Before I Die

by Nikki Ash

  “I suspected,” I admit.

  Dad nods. “I’m not sure what your brother read or where the journal was, but I’d like to believe your mom is telling the truth and Stephen’s my son. Even if he wasn’t biologically, I loved him as such and that wouldn’t change by knowing his blood type doesn’t match mine. I do hate that he had those suspicions and died with them.”

  I place my hand on Dad’s. “He knew you loved him.”

  “Is there anything else you needed to talk to me about?”

  I open my mouth to tell him about the tumor when a horrible migraine hits me full force.

  “Nevaeh?”

  “Yeah, sorry.” I close my eyes, counting to ten, hoping it will let up, but it doesn’t. “Do you think we could continue this conversation tomorrow?”

  “Of course. Is everything okay?”

  “I just—” The feeling of needles being pounded into my skull causes blackness to momentarily overtake me. Once I can see again, I finish what I was trying to say. “I would like to speak to you and Mom together. Can you ask her to please meet with us so I can talk to you both? It’s not about Stephen.”

  “Okay.” He gives me a worried look.

  I stand, holding on to the arm of the couch. “I love you, Dad.” I give him a hug.

  “I love you, too, Nevaeh. I’ll speak to your mom and call you tonight.”

  “Thank you.”

  With my head throbbing, I send a text to Rosco to let him know I’m done and will meet him downstairs. I say goodbye to Glenda and head to the elevator. Once I’m in, I press the button for the first floor. When it lands, I step out, looking for Rosco. My head is extremely fuzzy, worse than it’s ever been—something is wrong. I spot him standing by the SUV, but before I can get to him, a hand lands on my bicep and I’m yanked in the opposite direction.

  Natural instinct has me screaming, but the hallway is empty, and before anyone can hear me, a large hand covers my mouth. I kick and punch, but he’s too strong and hauls me out the back of the building. I get a look at the man, suspecting it to be Logan, but it’s not. Unlike Logan, who looks like an all-American boy, this man screams danger. He has several tattoos covering his sun-wrinkled skin. He’s dressed in a business suit, but his hand, which is reaching for the trunk, is covered in tattoos as well. And unlike Ethan’s beautiful tattoos, these look like they were done in a basement somewhere.

  “Your husband thought he could flip sides and go straight. Turn me in…” He picks me up and drops me into the trunk. “Nobody keeps what’s owed to me.”

  “Who are you?”

  The man smirks evilly. “Most call me Felix, but you can call me your keeper. At least until I get you sold. I would’ve gotten more for you if you had still been a virgin, but with your age and how pretty you are, no doubt I’ll get what’s owed to me.”

  Before I can scream, my head pulses and an electric current flows through my body. The trunk begins to close, slowly taking the light with it, but it doesn’t matter, because my entire body begins to spasm and my vision is lost. I try to focus on what’s happening, but my brain and body aren’t computing, and before I can figure out what’s wrong, my body gives out and everything in me shuts down.

  Ethan

  “Ethan, wake the fuck up,” Rosco booms. His voice has me jumping out of bed.

  “What?” I glance around. “What happened?”

  “I’ve been calling you! Where the fuck is your phone?”

  “Right here.” I grab it off the nightstand. It clicks on from my touch and displays forty-five missed calls. “Fuck, I had it on silent and fell back asleep.” After Nevaeh left, I crashed, all the hours of missing sleep hitting me hard.

  “Nevaeh is gone.”

  “What?” My eyes lock with his. “What the fuck do you mean she’s gone?”

  “She texted me she was leaving her dad’s office and to meet her out front, but she never showed up. I searched everywhere. It’s like she just vanished.”

  I pull up the tracking app I have on her phone and it shows it’s off network. “Fuck, it’s shut off.”

  I scroll through my missed calls and see several are from Dan Wade. My chest clenches, and a sinking feeling comes over me. His first call was a couple hours earlier—the call I ignored while saying bye to Nevaeh.

  I hit call and he picks up on the first ring. “About damn time.”

  “I didn’t see your call until now. Nevaeh is missing.”

  “Damn it,” he curses. “Felix got out on a technicality. We tried to hold him while we worked to clear it up, but his lawyer fought it and he got out. I had my men try to follow him, but he got away.”

  “He. Got. Out?” I Growl. “Fuck!” I glance over at Rosco, who by the look of horror in his eyes, tells me he heard what the U.S. Attorney said. “Call Nevaeh’s dad, Edward, and find out who owns the building. We need to get access to the cameras in and surrounding it. If he took her from the building, he had to have parked close.”

  Rosco nods and starts typing on his phone.

  “Text me the address and I’ll get my guys on it,” Dan says.

  I rattle off the address, and he tells me he’ll be in touch. I’m about to call Blaire to make sure this isn’t a mix-up—even though I know deep down it isn’t—when her name pops up on my screen.

  “Is Nevaeh with you?” I ask, not giving her time to even say hello.

  “She’s at Atlantic General,” she cries.

  “What?” I ask, confused as hell.

  “A man found her on the side of the road and called the ambulance. She was brought in and the only reason they were able to identify her was because she had her bank card in her back pocket. They’ve put her in a medically-induced coma. From the tests they’ve run, they believe she suffered from a seizure and has a concussion.”

  Fuck, no, fuck. This can’t be happening again. My head is spinning from everything she’s saying. “Where was she found?” I throw on a pair of pants and a shirt, then grabbing my keys, nod to Rosco that we’re leaving.

  “I don’t know the details, but the police have been by to ask her questions, but I told them she’s not awake. Apparently the guy who found her also called the police.”

  “Did you call her parents?”

  “The hospital did. I was her emergency contact, but I was in class and didn’t answer right away, so they called her mom. When I called back, they told me what happened and I rushed over. I tried to call you, but you didn’t pick up.”

  Fuck! I want to punch my fist through something. “My phone was on silent and I was asleep.”

  “Don’t do that,” Blaire says. “Don’t beat yourself over it.”

  “I’m on my way,” is the only thing I can say. “Text me which room she’s in.”

  “Okay, will do. Drive careful. She’s stable, Ethan. She’ll be okay.” I’m not sure if she’s telling me that for my benefit or trying to convince herself, but either way, it does nothing to calm me down. “She doesn’t need to wake up, only to find out you died in a car accident.”

  “I’ll see you soon.”

  Since Rosco was able to hear everything that was said, I don’t bother to repeat it. Instead, I call Dan back and tell him what I found out. He ensures me he and his team are looking into it and will be sending officers to the hospital to guard Nevaeh’s door.

  The ride to the hospital feels like it takes forever, but eventually Rosco pulls up to the emergency room and I jump out. After explaining to the nurse I’m Nevaeh’s husband, I’m brought back to where Nevaeh is lying in a hospital bed. It’s a private room, and at the moment it’s quiet, save for the beeping of the monitors.

  Her face is the color of paper and with the white hospital gown they have her in, and the way the light is shining in, splaying across her face like a halo, she looks like a sleeping angel.

  I round the side of the bed and take her hand in mine, bringing it gently to my lips and kissing her cold skin.

  “I don’t know how this happened, Angel, but I�
��m going to find out, and I promise you, whoever is responsible will pay.”

  “Care to explain why my best friend, who is lying in a bed, in a medically-induced coma, has officers standing outside her door?”

  I lift my head to find Blaire standing in the doorway.

  “Usually doctors are standing around a hospital room, not officers, unless…” she trails off, waiting for me to finish her sentence. When I don’t speak right away, she lifts a single brow. “Ethan, I suggest you start talking.”

  “I don’t have any answers right now,” I say truthfully. “And my only concern at the moment is my wife’s well-being.”

  “And something tells me her well-being wouldn’t be at risk if she weren’t married to you,” another female voice adds. Susan walks in behind Blaire, followed by her dad.

  “The police said they can’t tell us anything. It’s an open investigation. They were asking for our whereabouts as if we’re suspects.” She scoffs. “What did you do?” she accuses.

  “The last I heard Nevaeh was having breakfast with her father. The next thing I know she’s in a hospital in a coma. As soon as I find anything out, I’ll let you know. Right now, I’m going to call her doctor.”

  I pull my cell phone out and dial Dr. Bromfield’s number. After speaking with his nurse and explaining the little I know, I’m told he’s on his way. When I hang up, Susan and Edward are staring, wide-eyed, at me, and it hits me—Nevaeh never told her father about her tumor.

  Before either of them can speak, though, an older gentleman in a white coat walks in and introduces himself as Dr. Boyles. “Nevaeh hit her head hard on the cement and has suffered a concussion. After pulling her records and seeing she’s been pre-registered for a surgery for a Meningioma brain tumor, I’ve put a call in to her doctor.”

  “I did as well.”

  “What do you mean she has a brain tumor?” Susan gasps, her eyes flickering from the doctor to me. “Is she going to die?”

  “No,” I bark. “She’s not going to die. And she’s been trying to tell you, but you’re too busy judging and pointing fingers and playing God’s damn assistant, she hasn’t been able to.”

  Susan glares, but Edward puts his hand on her shoulder before she can argue. “Now is not the time,” he says to his wife. “Nevaeh’s health is our priority. What’s being done regarding this tumor?”

  “At this time, we’re monitoring the bleeding in her brain. Once the swelling goes down, we will lower the meds and little by little slowly wake her up.”

  “The tumor is bleeding?” I ask. “Why can’t you go in and remove it, then?”

  “Not the tumor,” the doctor clarifies. “There’s minor internal bleeding from where she hit her head. When she was first brought in, we ran tests and believe she suffered from a seizure, which could be why she hit her head. The gentleman who found her on the side of the road said she was lying there alone. We don’t know how long she was suffering and we won’t know if any permanent damage was done until she wakes up and we run more tests.”

  Jesus, fuck. What the hell happened to her? Why was she by herself? None of this makes any damn sense. She wouldn’t have texted Rosco to meet her and then taken off without him, turning off her phone. I know it in my gut. Felix is responsible for this.

  There’s a knock on the door and then Nevaeh’s doctor walks in. “Dr. Bromfield.” I shake his hand. “This is Nevaeh’s mom and dad, Susan and Edward. And Nevaeh’s best friend, Blaire.”

  “Nice to meet you,” the doctor says politely. “I looked over Nevaeh’s chart before I came in here and was caught up on what Dr. Boyles probably already told you.”

  The doctor nods in agreement. “I’ve caught them up to speed, yes.”

  “So, what now?” Blaire asks.

  “Now we wait for the swelling to go down and then wake her up,” Dr. Bromfield says.

  “And why can’t you go in and remove this tumor?” I ask.

  “Nevaeh signed a document requesting not to be operated on unless it’s life or death.” What the fuck.

  “Recently?” There’s no way she would’ve done that. Not after everything we’ve discussed.

  “No.” He shakes his head. “A couple years ago, but she never rescinded it.”

  “What about the fact that I’m her husband? Can I make decisions for her since she’s not able to make them for herself?” I’m scared Nevaeh is going to wake up, freak out, and not want the surgery. If they could do it without having to ask her, she could wake up and it be done.

  “If my daughter specified she doesn’t want the surgery, who are you to try to do it behind her back?” Susan hisses. “She must not have wanted it for a reason.”

  “Yeah, because she was scared to die.”

  Susan’s eyes bug out. “She can die during surgery?” Her head whips around to the doctor. “Is there any other way of removing the tumor? Shrinking it somehow? She can’t have surgery. I can’t lose her…”

  “She’ll die without it,” I growl, losing my patience with this fucking woman.

  “She can’t.” She shakes her head emphatically. “Doctor, please. You have to find another way.”

  “Surgery is the only option,” Dr. Bromfield says. “Nevaeh agreed to it, but verbally isn’t enough. She’s stable, so we can’t do the surgery without her consent. Once she wakes up, I’ll have her fill out the proper paperwork and then we can go from there. Right now, we just need to let her brain heal. Give her body time to get stronger. I’ll be back later to check on her.”

  And with that, both doctors leave.

  “We’ll get another opinion,” Susan states. “Doctors are too quick to cut people open.”

  “Dr. Bromfield is the best on the East Coast. Unless you want your daughter to die, she needs the surgery.”

  “Knock-knock,” a nurse says, walking in. “I need to check on the patient. The doctor said it’s going to be several hours before they can consider lowering the meds, so if you need to go home to get a change of clothes or shower, now is the time.”

  Susan huffs and storms out, and her husband follows.

  “I’m going to go call my parents,” I tell Blaire. “Is Victor here with you?”

  “He’s in the waiting room.”

  “All right, call me if you need anything.”

  I walk outside the hospital and call my dad, updating him. He and my mom are on their way to the hospital, but I tell him it’s pointless to come up here when she’s asleep and it’s all a waiting game. He reluctantly agrees and tells me to keep him updated.

  Needing to get some air, I take a walk down the sidewalk and around the back of the hospital. I’ve never gone this way, but I know where it leads to. I’ve only been here once, twelve years ago, but I’ll never forget it. I should’ve come more often, but I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t look at the tombstone. Face what I caused.

  I walk down the pathway to the cemetery, and once I’m inside, walk along the grass rows until I get to the one I’m looking for.

  Baby Romero is the name on the tombstone since we never agreed on a name. The dates are the same, because she was declared dead before she was even born. The stone is a little dirty, but the grass around the area is cut neatly. There are fresh flowers in the holder, and I wonder if that’s done from the cemetery or if someone else did that. Until I look over at the tombstone next to my daughter’s and spot a woman kneeling in front of it. The same colored flowers in the holder. I haven’t seen the woman since the day I buried my daughter, but here she is, at the same time as me.

  I don’t even know why I’m here. Maybe to remind myself of what happens to the people who are too close to me. Twelve years later, and another person I love is in the hospital, once again because of me. At what point do I realize I’m not meant to have some bullshit happily ever after? Everything and everyone I touch are tainted by my choices, my actions. Kelsi was too sweet, too kind, too good. I considered running after her when she left, but decided against it. I kept an eye on her from afar, mad
e sure she was taken care of financially. She’s now married to a real estate broker and has two kids. She’s happy and safe.

  Nevaeh deserves so much better than what I can give her. Will it always be like this? Even with my dad and me going legit? Will we always have to look over our shoulders, protect our loved ones from potential harm?

  The woman sobs and places her hand against the stone, then she stands, and her eyes meet mine. “Ethan,” she breathes.

  “Susan.” And it hits me… twelve years ago. She was the woman who comforted me. The woman who lost her baby. I knew I recognized her, but I couldn’t place from where. That day in the cemetery, I was so out of it. I had just lost Kelsi and our daughter. All I could remember was the woman who comforted me, but now that I see her standing in front of the grave, it’s obvious.

  “I was eighteen years old,” she says, her eyes filled with unshed emotion. “I had a one-night stand and got pregnant.” She nods toward the stone. “My mother was so ashamed, she sent me away. Eight months later, I gave birth to the most beautiful little girl, and three weeks later, she died. She was born with a brain defect and the doctors said they had to operate. She never woke up.”

  She hiccups through a sob and I pull her into my arms, comforting her the same way she did for me all those years ago. “I’m so sorry.” Now everything Nevaeh has told me makes sense.

  “My mother told me it was God’s way of punishing me for my sins.”

  I back up slightly, so she can see me while I speak. “No God I want anything to do with would kill a baby to punish you. Just as he wouldn’t kill my baby to punish me. Don’t you remember what you said to me all those years ago?”

  She shakes her head, wiping her tears. “I wasn’t in the best place that day.”

  “You said, God has a plan for each one of us and one day I would understand why things happen the way they do. I didn’t get it at the time, but losing my daughter led me to Nevaeh. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  Susan smiles softly. “She’s the best thing to happen to me too, along with her brother and my husband.”