Whale of a Tale

by Eric A. Kimmel

  “JONAH!!!”

  I stopped working on the sukkah. “You don’t have to yell,” I told whoever it was. “I can hear you. What do you want?”

  The voice spoke again. “I want you.”

  “Me? What for? Look, I’m busy. I’m trying to get ready for Sukkot. Who are you anyway? Where are you hiding?”

  “I am not hiding. You cannot see Me, but I am all around you, closer to you than your heartbeat. I am everywhere. Who am I? I am Who I am.”

  That’s when I began to get scared. I’d heard those words before. That’s what God said to Moses from the burning bush. I knew then that I was hearing the voice of God.

  God’s the Big Boss, the biggest in the universe. And when the Big Boss talks, you listen. I began trembling. What would God want me to do? Would he ask me to sacrifice my son, like Abraham was asked to sacrifice his son Isaac? I was off the hook for that one. I didn’t have any kids. Would he send me to Pharaoh in Egypt to tell him to let my people go? No worries there. We left Egypt generations ago. So what exactly did God want me to do?

  Had I known, I would have bought my ticket for Egypt that afternoon. If I had ten kids, I would have sacrificed them all. Because what God wanted from me was a hundred times scarier than anything I could imagine.

  God said, “Get up, Jonah! I need you to do something important. I need you to do it right now.”

  “What?” I asked, trembling.

  “Go to Nineveh, that great city. Preach to the people there. Tell them I’ve had enough of their wickedness and evil deeds. Warn them to change their ways or My anger will fall on them.”

  “Who, me?” I said.

  “Yes, you!” God answered. “Leave now. You have a long journey ahead.”

  ***

  I left that afternoon. I had a long journey—but not to Nineveh. No way was I going there!

  Nineveh is the capital of Assyria. It’s a terrible place. The Assyrians are evil. When they conquer a country, they leave nothing behind. After they conquered Samaria, the capital of Israel, there wasn’t one stone standing on another. They marched the few remaining survivors off as slaves. The whole land was nothing but a valley of dry bones.

  I wanted nothing to do with Nineveh or Assyrians. I wasn’t going to preach to them. I didn’t want God to forgive them. If God was just, the Assyrians would be punished, not given a chance to change their ways.

  But how do you say no to God, the Biggest Boss of all? I just wanted God to be fair and to punish those Assyrians, not allow them to repent and be forgiven. I didn’t know what to do, so I hid in a cave. I don’t remember how long I was there. It’s hard to keep track of days when you can’t see the sun. When I came out of that cave, I found myself in a different place. Very different!

  It was amazing! There were wagons that ran by themselves without horses or donkeys to pull them. There were hundreds of people scurrying about, not looking at anything except little devices that they carried in their hands. They talked to the devices. They poked them. I tried to talk to the people, but no one could hear me. Everyone had these strings from their devices stuck in their ears. It was all very strange.

  But I figured I could hide out there. Nobody would find me if I could find a way to fit in. So I got clothes at a shuk called Goodwill. I made friends who taught me how to drive those horseless vehicles called cars. I began driving for Loft. Life was good, even though the place was very strange and not at all like my home. I had a place to live. I figured that no one—not even the Big Boss—could find me.

  Was I ever wrong! As soon as I dropped you off near the carpet store, I heard the voice again.

  “JONAH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE? I NEED YOU IN NINEVEH!”

  “Okay, okay,” I thought. I parked the car. I was desperate. Maybe somehow I could figure out how to get back to my cave. But I sure didn’t want to go to Nineveh.

  I found your carpet when I was getting my things out of the back of the car. I didn’t mean to keep it. I just didn’t know how to get it back to you and I didn’t have a lot of time, so I took it with me.

  I closed my eyes and somehow, I found myself not in my cave but in Jaffa. That actually suited my plan perfectly. I ran down to the port and looked for the ship that was going farthest. When the captain told me he was bound for Tarshish, I sold the carpet. I know the guy in the shuk got it for much less than it was worth, but I got enough to pay my way to Hispania. I bought my ticket and boarded the ship. Tarshish is truly the end of the earth. You can’t get farther from Nineveh than that.

  ***

  “That’s a good story,” Sam said. “I’m just not sure whether or not I believe it. And we want our carpet back. Grandma Mina will be furious with us if we come back without it.”

  “You’re not kidding,” Scarlett added. She turned to Jonah. “I don’t know whether I should believe you either. Closing your eyes and opening them in another time and place?”

  Jonah shrugged. “Well that’s what happened. You can believe it or not, as you wish. Right now it’s time for dinner. All that rowing gave me an appetite. See you around.” Jonah headed toward the gangway leading to the galley.

  “What do you think?” Sam asked Scarlett.

  “It could be the truth,” Scarlett said. “After all, his story is no crazier than ours. If we can go back to Bible times, why can’t someone from Bible times go forward to our time? What counts is Jonah doing what God told him to do. God told him to go to Nineveh. And he’s not doing it.”

  “But he’s scared of the Assyrians,” said Sam. “And he doesn’t think God is being fair. If even half of what Jonah told us about Assyria and Nineveh is true, I don’t blame him.”

  “Well,” said Scarlett. “Jonah thinks the Assyrians should not have treated their enemies—like Israel and all the other countries they conquered—so badly. Maybe he’s afraid that if he preaches to them, they just might change their ways. Then God wouldn’t destroy them.”

  “What’s wrong with that?” Sam asked.

  “Between you and me, nothing,” said Scarlett. “But for Jonah, plenty. He wants to see the Assyrians punished for their wicked ways. He doesn’t think God is being fair.”

  “What are we going to do?” Sam asked.

  “We’re going to get Jonah to go to Nineveh and deliver the message the Big Boss told him to deliver, whether he wants to or not.”

  “And then?”

  “And then we’ll find Grandma Mina’s carpet and figure out a way to get home.”

  Chapter 6

  Stormy Weather

  Scarlett and Sam were talking about what to do next when they heard the captain shouting.

  “All hands on deck! Batten down the hatches! Furl the sails! Passengers go below. We’re in for some bad weather!”

  “What’s going on?” Scarlett and Sam asked him.

  “No time to talk. Look over there.” The captain pointed toward the horizon. Scarlett and Sam saw a thick band of black clouds approaching from the west. Bolts of lightning flashed. They heard thunder in the distance.

  “This storm will be a big one,” the captain said. “We don’t have time to seek shelter. We’re too far away from the nearest harbor. We’ll have to ride it out at sea. Let’s hope our ship holds together.”

  He hurried forward to direct the sailors. They had already furled the sail and were lowering the mast. “I’ll take the rudder!” Scarlett and Sam heard the captain call to the first mate. “We may just make it if we can keep the bow heading into the wind. All passengers go below. Batten down the hatches.”

  “This is going to be bad,” Sam said to Scarlett.

  “I hope I don’t get seasick,” Scarlett replied. They gripped the rail to keep from blowing overboard by the rising wind. Sam had to shout so Scarlett could hear him. “We’d better do what the captain says and get below!”

  Within moments, the full fury of the storm came sweeping down on them.

  Lighting flashed. The ship’s timbers vibrated with the crashing thunder. Scarlett st
ruggled to keep her footing as huge waves washed over the deck. Sam grabbed her to keep her from being swept overboard. Inch by inch, Scarlett and Sam made their way across the deck to the hatchway, pulling the hatch shut behind them. But not soon enough. A torrent of seawater washed through the opening.

  “You’re soaked!” Scarlett exclaimed. “You’d better change before you catch cold.”

  “Change into what?” Sam asked. He was right. They hadn’t exactly packed for this trip. Scarlett and Sam glanced around the hold. Passengers lay on sacks and boxes, too scared to move. Others, frightfully seasick, were lying facedown, vomiting. Bilge water sloshed over everybody as the ship rolled back and forth. The only light came from a tiny oil lamp hanging from the ceiling.

  “Where’s Jonah? Do you see him?” Scarlett asked.

  Sam pointed to a form huddled on top of a stack of wine jars. “There he is! Fast asleep.”

  “How can he sleep through a storm like this? It’s . . .” She never finished the sentence. At that moment, a huge crash of thunder rattled the ship. Its timbers groaned as if they might come apart at any moment. The passengers in the hold started crying and screaming.

  “Help!”

  “We’re doomed!”

  “We’re going to drown!”

  The hatch flew open. The captain shouted down into the hold, trying to make himself heard over the raging storm. “Get up on deck, all of you! The ship’s breaking up! We’re not going to make it! Now’s the time to call on whatever god you worship! Only the gods can save us now!”

  Scarlett and Sam struggled onto the deck with the rest of the passengers. The wind nearly blew them overboard as they emerged from the hatchway. Scarlett and Sam saw the sailors kneeling on deck, lifting their arms in prayer as the wind howled and the rain whipped their faces.

  “Oh, Marduk! Have mercy on me!”

  “Isis, spare my life!”

  “Great Ishtar, hear my prayer!”

  “Poseidon, ruler of the sea, save me from the wind and waves!”

  Sam began his own prayer: “Ruler of the earth and sky, we call on You to have mercy on us and everyone aboard this ship. Protect us all from the storm. Shield us all from thunder and lightning. Shelter us all beneath Your wings, and guide us to a safe harbor. Amen.”

  “Hey, where’s Jonah?” asked Scarlett suddenly. “Did he get swept overboard?”

  “No,” said Sam. “I don’t think he ever came up on deck. I’ll bet he’s still asleep down in the hold.”

  Just then the captain lurched by, holding tight to the rail. His face was pale with fright in the lightning flashes. “Where’s your friend?” he shouted at Scarlett and Sam.

  “Down in the hold. I think he’s still asleep,” Sam shouted back.

  “Asleep? How can anybody sleep through this? Wake him up, and get him up on deck if he wants to save himself! We’re likely to capsize any moment if these waves don’t shatter us first. We need every soul aboard to pray to their gods to help us. It’s up to the gods now.”

  “I’ll get him,” Scarlett said. As she turned to go down into the hold, the hatch opened. Jonah climbed out. He looked like someone just awakened from a nap. He didn’t seem surprised by the storm.

  “What’s all the noise?” he asked.

  Scarlett and Sam stared at each other. What did he think was going on? They were obviously in the middle of a storm!

  “Start praying to your gods,” the captain shouted at him.

  “It won’t do any good,” Jonah said. “God doesn’t want your ship. God wants me. I am the reason God sent this storm.”

  “Tell your god to unsend it. Ask for your god’s mercy before we all drown. How can we appease your god?” the captain said.

  “You must throw me overboard,” Jonah said to the captain. “That’s really what God wants. If you throw me overboard, your ship will be saved.”

  “What?” The captain backed away, shaking his head. “No. No! I can’t do that. I can’t throw an innocent man into the sea. The gods would haunt me forever. Better for us all to be swallowed by the ocean than for me to perform such a wicked deed.”

  “Listen to me,” Jonah told the captain. “You will all be swallowed by the ocean—you and everyone else aboard this ship—unless you do as I say. Save your ship. Save your crew. Throw me overboard.”

  The captain shook his head. Lightning lit up his face. Was it rain or tears streaming down his face?

  “I could never do that. I’d rather drown.”

  “He won’t do it,” Scarlett told Jonah.

  “Then the ship and crew will be lost,” Jonah said. “They must throw me overboard. It’s the only answer.”

  “You don’t seem too concerned about drowning yourself,” Sam said.

  Jonah nodded. “It is what God wants. It is what God commands. I’ve told the captain what he must do.”

  Scarlett looked at Jonah. “Okay, Sam. Jonah says this is what God commands. So we know what we have to do.”

  “We do?” Sam answered.

  “Yes. Grab his right hand. I’ll take his left.”

  Scarlett and Sam pulled Jonah over to the ship’s rail.

  “You’re going to Nineveh one way or another, Jonah. And we’re going with you. Even if we all have to swim!” Scarlett said as she and Sam leapt overboard, taking Jonah with them.

  The waves closed over their heads as the winds carried the ship onward.

  Chapter 7

  Shark Week

  The wind died down. The dark clouds scattered. The full moon came out. Its reflection shone over the sea.

  Scarlett, Sam, and Jonah drifted along with the ocean currents until dawn. They were floating in a large wooden tub they’d found, drifting in a mat of storm debris that rose and fell with the waves. It was just big enough to hold the three of them as long as they didn’t move around too much. The lip of the tub was barely six inches above the water.

  “Looks like the storm has passed,” Scarlett said, watching the red sun rise out of the sea. There was no land in sight. No ships, either, or anyone else clinging to wreckage. The twins wondered if the people on the ship had made it through the storm. They hoped so.

  Aside from fish and seagulls, it seemed as if Scarlett, Jonah, and Sam were the only living souls in the vast ocean.

  “Do you think that the captain might turn the ship around and come looking for us to see if we made it?” Scarlett tried to sound hopeful.

  “I doubt it,” Jonah said. But he didn’t seem worried.

  “Do you suppose there are sharks out here?” Sam asked. He had been watching a TV show about sharks the previous week, and they were very much on his mind. Sam liked sharks, and he knew a lot about them. But he also knew they were dangerous.

  “There’s an easy way to find out,” Jonah said with a grin. “Stick your hand in the water.”

  “Not funny,” Scarlett snapped. “We’re in this mess because of you. We ought to throw you into the water to test for sharks.”

  “But you won’t. Because you and your brother are good people. You wouldn’t do anything like that. But even if you did, nothing would happen. God wants me to go to Nineveh, and God’s not going to let anything happen to me until I do.”

  “You sound like you really do know what’s going to happen to us. What makes you so sure?” Sam asked.

  Jonah shrugged his shoulders. “I’m a prophet.”

  “Why would God have made you a prophet?” Scarlett blurted out. “You don’t seem like a prophet. You don’t seem very courageous. You don’t have a prophet license. It’s just that, for some reason, God decided to make you a prophet. So please do us a favor and do what God wants you to do—go to Nineveh!”

  Jonah sighed. “If we’re given the choice, I prefer sharks to Assyrians. Also, I couldn’t get to Nineveh if I wanted to.”

  “Why not?” Sam asked.

  “Basic geography,” Jonah explained. “Nineveh is on the Tigris River, which empties into the Gulf of Arabia. To get there from where we are
now, in the middle of the Great Sea, we’d have to go to Hispania, sail through the Great Pillars, then go all the way around Africa. Nobody’s ever done it. Or at least managed to come back and tell about it. It would be a huge undertaking even if we had a ship. And, in case you haven’t noticed, all we’ve got is a leaky tub that isn’t going to get us anywhere unless we start bailing.”

  “There has to be a way,” Scarlett grumbled, as she, Sam, and Jonah began scooping up water with their hands and throwing it over the side.

  Sam raised his head. “Did you just hear something?”

  Scarlett and Jonah stopped bailing. “No,” they said.

  “Shhh! Be quiet for a minute and let me listen,” Sam said. “There! I hear it again.”

  “Me too!” said Scarlett excitedly. “It sounds like some kind of music. DA-dum, DA-Dum, DA-Dum . . .”

  “Now I hear it too and it’s getting louder,” Jonah said. “Weird—to hear music out here in the middle of the sea. What do you suppose it is?”

  “I don’t know,” said Sam. “It reminds me of the soundtrack of that movie . . .”

  “What movie?” Scarlett asked.

  “You know! The one about the . . . SHARK! Jaws! Oh no!”

  ***

  Suddenly, it got very dark. And damp. Their voices began to echo.

  Sam’s voice was tiny and scared. “Where’s Jonah?”

  “I don’t know,” said Scarlett anxiously. “He must have fallen out of the tub when it got so dark in here.”

  “What should we do?” Sam asked.

  “I don’t know. I’m scared. Do you know where we are?”

  “I think I do. But you’re not going to like it,” Sam said.

  Scarlett shuddered. “I remember the Bible story. I know what you’re going to say. We’ve been swallowed by a whale! That’s Jonah’s story.”

  “Not exactly,” Sam replied. “We’ve been swallowed. But not actually by a whale.”

  “But that’s what it says in the Bible!” said Scarlett.