How NOT to Summon a Demon Lord: Volume 5

by Yukiya Murasaki

  “The entire party will take turns answering questions in this quiz!”

  Diablo’s jaw clenched. He was the one who made the quiz, so he could answer any question, no matter the difficulty. But the rules said everyone had to participate. If anyone wasn’t smart enough to get his question right, he’d be pulling everyone down.

  It was a rule meant to break friendships.

  Parties often had successful and useless members. This rule was designed to smoke out the losers, make them get the whole group in trouble, and be chastised by the group. It was just like a class-wide jump-rope contest: If even one person got the timing to jump wrong, the whole class failed. A vicious rule, meant only to expose useless party members.

  —Well, it wouldn’t really work with friends close enough to talk through chat or in real life.

  But the issue with this floor was if Rem and the others would be able to clear a quiz full of Cross Reverie trivia. This was another world, with no chat programs, phones, or friends in your room to consult.

  “Question! Which one has no effect on a Cyclops Crocodile? Magic or weapons?”

  Rem raised her hand. “That would be magic.”

  Even though the quiz had started so suddenly, Rem unflinchingly volunteered to answer first. Her reasoning and assertiveness were extraordinary. After a moment of silence...

  “The answer is... Magic has no effect on it! Fantastic!”

  The gondola jolted as it progressed several meters toward the exit.

  “At this pace, we only need to correctly answer five more times to reach the other side.” Rem nodded with satisfaction.

  “Indeed,” was Diablo’s response.

  “This’ll be a walk in the park! Lemme answer next!” Horn rolled up his sleeves.

  “Question! Does the Madara Snake live in water, on the treetops, or in holes in the ground?”

  “Uhm... I-In holes in the ground!”

  “Bzzzt! The correct answer is... In water!”

  “Wha—”

  Horn looked mortified, Rem and Shera screamed in horror, and Diablo sighed. Even without saying a word, the party’s chiding rang very clear.

  This was the truly fearsome nature of the friendship breaking rule.

  “One gondola, going down, down, down!!!”

  The supporting wires slackened, and the gondola lurched downward.

  “Kya!?”

  Diablo caught Lumachina, who had lost her balance.

  “Be careful.”

  “T-Thank you very much.”

  If anyone else got burned, Lumachina’s miracles could heal them, but if she was hurt, no one would be able to help her. True, HP potions could heal her, but... When Paladin Captain Batutta had reduced his HP to virtually nothing, Diablo had to use all the potions he had on hand. He was completely out now.

  The heat had only grown more intense as they drew closer to the lava. Rem removed her gauntlets, and also took off her belt that carried all her summoning crystals, choosing to carry it by hand instead.

  “Whew...”

  “It’s soooo hot!”

  Shera removed her cape and flapped the hem of her skirt, fanning herself in an attempt to stave off the heat.

  “It really is very hot...” Lumachina also removed her cape. “I’m getting dizzy, to be quite honest.”

  “Ugh...”

  Only Horn, dripping with sweat, refused to take off his clothes. Maybe he was trying to show off his tolerance and act up his manliness?

  Diablo also wanted to take off his cloak, but stubbornly decided against it, as it wouldn’t be “Demon Lord-like.”

  Shera raised both hands in the air. “All right, me, me! I’ll answer next!”

  “Question! How many gates does the citadel city of Faltra have? Four, eight, or more?”

  “Ah...!” Rem raised her voice.

  Diablo knew how she felt, but...

  “Whoa there! If you give hints or do anything to give away the answer, it’ll be automatically counted as incorrect!”

  Rem stopped herself in a hurry. Diablo’s gaze was fixed on Shera.

  —Notice it! Notice it! Don’t fall for it!

  Shera nodded, her eyes shining as if to say, “I got it!”

  “Hehe, Faltra has two walls, and each has four gates, so that makes eight!”

  “Bzzzt! The correct answer is... More than eight! There are many ‘gates’ in Faltra, and the question never mentioned ‘city gates’!”

  “Huuuh!? Wait, that’s not fair!”

  A typical trick question; whoever made this quiz was one nasty bastard.

  —Well, I guess this is me we’re talking about here...

  The gondola descended once again, drawing ever closer to the lava.

  “It’s so hooooot!”

  Shera finally began undressing. Rem’s eyes widened like saucers.

  “W-What do you think you’re doing!?”

  “Look at how hot it is! I can’t focus on solving riddles like this!”

  “...Y-You may be right... Come to think of it, this is all for the sake of clearing the dungeon...”

  Somehow convinced by Shera’s dubious logic, Rem also began undressing herself.

  “That’s so...shameless...” Lumachina’s face went red.

  “...Adventurers prioritize survival over dignity. This is strategy. It is the same as when we are bathing. Anyone who thinks this is shameless is the real pervert here.”

  In the face of Rem’s somewhat overly serious semantics, Lumachina seemed oddly convinced, and began taking off her own rather thick robes, as well.

  Horn, still in his light armor, let out a peculiar wheezing sound as he passed out in the gondola. The heat had finally gotten to him.

  Having stripped down to her underwear, Lumachina pumped her fists. “I believe it’s time for my turn?”

  “Question! Which of the following monsters is the largest? Sand Whale, Green Behemoth, or Legend Dragon?”

  Panic overtook Diablo. Of all the possible questions, she got one that was aimed for high-level players. Players in the game may know the answer if they had participated in large-group raid events, but...in all likelihood, Lumachina had probably never seen those monsters. She only recently saw a Sand Whale when it attacked Zircon Tower.

  “According to the tomes I’ve read in the Capital’s library, it should be a Legend Dragon,” Lumachina answered.

  “The correct answer is... Legend Dragon! Full marks!”

  “Yayyy! Lumachina, you’re so smart!” Shera said as she hugged Lumachina, though the two soon parted with a smile, complaining together, “It’s so hooot...”

  As one would expect of a High Priest, Lumachina was erudite and wise. Her power over miracles was as vast as it was for good reason.

  The gondola progressed. Beads of sweat rolled down the girls’ bodies, the droplets dripping off their smooth, fair skins. Their bodies heaved as they breathed in heavy, labored sighs, their cheeks flushed with color and the look in their eyes gradually taking on a glossy, moist sheen.

  As Diablo looked at them, he found himself overwhelmed by a peculiar sensation. They were only suffering from the heat, so why did he feel so embarrassed?

  —Is the heat messing with my head?

  A desire to reach his hand out to the girls spurred him.

  —No, no, this is absurd.

  The girls were his party members, and they were currently in the middle of clearing a dungeon. The only reason they had taken their clothes off was because of the lava’s heat.

  “Anyone who thinks this is shameless is the real pervert here.”

  “Hmm... Diablo... It’s your turn next...right?” Shera asked, panting.

  “...Please... Get it right... If it gets any hotter than this, we’ll have to take our underwear off...” Rem implored him, wiping sweat from her modest bosom.

  “She is right, my underwear is already sopping wet with sweat...” Lumachina said with her face flushed red, pinching her moist panties.

  —If I get it
wrong, they’ll be completely naked...!?

  Diablo could hear his heart beating violently like a drum in his chest. Thick beads of sweat rolled down his own forehead.

  “Question! When did Cross Reverie begin its service? January, April, or September?”

  A meta question—

  The girls tilted their heads, baffled as they couldn’t fathom what the question even meant.

  Diablo, of course, knew the answer...

  —Completely. Naked...

  Diablo shook his head, trying to banish those thoughts from his mind.

  No no no! Is this some kind of joke!? I’m a Demon Lord; the Demon Lord Diablo, damn it! MMORPGs are more than just a game, they’re serious business! This is my way of life, and I can’t let it be denied like this!

  “September. The early access period was planned for April, but got delayed twice and ended up being in September. The game officially launched in January of next year.”

  “That is...correct!”

  After another round of questions, the quiz ended easily enough. Diablo and Rem answered the two remaining questions, and the group safely reached the other side. The moment they passed through the door leading to the next level, the lava’s heat disappeared, as if it was all a bad, blistering dream...

  Interlude 1

  The soldier sent to scout out what lay beyond the door hurried back with a brisk gait. He suppressed his voice, but wasn’t able to mask his excitement.

  “I’ve found them!”

  The Knight, Henric, responded to his report with a nod.

  They were standing right before the entrance to the fourth level of the dungeon, near the staircase.

  “The heat is unbelievable...” The soldier wiped the sweat from his brow. “There’s lava beneath the floor...conjured by magic, no doubt.”

  “This place is one surprise after another,” Henric mused, folding his arms.

  “Aye, the first level with all its monsters poisoned to death, and the second level with the broken walls... There’s something terribly off about this place.”

  “Retrieving the items Lady Laminitus asked for has been proceeding smoothly, though, thanks in no small part to these convenient oddities.”

  “Certainly.”

  However, they still had to deploy one hundred soldiers into the dungeon for that purpose alone. A mere group of twenty was all they could relegate to chasing Diablo down to the fourth level.

  Within that group was the Paladin, Gewalt.

  “And? What contrived traps does this fourth level have?” Gewalt asked.

  The soldier saluted him. “Yes! Some manner of...voice, seems to be speaking in riddles.”

  “Riddles? Can’t say I’m following you here...”

  “It appears up to six people are to ride a gondola to the other side of a ravine, then take turns in answering the voice’s riddles. If they answer correctly, the gondola moves closer to the other side. Should they get it wrong, the gondola drops closer to the lava.”

  “Ohoho... Quite fascinating... This is some extraordinary, high-level magic we’re dealing with here. Since this voice seems to speak our language, it stands to reason this place was made by the races, but...”

  Even the capital’s Mage’s Association wouldn’t be able to create something of this scale. The mere existence of this structure was a monumental discovery in and of itself. The governor Laminitus and her troops had their eyes set on the enchanted gear scattered about the place, but the truly valuable thing was the dungeon itself.

  Every now and then, the races would discover unique weapons and armor. They were seemingly created for use by the races...yet were made of knowledge far beyond the grasp of any of them.

  Those were the divine treasures made by the gods, known as 《Regalia》.

  This dungeon was undoubtedly a Regalia. And according to the adventurer’s guild, no adventurer had managed to reach this dungeon’s lowest level.

  —Just reporting this place to the Church should fetch me a pretty penny.

  Henric picked out a few soldiers. “Four of the more quick-witted of you lot will accompany Sir Gewalt and me as we push forward. Once the gondola returns, the rest of you are to find a way and join us. But don’t hesitate to withdraw if you feel your lives are at risk.”

  “Yes, Sir!”

  “Don’t forget, our true duty is to defend Lady Laminitus. Of course, retrieving any powerful equipment and looking into Sorcerer Diablo is important, but we are no good to our Lady should we die in this place.”

  “Understood, Sir! ”

  “Good answer, men!” Henric was the very image of a model knight.

  “Are you merely investigating Diablo?” Gewalt asked.

  “Yes. Lady Laminitus seems to hold the fact he defended Zircon Tower in high regard, and believes that, regardless of his claims of being a Demon Lord, there may be a chance to cooperate with him.”

  “Is that so...”

  It seemed Diablo had repelled some massive magical beast that threatened Zircon Tower.

  —Is he trying to be some sort of hero of justice? That’s so pathetic I think I’m going to be sick!

  Still cursing vehemently to himself, Gewalt regarded the knight with a friendly grin.

  “You do know my purpose is to safeguard Lady Lumachina, yes?”

  “We of course intend to cooperate with you on the matter. But the High Priest is currently afflicted with Death Knell disease.”

  “That she is.”

  “Diablo claims to have come here in search of a treasure capable of curing that plague. I wouldn’t normally be inclined to believe him, but he is an immensely powerful Sorcerer.”

  “I know how you feel. When it comes from him, it really makes you believe his words, doesn’t it?”

  “Yes. Lady Laminitus instructed us to help Diablo find the treasure.”

  “Oh, I see.”

  “As soon as we cross this lava, we should catch up and be able to help them.”

  “Yes, yes, we should hurry.”

  “It won’t be long now. We’re almost in arm’s reach of them.”

  —So, we’ll be regrouping with them, will we?

  The scout returned and gave another report. It appeared Diablo and his group had already made their way to the next level.

  And also, something about them taking off their clothes due to the heat...

  Finally, he reported the gondola had made its way back here.

  “Very well.” Henric nodded at the soldier. “Let’s head out!”

  “Hmm... I think I’ve gotten enough use out of you boys... This is the end of the line for you, all right?”

  Gewalt tossed a crystal at the ground.

  “Huh?”

  A large shadow was cast over the soldiers. A huge Summoned appeared, its head reaching up to the cave’s ceiling and generating a small rain of pebbles from above. It opened its jaw, revealing a mouth lined with razor sharp teeth.

  “Gaaah!”

  As it exhaled a breath reeking of rot and decay, each of its arms, thicker than a tree’s trunk, brandished a massive hammer. It was large enough to crush a person.

  The soldiers looking up at it stiffened in horror.

  “W-What is this!?” Henric’s eyes shot open. “Why did you...do this...!? A Summon? Why? Why, Sir Gewalt... What are you doing!?”

  “You know, you really were a cute, good man... But I’m so sorry, I’m just the type of girl that lives for her career. Now that I have tracked down the High Priest, I don’t need you insignificant insects getting in my way. Toodeloo, boys~”

  “What did you—!?”

  Henric reached to unsheathe his sword. Gewalt smiled a diabolical smile and winked in a flashy, overblown fashion.

  “Smash them, 《Arch-Demon》, and make extra sure you crush their balls while you’re at it!”

  “Oooooooooooooooohhhh—!!”

  The Summon’s massive hammer swung down from the ceiling. Henric’s silver longsword snapped under its weight like a twi
g—

  The distinctive crunching sound of bones being crushed echoed across the cave.

  Chapter 3: Clearing a Dungeon, Part Two

  The fifth level—

  “@Master, Lovely Live and the like!”

  Even though he was a shut-in and MMORPG addict, Diablo wasn’t an idol otaku.

  That said, one had to keep up with the fads. To remain successful, Cross Reverie inevitably had to run collaboration events. These events, or “collabs” for short, were tie-in projects with other franchises where characters or items from other games were officially introduced into Cross Reverie.

  Right around the time he made his dungeon, there was a collab with a social game called Sister Carnival, or SisCarn for short. Since Cross Reverie and SisCarn were both made by the same developer, it ended up being a fairly important event, with exclusive equipment and items you could only get during that collab.

  The trick was that you had to make an account in SisCarn and get a few hours of progress in it to advance the scenario in Cross Reverie. So, naturally enough, Diablo had played SisCarn.

  It had a somewhat ridiculous setting where “all the idols in the agency are the player’s little sisters.” And still, he had played it long enough to remember the main heroines’ names.

  All that may be unrelated to the fact that this floor’s setting was similar to SisCarn.