The rest of the week passes quickly, Sherri and Brady visit often, she kept her promise of coming over to annoy me. Me and Reid have eaten dinner together with his mum and Asher almost every night. I’ve come to really like Asher, he’s calm and patient around the house with me, I’ve finally let myself relax around him. Me and Reid haven’t had sex again since the shower, I needed time to heal my mind as well as my body, damn was I sore. I had a text this morning from my councillor asking if I’m free for another session today, it was meant to be on Tuesday, but she had to bring it forward a day earlier as she’s going to court with another client on the day we originally said. I’ve told Reid about the appointment this time, but I asked him to still go to work so I can do it on my own, he understood and made me promise to let him know what happens later.
At 2:30pm my phone vibrates on the coffee table. Everyone is out running errands today, so I have the house to myself for the phone call. Picking it up I click the answer button “Hello Becca, its Dr. Trent” I forgot how calming her voice is “Hello, Dr. Trent, how have you been?” I ask her, “Ah I totally forgot to tell you my name! Its Abi by the way” she says making me smile “Well, nice to speak to you again Abi” and I actually mean it, I was almost looking forward to speaking with her today, she made me feel so at ease last week “Back to your earlier question, I’m very well thanks. Although, I am going a little stir crazy. I’ve been cooped up in the office all week! Anyway, how have you been?” Hmm cooped up, maybe I should invite her out to lunch or something… Wait no, she’s my councillor, she wouldn’t want to go to lunch with a patient “I’ve actually been pretty okay thanks, I’ve not had any more episodes of panic like I did” I haven’t told her about those yet, but I need to know if there is anything I can do to stop them happening “Okay, What happened when you felt the panic?” she asks in a calm voice “Well, I came down stairs to get some pain meds, and Asher, Hayley’s boyfriend was in the front room getting his phone. It was like I wasn’t in control of my body; I couldn’t breathe. He put his hand out just to shake it and say hello, but my body just reacted. I felt like my throat was closing up and I had no control. Anyway, Asher called up for Reid and he managed to coax me back to reality… I felt horrible for how I reacted to Asher, he’s a really nice person” I whisper the last part, I still feel bad now, but he’s never held it over my head. “What happened is completely normal for a panic attack, and not surprising after your experience. Reid being able to bring you back is huge, normally it takes a lot of therapy to be able to learn how to come out of an episode… or a sedative” It makes me appreciate Reid even more knowing that, I really do not like the thought of being shot up with drugs just to calm down “There are a lot of techniques we can practice so you can try and catch an episode before it happens. But they would be best explained in person. Do you feel that it’s something we could do?” she asks in a cheery tone, I’ll do anything to stop it from happening again “Yes, that sounds good to me”.
I’ve seen Hayley have bad days before, but she seems to be able to cope and bring herself back, I hope I can do the same “Ok, could we meet up tomorrow? I’m only in Colchester, so I can come to you at the house? Means I can get away from these four walls for a while” she chuckles. I’ll have to check with Reid and Hayley, this is their house after all “I’m sure that would be okay, can I just check with Reid and text you if it’s okay?” I don’t want to take advantage of them letting me live here “Sue, sure. Let me know. Maybe I’ll see Gavin while I’m in town” she says on a chuckle making me laugh “Maybe you will” Sounds like I need to arrange a meeting for these two I chuckle to myself “Ok, so we haven’t spoken much about what happened. If you feel comfortable, maybe we could talk a little about it?” I kinda expected this today, after spending the last session joking around and getting to know each other, I knew the real talking may happen this time “I can try” I tell her biting my thumb nail, she begins asking me about my frame of mind, I try telling her as best I can about my thoughts. I go on to tell her about me and Reid, and how I felt after we had sex “That is understandable. You can’t think of your attack as your first time, that was just something taken from you. But what you and Reid had, was completely given” she says quietly “It takes time, but you learn to cope” she sounds like she’s speaking from experience “Don’t let him take anything more than he already has. He doesn’t get to take your happiness anymore” she continues. She’s right, I won’t let Gary take anything else from me, especially what I have with Reid.
Chapter Sixteen
After my phone call with Abi, I feel emotionally drained. We worked through some of the negative things I’ve been thinking and agreed for her to come over tomorrow to have a face-to-face appointment after texting Reid to make sure it was okay, I’m looking forward to meeting her in person finally.
Feeling exhausted, I sit in the front room and get out my kindle. Blowing the steam from my mug of tea I hear the front door open as Hayley gets in “Hey sweetie. How did counselling go?” she asks as she brings in two bags of shopping, I follow her to the kitchen to help put everything away “It went really well, we worked through some stuff. She’s actually coming here tomorrow for a face-to-face appointment. I hope that’s okay?” I ask her, realising I probably should have asked her first “Of course it is dear, she sounds like exactly the right person to help you” she says with a smile. Putting the loaf of bread in the bread bin I say “She told me I shouldn’t let Gary take anything more from me than he already has” I notice she flinches when I say his name and turns away from me “Hayley? Are you okay?” I hear her sniffle as I walk over and put my hand on her arm “I didn’t want you to worry” she says as she looks at me with watery eyes “Worry about what?” what is she talking about? She takes a deep breath and leads me over to sit at the kitchen table flicking on the kettle as we go. I sit quietly as I wait for her to explain, seeing her squeeze her eyes shut as she takes deep breaths just heightens my worry “Gary is, one of the boys who….. attacked me” she whispers, I squeeze my eyes shut with this new information, why didn’t she tell me this!......We’ve both been raped by the same person. Suddenly I feel my lunch about to make a reappearance, throwing my hand over my mouth, I make a dive for the downstairs bathroom. Hayley chases after me and pulls my hair from my face “I’m so sorry Becca. I didn’t want you to worry anymore than you already are. I was going to tell you, but you finally started relaxing a little this last week, and I know you need to be here with Reid. I was worried you wouldn’t want to stay here anymore once you knew” she says with tears running down her face. We sit there for a while, waiting for my heaves to dissipate and I think back to what she’s telling me. What if that’s why Gary attacked me? What if he knows where she lives?.... what if… he knows I’m here?
Finally feeling like I can keep something down, we make our way to the front room. I wrap myself in a blanket and curl up on the sofa. Hayley comes in with two cups of tea and sits next to me, she looks so anxious as she grabs the other blanket for herself. “Do the police know?” I ask her, they need to know in case its connected “They know. I made sure to call Detective Sullivan after her visit to you in the hospital, I have a confidentiality agreement in place so that none of my information can be published without my consent. It’s how Reid hasn’t found out all these years” she says quietly “Does she think it is connected?” if he knows where we are, he may come after us. Hayley put him in prison years ago, so he will have a vendetta against her for that, and I’ve made him a wanted man, so that adds me to his list as well. “She isn’t sure, but she’s got a watch on the house. They will find him Becca, and you will put him away just as I did” she says with determination. Blowing the steam off my tea, I try not to let it worry me that he could be out there any moment. I need to speak to the Detective tomorrow, this needs to end.
The worst part about finding out what I know, is not being able to talk to anyone else about it. I know I can talk to Hayley, but I don’t want to jeopardize her r
ecovery. She gives me permission to speak to Abi about it in my sessions, which I know is probably really hard for her, but she knows I need this to recover myself. Trying to act normal in front of Reid that evening is difficult, he can tell something is up. After asking me for the third time if I’m ok, I just try to play it off as a bad day, luckily he believes me and drops it somewhat. He tries to make the evening as normal as possible for me, we order in burgers and watch The Incredible Hulk on Netflix. It feels nice to have just a moment, where we are just a young couple having a nice evening together. Cuddling up on his bed I tell him about my counselling session today “Abi says she has some techniques I can use to handle a panic attack. She’s going to explain some of them tomorrow in our session” I tell him as I rest my head on his chest “When you feel comfortable, can I sit In on one of your sessions? I’d really like to know what I can do to help you as well” he says giving me a squeeze “I’ll speak to her tomorrow about it” It’s a good idea, I know it would help him to know what I need for my recovery. And with him being the one to who brought me back from my panic attack, he should be involved in my sessions. I’m just worried he’s putting too much on himself.
We spend the rest of the evening talking and watching movies and wrapping ourselves in each other. I’m starting to feel like we are really a couple again.
“Brady wants to have a get together for Gavin’s Birthday on Saturday. I said we won’t go, but I wanted to let you know. Knowing Sherri, she’ll be messaging you about it soon” he says the next morning. “I totally forgot it was his birthday this weekend. I want you to go” I tell him, he shouldn’t miss out just because I’m not ready to be around lots of people yet “You’ve been stuck in here with me for weeks now, go and have some fun with our friends” I tell him. He rolls over in bed to face me “I don’t want to leave you here on your own” he says as he stokes my thigh making me shiver “I won’t be on my own, your mum will be here with me. I’ve got loads of reading to catch up on anyway, my kindle is bursting” I say with a smile “I’ll only go for an hour, and if you need me I want you to call or text straight away and I’ll come home” he doesn’t look happy about this, but I can’t keep holding him back. Before the attack, he would be round Brady’s hanging with everyone almost every night, but since then he hasn’t left my side. I need him to go and just be Reid for a while “I promise to text if I need you. Now we need to get up, you’ve got work, and I’ve got Abi over later” I get up to jump in the shower. Turning the knob on the shower to get it started, I run my hand under it until I feel its warm enough. Taking off Reid’s band t shirt I turn and find him in the doorway. He stands there looking at me with a hungry gleam in his eyes, bracing his hands on the door he stands in only his boxers, looking like every woman’s dream come true “You’ve got work” I tell him as I slowly peel off my underwear, watching him track my hands as I go. He says nothing as he makes a start towards me, I clench my thighs together trying to stop the ache I feel at my core. Matching his steps, I back away slowly as he approaches, I back up until I’m in the shower up against the wall, standing there rubbing my legs together as he watches with hunger. Reaching me he picks up both my thighs so I’m straddling him “There are so many things I want to do to you” he says grinding into me. Using my feet, I pull down his boxers to release his length, feeling it up against my clit, I rub myself up and down it and release a moan. Growing incredibly wet he easily slips through my wet folds to impale me with his full length making us both groan “You feel so good. Never going to get enough of this” he says as he picks up the pace thrusting in and out of me “Oh god, Don’t you dare stop” I tell him. If he stops, I’d probably commit body harm right about now.
Taking one of my hands from around his neck, I pull his head down for a bone crushing kiss, feeling his hot tongue enter my mouth, I moan as he forcefully thrusts into me. I feel my sex clench onto him as my orgasm begins to take hold, screaming I squeeze him painfully tight as I convulse over and over, milking his own orgasm from him.
Well, I can tick my first shower quickie off my bucket list.
Coming down from my high, I open my eyes to see his deep blue ones “One day, I’m going to marry you” he says kissing me passionately “You think about stuff like that?” I ask as he slowly pulls out, I don’t feel any pain this time, just a little soreness “I’ve always thought about stuff like that. I’ve imagined you having my last name, a family, growing old. All of it” he tells me standing under the shower spray. “I think about it too” I admit “Always have” I walk towards him and wrap my arms around his middle, kissing his back. I thought id lost that recently, but to know he still thinks of things like the future, my hope finally starts returning.
Once we finally get washed and changed, Reid makes his way to work, all be it, a little late. Abi is coming over in an hour, so I make myself some breakfast, and have a little tidy around the kitchen. Hearing a knock at the door, I put down the cloth I was using to wipe down the worktop and look out the peep hole at the door, seeing a very attractive blonde on the other side. I open the door guessing it’s her “Hi. You must be Abi” I say with a smile “Yes, and you must be Becca” she says smiling back “Please come in” I move away from the door to let her come inside “It’s so nice to finally meet you” she says as she enters the front room “You as well, would you like a cup of tea or anything?” I ask as she sits on the sofa and puts her bag down “Tea would be amazing, thank you” she says with a smile. Walking into the kitchen I flick the kettle on and take a deep breath, I was a little anxious about finally meeting her, but she looks nice. She must be around my age, definitely no older 25 I’d say. Entering the front room with a mug in each hand, I pass Abi her’s and sit opposite her on the armchair. Looking over at her I think that setting her up with Gavin is even more of a good idea, she is definitely his type, Shoulder length blonde hair frames a heart shape face, two kind blue eyes and pouty lips I would kill for… yeh, definitely need to give him her number. “Thank you for letting me come over today. I really wanted to put a face to a name, phone appointments are always my first course of action as it lets you get to know me and I you, but I find face to face much more productive” she says putting her tea on the coffee table. We start by going through my panic attack again, describing what happened and how I felt “Ok, next time you start to feel weird or breathless at any point, I want you to imagine that you are somewhere safe. In your head I want you to choose a focal point, it can be anything, a person, a new dance move, a song. I want you to focus on this while counting back from 10”. Immediately I think of Reid “Reid… He is my focal point” I tell her with a smile “Ok, good. Normally the first thing that comes to find is something you love the most” He was the first thing I always think about, it’s been that way even when we were apart “How have things been with Reid?” she asks picking her tea back up, “Erm, really good actually. We’ve talked about some difficult stuff, We’ve err… Been intimate recently” I admit, thinking about it, I really need to get on some sort of birth control “And how has that been? Have you had any episodes during these times with him?” she questions as she blows the steam off her mug “Well, the first time I got a little scared. No panic attack but just nervous, I was shaking a little. But the two times we have had sex have been amazing” Better than amazing actually, I didn’t have any thoughts that it wasn’t Reid touching my body, he possesses it wholly “Do you think it’s a good idea to be intimate so soon after….” I choke, I can’t say it out loud “Rape?” she say so matter of factly “I think it will help you heal if its with someone you trust completely. You need to be able to say the word to start to move forwards, be proud that you can say it. You are a survivor of one of the most horrible things that could ever be done to someone, don’t be ashamed to admit what happened to you” she says with pride in her voice “Has this… Has this happened to you before?” I ask her, seeing her look away I feel really bed for asking “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to ask that” I say feeling r
eally bad “My uncle abused me from the ages of 6-12. I spent a really long time believing if I told anyone he would kill me like he promised. When I turned 16 I slipped up when my mum told me he was coming to visit, she made me report it and put him away from a really long time. It’s how I got to become a councillor, girls like us need to support each other to put these monsters behind bars where they belong” she tells me “It helps others come forward when they see us not cower from these Dickhead rapist” she spits the last word. I never thought of how me speaking up would encourage others to do the same “Thank you for telling me” I say smiling to try and ease her tension “Hayley spoke to me the other day. She gave me permission to share this with you, but it has to be in the strictest confidence” I don’t want to betray her trust by people finding out what happened to her “Anything you say in our sessions stays between us” She says with a smile “The man who attacked me, Gary. He was one of the men who raped Hayley when she was 15. The police don’t think its connected, but it seems to close to home for me” he was the only one to make it out of prison. I’ve got a feeling that he knew who I was, and how I was connected to Hayley “It could be connected, I wont lie to you. All I can tell you is to be careful, until he’s been caught, we don’t know what he’s planning next” she says with a concerned expression. I’m glad she’s not lying to me, all I want if for someone to be straight with me, not keep the truth to save me from worry.
Break my heart (Estate Series 1) Page 11