by Lois Richer
Calling himself a fool, Mac returned to Eddie. Gabe left as he helped the boy dismount. Together they curried the horse. Once he’d taken Eddie back to The Haven, Mac went hunting for Adele. Time to mend fences.
“Have you seen her?” he asked Victoria.
“I don’t know if I’m speaking to you, dream killer.” Vic had always been protective of her foster sisters. “She was so happy she got a hearing scheduled. Why’d you ruin that, Mac? I thought you cared about Adele.”
“I do care about her. She’s my best friend. That’s why I don’t want her perfect dream blindsided by reality.” He tilted his head to one side, waiting as Victoria considered that. “But I do need to apologize.”
“Yes, you do.” Victoria frowned. “Delly went for a walk. Down by the brook, I think.”
Mac thanked her, about to take off on his search. But suddenly he had a better idea. He returned to his ranch and worked hard to get through his chores. Ignoring the reminder of those fragrant aromas he’d smelled earlier at The Haven, he ate some cold cereal and a banana for supper. Then he saddled two horses, riding one and leading the other, Adele’s favorite, to The Haven. The softly falling snow made the woods a winter wonderland. Perfect for apologizing.
If she’d listen.
In the end, after he groveled, and with her aunts and sister urging her, Adele agreed to accompany him on a ride. But she said nothing as they plodded over puffs of snow, nothing when he lifted low-hanging spruce boughs for her to pass beneath, nothing when he stopped his mount beside the ice-covered stream.
“Can we stop here and talk?” he asked softly. “Please, Delly?”
“I don’t have anything to say to you.” She didn’t look at him or accept his help as she dismounted.
“I’m sorry.” Her sadness made him feel ashamed.
“Are you?” She did face him then, her amber eyes glinting like chips of topaz. “I thought that when I told you I was finally going to get my heart’s desire, you’d be happy for me.”
“I am happy for you.” Mac slid his hand over hers and squeezed. “Happy and scared and worried and afraid and a thousand other things.”
“Why are you scared and worried and afraid?” she asked, her face scrunched up with curiosity. “You don’t trust me—”
“Just listen.” He led her to their rock and waited until she was seated. Then he hunkered down in front of her and tried to explain. “You’re taking on the raising of two orphaned kids who have been through a big loss. You’re asking the court to give you permanent custody and when, not if they do,” he emphasized, thinking what a perfect mother she’d make.
“Go on.”
“When they do, you’re going to have to nurse Francie and Franklyn through childhood illnesses, comfort them when other kids cause them pain, tend to their emotional needs, and a host of other duties—for the rest of your life.” He paused to let those words sink in.
“I know.” Instead of looking abashed she appeared thrilled. “So?”
“It won’t be a fairy-tale, Adele, not the ‘perfect’ world you keep talking about. You won’t be able to walk away when Francie and Franklyn get mad at you, or rebel and turn to someone else, or do something that might shame or embarrass you. Do you truly understand what you’re taking on?”
“I’m not stupid,” she said, forehead furrowed in a frown.
“No. You’re smart and beautiful with a heart of gold. But I’m scared for you, Delly. All I hear you talk about is the joyful, happy side of adoption. I’m afraid you’re not seeing the reality of this major step. You have to be prepared.”
She kept her expression blank. Mac reached up to brush a strand of hair from her eyes, desperate to help her understand.
“You can’t commit to these kids without expecting good and bad, Adele. It wouldn’t be fair to them or to you.”
“I’ll be fine.” The same stubborn toss of her chin irritated him.
“Your heart brims with love. That’s the Delly I know and care about, my best friend.” She was a lot more than that, but Mac wasn’t getting sidetracked. “I couldn’t stand to see you hurting.”
Adele simply smiled confidently. Knowing there was nothing more he could say, Mac sighed and straightened.
“That’s all I was trying to say this afternoon. That I want the very best for you.”
Adele’s eyes softened as she peered at him in the bit of light the shadowed moon offered. Then, to his utter surprise, she stood, reached out and hugged him. He caught his breath and slid his arm around her as a wave of yearning flooded him. If only he could hold her like this forever.
“You’re the best friend a girl could have, Mac,” she whispered in his ear. “Thank you.”
He drew back, guilt suffusing him. If she knew...
“Don’t say that.” Mac eased away because it was too painful to remain so close to Adele and not kiss her the way he longed to. He desperately wanted to ask her to let him help her parent the twins, to love her the way he longed to. But he was equally afraid that if she knew who he really was, she’d have nothing to do with him.
“Thank you, Mac.” The tenderness in Delly’s voice was almost his undoing. “Thank you for caring enough, for being my best friend. You fuss and worry about all of us, don’t you? It’s nice to be cared for like that.”
“My pleasure.” He meant that sincerely. He liked caring for this woman.
“You don’t have to go to Edmonton, Mac. Victoria’s taking us.” Adele smiled her generous, trusting smile. “But I sure would appreciate your prayers.”
“You have them. Always.”
“Thanks, friend. And pray for Gina, too, please? I have to find her.”
Yes, he was her friend, but Mac couldn’t say anything about her sister. To do so would only compound his deceit, and Adele was all about truth.
Chapter Eleven
On Sunday night, Adele sat on the foot of the bed, watching as Victoria sipped the hot lemon and honey drink she’d prepared.
“You are in no shape to drive with us tomorrow,” she said. “I’ll phone Mac.”
“You’d rather have him with you anyway,” Victoria croaked, then coughed as if to add emphasis to her words.
“Why do you say that?” Adele frowned at her.
“Oh, look in the mirror, Adele! You are in love with Mac. It’s clear to everyone but you.” Exhausted, Victoria leaned back against her pillow and closed her eyes.
“I can’t be.” Adele glared when Victoria opened one eye, then arched her brows. “He’s my best friend.”
“Exactly.”
“Anyway, you know how I feel about love, Vic. It ruins things. Everything seems wonderful and then the arguments and fighting start and pretty soon you detest each other.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not going down that route with Mac.”
“Judging by this afternoon’s argument, you already have.” Victoria’s smile flickered before she groaned.
“He defended the twins for lying to me about breaking that dish,” Adele fumed, still raw from their argument. “He knows how I feel about honesty, yet he insisted I was making it too big a deal.”
“You were. It was old and cracked and they didn’t drop it on purpose. You made a mountain out of a molehill.” Victoria sipped her drink then growled, “Don’t you think it’s time to grow up?”
Adele frowned at her. “Meaning?”
“Meaning you’ve clung to the excuse of your parents’ miserable marriage for too long,” her sister said bluntly. “Yes, they fought, and yes, they messed up your childhood. Yes, neither of them has found happiness despite their repeated marriages. But at least they’re still trying to find love. Anyway, you haven’t been in their home for eons. You got to come here, to live with a wonderful family, to love and be loved.”
“But—”
“You were blessed, Adel
e. Why isn’t that enough? Why can’t you let go of the past and choose better for yourself?”
“Like Mac?” Adele bit her lip when her sister nodded. “I don’t think I can do that, Vic.” At her sister’s enquiring look, she confessed, “I’m almost sure he’s thinking about leaving.”
“But the daylong ski trip is fully booked!”
“Oh, he’ll finish that, but I doubt he’ll plan more. And the events he’s always done for each group on the final day—” She checked to see if Vic had fallen asleep.
“Yes?” Victoria pushed herself up in the bed.
“I overheard him tell Gabe that the group on the weekend before Christmas will be the last one. His parents will be home then. I suspect he’ll have Christmas with them then announce he’s leaving.” Heart aching, she tried to stem the tears. “I can’t love someone who’s leaving, Vic. I can’t believe in love when he’s never said one word about loving me.”
“Does he have to say it?” Victoria’s quiet tone was gentle. “Haven’t you felt his tenderness with you, the way he always protects you, tries to ease your load, especially with the twins?”
“He’s always loved kids,” Adele mumbled.
“Mac loves you.”
“Then why is he keeping secrets?” she blurted.
“What do you mean?” Victoria gaped.
“Every time I bring up Gina’s name he freezes. When I ask about his time in the military it’s the same. He shuts down. I’m so scared of ruining our friendship that I’m afraid to push him about it. Sometimes when I talk about the kids and building a family,” she confessed as she dashed away a tear, “Mac gets very quiet. When he does finally speak, it’s about something totally different. He’s keeping a secret.”
“Maybe he is.” Vic shrugged. “It is the season, after all.”
“It’s not about Christmas,” Adele muttered. “I like Mac, a lot. But...”
“You’re afraid.” Victoria pulled her Bible from the nightstand, opened it and held it out. “Read the highlighted verse.”
“‘Perfect love casteth out fear.’” She frowned. “You’re saying I don’t love Mac properly?”
“I’m saying love means trust. No offense, Adele, but you’ve got this thing about perfection.” Victoria shrugged at her glare. “Well, you do.”
“So?” Adele just wanted her to finish so she could leave and mourn her love for Mac in private.
“Sweetie, love does not mean everything will be perfect. Humans are not perfect. We mess up, argue, make mistakes. But if we’re smart, we forget about those and get back to love because that’s what makes life worthwhile.” Victoria snugged her covers up under her chin and yawned. “I guess you’ll have to decide if loving Mac is worth trusting him.”
“I already have an awful lot on my plate. This isn’t exactly the perfect time to fall in love,” Adele muttered.
Victoria croaked with laughter.
“Sister of my heart, one thing I’ve learned is that there never is a perfect time for love. But if it’s God’s will, anytime is the perfect time. Now let me sleep. We’ll see if I can travel in the morning.”
“Doubtful, but thanks. I love you.”
“Back ’atcha, kid,” Victoria murmured before her lashes fell.
Adele tiptoed out of the room, closed the door and went downstairs. To her surprise Mac was in the kitchen.
“Vic’s pretty sick, isn’t she?”
“She’s not going anywhere tomorrow.” Adele wished Mac would come, though he’d already made it clear he didn’t want to. “We’ll be fine. I’ve driven to Edmonton a hundred times before.”
“With two little kids? To a court hearing?” Mac shook his head. “What time do you want to leave?”
“You’ll come?” Ecstatic, Adele couldn’t help grinning when he nodded. “You don’t have to, but I’d love it if you came.” She told him when she hoped to depart. “You never said much about your first ski trip yesterday, though the kids seemed thrilled. Was it a disaster?”
“No. It needs a few refinements, but Gabe and I can handle those.” He paused, stared at his hands. “Uh, Delly, I know you’re mad at me about the twins’ lie about that dish, and you don’t agree with what I said, but uh, I need to tell you about something else I did that you might not like.”
Adele’s nerves tightened. This didn’t sound good.
Perfect love casts out fear.
It was time to trust God. She shoved her hands in her jeans pocket.
“Go ahead, Mac.”
“I ran an ad in the Edmonton Journal and I tweeted the same thing. Asking about Gina.”
“And?” Excitement filled her. Please, God, at last?
* * *
Do it. Now, before you chicken out. Give Delly honesty.
Mac had struggled with this for days and he was sick of it. He couldn’t even consider telling his parents he’d buy their ranch if he didn’t get rid of at least some of this cloying guilt.
He didn’t know how he’d manage the fallout, but he had to tell Delly about Gina.
“I received a response that directed me to a youth center in Edmonton,” he said quietly.
“She’s in Edmonton?” Adele’s eyes glowed with joy. “I’m finally going to find her?”
“Wait!” He shook his head. “I don’t think that’s going to happen, Delly. I phoned to ask but it wasn’t encouraging. Doesn’t sound like there’s any Gina Parker there. They don’t give much information over the phone.”
“So we’ll go there after the hearing.” Her topaz eyes sparkled as she suddenly hugged him. A second later she quickly let go. “Thank you, Mac. We’ll find my sister and this Christmas will be the most perfect ever.”
“Delly,” Mac cautioned. “Your Gina probably isn’t there but even if she is, she might not want to come here. Or there could be other barriers to this reunion you want so much. Please, don’t get your hopes up until you’ve checked it out. I don’t want you to be heartbroken if this turns out badly.”
“Tonight the twins were asking me about God’s love.” Adele’s smile wasn’t wholehearted. “They wanted to know if He would take me away like He did their other mother.”
“They always ask the hard stuff.” He smiled, recalling the flood of questions with which they always bombarded him.
“The bottom line seems to be that they’re afraid to trust God.” She smiled but it didn’t erase her troubled expression. He loved that she was so concerned about Francie’s and Franklyn’s happiness.
“Lots of adults in the same boat,” he said, wondering why she looked so sad.
“Including me. I’m assuming that this hearing is God’s way of giving His approval for my bid at single parenthood but—” She shook her head. “I’m not sure, Mac. You and everyone else keeps warning me about how hard it’s going to be, and I ask myself if I can handle it.”
He’d never seen her so uncertain. And he hated it. This wasn’t the real Adele, the woman who grabbed life by the horns and made something wonderful out of it. This was a woman he’d scared into thinking she didn’t have what it took when it came to motherhood, and nothing could be further from the truth. Fix it, Mac’s brain demanded.
“Listen to me,” he said gently, moving in front of her so he could grasp her shoulder. “I know I warned you and maybe I said too much. There’s only one question you have to ask yourself, Delly. Do you love the twins enough to stick with them no matter what?”
“You mean like ‘for better or for worse, in sickness and in health?’” she teased, rallying to smile at him.
“That’s exactly what I mean.” He waited a moment, watched her eyes narrow, her lips purse, her forehead pleat. “Well?”
“I do,” she whispered. “I love them with my whole heart, no matter what.”
“Remember what the pastor said last week. Love is from God. So He g
ave you love for Francie and Franklyn. That’s what you have to hang on to when things get tough.” Mac could have stared into her eyes forever.
He’d never known anyone more beautiful, inside and out, and right now he wanted to fold her close and tell her how much she meant to him. But guilt lay between them. He’d only told her part of his truth.
“Thank you, Mac,” she whispered.
“If God doesn’t want the twins to be yours He’ll make sure it doesn’t happen. Because we know that ‘all things—’”
“‘—work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose,’” she recited, her smile wide. “Yes. Thank you for reminding me, Mac.”
Then she stood on tiptoe and pressed her lips against his. Taken unaware and unable to suppress his yearning to show this special lady how much he cared for her, Mac kissed her back, deeply, thoroughly, finally pulling away when she shifted her lips from his.
“Why did you kiss me?” he demanded when he’d caught his breath, while his eyes devoured her beautiful face.
“I thought it was you kissing me,” she whispered. Then she pointed upward to the little sprig of mistletoe hanging above them.
Was that her only reason? Mac stared into her face, loving every familiar feature. He desperately wanted Adele to get complete custody of the twins. He also wanted her to have the joyous reunion with Gina that she dreamed of. But if he accompanied Adele to the center, they’d probably meet up with Dave, the truth would finally emerge and Adele would hate him.
So be it. Mac would do anything for this woman, including help her find the sister she’d longed for. No matter the cost. Because he loved her, and that was enough to make the consequences acceptable to him.
“I need to get home,” he murmured, hating to let go of her, hating the chill that drifted between them when he stepped back. “I’ll see you early tomorrow morning.”
“Thank you, Mac. Friend,” she whispered.
Friend. As he drove back to the Double M, Mac was completely aware that this might be the last time he left The Haven with Adele’s smile tucked next to his heart.