The Joy and the Challenge: Parenting Gifted Children

by SENG

  "Elementary Lessons for Mom," by Amy Price

  Problems quickly surfaced. Although he initially achieved perfect scores on daily timed addition and subtraction tests, my son's scores quickly declined. Reed was not completing timed tests and was answering basic questions incorrectly. I knew that he had already mastered multiplication and division. How could these simple problems provide such a great challenge? Even worse, this once-articulate child now seemed unable to organize his thoughts on paper. Simple tasks like using vocabulary words in sentences became hurdles. Reed was reduced to tears in reporting that he was finding the physical process of writing exhausting and difficult. With the onset of class lessons in cursive writing, his misery increased. So, too, did the phone calls and notes from the school...

  "On Being Too Much to the Right of the Curve " by Heidi Molbak

  Often gifted individuals are "too much" for the people who surround them in their daily lives. And they know this because they are told as much on a frequent basis. Their thoughts, feelings, and ideas do contribute significantly to humankind. It's just that humankind doesn't always let them know how much they are appreciated...

  "Parenting Lessons," by Shari Hill

  As we begin another year, we tend to reflect on the past. Though I find the "should haves," "could haves," and "wish I hads" a waste of energy, I do have some constructive thoughts to share from parenting my own brood. I wish I knew then that...

  "Through His Eyes and Through His Mother 's Eyes," Holly Hughes and Joseph Hughes

  Joseph Hughes once read more than 1,000 books to win a first grade contest. A high achiever, they all said. In elementary school, he'd complete class assignments “perfectly" before the other kids. But he'd quickly find himself in trouble for having done it before the teacher even reviewed the instructions. Impulsive, they all said...

  "What Your Kids Want You to Know," by Jane Hesslein

  As a teacher of the gifted, I am involved daily in the relationships between students and parents, working to keep each "team" apprised of what the other is thinking. At the beginning of the year, I tell parents what I have learned from earlier classes about what it is like to be 10 and very bright. During the year, the students and I chat informally about many of their social and emotional issues...

  BOOKS

  A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children, by James Webb, Janet Gore, Edward Amend, and Arlene DeVries (Great Potential Press, 2007)

  Parenting Gifted Kids: Tips for Raising Happy and Successful Children, by James R. Delisle (Prufrock Press, 2006)

  The Survival Guide for Parents of Gifted Kids: How to Understand, Live With, and Stick Up for Your Gifted Child, by Sally Yahnke Walker (Free Spirit Publishing, 2002)

  SENG's Parenting the Gifted Recommended Reading: https://www.sengifted.org/articles_booklist.shtml#parenting

  Free Spirit Publishing Parenting Books: https://www.freespirit.com/parents/parents.cfm

  Great Potential Press Parenting Books: https://www.giftedbooks.com/products.asp?Grouping=29

  Prufrock Press Parenting Books: https://www.prufrock.com/showproducts.cfm?WPCID=1059

  ONLINE

  National Association for Gifted Children (NAGC) Parents Page: https://www.nagc.org/index.aspx?id=48

  Parenting for High Potential Magazine: https://www.nagc.org/index.aspx?id=1180

  Davidson Institute for Talent Development: Tips for Parents Articles: https://www.davidsongifted.org/db/browse_articles_114.aspx

  Hoagies Gifted Education Page: Parenting Resources: https://www.hoagiesgifted.org/parenting.htm

  ~~~~~~~~

  Day 3: Underachievement Issues and Twice Exceptionalism

  "Don't Get Caught in the Lazy Trap"

  By Linda Neumann

  How many times did I hear the phrase coming out of a teacher’s mouth: “He’s smart, but lazy!” Usually this comment about one of my boys was followed with, “He could do better if he tried, but he chooses not to try.”

  For a long time—far too long—I bought into this assessment. I could see that my sons were bright, and I could see that their work and their effort often failed to measure up to expectations. I had no better explanation for what was going on.

  Finally, one day, it came to me that my kids were not choosing to underachieve. I still had no explanation for their behavior, but I felt certain that something was holding them back. That realization started me on a quest that I’m still on, to understand bright children who underachieve—my own as well as others.

  I found validation for my change in perspective from a book that I often recommend to others: The Myth of Laziness, written in 2003 by Dr. Mel Levine. In it, he talks about the many factors that affect work output. Of course there are the dysfunctions and weaknesses that come with learning disabilities, attention deficit, and other learning challenges. A gifted child who must contend with these can be left without the self-confidence, abilities, and energy that it takes to achieve in the classroom. But a bright child need not be twice exceptional to be an underachiever. Levine talks about other factors as well that affect achievement. Some are external, such as stress, competition, role models, and family values. Others are internal, such as the level of optimism, flexibility, and adaptability a child displays.

  As I’ve searched for information on this topic, I’ve come across many good suggestions for reversing underachievement and many acknowledgements from experts that it is often not an easy task. The longer it goes on, they say, the harder it is to reverse the negative thought patterns that surround underachieving. Parents and teachers must expect that it will be a long, slow process, marked by small successes along the way.

  Along with changing thought patterns, here are some other suggestions for parents and teachers that experts seem to agree on:

  * Encourage activities outside of school that the child finds rewarding.

  * Build on a child’s interests and talents, both at home and at school.

  * Focus praise on the child’s efforts rather than on results.

  * To the extent possible, make work you assign to the child meaningful.

  * Help the child in setting realistic goals and planning how to achieve them.

  * Don’t deny the child challenging work because of underachievement.

  * Additional suggestions for 2e students are to provide the accommodations and to teach the compensation strategies that the child needs in order to achieve.

  To this list, I add my own suggestion. Educate yourself on the topic of underachievement. There are no easy answers or quick fixes; but the more you know, the better able you will be to help a bright underachiever find success. Keep in mind this exchange from a session on underachievement given at the 2009 NAGC conference. After hearing the presentation, a parent asked why the speaker had not addressed what he felt was the main cause of underachievement, laziness. The presenter, educator Kathy Lundstrom, replied, “Laziness does not exist, according to research.” She explained that there are reasons why children underachieve, like those she presented in her session, and we need to uncover them.

  Former SENG Director Linda C. Neumann is the editor of "2e: Twice-Exceptional Newsletter" (www.2eNewsletter.com), a bi-monthly publication aimed at parents, educators, advocates, and others who help twice-exceptional children reach their potential. She is also the author of the “Spotlight on 2e Series” of booklets that explore the combination of giftedness and learning deficits in children.

  ~~~~~~~~

  More Resources

  SENG ARTICLES

  "Gifted Education: What I Wished I Knew Sooner!" by Carolyn Kottmeyer

  Many people assume that gifted and learning disabled are opposite ends of the same scale. Teachers may assume that a child, identified as gifted but struggling in school, is simply lazy or unmotivated. At the same time, they may assume that a child identified as learning disabled cannot possibly be gifted. I wish I'd known sooner that neither of these assumptions is true...

  "If They Only Came With
Manuals!" by Linda Neumann

  At one time or another I think all parents have probably wished that their child had come with a manual - a document that would spell out everything they needed to know to understand and raise their child. Most likely, parents of gifted children have wished this more intently and parents of twice exceptional (2e) children even more...

  "Motivating the Gifted Child," by Lori Comallie-Caplan

  Parents can be both surprised, and distressed, when gifted students underachieve. Sometimes learning disabilities are at fault, but other times it is a lack of motivation. Many times children lack motivation because they don't see a connection between the work they are being asked to do and their goals and interests. Sometimes children lack motivation because they haven't yet been exposed to what might be a life passion...

  "Parenting Twice-Exceptional Children," by Dina Brulles

  David is a nice kid. He is smart and quiet. He blends in well enough that not many people, including teachers, notice the learning difficulties he has. He does not usually draw attention to himself; he does not get into trouble; he gets by OK. David, who is highly gifted, also has been diagnosed with severe Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD - no "H"), is highly gifted, has an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD - Tricotillamania), and a learning disability (LD -dysgraphia and dyslexia)...

  "Through His Eyes and Through His Mother's Eyes," by Joseph Hughes and Holly Hughes

  Then, as he grew older, he didn't "measure up" academically in the school's viewpoint either. Written work seemed disjointed, almost incoherent - unless someone discussed it with him to discover the huge leaps of logic and reasoning that carried him from place to place. When creating art, the pencil was snatched from his hand to demonstrate how to do it "right"...

  BOOKS

  Different Minds: Gifted Children With Ad/Hd, Asperger Syndrome, and Other Learning Deficits, by Deirdre V. Lovecky (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2004)

  Dreamers, Discoverers & Dynamos: How to Help the Child Who Is Bright, Bored and Having Problems in School, by Lucy Jo Palladino (Ballantine, 1999)

  The Myth of Laziness, by Mel Levine (Simon and Schuster, 2003)

  Uniquely Gifted : Identifying and Meeting the Needs of the Twice Exceptional Student, Kiesa Kay (Avocus Publishing, 2000)

  Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades And What You Can Do About It: A Six-Step Program for Parents and Teachers, by Sylvia Rimm (Great Potential Press, 2008)

  ONLINE

  2e: Twice-Exceptional Newsletter: https://www.2enewsletter.com/

  Eide Neurolearning Blog: https://www.eideneurolearningblog.blogspot.com/

  Free Spirit Publishing: Special Needs Gifted/LD/ADD: https://www.freespirit.com/catalog/catalog_detail.cfm?CAT_ID=29

  Uniquely Gifted: Resources for Gifted Children with Special Needs: https://www.uniquelygifted.org/

  ~~~~~~~~

  Day 4: Gifted Minorities, Gifted Boys, and Gifted Girls

  "Advocating for Better Understanding of Giftedness in Minority Groups"

  By Rosina Gallagher

  In the 1993 National Excellence Report: A Case for Developing American Talent, Secretary of Education, Richard Riley, alerted us to the “quiet crisis” in the way top students are being educated in our nation’s schools. “The problem,” he stated, “is especially severe among economically disadvantaged and minority students, who have access to fewer advanced educational opportunities and whose talents often go unnoticed.” (Preface, p. l)

  The Report provided a definition of gifted and talented:

  Children and youth with outstanding talent who perform or show the potential for performing at remarkably high levels of accomplishment when compared with others of their age, experience or environment. These children and youth exhibit high performance capability in intellectual, creative, and/or artistic areas, possess an unusual leadership capacity, or excel in specific academic fields. They require services or activities not ordinarily provided by the schools. Outstanding talents are present in children and youth from all cultural groups, across all economic strata and in all areas of human endeavor. (p. 3)

  Since 1993, researchers have identified three major groups that are underrepresented in gifted education: students from low-income background, the ethnically/culturally and linguistically diverse, and those who exhibit atypical learning profiles. My research into diversity, however, has led me to consider three groups whose needs warrant further understanding:

  * Creative performers who exhibit a learning disability

  * Third Culture Kids (TCK) who have been raised in several cultures

  * Children of affluence, what Madeline Levine considers the “privileged” and “new at-risk group”

  The balance of this article highlights basic characteristics of these groups, some challenging behaviors they may manifest, and potential interventions to support appropriate services. Finally, several profiles of individuals are described, which, in my opinion, represent each group.

  CREATIVE PERFORMERS

  Positive Characteristics

  * Have powerful imagination

  * Play with ideas and concepts

  * Overflow with ideas

  * Are independent

  * Improvise

  * Are visual-spatial learners

  Challenging Behaviors

  * May daydream

  * May not focus on task at hand

  * Have difficulty starting or finishing a project

  * May have difficulty working in a group

  * Question need for mastery

  * Question authority

  Potential Interventions

  * Teach goal setting

  * Limit choices

  * Teach organization skills

  * Model teamwork

  * Teach creative problem-solving

  * Build strengths and pursue passion

  * Teach self-advocacy

  CREATIVE PERFORMERS WHO OVERCAME DIFFICULTIES

  John “Jack” Horner

  * American Paleontologist

  * Dyslexic; did not complete college due to inability to pass required German language exam

  * Published formidable senior thesis on fauna of the Bear Gulch Limestone in Montana, most famous preserved site fossil in the world

  * Provided first clear evidence that some dinosaurs cared for the young

  Technical advisor for all of Jurassic Park films

  Gillian Barbara Lynne

  * British Dancer

  * Choreographer

  * Underperformed at school, constantly distractible and fidgety at age five

  * Mother consulted pediatrician who observed Gillian dancing to radio music and stated, “You’re child is not sick…She’s a dancer! Enroll her in ballet classes.”

  * Ms Lynne became a renowned ballerina with Royal Ballet, choreographer of Cats and The Phantom of the Opera, theatre director and owner of Lean Two Productions for TV and film

  Temple Grandin

  * Doctor of Animal Science, professor, author and consultant to the livestock industry in animal behavior

  * Diagnosed with high-functioning autism at age two. Began talking at age four

  * “Middle school and high school were the worst parts of my life.” Called a “nerd” and teased as “tape recorder” because she repeated things over and over again.

  * Dr. Grandin is noted for her work in autism advocacy and inventor of hug machine designed to calm hypersensitive persons

  THIRD CULTURE KIDS (TCK)

  The term TCK was coined by sociologist Ruth Hill Useem and refers to “someone who, as a child, has spent a significant period of time in one or more culture(s) other than his or her own, thus integrating elements of those cultures and their own birth culture, into a third culture."

  Benefits

  * Joy of discovery

  * Learn several languages

  * Become bi- or tri-cultural

  * Likely to graduate from college

  * Tend to m
ature early

  * Maintain global dimension throughout lives

  Challenges

  * Developmental issues

  * Struggle to find identity

  * Constantly moving, restlessness

  * Experience heartbreaking loss

  Potential Interventions

  * Use a “Whole Child” developmental approach: Promote intellectual challenge; & Cultivate social skills and character; Teach child to understand and manage emotions. (Pfeiffer, 2009)

  * Use multicultural curriculum

  * Connect with students in day-to-day life

  * Identify stages of cultural identity

  * Recognize problematic behavior patterns

  * Journaling

  * Connect with others based on interests

  Established by the International School of Geneva, the International Baccalaureate Program was originally designed to provide a consistent curriculum for families who moved frequently across the globe.

  FAMOUS THIRD CULTURE KIDS

  Barack Obama

  * President of the United States of America – January 2009

  * Born in Honolulu, HW

  * Raised by single American mother

  * Father from Kenya

  * Lived in Indonesia

  * Graduate of Occidental College, Columbia University and Harvard Law School

  * Community Organizer in Chicago

  * Constitutional Law Professor

  * Lost Seat House of Representatives in 2000

  * Won Senate Seat in 2004

  * Won Nobel Peace Prize 2009

  Actress Katy Jurado

  * Born in Guadalajara, Mexico

  * Studied journalism

  * Married to Victor Velazquez

  * Started acting in Mexico City

  * In 1950s she began acting with Anthony Quinn, John Wayne and Marlon Brando

  * First Mexican national to be nominated for Academy Award

  * Married actor Ernest Borgnine

  * Lived and worked in the USA, Italy and Mexico throughout her life

  * Died of heart attack in Cuernavaca, Mexico, 2002

  Benjamin Netanyahu

  * Israeli Prime Minister

  * Born in Tel Aviv, Israel

  * Russian ancestry

  * Father was professor of Jewish History at Cornell University