did Cat want? Probably to harass him about his wild adoption tales. Or maybe his relationship with his mother.

  Hopefully it would just be breakfast, but Cooper knew better.

  Back in their own cabin, Ryan kicked off his shoes and climbed under the covers in his suit. Cooper had to wrestle the blankets off before working his fingers across buttons and zippers until he could shimmy Ryan out of his pants and jacket at the very least.

  “You’re too good to me,” Ryan mumbled into the sheets. He rolled onto his back and shouldered the rest of the way free of his clothes. Threw them on the floor.

  “You must be tired. You never put your clothes on the floor.”

  “First time for everything, husband.”

  “Fiance, excuse you.”

  “Boyfriend,” Ryan hummed, smiling at the ceiling. “I believe you said something about face sitting?”

  Cooper huffed a laugh at that. “Maybe after we both shower, huh?”

  Ryan groaned but managed to drag himself into the shower anyway.

  Cooper woke up to lips around his cock. When he lifted the blankets to blink blearily down, he was met by Ryan sinking down on him, smiling around his flesh at being caught.

  Ryan slid off with a pop and licked down the side of him. Held Cooper’s hips still while he thrust against the feeling.

  “Happy Christmas Eve, fiance,” Ryan drawled and took Cooper in his mouth to the root, all wet heat and firm hands.

  Ryan had barely stepped outside their cabin with a mug of coffee before Cat’s voice sounded across the small valley their cabins were nestled in. He jumped, coffee sloshing. Cooper popped his head out to see his mother waving, making a beeline for them.

  “Good luck,” Cooper told him. “And no adoption stuff.”

  Ryan sighed and nodded. “I promise.”

  They were gone so long, Cooper started to wander.

  He took a long walk through the woods behind the cabins. All wild land, with snows deeper the steeper the incline became. They were at the edge of a small mountain, but to look at the landscape compared to the lake you’d think it was two different seasons.

  Eventually bored, he turned back and went to see what the others were doing. Joseph was out by himself in a kayak on the lake, and Malcolm was cooking with Gloria, to Cooper’s bewilderment.

  He stepped inside and Gloria immediately spotted him.

  “Good. We need help with hors d'oeuvres,” she demanded, because so many things she said often came out like demands. “What do you know how to make?”

  Cooper scrambled for something, but was blanking. “I could figure something out.”

  And that’s how Cat and Ryan found them an hour later, Gloria yelling at Cooper who was laden with avocados.

  Cooper set them down and brought out a knife. “I looked it up. It’ll be cute.”

  “Not if you want to kill my son.”

  Cat took the bags she and Ryan carried and placed them at the bottom of the stairs. Ryan came over to them and flicked an avocado until it rolled away. Cooper snatched it and began slicing into it. “You know I’m allergic.”

  That caught Cat’s attention.

  Cooper faltered. “But Ryan, I uh, I always make you that really good guacamole.” It was a baldfaced lie is what it was.

  Ryan didn’t waver. Cat spoke up. “Even I knew that, Cooper! What’re you making anyway?”

  Cooper felt a sweat start on his forehead, nervous with being sandwiched by Gloria’s death glare and Ryan’s bemused little smirk.

  “An avocado wreath.”

  “It is the food of the millennial,” Malcolm added unhelpfully. Everyone ignored him.

  “I swear you’re not allergic,” Cooper said, determined to see this through.

  “Have you been feeding my son avocados without his knowledge?” Gloria asked, haughty. “You could have killed him, you realize?”

  Cooper sent a pleading look to Ryan, who was taking far too much pleasure in his suffering.

  “Love,” Ryan said, voice sweet. The word, although played up for the benefit of everyone around them, was a hook in Cooper’s heart. “Have you been secretly trying to kill me?”

  Cooper wiped at his forehead with the back of his arm, setting the avocado and knife down.

  “No,” he said. “No, of course not.”

  Cat frowned, coming over and bullying him from his space in the kitchen. “Really, Cooper. I can’t believe you’d risk something like that.”

  “Honestly,” Gloria hummed in agreement, obviously disappointed.

  Ryan was fighting back a grin. Then something chimed. He fished out his phone, and Cooper watched as first he looked confused and then concerned.

  “I…I have to take this,” Ryan said, voice low. He turned on his heel and went right back out the front door.

  Cooper almost followed him, having been successfully forced out of snack duty. But he held back, if only because of how Ryan’s mother stared after her son as he left. She looked drawn, worried. She dropped the thing about the avocados and took to chatting Cat up instead, the subject effectively null.

  Cooper shook himself and decided he’d wait until Ryan approached him. If it was serious, he’d tell Cooper.

  Right?

  Ryan came in shortly after, not allowing any headway for Cooper to pull him aside to ask him what the call was all about. At least there had been no yelling that Cooper could tell. Usually Ryan yelling meant someone w
as being fired. Instead, Ryan just offered Cooper a look that said, not now. So, he would force himself not to pry just yet.

  Joseph came in hours later, said nothing and went straight upstairs.

  Malcolm was watching him, flicking back and forth between their parents. Cat had gone quiet where she was still chatting amicably with Gloria.

  Cooper didn’t know what it meant. He thought they’d been doing better. Wondered if there was a fight he didn’t know about that happened sometime between last night and earlier that day.

  Cat caught him looking and waved a hand at him. “Stop your staring and go pick out a present.”

  “Christmas is tomorrow,” Cooper reminded her. “Ryan’s getting his gift tomorrow.” He was set on that.

  Ryan gave him a wondering look at his tone.

  Cat looked unconvinced. “And we open one present each on Christmas Eve. Doesn’t mean you can’t open something. Go.”

  Ryan pushed himself off the chair he’d been in and retrieved the bags they’d dropped earlier. He pulled something small, wrapped in green shiny paper, and handed it to Cooper.

  “Pretend like I didn’t just get this today.”

  “You forgot?”

  Ryan had the grace to look mildly embarrassed. “I have another gift for you but it’s not arrived yet. But this,” he said, shoving the thing in Cooper’s hands, “Is for now.”

  “Wait, wait!” Cat called, cheerful again. “Let’s everybody else play Dirty Santa!”

  “Excuse me?” Ryan’s mother asked.

  “Gift swap,” Malcolm explained. “You’ll see.”

  Malcolm went upstairs to coax down a freshly showered Joseph. He looked ready to go to bed any moment so Cat gathered them around quickly. They grabbed their respective gifts and held them at their fronts, Gloria more than anyone looking out of place. As they switched presents, Joseph launched into some story from a time when he was a child.

  Ryan pulled Cooper off to the side and tapped the gift Cooper still held. He stared at it, feeling anxious. It could be anything. Something silly, inconsequential. Definitely something touristy from the village, he was sure. Cooper wondered what Ryan could have possibly gotten him, and it sent a shudder of anticipation through him.