Desperate

by Evans, A. K.

  “I sure hope you don’t believe that, considering I just turned thirty-one and don’t think I’m grown up yet.”

  He was only two years older than me, yet he already had so much to be proud of. He had his own place, a new truck, a great job, and his very own cell phone plan. I had been rationing food, living out of my car, and trying to figure out how I was going to get the rest of my things from my drug-dealing ex-boyfriend.

  I remained quiet so long considering all of this that Dom spoke again. “Earlier today you said you were in school. What were you going to school for?”

  “I was trying to get my undergraduate degree in English, so I could go on to apply to a school to get my master’s in library science. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a librarian.”

  A devious and devilishly-handsome grin spread across his face, putting both dimples on display.

  “I’m not sure I want to know what that look means.”

  He laughed and added, “That’s probably best. How much school have you finished?”

  “I managed to get my associate’s degree in English already. Thankfully, I don’t have any student loan debt from that since I worked while getting my degree. I transferred and was in the process of getting my bachelor’s degree, but had to stop when I had only a semester left.”

  “How much more school will you have to go through to get your master’s?”

  “I found a program that will allow me to complete it in three years and I’ll be able to do it online, too.”

  “That’s not that bad,” he reasoned.

  I rolled my eyes and pointed out, “Yeah, as long as I’m not seventy before I can start it.”

  “You’ll be back on your feet in no time,” Dom declared, not the least bit concerned. In fact, he seemed overly confident.

  “So what about you?” I asked, needing to change the subject.

  “What about me?”

  “Well, I know you work for a private investigation firm, obviously. Did you always want to do that?”

  “Not really. As a kid, I had no idea what I wanted to do. The older I got, the more I realized I needed something that would challenge me, mentally and physically. I knew I wouldn’t be able to work in a job that was the same, day in and day out.”

  “Do you work odd hours and weekends like I do?”

  “Sometimes,” he stated. “It depends on what our caseload looks like. Since the sex-trafficking case was solved, we’ve not had anything that intense. A few things here and there that required more hours over the last few months, but for the most part it’s been pretty quiet, and I’ve enjoyed having a bit of free time.”

  Free time.

  I longed for the day I’d be able to get back to having a full day off to myself that I could actually enjoy. Lately, I didn’t have very many days off, but the few that I did weren’t very relaxing. I hoped I’d get some time to do that once I moved into my new apartment.

  “What do you like to do with your free time?” I wondered.

  “If the weather’s nice, I’ll go out on my bike.”

  “Oh, are there good trails to ride on around here?” I asked, pausing a moment before I went on to explain away my ignorance. “I’ve never really had much time to do anything outdoorsy.”

  Dom laughed. “I didn’t mean a bicycle, Ekko. I meant I go out riding my motorcycle when it’s nice out.”

  My eyes widened. “You have a motorcycle, too?”

  “I actually have two of them,” he clarified. “Have you ever ridden on one?”

  I shook my head.

  “When’s your next day off?”

  “Thursday,” I answered.

  “If you let me take you out on a date, we can go for a ride.”

  I stared at him for quite some time in complete shock. When I finally spoke, I stammered, “A…a date?”

  Dom nodded.

  “You want to go out on a date with me?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I like you and I want to spend some time getting to know you better. Isn’t that why people go out on dates?”

  “Yeah, but—” I started before he cut me off.

  “But what?”

  Even though I should have told him the truth, I didn’t want to admit it. The truth that someone like him didn’t belong with someone like me. That he deserved someone whose life wasn’t in shambles. And I couldn’t do it because I really wanted something good, even if I could only experience it for one night.

  “Nothing,” I finally responded. “I’d love to go out on a date.”

  Dom broke out into a huge grin, not even trying to hide how he felt about my agreement to go on a date with him.

  I tried not to let the excitement I saw in his face affect me, but it was hard. The guy was gorgeous and seeing him like that, happy at the prospect of spending time with me, made my heart beat just a little bit faster. I needed some time to think.

  “I don’t mean to be rude, but would you mind if I napped for a bit before I have to go into work tonight?” I asked.

  “Not at all. Go on up and get in bed. I can wake you before you have to go,” he offered.

  “Thank you, Dom. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me,” I replied.

  Dom’s face softened before he insisted, “You’re welcome, Ekko.”

  At that, after Dom refused to let me help clean up from our lunch, I went upstairs. I quickly used the bathroom before climbing into his bed. As much as I could have really used the time to think, I couldn’t. The stress and worry from the last couple of days mixed with long days of work caught up with me and it was merely a matter of a minute or two before I was asleep.

  I only felt marginally refreshed when I woke to the touch of a hand on my shoulder and the sound of a voice calling, “Ekko?”

  I rolled toward the voice. Once I was on my back with my head turned slightly to the side, my eyes fluttered open and I was staring into Dom’s adoring gaze. It took me a few seconds to fight the pull inside me to not sit up and wrap my arms around him.

  “Hey,” I finally said, turning my head toward the clock on the nightstand.

  “It’s just after three-thirty,” Dom shared. “You’ve got less than an hour before your shift starts.”

  All I wanted was to stay in Dom’s bed. I’d never had the opportunity to sleep in something so wonderful in all my life. I didn’t know if it was because he’d been so good to me over the last several hours, but I blurted, “You’ve got an amazing bed. If I didn’t have to go to work, I could easily stay here all day. With your permission, of course.”

  Laughter bubbled up out of him. As wonderful as the sound was, I tried to distract myself. He was so carefree, and his dimples were out. I would have given anything to latch onto that. Unfortunately, I failed, and things were made even worse for me when Dom got serious again. “Works for me,” he shared. Then, he added, “I’ll tell you what…if we go out on that date on Thursday and find that we both want to keep learning about each other and see this go in another direction, I’ll see to it that we spend an entire day together in my bed sometime.”

  If I wouldn’t have looked like a complete fool, I would have started fanning myself right then and there. It would have been difficult to miss the intent or promise in Dom’s tone. Part of me wished I had done that instead of what I ended up doing. For some reason, which probably had a lot to do with the fact that I hadn’t yet embarrassed myself enough in front of him, I begged, “Please don’t say things like that.”

  While the tone of Dom’s voice before held nothing but promise, mine now held nothing but hunger. Dom heard it and knew it. He cocked an eyebrow and gave me a questioning look.

  Instead of answering that look, I announced, “I really should get ready.”

  I saw the disappointment flash in his face briefly before he shut it down and stood so I could get off the bed. Dom left me to get ready.

  I had no idea how I was going to last another week being i
n such close proximity to him knowing that I didn’t belong here. To top it off, I didn’t want to think about what Dom must have thought of me. I mean, I had just moved out of my ex-boyfriend’s apartment. Sure, we hadn’t actually been together in months, but Dom didn’t know that. And now I was here lusting after him. I knew he didn’t miss it and it made me cringe to think how that made him see me.

  But it had been a while. A very long while since I’d felt wanted. I was craving intimacy and a connection to someone and I desperately wanted to relieve that ache.

  Pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind, I finished getting myself ready for work and walked downstairs.

  “Hey, I’m going to get going,” I told Dom when I found him in the family room sprawled out on his couch.

  “I can take you now and pick you up when you’re done if you’d like,” he offered.

  Giving him a friendly smile, I declined, “No, that’s okay. I appreciate the offer, though.”

  Dom sat up, stood, and walked over toward me. He stopped just a few feet in front of me and, with his voice low, confirmed, “You are going to come back, right?”

  After hearing his voice like that, I couldn’t find my own so I simply nodded.

  “Be safe, Ekko.”

  “I will.”

  I turned and walked to the front door, instantly feeling Dom close behind me. I tried not to let it affect me and just kept moving. When I got to the door, Dom reached around me and opened it before he walked me out to my car. Once he closed my car door and I backed out of the driveway, I was finally able to think straight.

  As I drove, I realized that I never felt more relieved to be going to work. I needed the time away from Dom. I needed something to occupy my mind and distract me from all the thoughts I had about this unfamiliar territory.

  Unfortunately, while the busy night at work was proving to be a benefit to my financial situation, it offered little distraction from Dom. My mind kept wandering to all the sweet things he had said or done for me over the course of the last day. And it seemed that no sooner had I arrived at work when my shift ended and I was on my way back to his place, where I was sure he would be sweet and I’d fall further in lust with him.

  When I arrived back at Dom’s house, I rang the doorbell. He was at the door seconds later, letting me in.

  “Hey, fun size. How was work?” he asked as I stepped inside.

  I raised my eyebrows and repeated, “Fun size?”

  He shrugged his shoulders and explained, “You’re so little. And you’re cute.”

  I had no reply to that, so I answered his question. “Work was good. Busy, but good.”

  “I take it that busy means that you didn’t eat dinner?”

  I shook my head and felt, for the third time, Dom’s hand at the small of my back guiding me toward the kitchen.

  “I figured. That’s why I made food for us. I hope you like Asian dishes because I made sesame noodles with chicken and broccoli.”

  He waited until I was seated at the island before he set the food in front of me.

  Perhaps I should have prepared myself for it, but I didn’t, and I was caught off guard. He made food for me. For weeks now I had been worried about when I was going to have my next meal, but today I’d had breakfast, lunch, and dinner because of the man in front of me. Dom set a second plate down and sat next to me.

  I was still staring at the feast before me when Dom’s hand squeezed my leg, just above my knee. “Ekko?”

  My head turned toward him.

  “Are you okay?”

  I couldn’t fight it. I was so overwhelmed by his kindness and generosity toward me that I completely broke down into tears and buried my face in my hands.

  Suddenly, I felt Dom’s arms around me hugging me into his chest, where I only cried harder.

  “Ekko, sugar, talk to me.”

  The concern in his voice and the hold he had on me only made me cry harder. Several minutes passed, with Dom comforting me before I pulled my face back from his chest and said, “You made me dinner.”

  “Yes, I made dinner for the both of us. Why is that upsetting you?”

  “Nearly every day for almost eight years, I had one good person in my life who made dinner for me. That stopped about six months after my fifteenth birthday. Ever since, nobody has ever made me dinner. Most of my days for the last thirteen years have been filled with me worrying if I was even going to be able to eat, especially over the last year.”

  Dom’s face went soft as he lifted a hand to the side of my head and brushed my hair back.

  “It was never my intention to upset you, Ekko.”

  “I know.”

  “But I’d be lying to you if I didn’t say that I already knew you had it rough. I see the way you eat. You savor every single bite like you might not have the opportunity to taste food again. I knew for certain this morning when you told me you were hungry but wanted to save part of your breakfast for later.”

  Feeling embarrassed, I dropped my head.

  Dom put a finger under my chin and lifted my head. “You don’t have to do that here, sugar. If you’re hungry, you eat. There’s always food here and you are welcome to help yourself to any of it.”

  I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve having someone like Dom in my life.

  “Why don’t we eat while you tell me all about that one good person who was in your life?”

  I gave him a nod and that’s what we did. We ate Dom’s sesame noodles with chicken and broccoli, which were amazing, and I told him all about Ms. Grace. That night, tucked in the warmth of his bed, I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind. But the one that stuck out was how I couldn’t help but wish that Dom might just be that man that Ms. Grace told me would find me one day.

  It was quarter to five in the evening on Wednesday and I was dead on my feet. The past two and a half days had been brutal. On Monday and Tuesday, I worked all day, from the time the diner opened until closing. Today, I only worked the breakfast and lunch shift, which meant that considering tomorrow was my day off, it was more like a day and a half break.

  I had just pulled into the driveway at Dom’s place. After parking, grabbing my bag, and the grocery bags from the car, I walked up to the front door and pushed the key into the lock.

  Yes.

  I now had a key to Dom’s place.

  Before I left for work on Monday morning, Dom stopped me and handed me a key.

  “What’s this for?” I asked.

  “I’ve got to go to work today. I expect I’ll be home before you get back, but I still want to make sure you can get in, just in case something comes up.”

  “You aren’t worried about me being in your home alone?”

  “Are you going to steal from me?”

  My head jerked back. “I would never do that,” I replied quietly, hurt that he felt the need to ask such a question.

  “I know that, Ekko. Do you think I’d be giving you a key if I had any doubts about the kind of person you are?”

  “I guess not.”

  I had to admit that morning that it felt good to know he trusted me the way he did. There was no reason for him to do what he was doing for me, yet somehow, it seemed simply effortless.

  I used this opportunity to bring up what I needed to discuss with him. “I’d like to think that you loaning me your key is an indication of how you feel, but I wanted to ask anyway to be sure.”

  “Ask what?”

  “Well, when you first invited me here to spend the night, I told you I might only need a couple days, but you obviously know that the apartment won’t be ready for a week. I honestly didn’t expect it would take that long based on the conversations I had with the landlord previously. I wanted to be certain you don’t mind me staying with you until it’s ready?”

  “Not at all.”

  “Are you sure? I mean, you’ve given up your bed for me.”

  “I’m sure I don’t mind you staying here with me.” He took two steps closer to me. “I
also don’t mind giving up my bed for you. Now, if you want to invite me to join you there, I certainly won’t turn you down.”

  I felt the heat spread through my body. Dom had to know what he was doing to me because I was certain my neck and cheeks were tinged pink. I dropped my gaze from Dom’s a moment. When I looked back at him, it took everything in me not to give in and tell him I wanted him there with me that night. All I needed was companionship and someone to hold me. I wanted someone to talk to.

  Instead of telling him what I wanted, though, I chickened out, said goodbye, and left for work. Needless to say, by the time I made it back to his house Monday night, Dom was already there. And he had, once again, cooked dinner. Thankfully, he didn’t make it awkward.

  Tuesday was the same, minus the key situation and the bed conversation.

  Today was the first day that I was actually getting the opportunity to use the key because I had arrived before Dom. When I left work, I made a quick stop at the grocery store. Having worked so much over the last couple days, I had made a lot of money in tips. I knew I needed to be mindful of what I was spending my money on since I was going to be moving soon, but I wanted to do something nice for Dom to show my appreciation for everything he’d done for me.

  I didn’t have a lot to spare, but that was nothing new. Over the years, I had perfected the art of cooking on a budget. So, I picked up all the fixings for stuffed pepper soup. I would have loved to have splurged and made it with ground beef, but instead opted for the cheaper ground turkey. It hurt to know that I couldn’t properly thank him by giving him what I believed he deserved.

  When I stepped inside, I locked the door behind me and made my way to the kitchen. Dom mentioned earlier that morning that he’d probably be back closer to six-thirty, so I had plenty of time left to get everything done. While the rice cooked in a separate pot and the meat browned, I chopped up the onions and peppers. Once the meat was finished, I took it out of the pot and set it aside so I could cook the vegetables. Then, I added the meat back in along with the spices, broth, diced tomatoes, and sauce. Setting the heat to low to allow it to simmer, I made my way upstairs so I could shower.