How NOT to Summon a Demon Lord: Volume 5

by Yukiya Murasaki

  They opened the door...

  “What...?” Rem narrowed her eyes.

  A white room. No matter where you looked, white was all you could see.

  “Huh? Isn’t this snow!?” Shera raised her voice, her breath coming out in white puffs.

  “I-It’s true, this is snow... Unbelievable. Even though there’s lava on the floor above us...” Lumachina looked surprised as she knelt down to scoop up some snow.

  “Speaking of, isn’t it kinda c-c-cold?” asked Horn.

  He had fainted from heatstroke earlier, but came to his senses thanks to Lumachina’s miracles. Having a high level Healer with them was really convenient.

  “Achoo!” Horn sneezed loudly. “Sure is cold here...”

  “...Let’s press forward,” Rem said. She tried to feign calmness, but there was a shiver to her voice.

  “Brrr, it’s soooo cooold!” Shera whined loudly.

  “You should probably know, the monsters on this floor are all fairly high leveled,” Diablo said with a shrug.

  “Eeehhh!?” Shera covered her mouth with both her hands in a panic. It would have probably been too late to worry about that, but the monsters wouldn’t attack them here.

  “...I think I can hear something.” Rem’s cat ears were twitching.

  Music was playing from within the dungeon.

  It was a poppy, up-tempo idol song, and with vocals, at that. It was SisCarn’s theme music, which was implemented into the game as a BGM during the collab, and had received a great deal of passionate support from some of the players. That song was playing, right now, in the dungeon.

  And, dancing to the song’s beat—

  “Huh, what’s that?” Shera exclaimed. “The monsters are...dancing?” Her eyes widened in amazement.

  They were giant-type monsters covered in fuzzy fur: 《White Jeagers》, a stronger version of the 《Yeti》. There were thirty of them forming a ring on the narrow passageway, dancing in circles to the beat of the music.

  Despite how silly they may have appeared, they were level 93 monsters. On top of having high HP, they were impervious to damage from normal weapons and had high magic resistance. If Diablo was in top condition, they wouldn’t be much of an issue, but he was low on HP, MP, and recovery potions at the moment. Frankly, he preferred to avoid combat here if possible.

  “...Judging from the other floors, this level isn’t as straightforward as just beating the monsters, is it?” Rem asked.

  “So you noticed.”

  Diablo knew, of course, and could have explained straight away. But as the creator of the dungeon, he was curious to see if the others would figure out his design.

  “...There are some missing spaces in the circle.”

  “Hm.”

  “...And we’re supposed to pass through them? No... Why would they be dancing, then?”

  “Hmhm.”

  “...Are we supposed to join the monsters’ ring and dance with them?”

  “Ah, you figured it out faster than I had thought.”

  Rem’s expression took on an exasperated shade. “Whoever made this dungeon may have god-like powers, but their way of thinking is astoundingly childish. What is the point to this buffoonery?”

  “Ack!?”

  Her words rammed into Diablo, inflicting psychological damage.

  “This’ll be fun, though. I like it! I think dancing and singing are much more fun than swords and magic,” Shera said with a giggle.

  “...When we make it back to town, go retract your Adventurer’s license and work as a dancer instead.”

  “I don’t wanna...”

  Lumachina nodded. “I prefer this sort of trick to combat, as well. We’re less likely to get hurt, no?”

  “I wouldn’t be that optimistic!” Horn shook his head, pointing to the monsters. “Those guys are super strong! White Jeagers live in the northern mountains, but I hear they’re incredibly savage creatures that destroyed one of the northern countries! If they attack us, we’ll be d-d-d-doomed!”

  “...They’ll probably attack us if we get the dance wrong.” Rem nodded solemnly.

  “Did something happen?” Shera suddenly turned her gaze to Diablo and tilted her head curiously. “You look like you’re having fun.”

  Diablo quickly stiffened his expression, panicking internally. Seeing others solve his puzzle was so fun he’d smiled without noticing.

  “Pay it no mind. The trick to this level is as you’ve surmised. Let’s go; you will all have to memorize the dance. The rhythm repeats for a while, but stay alert for when the beat changes.”

  “Y-Yes! I’ll do my best.” Rem nodded with a severe expression.

  “Yay! This is gonna be fun!” Shera raised both her hands in the air.

  “Please watch over us, my Lord...” Lumachina made the holy sign in front of her chest.

  “Hehe, I’m good when it comes to memorizing things! I’m a Seeker, after all!” Horn proclaimed confidently.

  Diablo began directing them, clapping all the while.

  “One-two, one-two, turn right! Step, step, jump! Yes, that’s good. Don’t forget to smile, Rem!”

  “Y-Yes, Diablo!”

  “I’m the ‘Producer’ now! Call me as such.”

  “H-Huh? Y-Yes, P-Pro... Producer?”

  “You’re falling behind, Horn! Watch your stride when you step!”

  “Right, Boss!”

  Rem had no experience when it came to dancing, but her athletic abilities were superb, and she was bright, too, so she got the hang of it rather easily.

  Shera loved singing and dancing, so she memorized it quickly enough. She was already singing as she danced, and was good enough at it to put actual idols to shame.

  Lumachina should have been struggling given her physical condition, but since the High Priest’s rituals included some dancing, her performance had a sublime, solemn touch to it.

  Horn’s youthful appearance made it seem like he was more of a child playing than dancing...but his movements weren’t wrong.

  “Good.” Diablo gave a strong nod.

  “Ah... Ah... Is it finally time, Producer?”

  “Indeed! It’s time for the real thing. A live performance! Dazzle this monstrous audience with your sincere dancing!”

  “Yes!” the four of them said in unison, with Horn adding a “Boss” at the end.

  Once the song had stopped to loop, they all jumped into the ring, the five of them occupying empty spots in the circle. The White Jeagers’ gazes all locked on them, as if to ask, “The hell are these doofuses?”

  But the monsters weren’t attacking them, just observing them cautiously.

  The song’s intro started once more, and the curtain rose on their now live performance.

  Shera’s singing voice resounded across the ring. It mingled with the idols’ vocals, never missing a beat and certainly not being outdone.

  Then came the first pose.

  They raised one hand, and took a step to the right. A clockwise turn. Turn to the left, legs forward then back, forward then back, one-two.

  In the game, it was a combination of pose commands and movement controls, but here, you actually had to dance. Thanks to his body’s athletic ability, Diablo was able to keep up, but the movements were fairly complicated.

  Lumachina, who was far from being in peak condition, was out of breath; but they couldn’t help her. Rem looked at her with concern, but she replied with a smile, as if to say, “I’ll be all right!”

  Shera’s singing spread more clearly across the room, as if to spur her two friends on. As her singing resonated, her dancing became even more graceful. She was far better than when they had trained, so much so Diablo got goosebumps just looking at her.

  The White Jeagers’ eyes were all fixed on Shera.

  Taking after Shera, Rem’s and Lumachina’s dancing had also dramatically improved; they were getting into the swing of things. Diablo and Horn could barely keep up with them.

  The dance was rapidly reaching i
ts finale. By this point, they weren’t so much dancing in a ring anymore. Shera, Rem, and Lumachina were the main attraction, with everyone else being their backup dancers.

  As they were approaching the final key change, Diablo found himself mesmerized by the girls.

  The song was ending. Shera froze, her body in a finishing pose, as if a spotlight was shining down on her.

  Rem and Lumachina were breathing heavily.

  “Ah...hah, hah... S-Stupid Shera... What did you...get so excited for...”

  “Teehee, wasn’t it fun, though?”

  “Ah...hah... Heh... It was...awful...but...it was fun, too. I never...thought dancing...was so much fun...before...”

  Lumachina hugged Shera.

  “Oooooooooooooh!!!”

  Suddenly, the White Jeagers began roaring. They shouldn’t have reacted in any way if you got the dance right, though.

  —Did we mess up somewhere!?

  “...core! ...core! ...core!”

  They seemed to be repeating something. Diablo strained his ears to listen more carefully.

  “Encore! Encore! Encore!”

  He couldn’t believe his ears; the monsters were...demanding an encore...? Some of them were even wiping tears from their eyes.

  If they were to perform again, it would only bring them back to where they started, and they couldn’t afford that. They wanted to end it here, but—

  The White Jeagers glared at a part of the ring.

  Horn had fallen on the ground.

  “I-I was... I couldn’t take my eyes off Shera...”

  Apparently, he’d missed the last step and bumped into a White Jeager that was standing next to him.

  The monsters’ hate was all fixed on Horn, but they couldn’t leave him behind...

  Diablo pulled Tenma’s Staff from his pouch.

  “Horn, run! 《Cross Blizzard》!!!”

  It was a level 110 water and wind element spell. Two tornadoes would appear, freezing anything they came in contact with, and shattered what was frozen with gales of wind.

  The White Jeagers became statues of ice and shattered—or at least they should have. What shattered was only a layer of fur, while their bodies hadn’t taken any significant damage. The most the spell had done was slow them down, and temporarily hide the party from their eyes.

  “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!” Horn scuttered between the monsters, worming his way between their massive frames.

  “Hurry!” Diablo pointed to the exit.

  “H-Hurry up!” Shera waved, beckoning him.

  “It’s...heavy...!” Rem pulled the iron door open with all her might, pushing Lumachina, who could only wait anxiously, to the other side.

  “Hya!?”

  “Shera, you go on, too!”

  “R-Right!”

  Horn had finally reached the exit, fumbling over himself the whole time, and crossed the door to the staircase.

  “Diablooo!” Rem cried out.

  “Hm!”

  Just as they were about to pull him through, something smashed against his back.

  —Oh cra...!

  His head caught up to the situation at hand, but his body was too sluggish to react. Maybe it was the fatigue he’d built up from going from the scathing heat to the freezing cold, but he just couldn’t avoid it.

  Something had impacted against his back and sent him tumbling down.

  That thing was a snowball, one that looked like it was made from lumps of ice pressed together.

  The damage reduction from his cape was in effect, but the snowball had still hit for enough damage that he couldn’t simply ignore it.

  They were level 93 monsters, all right.

  Taking damage from a snowball? Really!?

  He was having trouble breathing since the ball had hit him in the back. But he couldn’t afford to stay put as more snowballs were flying his way. He had to avoid them somehow, but the White Jeagers weren’t going to allow him to get back to the door. Their constant barrage blocked his path to the exit as the monsters closed in on him.

  If a bunch of high level monsters were to gang up on him like this, there was actually a chance he’d die.

  He could hear Rem screaming and calling his name from the exit. He merely let his lips curl up into a smirk.

  “Time’s up.”

  The song’s intro began playing again.

  The White Jeagers’ attack stopped as they returned to their spots rather excitedly, once again forming a ring.

  Diablo swiftly headed to the door, reuniting with his companions.

  And so, the next song had begun...

  †

  The sixth level—

  “Seeking a meal in a dungeon...”

  This level was a forest thick with vegetation. At the very least, it wasn’t particularly hot or cold. There was also a river with a calm stream, which Diablo and his group used to refill their canteens.

  “I’m sorry...” Horn looked crestfallen. “I was just so impressed that my step wasn’t wide enough... N-Next time! I’ll get it next time, Producer-Boss!”

  —We’ve already moved on from that!

  Diablo shrugged. “Pay it no mind.”

  “I promise I’ll be super helpful!”

  “...You really don’t have to try so hard.” Rem sighed lightly. “Just don’t get us in trouble.”

  Her words of consolation cut deeper than knives, sharply and bitterly.

  “It’s all right, no worries. We’re all fine and that’s what matters. I’m sure we’ll make it out no matter what happens,” Shera said, smiling.

  Her attempts at encouragement were as unfounded as ever.

  Lumachina nodded in agreement. “We only made it this far with all your help, Horn. Do not be discouraged.”

  “R-Right! No matter what monster comes our way next, I’ll thrash it!” Horn said with more enthusiasm than ever before.

  “Well, there’s your monster.” Diablo pointed ahead.

  A giant crab, roughly thirty meters in height, stood guard before the door.

  The 《Grand Cancer》 was a level 99 monster that ranked as top class when it came to sturdiness and defense, with pincers strong enough to cut a knight’s armor in half. It was also surprisingly nimble with its eight legs, and had a frothy breath attack capable of poisoning. It was an aquatic monster, but was actually more dangerous on land.

  Horn was about to charge at the monster, but Diablo caught him by the collar.

  “You’ll die.”

  “That’s so haaarsh!?”

  His dagger was an N rank weapon with no enchantments applied to it; it was effectively scrap metal. It wouldn’t do a single point of damage to the Grand Cancer, and even if Horn was agile for someone who was level 20, he still wouldn’t be fast enough to dodge a level 99 monster’s attack. His charge would only end with him doing no damage, then getting sliced in half by the crab’s pincers.

  As they were squabbling, the monster, which would normally be incapable of speech, began talking:

  “Offer me tribute, puny ones!”

  “I-I think the crab just spoke!” Shera said, her eyes wide with shock.

  “...It’s probably one of the dungeon’s challenges, same as the riddles.” Rem shook her head. “I can’t say I appreciate the condescending attitude, but... What did it mean by ‘tribute’?”

  “Offer me tribute of a succulent herb-grilled chicken and fragrant seven-herb soup!”

  “...That’s awfully specific,” Rem, said, narrowing her eyes.

  Shera tilted her head. “It’s like it’s making an order in a restaurant...”

  “And it ordered a drink, too.”

  It acted like it was ordering at a diner.

  “So, in other words, we’ll be cooking this time?” Lumachina brought her hands together.

  “...It would seem so. It’s as absurd a puzzle as ever, but I suppose it is preferable to having to fight,” Rem said, surveying their surroundings.

  The rock bed making up the ceiling was luminescent
, brightening up the area as if the sun was shining down on it. All around them was a forest, and they could make out the burbling sounds of the river and the chirping of birds from the distance.

  “...I assume we are supposed to cook using this.”

  A metal container was set atop a smooth rock, and beside it were plates and a frying pan.

  “I’m getting kinda hungry, now that you mention it...” Shera rubbed her belly sullenly.

  “...Taking a rest here may be a good idea. Starving to death will do us no good after all.”

  “I agree.” Lumachina nodded. “God has told me we are not to die here.”

  “Cooking, huh! Let me handle the tools!” Horn clenched his fists enthusiastically.

  With that setup, it became obvious this was a level where they had to prepare the food the crab had ordered. If they succeeded, the Grand Cancer would get out of their way and permit them to pass on to the next level.

  “It ordered two things,” Rem said, holding up two fingers, “grilled chicken and soup... But I wonder what it meant by ‘herb-grilled’ and ‘seven-herb’?” She glanced at Diablo.

  —Maybe these dishes don’t exist in this world?

  “An herb-grilled chicken is a roasted chicken sprinkled with herbs. The ‘seven-herb’ refers to a group of herbs called the ‘herbs of spring.’ You can consider all the ‘herbs’ you find on this floor to belong to this category.”

  “...I see. So we’re to pick herbs from this forest and prepare the soup at the same time. Which reminds me...how high are your cooking skills?”

  This was technically the first time he had to cook. They had made some day trips around Faltra before, but the trips were short enough that they could make do with food they carried in their bags. They always used the eateries around the 《Peace of Mind Inn》 when big mealtimes came around. And when they slept outdoors, all they did was roast beef jerky and sweet potatoes.