Rules We're Meant to Break

by Natalie Williamson

  twenty-six

  Later that night Mom and Kevin leave to go to some fancy dinner at The Castle that Cammie and I weren’t invited to, thankfully. Cammie helps me clean up the wrapping paper after they leave, and when we’re done, I settle in the living room, fresh plate of cookies in hand. Cammie joins me, parking herself at the opposite end of the couch and reaching for a gingerbread man in a frosting beach towel. She bites off his head, then says, “I’m gonna crash here tonight, I think.”

  I look at her in surprise. She hasn’t stayed over since the girls’ night. I wonder why she stayed that night, why she wants to stay now, but maybe it doesn’t matter. “Cool. We should pick something to watch. Something good and Christmassy.”

  “Christmassy?” She laughs. “Okay.”

  We go downstairs to pick a movie, Buffy following at our heels. She follows Cammie when she goes to get the remote, and nudges her with her nose. I start to call her over to me, but then Cammie reaches down and rubs one of her ears between her fingers. I think I might be hallucinating, but then Cammie does it again and I know I’m not.

  Cammie and I are halfway through How the Grinch Stole Christmas when I say, out of the blue, “Why don’t you and Jordan ever hang out at school?”

  She pauses the movie and glances over at me, raising her eyebrows.

  “What?” I say, a note of defensiveness creeping into my tone. “I’ve just been wondering.”

  “I know you have,” she says. “I can’t believe you haven’t asked either one of us this yet.”

  “Well I’m asking you now, but you don’t have to answer. I get it if it’s too personal or something.”

  “It’s really not,” she says, shaking her head. “I just don’t want you to take the answer the wrong way.”

  I eye her warily. “Okay…”

  She sighs. “So, you know J and I have known each other since we were in diapers, right?” I nod. “We hung out all the time when we were little kids, since our moms were best friends. We’re actually only a few months apart. His birthday is in July, and mine is in September. We ended up in different grades because of the cutoff.”

  “None of this is weirding me out,” I say. “It sounds like me and Hannah, honestly. Minus the moms being BFFs thing.”

  She crosses her eyes at me, and I laugh.

  “For a long time, it was like that,” Cammie says, fiddling with the remote. “But then we hit middle school and all the crushes and stuff that come with it, and every time my mom asked me if I liked anybody, she brought up J.”

  “Ah.” I can see where this is going.

  “Yeah,” Cammie says, sighing again. “I think she thought it would be, like, precious if we ended up together. But we thought it would be weird. Neither of my parents have big families, and I don’t have any cousins at all on my mom’s side. So Tasha and Jordan were like surrogate cousins to me.”

  “I can see that.”

  “His parents did too. But my mom couldn’t let it go. Still can’t, actually. So we stopped hanging out together outside of school, and then that turned into not hanging out when we were at school either. We actually weren’t talking much at all anymore until last year when … well, you know that part.”

  When her parents split. When Kevin started dating my mom.

  “Anyway,” Cammie says after a long moment. “That’s why we don’t hang out at school still. We have separate worlds there, you know?”

  “Yeah.”

  We lapse into silence, and eventually Cammie hits play on the movie again. But when it gets to the part where the Grinch brings back everyone’s presents because his heart grew three sizes, I realize there’s one more thing I need to ask Cammie tonight.

  “Hey,” I say, looking over at her again. “Do you want to come to Lawrence for the game?”

  “Seriously?” she asks.

  “Yeah.” The first two tickets are obviously for Hannah and Jordan, and I thought about maybe offering the fourth spot to Ryan. But at some point today it occurred to me that I should ask Cammie. And not just to be nice. Because I actually want her to go.

  She takes a long time to answer. Then, finally, she shakes her head. “Take J and Hannah and her boyfriend. Make it like an epic double date.”

  “I already asked Hannah and I’ll ask Jordan when he calls me later, but the fourth spot is yours if you want it. And not just because Hannah already informed me that Elliot has his grandma’s ninetieth birthday that week and all his family will be in town. I mean, you want to go to KU for college too, right?” I haven’t forgotten Kevin mentioning this during that first, most awkward dinner.

  “Yeah,” Cammie says, blushing a little like she’s remembering how she acted that night too, “but I’ve got another year before I get to that part. What about Ryan?”

  I shake my head. “Ryan’s a die-hard Mizzou fan. No way he wants to go to a KU game.”

  Cammie laughs, but she’s still hesitating.

  “Look, think about it, okay? You’ve got like a month to give me an answer.”

  “Okay,” she says slowly. “But what if my answer is no?”

  “Then I’ll force Ryan to go.”

  She snorts, which turns into a full giggle, and then we’re both laughing and it takes us a while to calm down. We have to rewind the movie so that we don’t miss the ending, but I don’t think either one of us minds.

  Jordan calls a while later, when Cammie’s upstairs making popcorn. We’re watching A Charlie Brown Christmas next. When I told Cammie I’d never seen it she screeched at me and told me I hadn’t lived. So dramatic.

  “Hey you,” I say when I answer. “Merry Christmas. How were the slopes today?”

  “Merry Christmas,” he says, and then he yawns. “Tasha and I gave up after two runs and came back to binge movies and gorge ourselves at the buffet, but I’m still beat. She says hi, by the way.”

  I curl up into a ball on the couch, pressing the phone tighter to my ear. “Tell her hi back, and tell your whole family Merry Christmas from me. Did you get any good presents?”

  “These awesome new basketball shoes. You?”

  “Tickets to the KU versus K-State game in February.”

  “Are you serious?” He sounds more alert now.

  “Yeah, four of them.” I explain about the campus tour and staying with Matt. “And I was thinking one of those tickets should be for you.” I pause to swallow the ball of nerves that’s suddenly in my throat. I’m not sure if it’s normal to invite a boy you’ve been dating for like a week on a trip like this, but I can’t not invite him. Not when I know how much he loves basketball. “I mean, if you’d want to come.”

  “Of course I’ll come.”

  I laugh. “Don’t you have to ask first?”

  “Well, yeah. But I know my parents will say yes. They love KU basketball almost as much as I do.”

  Right then Cammie comes down the stairs, popcorn in hand. When she sees that I’m on the phone, she immediately starts making a kissy face at me. It makes her look like a fish.

  “Okay,” I say, “ask them and let me know.”

  “I’ll ask them tonight. You don’t mind if I say good night, do you? I’m having a hard time keeping my eyes open.”

  “No, it’s fine. Cammie and I are gonna watch Charlie Brown Christmas and she just came back with the popcorn.”

  “You’re hanging out with Cam?” Jordan asks, and I can hear the smile in his voice.

  “Yeah.”

  “Good.”

  * * *

  The day before school starts back up, Jordan comes to visit me at work. “So I can see where the magic happens,” he tells me, and I wonder how I kept myself away from him for so long.

  I’m starting a new puppy class this afternoon, for all the people who got fur babies for Christmas. Everyone is in good moods and all of the puppies are fascinated by Buffy, who I brought along to be my helper and who is lounging in the center of the room like a queen among her subjects. She helps me demonstrate sit and down, th
e basics of the basics, and it’s a good thing I brought her because a couple of the new owners need the reassurance of practicing on an already trained dog.

  “She started like all of you guys,” I tell the class, glancing over my shoulder to where Jordan is watching at the window, “so don’t worry. You’ll get there. You’ll have them chilling in no time.”

  “What’s ‘chill’?” one lady asks, and behind me Jordan laughs.

  “We’ll get there,” I tell her, smiling. “Let’s try that sit again.”

  At the end of the lesson, I let my students know that if they’re comfortable with it, they can let their pups off their leashes to come and play with Buffy. Everyone lets their puppies off the leash, and in a matter of seconds Buffy is swarmed by wriggly bodies. They crawl all over her and she just lies there. A queen among her subjects indeed. I glance back at Jordan again to find him grinning at me. See? he mouths. Magic.

  After the lesson is over and everyone’s gone, I take Jordan back to Stephanie’s office to introduce him. She throws me a wink when he’s not looking. “Looks like everything’s good with you, huh, kid?”

  “Yeah,” I say, smiling as Jordan slips Buffy a treat from Steph’s stash. “It was a good Christmas.” My phone vibrates in my pocket and I take it out, going still when I see that it’s a Lawrence area code. “Hey, I think I need to get this.”

  “Go ahead,” Stephanie says. “I’ll take these two to check out the baby guinea pigs we have in the back.”

  “Nice.” Jordan follows her out of the room, Buffy stuck to his side like Velcro. He smiles at me over his shoulder as the door closes behind them.

  I swipe my phone to answer the call, and say hello in the most professional voice I can manage.

  “Is this Amber Richter?” a woman’s voice says.

  “Yes,” I say in a rush. “This is she.”

  “Hi, Amber. I’m Carol Nguyen, the owner of Pet Universe. We got your application for a position as one of our animal associates this fall and love the look of your résumé. Would you be available to set up a Skype interview sometime in the next few weeks? Those tend to be easier for incoming freshmen.”

  Holy. Shit.

  I take a deep breath to steady myself. “Yes, definitely!”

  “Great!” Carol says, her voice warm and welcoming. “What about the first week of February? I know it’s a little ways out, but we try to do all of our fall hiring interviews then to help with the decision-making process.”

  “I could make that work. But, um, actually, I’ll be in town for a couple of days that week to do a campus tour. I could set aside time to come for an interview in person, if that would be helpful?” I was already planning on stopping by to check out the store, but it would be even more exciting to get to do it in an official capacity.

  “That would be wonderful!” Carol says. “Tell me the dates and we can look at the calendar to get something scheduled.”

  When Jordan and Stephanie and Buffy come back a few minutes later, I’m squealing and spinning circles in Stephanie’s desk chair.

  “Whoa,” Jordan says, as I skid to a stop facing him. “I’m taking it that was a good call?”

  “The best.” I beam up at him. I’m a little dizzy so I cling to his arms as I get to my feet. “That was this pet store I applied to in Lawrence.”

  “Pet Universe?” Stephanie asks, her face lighting up.

  “Yeah. They want me to do an interview when we’re in town.”

  “What?” Jordan tugs me into a hug. “That’s awesome! Let’s go celebrate when you’re done with your shift. Dessert from wherever you want, on me.”

  Stephanie is beaming at me when Jordan lets me go. “I’ll let you know when they call in that reference.”

  “Don’t you mean if?”

  “When,” she says, shaking her head and waving us out of her office.

  twenty-seven

  Jordan and I end up meeting Hannah, Elliot, and Ryan at Hannah’s house to eat Emperor’s takeout and celebrate my interview, so it’s later than I planned when Buffy and I make it back to the house. When we walk into the kitchen, I stop short at the sight of my mother, who is sitting at the kitchen island, laptop open in front of her and reading glasses poised on the end of her nose. She’s got papers spread out all around her and her jaw is so tense that it makes me nervous.

  “Oh, good,” she says, looking up at me as I kick the door closed with my foot. “You’re home.”

  “Yeah.” I lean down to unclip Buffy’s leash. “What are you doing?”

  She nods toward the laptop. “I got my preliminary tax documents back from the accountant for last year, which means we can update the information we filled out for the FAFSA. The numbers are a little lower than I was estimating when we first submitted back in October, so that might help with your aid package.”

  “Oh.” I’m not sure how to respond to this, because me getting a bigger aid package would be nice, but it also worries me that Mom’s income wasn’t as high as she thought it’d be. “Um, okay.”

  She watches me for a beat with a strange look on her face, and then she gives her head a tiny shake. “Anyway, are you okay with doing this now? I know it’s getting a little late and you have school tomorrow, but I’d like to get a jump on things. If we get this submitted tonight we might hear back on any updates from the school before your visit in a few weeks. Which would be nice, don’t you think?”

  “Definitely,” I say, coming over to sit next to her quickly before she changes her mind. “What do you need me to do?”

  “Log in to your account,” Mom says, a tight smile spreading over her face. “I couldn’t remember the password we made the first time.”

  It takes us over an hour to go through the form again and update all the numbers from Mom’s stack of paperwork, and the further we get into the process the more anxious I start to feel about Mom’s financial situation. The numbers she has me enter for gross income and net income are smaller than what we estimated last year by a lot more than I thought they’d be, and when I look at the comparison I start to understand better why she’s been freaking out so much about money. But when I try to ask her about this she waves me off. “We’re fine, Amber. The money part is for me to worry about, not you.”

  When we’re finally done, I don’t get up right away even though I keep yawning. This is the first time she’s really seemed open to talking to me about my plans for next year, and there’s no way I’m not going to take advantage of this moment now that it’s here. “Did you have a chance to look over that list of apartments I gave you?”

  “I did, actually,” she says, reaching for a stack of papers on the counter. She sifts through them for a moment and pulls out the folder I gave her. After a moment of hesitation, she hands it back to me. “I made some notes and crossed off a couple based on some Googling I did. Hopefully this will narrow down what you need to look at while you’re in town.”

  I flip open the folder and sift through the contents, a lump rising in my throat as I realize she hasn’t just made a few notes. She’s written detailed thoughts and comments on every single page.

  “Wow, Mom,” I say finally, flipping the folder closed again. “This is great. Thank you so much.”

  “It’s nothing,” she says.

  But I shake my head, because it’s not nothing. “Mom, come on. This is really helpful. It’s almost better than the tickets.”

  “Almost?” she says, her voice dry. But her eyes are suspiciously shiny, and she reaches up to swipe at them before she snaps her laptop shut.

  “Only because the tickets were the first time you said yes to Lawrence instead of no or maybe later. Kind of hard to top that.”

  “Oh. Well, good.”

  She starts gathering up her stuff, so I get to my feet and slowly make my way toward the doorway. But at the last second, I turn back. “Mom?”

  “What, baby?” she asks, in the exact same way she’s been doing my whole life.

  “Why did you finally c
hange your mind? About Lawrence, I mean.”

  She studies me for a long moment, her expression unreadable. Then she says, “It really will be easier if you stay here and live at home, and part of me is having a hard time letting that go. But then you gave me that folder, and when I read it…” She shakes her head. “This is your dream. I want to do what I can to help you get it, not stand in your way just because it will be harder.”

  I can’t help wondering if Kevin has something to do with this change of heart, but I don’t ask her if he does, because I’m not sure it matters anymore. I rush over to her and hug her tight. When I pull away she reaches out to touch my face and smiles.

  “Go get some sleep.”

  * * *

  The next few weeks fly by. Hannah and Elliot are painfully adorable, and Elliot starts having actual, full-fledged conversations with me and Ryan. Jordan’s friends start sitting at the table next to ours in the mornings and at lunch so that he and I can swap where we sit without having to miss out on time with our usual people. Cammie even stops by to sit with us sometimes, which I can tell makes Jordan happy. And things at home are back to how they were before Mom and Kevin’s fight. No more tension that I can detect, and no more fights.

  It’s really freaking nice.

  The week before our trip to Lawrence, Jordan comes over on Tuesday night for family dinner. Mom and Kevin pepper us with questions about our plans for while we’re there. Mom is focused on the timing of things and wants to make sure our campus tour will be over in time for me to make it to my interview at Pet Universe, but Kevin keeps mentioning other places we need to check out. Mass Street and Johnny’s Tavern and the museum at Allen Fieldhouse and a bunch more things I know I’ll never remember. He’s so enthusiastic about it all that I can’t help smiling and nodding along. Even Mom is fighting a grin by the time we finally get him to change the subject.