Many Beauty and the Many Beast

by Felicity Collins

  "Excuse me, Queen Elsa" said the Marquise that I had overheard the other day "But of those 15,000 kr, there is a sum that is only our pay-check-"

  "- of course, which is around 5-6,000 kr" I added sternly. He paled a bit as he received death-glares from the people.

  "Yes…" he continued "But there is another sum of 5-6,000 kr which is a sum destined to certain refunds and transports" he said "You do know some of us come far away from the capital"

  "Oh?" I mocked "You come from far away? Really? Apart from the fact that, to me, if you come from far away, you can stay far away" I said as the people started cheering again for me "But that's personal, so let's leave it at that" I added as the cheering died down "But apart from that, if you come from far away, what do we have to refund you with? The beard shaving? You shave yourselves at home for free. So according to what you agreed on with King Adgar, what do we need to refund you with? Medical expenses? They are all on us. You spend 5-6,000 kr of medical expenses a year ad personam. That's how much you spend of medical expenses! How freaking often do you get sick, for crap's sake?!" There was some clapping behind my back from the people, but I ignored it and kept on going.

  "You don't need to pay international trips on ships, not even those in carriages" I said "To go around Arendelle you use the Royal Carriages even to go to the theatre, where of course, you sit in your personal reserved seats, being Honorable Members of Parliament. You do realize that, don't you? In Arendelle there are 55,000 Royal Carriages and so there are in Drakora, but our kingdom is almost half made of water and they are twice our size. Seriously, what do we have to refund you with?"

  "The house" an aristocrat said

  "What do you mean 'the house'?!" I said turning towards him "If you don't buy a house at extremely low prices, they gift you with them" I said turning around towards the people "At least that's what Baron Westley said, that's right he said it. He said: 'My last household was a gift', he said it, indeed" I said and turned around turning my attention towards the Baron who had paled "Baron! Baron Westley, really?" I mocked "You need to tell me, since I'm the one who runs this whole kingdom, you need to tell me who these days gifts you with a household in front of Arendelle's Arena. If that is true that means that they will soon gift you the Arena itself, you liar!" There was another round of applause for me from the people, but I motioned them to quiet down with my hand. The aristocrats were glaring daggers at both me and the people. It worked. I had their full attention.

  "So" I continued as the people quieted down "What 'refunds'?"

  "Excuse me, Queen Elsa" said another aristocrat "But in that sum of those 15,000 kr, there are 4,000 kr of daily allowance. I mean- we are allowed to go grab a bite between a bill and another, aren't we?" he arrogantly said mocking me.

  "Oh, to go grab a bite? Apart from the fact that if we ate like you, Arendelle would have been out of food reserves for a few years by now, but, okay, perfect. Since we're on the topic, let's see how much you pay to eat in parliament. Princess Anna, the check" I asked. Anna stood up walking towards me and handed me the check, while I gave her the letter back, then she went to sit back down. I turned around towards the people, who were looking at me expectantly.

  "This piece of paper, that my sister just gave me, is this week's check of the parliament's dining hall, that our Ice Master and Deliverer kindly provided me with" I paused, my back facing Anna and Kristoff "Here is the list: fish… stewed fish –between parenthesis 'ocean fish', of course, it has to be ocean fish and not from fish livestock, they fished directly in the kitchen- with asparagus: 87 gm**…" I read. Pause. I looked at the indignant people "87 gems! 87 gm for stewed fish with asparagus, it's not even 1 kr! 87 gm is the price of… the hot water for the fish! The boiling water on its own costs more!" There were some chuckles from the commoners and middle-class and they clapped their hands, but evidently Anna motioned them to quiet down, before I did, so I went on reading.

  "One pineapple: 43 gems… but it must be just the rind, because if the pulp is there it costs more!" I said as there was some more clapping that immediately died down as I motioned them to be quiet "One 'Granny's cake': 67 gm. But come on! This poor granny makes and sells apple pies to add something to her savings, and you pay a piece of cake only 67 gm?" I said and went on reading "A spinach salad with parmesan: 1,75 kr. Sliced beef with stewed radicchio: 3,41 kr. Isn't that a bit too much?" I mocked, with a small sardonic laugh "1 drink:… 37 gm -what is it to cost 37-? Sewer water! Because I know that the price is usually 2 kr per water container. You need to tell me what is it that you really drink!" the people started applauding once again, but I silenced them again to finish

  "So" I went on "Total sum for the meal: 7,50 kr; service sum: 3,91 kr. Because obviously, for the service, you've got the perfect shiny looking waiter, whose service costs more than the salad, the drink and 'Granny's cake' all together. Anyway, total sum 11,41 kr" I said folding the check. "Now" I continued "I made a few calculations, and you" I said turning towards the aristocrats "in order to spend 4,000 crowns of daily allowance a month, you should eat 12 times a day for 30 days. What kind of stomachs do you have? Have you got the Duke of Weselton as a liver?! But it's not over yet!" I said as the people clapped for me. "No, it's not over!" I said as Anna walked to me and gave me another paper "Princess Anna could you do the honors and please read this letter our Honorable Members of Parliament sent to Santa Clause Queen Elsa?" I asked her as she opened the paper she was about to give me.

  "Okay…" she said clearing her voice "This is one of the 'cute little letters' my sister was talking about earlier, and it says:

  'HRH Queen Elsa I of Arendelle,

  according you your father's latest decision we wanted to inform you that to the ever present in commission, an incentive will also be expected. These will be the measurements discussed in parliament' "

  "Thank you, Princess Anna" I said "Now, do you know what that means?" Anna looked at me, then at the two parties.

  "I have an idea, but I'm not sure" she said

  "Yes, it is what you're thinking. Go sit down, I'll explain" I told her "It means…" I continued "It means that the ministers who work and don't play absentee are to receive a prize… - For Heaven's sake!- Apart from the 16,000 crowns that I" I said motioning to myself and the other party "That I need to give you to work… I'm also supposed to give you an incentive for you to do your job?! Excuse me, dear Senators/Parliamentarians/Honorable/Whatever-You-Want, let me get this straight: when I go to town in the Royal Carriage, I have to give the charioteer 50 kr to take me back to the palace, but if he really takes me back I have to give him another 20kr? What are we talking about here?!" other clapping from the commoners and middle-class "Well, Honorable Members of Parliament you are really… you are quite singular!" I mocked with a smirk as the applause quieted down "Honorable Members of Parliament …- by the way- 'Honorable' is just a formality, no offence, because some of you might get offended and say 'Who are you calling 'Honorable'? I'm not honorable at all, I'm deeply wicked' . No, let's call you Honorable" I said as I heard a 'Brava!' being shouted from the cheering commoners and middle-class.

  "Honorable Members of Parliament!" I said raising my voice to make the cheering stop "Honorable Members of Parliament, once a great statesman, deceased, unfortunately, Sir Harold Brenner"

  "No!" I heard Anna whisper not so softly from behind me, cutting me off and then I heard other whisperings.

  "He's not a deceased?" I asked… oops… more whispering and as I looked at the aristocrats and noticed one of them "You're not even a statesman? So it's just 'unfortunately'? Okay. Unfortunately, the hereby present Sir Harold Brenner once said: 'I don't know if we are paid too much for what we do, certainly we aren't paid enough for what we deserve'" I chuckled with no humor "You're joking, right?" I said but wasn't over as I motioned the other party not to cheer "Gentlemen" I said looking towards the aristocrats "I just wanted to tell you that we Arendellians have grown up, we do not believe in Santa Clause anymore and w
e are tired of having fun at your Mardi Gras, because if things don't start changing now we will all end up in a long sad Lent, waiting for Resurrection. Listen to me very carefully: if you Honorable Members of Parliament don't stop scratching your bellies and start seriously help me give my people this resurrection, I will give it to them on my own. Let this be clear: on my own, because that is not all I know. I am aware that most of you don't believe a queen alone can rule, well, I'm here to prove you wrong. There is an article in our laws written in 1268 under the rule of King Gunther VII: it says that the crown can be passed onto female heirs, adding that said heir isn't required to marry in order to keep her crown and lead the kingdom. In fact, who was next in line? His daughter Queen Iris II." I paused "Queen Iris II never married and when she died the crown passed down to her niece, yet her reign is known to be one of the most glorious periods of our history, and she did not need a man by her side. Now I challenge you all to say the contrary" I said. No one dared to speak.

  "I am not Queen Iris II… I am Queen Elsa, first of my name. My reign has just started, I don't know if I'll match up to Queen Iris, but you can be sure that like my ancestor before me in order to bring our country in a state of prosperity, one that because of my father and grandfather is slowly going down, I will do whatever is in my power with my own strength and commitment to my people and my country. If I am ever to marry, when, with whom and why it will be my choice and mine alone, no one else's" I paused looking around "Members of Parliament, you are now either to finally do your job and assist me, or I will help my people on my own and you will all finally buzz off! And without the Royal Carriages" I added as the people cheered behind me and the aristocrats looked like they were about to disappear beneath the pavement. I thanked the cheering party for the support, but then motioned them to quiet down, noticing Anna and Kristoff looking at me proudly. I smiled at them and turned back to the aristocrats as soon as they called me.

  "Your Majesty" said the Count I had overheard as the cheering stopped "Where do you intend to start these changes?" he asked reluctantly like a beaten puppy.

  "First of all, you will ALL have a cut on that insane paycheck of yours" I announced "According to the position you have in parliament and your function in here, your paychecks will now go from 1,500 kr to 3,500 kr max. a month" I started "Then, this commission is now revoked and a new one will be elected by next week. As soon as a new commission of parliamentarians is elected, we will take care of the taxes and tariffs and laws. The elections will be just like the official ones and for each district will be elected 3 representatives, one from each social class without any kind of difference. Both men and women can be elected and will be able to vote…" For the rest of the meeting sll of the aristocrats had the decency of shutting up as I took away every undeserved privilege my father had gifted them with, and listening defeated till the end of the assembly.

  "You were awesome!" Anna said as she entered my study. I didn't even have the time to get up that she had already tackled me into a tight bear-hug, basically sitting on my lap "You showed them what happens when you make the queen angry! You were really great in there. I wouldn't have done it even if I tried!" she said chocking me as she hugged me.

  "Anna… air!" I said

  "Oops! Sorry" she said letting me go.

  "It's okay. Thanks Anna" I said smiling at her "Oh- hey, Kristoff!" I greeted as I saw him behind Anna's shoulder, leaning with his arms on my desk.

  "I never thought I would say it, but: Queen Elsa I of Arendelle, you were sensational" he said with a smile.

  "Thank you, Ice Master Kristoff Bjorman" I said with a smirk.

  "You really did show them. They better think twice before trying something" he said "I accompanied the lower classes representatives, and…"

  "And…?" Anna and I asked in unison as Anna's grip tightened around my shoulders.

  "They all support you. They couldn't wait to go back home and tell their families about it" he said "You did it, Elsa" he said smiling at me. My smile couldn't get any wider. In that moment someone knocked at the door.

  "Who is it?" I asked

  "Elsa? It's Skylynn" she said form outside.

  "Just a second" I called back "Anna, could you please get off?" I asked my sister pushing her off of my lap.

  "But you're comfy!" Anna complained not even bothering to move half an inch. I just gave her a look "Okay, fine" she playfully huffed getting off of me. Kristoff chuckled and took Anna's hand as she stood next to him.

  "Thank you" I told my sister "Come in" I said and Skylynn opened the door. Her silver eyes shone brightly and she smiled at us as she got inside the room. She was about to greet us when Anna preceded her.

  "Hi, Sky" she greeted cheerfully

  "Hey, Anna" she greeted back "Elsa, Kristoff"

  "Skylynn" Kristoff greeted with a small bow.

  "I hope I'm not disturbing you, I could come back later" she said looking at me.

  "No, don't worry, you're not disturbing at all" I said as she stepped closer to us "So, Skylynn. How can I help you?" I asked her. Anna looked at me weirdly at the friendly tone I used.

  "I just wanted to ask you if there was something I could do during my stay? Like: can I make myself useful somehow?" she asked. I looked at her kind of surprised. I looked towards Anna and Kristoff who looked at me like if they were saying 'Don't look at us' .

  "Why do you ask?" I asked her "It's not like you're here on vacation, I thought you already did kind of had a job here"

  "Yeah, well… it's not like trying to knock some sense into Hans is a full day activity" she answered "Plus, I'm bored. I need to do something. I need to make myself useful" she said.

  "Uhm… I don't know Sky…" I said not really trusting her completely. Yes, she might have helped a bit, but I didn't trust her yet.

  "Please? I need to keep my mind occupied with something! If I don't do anything for too long I get grumpy and, since the soldier training area is off-limits, especially to me, training alone in the gardens gets boring. Please, Elsa? My brain is need of something to do or I might go insane"

  "Have you ever tried Sudoku?" I asked her hiding a smile as Anna ad Kristoff stifled a laugh.

  "I tried it once" she answered "I suck at it" she added, we chuckled.

  "Are you a dancer?" Anna suddenly asked. Even Kristoff seemed surprised " 'Cause Kristoff and I are looking for performers for our wedding"

  "I'm not really a dancer" she answered.

  "A singer?" Anna insisted

  "Well, Hans taught me how to play the lute" said Sky "… and the piano" she thought about it "… and the flute… and the violin" she added.

  "Anything else?" I said jokingly

  "I compose" she added with a shy smile.

  "You're a musician! That's great!" Anna said cheerfully

  "Yep, impressive" Kristoff commented.

  "Thank you, but seriously, now. I don't want be a burden and I know that I already caused you enough trouble and I would like to do something to help you around while I stay"

  "You could teach me how to play the violin!" Anna said excitedly.

  "NO!" Kristoff and I shouted panicked, making her jump.

  "Lute?" Anna shyly asked looking back and forth between Kristoff and I.

  "That's better" I said and turned back to Sky, who was hiding back a smile. 'Anna' + 'violin'? Not a good match.

  "Anyway, if there is anything I can do to help you around, just tell me. I also wanted you to know that, while I'm here, my sword is at your service" she said looking at me straight in the eyes.

  "I'll think about it" I said, caught a little surprised.

  "And there's another reason why I came here" she said "I know that since I got here I've been more of a rival to you than a ally even though we signed an alliance. I want you and your sister to know that I'm not a threat to you and have no interest in your crown" As she spoke, I had stood up from my seat and walked in front of her "The point is I wanted to formally apologize for the trouble I've
caused you"

  "Apology accepted" I said.

  "Truce?" Skylynn said offering me her hand. I looked at her hand, then at her.

  "Truce" I said and shook her hand

  "But don't think the mind games and the challenging will stop" she said gripping on my hand a little harder.

  "I'm not expecting them to" I answered tightening my grip as well

  "I thought you hated mind games"

  "That's why I'm not expecting you to stop them" we let go of each other's hand with a smile "And before I forget. Guards!" I called and four armed men came inside the room.

  "You called, your Majesty?" said one of the four men.

  "Until her stay in Arendelle is over, the four of you will be under Queen Skylynn's command. Whatever she says you do, no questions asked"

  "Yes, your Majesty!" the four men said and turned to Skylynn.

  "Queen Elsa, there's no need for guards. I can hold my own" she complained.

  "I know and have no doubt about it, but a third regicide attempt is the last thing I want. Better safe than sorry, right?" Sky glared at me and motioned the guards to go outside, mocking me under her breath. I rolled my eyes shaking my head. Then Skylynn thanked me, excused herself and walked back to the door, but before she went out of the door, she looked back at Anna.