‘Hello, sunny girl. I’m wonderful, thanks!’
‘I expected you to call me sooner. I was ready to tell you not to call me again because I thought I needed a break.’
‘Interesting… Thank you for the sincerity. You’re speaking in the past tense. Megan, do you still want to shove me away?’
‘No, I don’t. I think I like you a lot and want to spend some time with you.’
‘Well, that is a surprise.’
‘Maybe I should have told you in person so that I could laugh at the expression on your face at least once.’
‘Indeed, you missed that opportunity twice – while hearing your first sentence and then with your second one.’
‘Hmmm, I’ll get into shape.’
‘I like you too, sweet girl.’
It was so pleasant to hear him refer to me with such endearing names. I liked it.
‘I was on business trip to Dubai, Megs! I had to fly the very next day after our date. That’s the reason I didn’t call. I was preoccupied with work, although I thought of you often. But I didn’t have time to call, or to text you. Also, I didn’t know what to say. I felt like a schoolboy. But I like your directness. It is so sexy and provocative! But hearing you say that you would have shoved me away if I had called, I am glad that things developed as they did.’
‘You are a really lucky person!’
‘You too!’
‘Yes, I am!’
‘I’ll be back tomorrow. Thursday and Friday, I have a lot of things to do in Sofia and would not be able to see your pretty eyes. But I would be happy to see you on Saturday. Can you skate? We can go skating and drink mulled wine. I might have to call in advance to ask them to prepare larger quantities for you.’
‘Come on, now! If someone is listening to you, they will think that I have a drinking problem. I just enjoy things that give me pleasure. Wine and champagne are two of those things.’
‘I would love to share such moments of pleasure with you. I don’t know what to add to such a sentence filled with so many innuendoes.’
‘Do you skate, or would I have to laugh the entire evening at your attempts to impress me?’
‘I like to leave my comfort zone from time to time, but I would never offer you something I wasn’t perfect at. So, do you agree?’
‘It sounds great, Mr. Perfect.’
‘At last you learned my name! Now tell me, are you free on March 3rd?’
‘OK, but don’t you want to see each other on Saturday and then make plans for the future.’
‘No, I don’t. I don’t want to push you, pretty girl, but I’ve been offered this villa by the sea for the holidays. I don’t know if you have been by sea in winter but its beauty is as stunning as during the summer. And the sensation is totally different, more mystical. There are no people at all on the beach and you can submerge fully into its beauty. The villa is wonderful too. Right on the beach, near the water. It is cozy, with all the extras. It is big enough if you decide to run away or hide.’
‘Very funny! Do the toilets have windows?’
‘I’m not sure,’ he laughed. ‘I’m truly happy that you agree. We’ll have a wonderful time. Believe me.’
I wanted to say yes. I also believed that we would have a wonderful time. But at the same time, I felt so scared. My stomach was a ball of nerves, and it felt like déja vu. I felt that I was heading straight towards this enormous pain I had experienced recently. But despite this, I said, ‘Yes!’ I could not refuse. Marty was so sweet and charming. I didn’t want to say no.
Chapter 43
On Saturday we went skating. And as I had expected we had a great time together. Then we went for a walk around Sofia after sunset. It was very cold, but we were warmed up by the skating and the wine, so we didn’t feel the sub-zero temperature at all. There was constant communication between us.
Then we saw each other a couple of times more. Once he took me to the lake nearby to a friend’s villa. Naturally, he didn’t warn me. Probably he presumed that I would not go. He told me at the last minute that we would not be alone, and I was almost in tears for being tricked. I could not say why I was so afraid. Perhaps I was worried that he wanted to present me to his circle of friends and, respectively, that led to closeness too soon. This very thought terrified me. I enjoyed being with him, but I was so afraid of being intimate with a man again. The more I realized that things were moving slowly in that direction, the more I tried to find ways to deceive myself and to refuse to see the obvious and let go. This kind of surprises gave me an opportunity to consider the option, either to break up with him, to give myself a rest from reality, or to take the step towards commitment.
The truth was that Martin was very observant and very considerate. He really got me. One more man that was intuitive about the environment and people around him! He knew I had been through a difficult time and experienced disappointment in love. Once, I had mentioned it to him but without any details and his reaction was:
‘Megan, I understood this the very moment I met you. And my intuition was confirmed when you jumped up from the table and fled just because of an innocent remark. You have to be an idiot not to be able to put two and two together.’
I felt so ashamed at the time. Evidently, I was living in my own world, where people did not see my faults. Even when they were obvious. I felt naked but he knew how to control the situation:
‘We all have our bad moments. If you have not felt pain, you have not lived, you have not loved; then again you must have missed most of the beauty and sweetness in life. This is not a cliché, but the absolute truth. It’s true that sometimes things take a turn for which we are no prepared. But these are the moments that make us stronger. When I was in pain the most, it was because before that I had lived through the best moments in life. If a sorcerer offered me to go back in time and relive my life again without the pain, but also without the experiences, I would refuse. Most probably I would just say: I want to live through all those beautiful moments again, even if I experience pain after that. If we eliminated the bad and good, we would be left with nothing in life. Nothing meaningful at least. And the bonus is that such moments give us experience and, when we encounter love again and those wonderful amorous moments, we will be better prepared to prevent pain or, if not, to live through it more easily. Life is unpredictable and our viewpoint in every situation is important.’
Martin was such a wise man. We had talked about the way of the world so many times, about love, the relationship between men and women, marriage, death, and kids. I really liked the way his mind worked. It was very similar to mine.
In the end, we had a wonderful time at the lake. Once more. Despite my misgivings at first. Then we went out together several times. Wonderful each time. Suddenly, I realized that I was constantly thinking about Martin and that again I was making the same mistake, building my life around him and all we had together. He had not even tried to kiss me yet. He was giving me time for my mind to process it. Very considerate of him. But, despite that, we texted each other all the time and made plans. The holidays when we would be alone by the sea were approaching.
I didn’t want to dig into it too much. I didn’t want a man to become the pivot of my life once again, regardless of the pleasantness of the time we spent together. How many times did I have to make the same mistake before learning my lesson? It was time to take control in my own hands. I decided that, whatever happened on that trip, I should turn towards myself and ask the question: ‘Do I need this right now?’ Although I was not sure whether I would give an affirmative answer to the question about the trip. I had said yes already. But this did not mean that I could not say “no” to everything else that was yet to come.
Chapter 44
Phillip
‘What the hell are you doing here? Again!’
I was standing in front of Daniel’s door. In Bulgaria. It was Saturday evening. I knew it wasn’t convenient to show up at ten in the evening but I could not wait a minute more. I t
hought of calling him and telling him what had happened, to explain my earlier intentions, even before leaving for Bulgaria. To ask him how she was doing. But I didn’t. I couldn’t say whether it was because of fear or because I didn’t know what I was doing. I only knew that finally I felt alive again, the way I had not felt in months.
‘You’ve always been weird, but is this the way to react to your best friend who’s come to see you?’ I responded to his initial reaction.
‘Seriously? Come in! I’ll have a heart attack because of you. Why didn’t you call? Man, as if you’re just popping for sugar from the flat next door and not 5000 miles away. Don’t you have phones over there? I could have been in the middle of sex. Even my parents call before coming over.’
‘That’s normal, because if you were having sex, it would be more awkward for them than for you.’
Daniel gave me a hearty embrace and let me in. Thank God Lilly was not there. It was enough that I had to open up and talk about my stupidity in front of him. It was slightly better that there was no other person present. But even this would not have prevented me from speaking. Daniel listened carefully. He had a coffee. Then another one. Then another one. First, I tried to give him the short version, but he directly asked me to tell him the whole story, because my presence meant that I was looking for support. And he had the right to know the truth if he was going to decide to interfere again because, after all, Megan was his friend.
I went on and on and on talking. While I was telling the story the way it was, I realized how stupid I had been. How insanely stupid. Daniel continued to be silent even after the end of my story, and the whole time he did not interrupt me once, which was not typical for him.
‘You’re such an idiot,’ he said finally. Just that. Without any emotion. A simple truth.
‘I know.’
‘What do you intend to do now?’
‘I don’t know. I’ll do anything. I have to get her back.’
‘Phillip… I’m not sure…you hurt her a great deal. Megan is a special girl.’
‘Will you help me, Danny?’
‘What do you want me to do?’
‘Do you know where she is? She’s not at her place. I’ve been there already.’
‘It was March 3rd yesterday. Everyone has gone off somewhere for the three days’ holiday. I don’t know where she is. Lately, I have not seen Megan often. I don’t know how to behave around her, because I can’t help her and can’t stand seeing her suffer so much…’
‘I’m sorry!’
‘What you did was totally idiotic. The whole thing was meaningless. Honestly! I don’t want to judge you, I can image the pressure you’ve been through. But the least you could have done was explain it to her, share it with her. Or if you had been so sure of your decision, at least inform her that it’s over and tell her goodbye like a normal human being. She had to cope with so many things. If I were her, I wouldn’t want to see you ever again.’
‘I know, Danny. But I’ll fix things somehow…’
‘Not everything broken can be mended again, Phillip. I’m telling you this not to stop or discourage you, but just to prepare you for this possible outcome. People have pain limits and after a point, there is no going back.’
‘I don’t want to be prepared for this outcome at all! Look, I know how much I love this woman. I also know how much she loves me. So, somehow I will fix things.’
‘OK, Phillip, I owed it to you to express my opinion. What do you want to do now?’
‘Can you find out where she is? When will she be back? Is she in the countryside?’
‘Do you want me to call her?’
Chapter 45
Megan
It was so pleasant. I had serious misgivings at the beginning when we left. I was on the verge of cancelling the trip, although I was aware how disappointed Martin would have been. The truth was that I was scared shitless. I rang almost all my friends to ask them for advice, despite promising myself not to do that again. Half of them told me to go, because that was exactly what I needed – a change, a diversion. The other half told me that I should stay at home, rest and give myself more time to recover. This is why one should never ask friends for advice. Their role is to be listeners. All those I called loved me, but they all gave me advice filtered through their own prism of emotions. While I was paralyzed with fear.
Luckily, I decided to go. Most probably, if I had stayed at home I would have not stopped analyzing my decision, rethinking it, asking myself numerous questions to which I had no answer. A few seconds after getting into Martin’s car, the entire tension disappeared. He saw what a bundle of nerves I was right away and made a significant effort to eliminate all my concerns. He started joking and didn’t stop all the way. This was a guaranteed method for distraction.
So, the journey was wonderful. We decided not to go straight to the seaside. Marty asked me at each road-sign whether I wanted to visit that place or to continue on our way. This was how we made our first detour into this town. We walked along the narrow streets. There was this restaurant with a fire burning. We decided to have a hot cup of tea and get warm after the winter walk. Later, we decided to visit another town and to walk around the streets. These were all places I had not visited before, because they were not a popular tourist destination in Bulgaria. But they too had their own atmosphere and beauty. We could sense the spirit of Bulgaria, the proverbial Bulgarian hospitality. The strangers that we met in the streets smiled at us. It was quite chilly, so we decided to make the walk shorter, although we wanted more…so we decided to continue. We went to the highway again and, although it was quite late, I wanted to see another town. We walked along the main streets and it was already time for dinner. We asked several people for recommendations and this way we found this wonderful, small, boutique restaurant. It was not downtown but had a beautiful garden and unique homemade food. They served all my favorite national dishes. Marty and I found it difficult to decide what to order, so we ordered several different dishes. Everything was tasty, as if cooked by my grandmother. The whole day passed quickly and in a relaxing way. It was a day of walks, eating and drinking, and eating again. We kept on talking and laughing the entire time. There were no awkward moments, tension on his behalf or fear on mine. Everything was as it should be. I hadn’t enjoyed such a day for…ages.
In the evening we arrived at our final destination. We liked the restaurant in the previous town so much and even wondered whether to stay at a hotel there. But Marty insisted on going to the seaside villa, despite the late hour so that we could wake up to the sound of the waves in the morning. I could not refuse such a proposal.
Marty was right. Everything he had told me about the place where we were going to spend the weekend was true. The house was magical, located between two seaside resorts on the Southern Black Sea coast, right on the beach. It was dark when we arrived and I could not see a thing; I could only hear the sound of the sea, load and clear. The house was a detached one and created the wonderful feeling of privacy and serenity – everything that I needed. I decided that I would look around the next day. Marty showed me the house and let me settle down in peace. It was not so large but very tastefully furnished, with a thought for each detail. The pictures on the walks, the decorations in the corners. Everything carried the feel of the sea in an Italian style. This created the feeling of being on the Italian Riviera. The house had two stores – the sitting room, kitchen and toilets were on the first floor and the bedrooms and bathrooms were on the second. The main open space had French windows with a view towards the sea and when opened them, you could really hear the roar of the waves. There was a fireplace too. I could see how we enjoyed both the burning fire and the sea at the same time, although the weather was chilly. I was impatient. This was a perfect place and Marty’s company made me happy. This was going to be a very interesting weekend. After looking around the house, I settled down in one of the upstairs bedrooms. It was already quite late and I fell asleep.
When I w
oke up the next morning Marty had got up much earlier. He had made coffee, which was still warm, and had gone out. There was a note – ‘Going for a run and get fresh juice. Don’t run away, Sleeping Beauty!’ I looked at the clock. It was 10:00. Wow! I was an early bird and I usually did not sleep so late. I hadn’t even heard him wake up and roam around the house. The new experiences and emotions from the previous day had exhausted me. I went out onto the veranda. The visibility was perfect today. The view was stunning! The house was not more than 300 meters from the beach, located on high ground, to be away from the waves, I presume. There was nothing to obscure the view and the vast expanse opened in front of me. It was windy and there were big waves but at the same time the March sun was shining. The horizon was colored by the sparkles of the sun’s rays on the water. The view was spectacular.
The March morning was crisp. I was angry that I hadn’t got up on time to go running with Marty. It would have been pleasant. I laughed at the thought of us jesting on the beach, racing and playing with the wet sand like kids. Marty was like that – always ready to look at the funny side of things and to turn everything into a game. And he always came up with unique pranks. He was perfectly capable of throwing me into the sea. I enjoyed his company. He distracted me very successfully from all other thoughts and memories.
I decided to take a shower, get dressed and make pancakes until Marty returned. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by an extreme energy wave.
I was in the middle of making pancakes when he came back. He was wearing baggy 3/4 pants and a T-shirt. I didn’t know why, but I thought he looked damn sexy.
‘Princess, you’re cooking? Mm, pancakes, good thing I didn’t buy breakfast.’
‘It is high-time I showed you my culinary skills.’
‘Only pancakes? I hoped to be impressed by a four-course meal at least.’
‘At least? You have very humble expectations.’
I Choose You, Love Page 26