I giggled, realizing she was correct. “I knew you would be able to talk me down. I saw it as this mountain that had to be conquered overnight. Baby steps. Mom, then becoming a mom.” I smiled, feeling much better already.
“You have a long journey ahead of you, literally and metaphorically. Whatever you decide to do, you do it for you, not for Rand or your mother or anyone else. You have to listen to your gut.” Her eyes looked straight into mine.
Her words gave me so much peace and purpose at the same time. I knew what to do. I had always known, but I let myself get caught up in the emotion of it all. Not again. “I need to get home,” I said, taking a drink from the cup before getting up and tossing it in the trash.
“Why the rush?” she asked, jumping up and falling into step beside me.
“I need to buy a plane ticket,” I told her.
She grinned. “All right, then. Let’s do this!”
Alena got busy surfing the internet, trying to find me the cheapest ticket back to the US while I got busy packing. I randomly shoved clothes in a suitcase before stuffing the envelope of paperwork about my mother into my carry-on. I was going to reread it on the flight. I felt like I was missing something important and wanted to read every single line.
I carried my bags to the living room. The look on Alena’s face told me she was having a hard time finding me a ticket. “Well?” I asked.
“If you want to go in a month, I can get you a great deal,” she said with a grimace.
I groaned. “I have to go now. Whatever it costs, I’ll get a second job if I have to.”
She nodded and slid the laptop over to me. I winced when I saw the figure. Closure was expensive. I pulled out the credit card I had saved for emergencies and quickly put in the numbers. I waited for the confirmation and then closed the laptop.
“You’re doing this,” she said, her voice full of reverence.
I smiled, nodding. “I’m doing this.”
“I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too. I won’t be gone long.”
We both got to our feet, giving one another a hug. “I’ll take you to the airport.”
“I can call a car. You have to work.”
She shook her head. “I’ll be late. I’ll take you. Do you have everything you need?”
“I do.”
“Then, I guess this is it.”
An hour later, I was sitting in the airport, waiting for the flight to board. I couldn’t believe I was leaving Greece. I had come to think of it as home. I wasn’t just leaving Greece. I was leaving Rand, the father of my child. I pushed the sad thoughts from my mind, promising myself I would have plenty of time to be sad later. For now, I had to stay strong. I had no idea what the meeting with my mother would be like, but I needed all my strength to get through that encounter. Even thinking about it gave me butterflies in my stomach.
There had been a small black and white photo included in the paperwork. It looked to be a driver’s license photo. I had stared at it for so long the black and white blurred together, forming a gray blob in front of my eyes. Seeing her in person was something I had been thinking about for my entire life. Would she look like me? Would she recognize me?
I had the next twelve hours to think about it. I hoped like hell I could sleep. I would drive myself crazy if I couldn’t find something to distract myself.
Chapter 31
Rand
Adrian took pity on me and invited me to lunch with him and Bella. Apparently, I’d been a bit mopey at work earlier. I had tried to tell him everything was fine, but he wasn’t buying it. After mulling over his invitation to lunch, I decided it was a great way to get a second opinion about the situation.
Nicole had stormed out, and now she wasn’t returning my calls. I was sure I had done nothing wrong, but I wanted to get their opinion. Maybe I needed their reassurance. I had replayed the conversation in my head over and over, and I still couldn’t figure out where I had stepped on one of the many mines planted around Nicole’s defenses.
I gave my name to the lovely hostess who led me to the table where Adrian and Bella were already seated. I took my seat and ordered a scotch. Yes, it was the middle of the day, but it had already been a hell of a day, and I wanted a damn drink.
“That’s different,” Bella quipped as I sipped the scotch.
“Have you talked to Nicole?” I asked, ignoring the comment about the drink.
She shook her head. “No, why?”
The way she said it made me think she had. Or she was hiding something. “She took off yesterday and isn’t returning my calls.”
“What’d you do?” Adrian asked with resignation.
I scowled at him. “I didn’t do a damn thing. She found out her mother is alive.”
Bella looked confused. “She thought she was dead?”
“Yes,” I said. “Well, technically she wasn’t sure. I guess her dad told her all kinds of different things. She didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t.”
“But she isn’t?” Adrian clarified. “Dead, I mean.”
“No, hence her being alive,” I said dryly.
“Ass,” he hissed.
“Stop it,” Bella scolded. “Her mother is alive. That sounds like very good news. Why is she mad at you? I think you are leaving something out. A woman doesn’t get pissed off over the fact her mother is alive.”
I sighed and quickly filled them in on the story of Alec finding her mother and my involvement. “She asked me if she would be a good mom. I don’t know shit about being a parent. I think she would be because she has a very nurturing tendency, but how can I say for sure? I’m not a parenting guru.”
“I think she would be,” Adrian chimed in.
I nodded. “I’m sure she would, but she’s twenty-two. Why is she even worried about that?”
“Because her mother is alive, and she didn’t know her mother,” Adrian said, as if it was obvious.
“So, what does one have to do with the other?” I snapped.
Adrian looked at Bella as if she would know. “Because she wants to know if she inherited her mother’s parenting abilities.”
I shrugged a shoulder. “How could she? She didn’t know her mother was alive,” I reminded her.
“No, but I can imagine she’s thinking about nature versus nurture,” Bella answered.
Adrian and I exchanged a look. “Nature versus nurture?” I questioned.
“Nature means she is biologically predisposed to be like her mother,” she said hesitantly. “Nurture would mean that the way she was brought up would factor into her parenting ability.”
I nodded. “I get it. I don’t think she cares much for her dad, and after hearing very little about him, I don’t think they get along. She doesn’t really talk about him. Every time the subject is brought up, she changes the subject.”
“Can you blame her?” Adrian asked. “Her dad told her that her mother was dead. That’s not exactly going to win any parenting awards.”
“No shit,” I grumbled. “I guess I should have told her she would make a great mother. I’ll know better for next time. I wonder why she cares right now anyway?”
“Oh no,” Bella said, looking down at the menu she’d been holding.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Nothing, I just saw they’re out of salmon,” she mumbled.
I nodded, continuing on with my tale of woe. “I told her I didn’t want kids. I’m pretty sure I would make a horrible parent. She seemed to take offense to that, or I’m assuming that’s what it was because there wasn’t much said after that. She finished her breakfast, grabbed her purse, and left without a word.” I shook my head with disbelief.
Bella refused to look at me. “Oh, Rand. Rand, Rand, Rand.”
“What? What did I do?” I looked at Adrian, hoping he would provide some kind of enlightenment. “Is it such a bad thing? Why does everyone have to have kids? Some guys are just not father material. I’m one of them! T
ell me. What am I missing?” I begged my friend to help shed some light on my problem.
He shrugged his shoulders and held up his hands. “I have no idea. This is way out of my area of expertise. I want to be a father,” he said, reassuring his wife.
She smiled up at him. “I know, and you’ll make an excellent daddy to our kids.”
I groaned. They were going to make me vomit. Their love was cute and sappy and perfect for them, but I couldn’t see myself in that kind of a relationship. Nicole and I were different. We were more casual. I didn’t think that was a terrible thing because it fit us. It fit our personalities. Then again, I never imagined Adrian to be one of those sappy, love-struck fools either, and I was staring at the evidence that people could still surprise me. That was a situation to worry about another day.
“Bella!” I nearly shouted with frustration. “What the hell? We’ve been seeing each other a month, if that. Isn’t that kind of rushing the kid conversation? Why do we have to talk about kids?”
“I don’t know,” she snapped. “Is it a rush? Do you mean to tell me you guys don’t have sex?”
She definitely knew something. “What did she tell you? You know something. Did she talk to you about our sex life?” I gasped in horror.
She sighed and finally met my eyes. “I can’t tell you what we talked about, but we didn’t get into any specifics about sex between the two of you. That’s gross. But I’m not going to share secrets that aren’t mine to share.”
“What? Why not? Bella, you know I have zero patience for games. Please tell me what is going on.”
Bella looked at Adrian and then back at me. “I don’t know anything for certain,” she said uneasily. “This is really something you should talk to her about.”
I bobbed my head up and down. “But?” I asked, waving my hand to get her to finish the sentence. I could see she wanted to tell me. I would drag it out of her if I had to.
“She thought she might be pregnant,” she muttered so low, I almost didn’t hear her.
“What?” I asked, leaning toward her, my head turned so she could talk directly into my ear. “What did you say?”
“The day we were there with Cade and you guys were on the jet skis, she got sick. The olives triggered a pretty violent response. We talked about it, and she thought she might be pregnant. She didn’t want to tell you right away.” Bella’s voice was soft. “She was worried you might have a lot on your plate just then, with your grandfather passing away. I gathered there was more to it, but I didn’t ask.”
There was a buzzing in my ears. “Pregnant? With a baby?”
“No, a puppy,” Adrian snapped.
I shot him a glare, and Bella slapped at his hand. “Stop it,” she warned.
“My baby? A baby?” I repeated the word over and over until I knew I had heard right.
“Yes, Rand,” Bella answered. “Your baby. She wasn’t positive, but it certainly seemed like it very well could be a possibility.”
Adrian was shaking his head. “Man, you know better. How many times did we talk about keeping things wrapped up to a—”
“Adrian Gabris!” she growled. “I do not want to hear about your escapades before you met me.”
“He knows better!” Adrian protested.
Bella slapped his chest. “Stop it. We weren’t exactly careful either. You’re just lucky I was on the pill.”
Adrian looked properly admonished, something only Bella could do. He was a wealthy man, but when it came to his mother or his wife, he was putty, an embarrassment to men all around the world.
The fact they were discussing my sex life and whether or not I used a condom was very strange. It wasn’t the typical lunch conversation. I looked from one to the other, my head still swimming with all things baby. A baby! A little human that would rely on me for support and love and to keep it safe.
“Holy shit,” I breathed out the words, reaching for the scotch and finishing it in one drink.
“That’s a very mature way to handle the situation,” Adrian quipped.
“Back off. I’m trying to get my head around this. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me. Why wouldn’t she have told me?” I didn’t actually expect an answer.
“Gee, I don’t know,” Bella said. “You seemed to have handled it so well when she hinted at the idea of becoming parents.”
“I didn’t know. I didn’t even think about it. I thought we were talking about her mother. I didn’t know we were talking about her becoming a mom. I’m really not cut out to be a dad.” My thoughts bounced all over the place.
“Maybe she isn’t pregnant,” Adrian offered.
“Considering she ran away when Rand was an idiot about the mom thing, I’m guessing she is pregnant. She was probably going to tell him, and he screwed it up.” Bella explained it as if I wasn’t sitting right there.
“I didn’t know!” I said, my voice rising as the hysteria rose inside me. “What about me would make anyone think I was daddy material? Seriously? Look at me! Look where I live! Look at how I live!”
“Take a breath. Becoming a parent isn’t the worst thing in the world. I think you and Nicole would make very good parents. She’ll make up for all your shortcomings.” Bella winked.
I shook my head. “She would have to be fucking Mary Poppins and the best mom in the world to make up for all my shortcomings. I’m going to hire a nanny. No, a whole team of nannies. I want eyes on that child day and night.”
“Rand, you are freaking out,” Adrian said. “Take a step back.”
I looked at him, seeing the calmness that was always there in those blue eyes of his. “I am. I am absolutely freaking the fuck out. I have to go talk to her. I have to tell her I’m an idiot.”
“I’m sure she already knows that,” Bella added helpfully.
I frowned at her. “Not the point.”
“I would take her flowers,” Adrian offered.
“No,” Bella frowned. “She’s having your child. I think she deserves something a little bigger than flowers that are going to wilt and die in a matter of days.”
“I’ve got to go,” I muttered, my mind already somewhere else. “Thanks for lunch.”
“We didn’t eat lunch,” Adrian reminded me.
I ignored him, already trying to think about what I would say to Nicole. A baby. I couldn’t believe she was pregnant. I guessed I shouldn’t be too terribly surprised. We’d had a lot of sex, and I couldn’t remember ever wearing a condom. I had assumed she was on the pill or something. I knew better then to assume.
Lust. Lust had ruled and good sense had been pushed aside.
Chapter 32
Nicole
I was jetlagged and emotionally spent. I tried to sleep on the flight, knowing my body needed the rest, but my mind had been racing a hundred miles an hour in anticipation of the meeting. I had probably played through every possible scenario and had at least a thousand hypothetical conversations. If only there were a guide to what to say to the woman who gave you life and then ran away.
“Turn left,” the GPS unit in the rental car announced.
I did as ordered, pulling down a street with small houses lining the street on either side. The houses looked old, maybe from the forties I guessed.
“Your destination is on the right,” the voice echoed through the car.
My stomach dropped as I looked up at the white house with pretty flowers potted out front. It was a quaint house, nothing fancy, but the yard was well kept. I parked the rental car along the curb in front of the house next door to where my mother lived.
That sentence still boggled my mind. My mother lived. She lived. She wasn’t dead. Twenty-two years, I had thought she was dead, and then in an instant, she was resurrected.
I took several deep, calming breaths, steeling my nerves and preparing myself for what I knew would be a life-changing experience. Assuming she was home. I supposed there was a chance she was at work or out for the day. I hoped not. I wasn’t sure I had the nerve to go thro
ugh the process again.
With sheer determination, I opened the car door and headed through the tiny white picket gate. It seemed a little ironic her house had a white picket fence. I had lived in a horrible single-wide trailer in an even worse trailer park, and she had a house with a white picket fence. It was hard not to be a little bitter.
My emotions had swung from angry, to happy, to sad for all the missed time. My meter was back on angry as I strode up the cement steps and knocked on the door. I waited, forcing myself to stay standing on the small porch and not run off.
The door opened, and I found myself staring at an older, thinner, and shorter version of myself. I couldn’t speak. It was as if seeing the woman had made me a mute.
“Nickie?” she gasped.
I blinked, still staring. Words refused to come out of my mouth.
“Nicole. Oh god, Nicole.” The woman openly sobbed before reaching for me and pulling me in for a very tight hug.
My arms hung at my side. I didn’t know what to do or say. She knew who I was. I didn’t know how. I didn’t understand any of it. She pulled me inside her tiny house before stepping back and looking at me, tears in her eyes as she shook her head.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispered.
In my mind, I was yelling at her and asking her questions. That wasn’t reality though. I could only stare at her. She was everything and nothing like I thought she would be. I looked like her. That part really got me. I actually looked like her.
“Let’s sit. I’ll make coffee.” She walked to a small dining table with just two chairs.
“No coffee,” I managed to get out.
“Tea? Water?”
“Water is fine,” I said, my words stiff.
She nodded. “Okay. Sit, please. I think we have a lot to talk about.”
I sat down in one of the hard wooden chairs and stared out the small window that faced the backyard. There were more flowers and a small lawn. The faded lace curtain over the window looked like it had seen better days. My eyes roamed around the house, and while it was comfortable and cozy, it wasn’t an indicator of great wealth and success. Part of me was happy to know she wasn’t living high on the hog while I suffered most of my life.
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