Whale of a Tale

by Eric A. Kimmel

  “Not exactly,” said Sam, “The Bible says that Jonah was swallowed by a ‘a big fish.’ It couldn’t have been a whale because whales big enough to swallow human beings actually feed on plankton. They’re not meat eaters. Jonah’s fish was probably a kind of shark!”

  “Then how come we weren’t chewed to shreds?”

  “It was a very big shark,” said Sam.

  Scarlett scoffed. “No shark’s big enough to swallow three people and a tub without chewing them up.”

  Sam disagreed. “No shark today, maybe. But in prehistoric times there were kinds of sharks that could do it. I saw them in an exhibit at the natural history museum. Scientists say there were once sharks called megalodons that could grow to be more than fifty feet long. That’s as long as a semi!”

  “But they’re extinct, right?” Scarlett asked.

  Sam paused. “Well . . .”

  “Do you mean to say that we’ve been swallowed by . . . a giant prehistoric shark?!”

  “That seems to be the case,” said Sam.

  “We need to find Jonah. Fast!” Scarlett said.

  “How will that help?” asked Sam.

  “He’s going to Nineveh, just as God told him to, whether he wants to or not,” said Scarlett. “That’s the only way we’ll ever get out of this mess.”

  ***

  Sam stepped out of the tub carefully, as if he were stepping into a hot bath. But it was more like putting his feet into a pool filled with warm soup. It was too dark to see anything, which was probably just as well. Then Scarlett cautiously stepped out of the tub, her toes stepping on icky, squishy things. One wrapped a tentacle around her ankle. Scarlett shrieked. She tried to kick the thing off. She slipped on something gooey, lost her balance, and fell backward into the soupy liquid.

  Sam, trying to catch her, went down too.

  They came up sputtering.

  “Yuck! Ick!” they both yelled.

  “This is disgusting!” Scarlett shouted. “This goop stinks, and it’s all over me! How do we get out of here?”

  Sam wrinkled his nose at the smell. “I don’t know.”

  Scarlett began to cry. “We’ve lost our magic carpet! We can’t find Jonah! We’re stuck in the stinky gut of some prehistoric monster. We’ll dissolve bit by bit like the other slimy things in here.”

  Her sobs turned to gulps. “I’m scared, Sam. Really scared. Do you think that maybe God has forgotten us?”

  “No.” Sam stood firm. “We may not understand God’s reasons. But God would never forget us. We just have to figure out what God wants us to do.”

  “I don’t know what God wants us to do,” said Scarlett. “But I do know what God wants Jonah to do. God wants Jonah to go to Nineveh. And Jonah says he’s not going. We’ll just need to think of a way to make him.”

  “That’s the answer,” said Sam. “We have to get Jonah to agree to go to Nineveh. As soon as he does, we’ll get out of here.”

  “But where’s Jonah? How are we going to find him? It’s pitch-dark in this place. I can’t even see my hand,” said Scarlett. “How can we find anything in this dark, yucky mess?”

  Sam thought for a moment. “Do you still have your cell phone?”

  “What are you going to do? Call 9-1-1? I don’t think the signal from the inside of an extinct prehistoric shark is going to go very far.”

  “I’m not worried about the signal,” said Sam. “We need light. We can use the flashlight app if our cell phones still work. We’ll have light until the charge runs out. Maybe that will be enough.”

  “I hope so,” said Scarlett.

  Chapter 8

  Nineveh or Bust!

  Getting soaked in seawater hadn’t done their cell phones much good. Sam’s was completely dead. Scarlett’s still had a small charge. But they didn’t expect what the cell phone light showed.

  The bacteria in the giant fish’s gut were bioluminescent, glowing in the dark. The faint glow from Scarlett’s cell phone set off waves of purple, red, and green that rippled and pulsed around them in an intestinal version of the Northern Lights, providing enough light for Scarlett and Sam to see what was around them.

  Orange rings of cartilage formed a half dome above their heads. Pink and green fingerlike projections from the walls waved at them as they sloshed through murky soup up to their knees. The liquid teemed with all kinds of living and partially digested sea creatures: eels, fish, and squid, as well as unsavory lumps of unidentifiable beings.

  And the smell! It was a cross between a neglected cat litter box and a full garbage can. And not just any garbage can. An overflowing can of ripe garbage left out on the curb for a week in the middle of summer. Scarlett and Sam tried not to gag at every breath.

  And there were noises. Creaks, groans, and snorts, punctuated with bubbling gurgles that released foul-smelling gases.

  “This critter needs an antacid tablet,” said Scarlett, gasping for breath.

  “It would take a cargo container of antacid tablets just to make a dent,” Sam said. “Do you see any trace of Jonah?”

  “No,” Scarlett said. “Do you want to turn around and walk in the other direction?”

  “Not especially,” said Sam. “We have light here. Who knows if we’d still be able to see if we turned around. If we only had some clue . . .”

  “Wait! What’s that? Did you hear it?”

  “Hear what?” Sam asked.

  “There! Just listen.”

  Sam and Scarlett held their breath, trying to hear what Scarlett had heard through the groans, grumbles, burps, and squishes of the giant fish’s belly. Sam had almost given up when he finally heard the sound. It was . . . yes! A voice. And not a happy one. Scarlett and Sam could barely make it out as it gasped a few words.

  “I cry to you from the belly of Sheol. Hear my voice . . .”

  “What’s Sheol?” Sam asked Scarlett.

  “People in Bible times believed it was this nasty pit where you went after you died.”

  The voice continued.

  “You threw me into the deep, to the middle of the ocean. The water surrounded me. The waves covered me . . .”

  Sam and Scarlett followed the voice as it led them along the pulsing walls of the big fish’s digestive tract.

  “There he is!” Scarlett shouted. Long, fingerlike projections from the shark’s innards wrapped around Jonah like tentacles, holding him fast as they pushed him down into the murky soup.

  “It’s digesting him!” Scarlett shrieked. They ran to Jonah, trying to pull him loose. The long slimy tentacles oozed greenish goo that made it impossible for the twins to get a grip.

  “It’s no use,” Jonah gasped. “I’m finished. Run. Save yourselves . . .”

  “Listen, Jonah. We aren’t going to abandon you. We need you, and you need us,” said Scarlett.

  “You can free us all,” Sam added. “It’s easy. All you have to say is . . .”

  “. . . I’ll go to Nineveh,” Scarlett said.

  “Never!” said Jonah.

  “Okay,” Scarlett said. “If that’s what you want to do.” She began to walk away, winking at Sam.

  “Where are you going?” Jonah asked anxiously.

  “Well,” said Scarlett. “If you won’t go to Nineveh, what choice do we have but to walk away? I guess we’ll have to figure out another way to get out of here.”

  “Yeah,” Sam agreed. “Good luck, Jonah. Nice knowing you.”

  ***

  Scarlett and Sam took a few steps back the way they came. Suddenly they heard a shriek.

  “WAIT!”

  Scarlett turned around. “Is there something you want to say to us?”

  “Don’t leave me!” Jonah begged. “I don’t want to be fish food!”

  “You know we can’t help you,” said Sam. “Only God can help you. Are you going to step up and do what you’re supposed to do?”

  “Yes! Yes! I’ll do anything!”

  “Anything doesn’t count,” said Scarlett. “There’s only on
e thing that you need to do, and you know what it is”

  “Okay, I’ll do it!” said Jonah.

  “Do what?” asked Sam.

  “I’ll go to . . .”

  “Say it,” said Scarlett.

  “I’ll go to NNNNNN . . .”

  “Not good enough,” Sam said. “It’s all or nothing. C’mon, Jonah! You can do it. Say the words with me. I’ll go to . . .”

  “NINEVEH!” Jonah shouted the word as if it were being pulled out of his throat by a hook. “YES, I’LL DO WHAT GOD WANTS ME TO DO AND GO TO NINEVEH!”

  The long digestive fingers released their grip. The walls of the great fish’s stomach began flashing yellow, blue, and orange. The sea of goop around their legs began sloshing back and forth. Scarlett, Sam, and Jonah held onto one another to keep from toppling into the murk. Everything around them began to shudder and shake. They felt themselves being whirled around and around as if they were caught inside a giant blender.

  “What’s happening?” Jonah yelled.

  Scarlett and Sam answered. “Nineveh, here we come!”

  Chapter 9

  Welcome to Nineveh

  Sam found himself sitting on the white sand of a warm, tropical lagoon. Colorful fish nibbled at his toes. He splashed water from a large seashell over his head to wash away the goo and stink of the giant fish’s digestive system.

  “Wow!” he said. “That’s what I call projectile vomiting.”

  “And we were the projectiles,” Scarlett added as she washed herself down with another seashell of water. She glanced over her shoulder at the enormous fin making its way toward the horizon. She was already thinking about what to do next. “We’ll get ourselves cleaned up. The sun’s warm and can dry us off. Then we’ll need to figure out where we are.”

  “You wouldn’t happen to have any sunscreen?” Sam asked.

  “After what we’ve been through, sunburn is the least of our worries,” Scarlett replied.

  “Are you sure we can’t stay here awhile? It’s really nice having a tropical island all to ourselves.”

  “I know what you mean,” Scarlett said. “I’d like to stay and chill as much as you do, Sam. But we’re here for a reason. We’re on a mission. We have to get Jonah to Nineveh.”

  Scarlett suddenly remembered something. She looked around. “Where is Jonah? Did you see him?”

  “No,” Sam said.

  “I haven’t seen him since the inside of the fish,” Scarlett said. She glanced toward the palm trees at the far end of the beach. “Could he be over there, or . . .” Scarlett stopped. She didn’t want to say what suddenly crossed her mind. What if Jonah hadn’t managed to get out of the big fish? She and Sam might end up stranded thousands of miles and a couple of thousand years away from where they belonged. Scarlett cupped her hands to her mouth and called as loudly as she could, “JONAH! JONAH! WHERE ARE YOU?”

  No answer. Scarlett turned to Sam. “Do you think something happened to him? Sam, what if he didn’t get out of the big fish with us?”

  “He must have,” shrugged Sam. “We read the Book of Jonah every year on Yom Kippur. If Jonah didn’t make it out of the shark, we’d be reading another book.”

  “You’re right,” said Scarlett, relieved. “So we’d better find him.”

  “Where should we look?” Sam asked.

  “Maybe he landed somewhere in those palm trees. Let’s go.”

  That seemed like a good idea. Scarlett and Sam were as clean as a seawater bath was going to get them. The twins walked along the beach until they came to the grove of palm trees.

  “Jonah! Are you in there? Jonah!” they called.

  Still no answer. “Let’s split up,” Scarlett said. “We’ll cover more trees that way.”

  “What if we get lost and can’t find each other?”

  “We won’t get lost. It’s a small island. Just keep calling out. As long as we can hear each other, we’ll know we’re okay.”

  “Good idea,” said Sam. He went left and Scarlett went right, both of them calling, “Jonah . . . Jonah . . . Jonah . . .”

  Scarlett heard it first: a tiny, scared voice that seemed to come from overhead.

  “I cry to God because of my affliction. You cast me into the heights, in the midst of the trees. Leaves surrounded me about. Flies and lizards swarmed around me . . .”

  Scarlett looked up. There was Jonah, clinging to the trunk of a palm tree like a frightened monkey. “Some prophet!” she grumbled to herself. “If God sent him to Pharaoh instead of Moses, we’d still be in Egypt.” But she called up to Jonah, “We’re here, Jonah. Come down!”

  Jonah stared down, surprised to see her. “How did you get out of the whale?”

  “Same way you did,” Scarlett said. “Come down now. Sam and I have been looking for you.”

  “I’m afraid of heights,” Jonah said. “What if I let go and break my leg?”

  “You’re not up that high. You can shimmy down the trunk or just drop. There’s nothing underneath but sand,” said Scarlett.

  Jonah didn’t move. He clung to the tree with his eyes clamped shut.

  “Okay, here I come!” Jonah finally let go. He landed on the sand. Scarlett grabbed his arm to steady him, then quickly let go.

  “Yuck! You smell terrible!” She suddenly remembered that Jonah hadn’t bathed in the lagoon the way she and Sam had. Jonah raised his eyes to heaven.

  “Thank you, God, for rescuing me!”

  That’s when Sam showed up. “Yuck! What’s that smell?”

  “It’s Jonah,” Scarlett said.

  “Jonah needs a bath,” Sam answered. Before Jonah could say another word, the twins pulled him to the beach and dunked him in the lagoon. They washed him until they all decided he was as clean as he was going to get.

  “That’s better,” said Scarlett and Sam.

  Jonah only muttered, “They that observe the lying vanities forsake their own mercy.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Sam asked.

  “It’s his way of saying, ‘thank you,’ ” said Scarlett.

  “You’re welcome,” said Sam.

  “Don’t mention it,” said Jonah. “Now what?”

  “You tell us,” said Sam. “You’re the prophet.”

  “I only speak the words God puts in my mouth,” Jonah replied. “As of now, my mouth is empty. God hasn’t put any words in it.”

  “God doesn’t just speak with words,” said Scarlett. “Sometimes God shows you a sign. Like when Moses came across the burning bush in the desert.”

  “Or when Jacob wrestled with the angel,” said Sam. He turned to Jonah. “Well? Do you see any signs?”

  “Sorry,” Jonah said with a shrug.

  Scarlett sighed. “I have an idea. Why don’t we sit down and wait for God to send us a sign or tell us what to do next? Meanwhile, it’ll give our clothes a chance to dry.”

  Sam agreed. “Good idea.” The three sat down on the trunk of a fallen palm tree and waited for something to happen.

  An hour passed. The sun rose high in the sky. “Anybody getting any signs?” Scarlett asked.

  “I’m getting thirsty,” said Sam.

  “I’m getting sleepy,” said Jonah. “Do you mind if I find some shade and have a nap?”

  “Go ahead,” said Scarlett.

  “This isn’t getting us anywhere,” said Sam after Jonah wandered off.

  “We have to be patient,” Scarlett answered. “The answer will come. I know it will. I can feel it.”

  “How?” asked Sam. “We’re in the middle of nowhere. What if we’re cast up on a desert island where no one ever comes? Or maybe if others do come, they’ll be pirates or cannibals. What do we do then? How are we supposed to get to Nineveh? Are we anywhere near Nineveh? Can we walk? Build a raft? What?”

  “Just be patient,” said Scarlett. “It won’t take too long. I can feel it.”

  “Are you getting a sign?” asked Sam.

  “Maybe,” Scarlett answered. She wouldn’t say
more than that. She kept staring out at the ocean. Suddenly she stood up. “I see something.”

  “Where?” Sam asked, trying to follow her gaze.

  “Out there. Just below the horizon at eleven o’clock.”

  Sam saw it too. A speck of red against the blue ocean. It drew closer until Scarlett and Sam could recognize what it was. A sail! A ship was coming toward the island. Scarlett and Sam began jumping up and down, yelling, trying to get the attention of the people on board.

  “Hey! You on the boat! We’re here! Can you see us?”

  The red speck grew larger as it came closer to shore. Scarlett and Sam saw a long ship built for speed. Forty oars dipped and stroked as one to a drumbeat that carried out far over the water.

  “Uh-oh. That doesn’t look like the ship we took from Jaffa,” Sam said. It certainly did not. This ship had the streamlined look of a warship. The long beak on the prow had been designed to tear open the hull of any vessel that got in its way. The armored men on deck carried swords and spears. Others, dressed in black, stalked up and down between the oarsmen, lashing them with whips to get more speed.

  “Maybe we can hide in the palm trees,” said Sam. “I don’t like the look of these guys.”

  “Me, neither,” said Scarlett.

  Before they could hide, Jonah appeared on the sand. He yawned and stretched. “That was a good nap. Just what I needed.” He stared out to sea. “What’s this? A ship! Our dream has come true! My prayers have been answered! We’re saved.” He began jumping up and down, waving his hands so the men on board could see him. The ship dropped anchor in the shallows of the lagoon. Four armored men leaped overboard. They all had long, curly beards. The one with the longest beard seemed to be the captain. They began walking toward the beach.

  Jonah ran toward the men. He flopped down on his knees, raising his arms toward heaven. “Praise God! We’re saved!”

  “Don’t be so sure,” Scarlett whispered to Sam.

  The captain held out his hand. “Your documents, please.”

  Scarlett and Sam stared at each other. “You mean like passports? We don’t have anything like that,” they said. Scarlett dug around in her pocket. “Here’s my school ID card. It’s wet, though.”