Kage

by Tara A. Devlin

  His heart burst within his chest. Was that even physically possible?

  “I don’t understand…”

  “It was the shadow.”

  I looked up and blinked. Aya was flicking through the channels. She stopped on a news program. A weather lady was giving the forecast for the day with her over-the-top cheerful voice while she stood outside in the cold autumn air.

  “The shadow? What do you mean?”

  She swallowed the last of her toast. “That’s what it does. Sometimes, anyway. I don’t know. It does what it wants. But it’s not the first time I’ve seen that, although it is the first time I’ve seen it happen to a person…”

  My mind was like a jigsaw puzzle. A jigsaw puzzle made of 5,000 tiny white pieces that were all the same shape, only they weren’t the same shape exactly. They had slight variations. Not visible upon first sight, but when you tried to piece them together, they didn’t fit. They were different. They just looked similar. No matter how long I sat there trying to piece them into a larger whole, nothing fit. It was all there in front of me, but nothing made sense.

  “Okay.” I stood up and moved over to the window. The streetlights were on, but the world was otherwise dark. A single person was walking down the street, pulling their coat tight against the wind. “Okay. Okay.” I took a deep breath. “I need you to explain to me because I’m trying really hard to follow what’s going on right now but I feel like I’ve been thrown into the deep end without a flotation device and, let me tell you right now, I’m not a good swimmer. In fact, I suck at swimming. I used to drown in the shallow end. Literally. The teachers would laugh at me because I could reach the bottom and I would still drown.”

  Aya started changing channels again. “He’s dead. That’s all that matters, isn’t it?”

  “What the hell is that shadow?” It was the first time I’d raised my voice at her. The first time I’d raised my voice since I could remember. I was tired and scared and confused. I wanted answers.

  She shrugged her shoulders. “Honestly? I don’t know. That’s the truth. For a while I thought that it was something my father conjured, if that makes any sense. Something to torment me. He never wanted me around, so he made a deal with whatever that creature is. But now he’s dead at its hands. So honestly? I don’t know. You know about as much as I do at this point.”

  The lack of emotion in her voice stunned me. Her father was dead at the hands of some supernatural creature and she was just watching the weather lady struggle with the wind on TV.

  “Do you… do you think we’re next?” I wasn’t sure what to think, but now that I knew the creature was murderous, things suddenly seemed to have a lot more urgency.

  Again Aya shrugged. She said nothing.

  “Aya…”

  “You have work today, right? You should go.”

  “How am I supposed to go to work like this?” I needed the money, that was true, but there was no way I could focus on the job. Not when I was seeing shadows in every corner, and not knowing whether one of them was real or not. Waiting for its chance to sink its tendrils into my flesh and burst my heart as well. “I’m gonna call in sick today.”

  Aya stood up. “You can’t. Not on my account.”

  I closed the curtains and sat on the edge of the bed. I rubbed my tired eyes. “It’s just one day. I’ll survive. The store will survive. I’ve been wanting a break for a while, anyway. I hate that place, and it’s just one day…” I said.

  I dreaded the thought of calling the boss to let him know, and he would no doubt chew me out for a good five minutes before letting me hang up, but there was no way I could go in. I was scared and confused, and seeing Aya react to the news of her father’s death with no emotion scared me more than I wanted to admit. I had no doubt she was hurting, but there was something else there. Something I recognised and knew all too well.

  Aya truly didn’t care anymore. If the shadow came for her, she would let it take her. I didn’t want that to happen. I wanted to be selfish, for the first time in my life. I wanted to see her smile. I wanted to see her happy. I wanted to save her. Maybe it was a hero complex, but that didn’t matter. If I could only do one thing with my life, and that one thing was saving Aya, then it would be worth it. My life wouldn’t be a waste.

  “I’m taking the day off. That’s final.”

  Aya sat on the bed and put a hand over mine. She smiled. My heart fluttered.

  12

  We spent the day at the mall waiting for the locksmith to call. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be around people. A lot of people. As many people as possible. There was less of a chance of that thing ripping my heart out or bursting my insides if I was surrounded by hundreds of other people. Safety in numbers. It wasn’t just a cliche.

  At 3 p.m. I got the call, and we went downstairs to grab a taxi. I could see the numbers in my bank account dwindling before my eyes. There was so little in there to begin with, but what good would meagre savings be if I was dead? We took the long way around, just in case, and when we reached the apartment, I sighed in relief. There were no police cars. The place was empty.

  Each step filled me with fear as I made my way towards the apartment. It wasn’t my safe haven anymore. It had been invaded by not just one, but at least two intruders over the last few days… one of them not human. But when I reached the new door it looked just like it always did. Even the handle was exactly the same. There was no sign that anyone had busted it less than 24 hours earlier. I hesitated. Aya put a hand on my shoulder and it was the strength I needed. I turned the handle and stepped inside.

  The apartment was still a mess. The bento boxes were lying on the floor and a small party of ants were carting the food away, but everything else was untouched. The TV lay on its side, the blanket was on the floor, and everything was lying where I left it the day before. It wasn’t a bad dream. Everything was real.

  I closed the door behind us and rested my forehead against it for a moment. I turned at the sound of Aya picking up the TV behind me.

  “This stuff isn’t going to clean itself.” She shrugged. I put my bag down and followed suit. I picked up the bento leftovers and again felt a pang in my chest.

  “This was supposed to be dinner…”

  Aya smiled and put a hand on my shoulder as she walked by. “I’m sorry. I’m sure it would have been a very nice dinner.” A very nice dinner. Yes, a very nice microwaveable meal from the convenience store job I hated. It was no three-course meal at a fancy restaurant, but as silly as it seemed, it still meant something to me. Now it was splattered all over the floor, ants carrying it off to their den.

  Aya fixed the lounge while I cleaned up the food remnants. I pulled out the insect spray and followed the line of ants to their hole. It wasn’t their fault, but I wasn’t in the mood to deal with them. “Go invade some other house. I’ve had enough of that for a while.”

  Each item I replaced, each piece of broken furniture or pot plant or something that was once precious to me was like a knife in my heart. Aya went about her work in silence and I didn’t know what to say. The air grew cold. I swept up the dirt and returned it to the broken pot. The tree was still alive, but it would need a new home. A giant piece of pottery was missing from the side, and the roots and dirt were sticking out. It would make a mess the next time I watered it. I knelt and swept the dirt, my mind wandering.

  What had I gotten myself into? Was I prepared for this? Was I truly ready to deal with all of this for a woman I’d only met a few days earlier? Was I only doing this because I was lonely? I didn’t know the first thing about her. How was I supposed to protect her or myself from a supernatural creature that could appear whenever it wanted, wherever it wanted, and kill both of us before I had any chance to stop it? How on earth was I supposed to stop it? Where did I even find that information? A million questions ran through my mind, speeding through so fast I couldn’t even see them anymore.

  A soft touch on my back brought me back.

  “He
y. Are you okay?” It was Aya.

  My hand was shaking. I didn’t even realise it. I was in the midst of a panic attack. I dropped the broom and dusted my hands on my jeans. “Yeah, sure. I’m fine.” I tried to smile, but I could feel my lips trembling as well. Aya knelt beside me.

  “Hey. It’s okay. You can talk to me.”

  I shook my head and smiled. See? I’m totally fine. You don’t have to be so close. I wasn’t panicking. I deal with this type of stuff every day. I’m an old hand. I’m the one protecting you. Don’t you worry about a thing.

  “I’m scared.”

  It wasn’t what I wanted to say, and the words escaped before I could stop them. But Aya didn’t laugh. She didn’t stand up and walk away. She didn’t taunt me or mock me for being weak. She cupped my face with her hands and looked me in the eyes.

  “I know. I am too.”

  She didn’t look scared. She looked like it was just another Tuesday on this roller coaster from hell, and if one of the carts happened to fly off the loop, she’d be totally okay with that. A few days ago, I would have felt the same. But then I ran into her, and she turned my life upside down. In a single night she had turned my entire life inside out. I didn’t know left from right anymore. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know anything. No, that was a lie. I knew one thing. I knew that the woman sitting just inches in front of me brought up feelings I didn’t know I had anymore. She made me feel alive when all along I’d been dead.

  Was I in love with her? No. I’d only known her a few days. I wasn’t that stupid. Was I infatuated with her? Yes. Beyond belief. More than I thought I ever could be. Just looking at her was intoxicating. I’d never experienced anything like it before in my life. It was like, of the several billion people on the planet, she was the one person who ticked off every criterion I never knew I had.

  I was never attracted to girls when I was younger, but then again, I never wasn’t attracted to them either. I just never thought about it. I dated a few men because I was supposed to. That was what people did. That was what was expected of me. But in the end they were terribly dull, and I wasn’t much better myself. Nothing ever lasted, and nothing felt like what I was experiencing just looking at the woman sitting before me.

  “I don’t know what to do,” I said. “I just-”

  Her lips cut me off. My eyes widened like saucers and her hands grabbed my cheeks and pulled me closer. I was on cloud nine, but then I realised that clouds weren’t meant to hold people and I was falling. I was falling into her and if she was dragging me down into the pits of Hell with her, well that was okay. Because we would be together, and it beat the drab existence I otherwise had. Something was better than nothing.

  I put my hands on her shoulders, not sure what I was supposed to do with them. She pushed me back onto the couch and I fell willingly into it. She looked at me and my stomach flipped. The look in her eyes; there was passion, or at least something akin to it, but that wasn’t all. There was something else, something she was unable to hide. That lack of emotion she showed when she heard news of her father’s death. It was there, lingering and waiting to escape.

  I was, at best, just a distraction in whatever game she was involved in. Something to keep her mind on other matters, but at the same time, she didn’t really care about me. Of course she didn’t. Who could care about me? I was just a Timid Tanaka. Average Yamada. Boring Suzuki. I was nothing, and I was no-one. I could be anyone. But I was the one who was there, and that was better than nothing.

  But as her lips pressed against mine again, and her hands found their way under my shirt, I couldn’t bring myself to stop her. If it was just for a distraction, then let it be. If it was to keep her mind off the terrible events of the day before, then let it be. If being with me, even for a single night, could make her life marginally better, then let it be. The words repeated in my head, over and over, fighting with my natural instincts to run and get the hell out of there. She was going to use me and spit me back out.

  If that was the case, then let it be.

  13

  I woke up the next morning expecting Aya to be long gone. I had served whatever purpose it was that she needed, and she would be gone before I woke. It would be better that way, I convinced myself as sleep claimed me in the early hours of the morning. Yet as I turned over in bed, there she was. She was awake, watching me as I slept.

  “G-good morning.” I couldn’t keep the tremble from my voice. She grinned.

  “Weren’t expecting me to still be here, huh?”

  “How did you-?”

  She patted my cheek and leaned in for another kiss. “Maybe I can read minds.”

  If that was the case, I was minced meat. But she kissed me again and got out of bed before I could reply. “Are you hungry?”

  There was very little in the house.

  “A little, but, there’s not really much here.” I sat up and she was already rifling through the cupboards above the sink.

  “Good thing I like rice. Would you like some rice?”

  I pulled the blankets back and looked around the room, half-expecting the shadow to jump out of the corner and rip whatever shred of happiness I had away from me. But there was nothing. Sunlight filtered through the curtain and cast a soft glow over the room. For the first time in several days there were no clouds in the sky. Just a crisp, autumn morning.

  I pulled the curtain back and looked outside. Red leaves floated through the air and scattered across the street and people were on their way to work. It hit me like a sack of bricks that I had work as well. I couldn’t afford more time off. But it was okay now. The door was fixed, and as horrible as it sounded, Aya’s father was gone. The shadow had to be his creation, there was no other explanation for it. It escaped me how he was able to summon it, but surely there was a logical explanation for it, and if not logical, at least spiritual. I made a note to visit the nearby shrine on my way home from work. It couldn’t hurt to stop by and say thank you, just in case.

  “Rice would be great.”

  I made another mental note to pick up some food on my way home as well. I didn’t know what Aya’s plans were, but if she wanted to stay a few more days, I wasn’t going to kick her out. I didn’t know how to broach the subject with her either. ‘So, your daddy just died and you have no-one left at home now… What’s the plan?’

  Aya put some rice in the cooker and opened the fridge door. I already knew what she would find in there. A small bottle of lemon juice, a half-empty beer, and a banana that may or may not have been turning black by that point. She quickly closed the door, and I gave her my best pained smile. “I haven’t really had the chance to go shopping yet… Sorry.”

  “You have work today, don’t you? How about I go out and grab a few things while you’re there?”

  There it was. I didn’t have to ask her. She was actually going to stay while I was at work. My heart jumped for joy and I tried not to let it show on my face. I had to play it cool.

  “Oh, you don’t have to do that. I work at a convenience store after all. I can grab a few things on my way out.”

  “Well, I do need to eat something today as well, and I should…” Her voice trailed off. I should… go home? Go to the police? What could she do in this situation? No doubt the police were looking for her right at that moment. She was the only other person who lived in the house with her father, and now he was dead under mysterious circumstances.

  His heart burst within his chest. It wasn’t torn out and then ripped apart; according to the newspaper, it actually burst inside his chest. There were no external wounds. How was that even possible?

  No, I knew how it was possible, as improbable as it was. It was the shadow. But why would it kill its own creator? Its own master? And it was unlikely the police would believe that story anyway. But they would want to speak to Aya. They would want to know where she was at the time, and why she wasn’t there now. The moment she told them she was with me, I would be dragged into it as well.

 
My fingerprints were in the house. They would know I was there.

  My heart was beating a thousand miles a minute. My chest rose and fell, rose and fell. My fingerprints were at the scene of a crime. Not just any crime, but a murder. It wouldn’t take the police long to connect the dots. Aya was with me. I was with Aya at the house. All they needed were my prints to prove it. There were choke marks around her father’s neck. I did that. Maybe that didn’t kill him, but that didn’t matter. They would pin it on the crime they could prove. The crime that involved me. I was a murderer. I would be going to prison as a murderer.

  Aya’s hand on my shoulder brought me back. “You’re hyperventilating again.”

  I tried to smile but couldn’t. “M-my fingerprints… are at your h-house…”

  Aya looked at me and said nothing. I stood up and grabbed her shoulders. “Don’t you get it? Your father died there yesterday and my fingerprints are all over the house! The police are no doubt looking for you as we speak, and as soon as they find out you were with me, they’re gonna place me at the scene of the crime and then I’m going to go down for murder! They’re going to-”

  Aya placed a finger on my lips. “Ssshhh. Calm down. It’s okay.”

  I shook my head. It was not okay. How could she think this was okay?

  “I don’t have to tell them anything. Don’t worry. You weren’t to blame for his death. It was a tragic accident.”

  A tragic accident that saw his heart burst inside his own chest.

  “My brother should be there talking to them right now. No doubt he and his expensive team of lawyers are sorting everything out as we speak. It’s what he does best, after all.” There was venom in her words. The mention of her brother reminded me that Aya wasn’t an only child. She wasn’t the only one who lost a parent the day before.