“We were both learning, Nat. I remember being too scared to hold her in case I dropped her.”
“Your mum was a wonderful help back then.”
Milt scowled.
“No matter what’s happened between us since, I was so thankful for her in those early days. She fussed and clucked and rocked and sang, she got meals and did washing while I sat in an exhausted heap.”
“We were both a bit overwhelmed.”
Natalie chuckled but there was no mirth in it. “I felt like I was just getting into my stride and along came Brianna and I sunk again even lower the next time.”
“You had to physically recover. Hers wasn’t an easy birth.”
Natalie shuddered even now at the recollection of the stitches she’d needed. She had been a mess physically and mentally after Bree’s birth. “Now, when I look back, I know I was depressed but I didn’t understand it then.”
“And I made it worse.”
Natalie tensed. “Between us we weren’t much chop. I felt guilty I wasn’t a good mother and then I felt I’d been such a terrible wife I’d driven you to Veronica’s arms.”
Milt lurched to his feet, crouched down beside her and gripped both her hands with his. “Don’t you dare feel guilty, Nat. I made a stupid mistake but it was me who did it, nothing to do with you. I’m just sorry I didn’t understand better what you were going through…how you felt after the babies.”
“I should have told you but I didn’t understand it myself and I didn’t know how to talk about it. Olive understood, but her way of dealing with it was to help with the children. We never discussed it again but I knew she was watching me. I had to work hard to hide the cracks.” She looked steadily into his eyes. “So I can relate to the way Kate’s feeling.”
The door to the room opened and Kate was wheeled in. Natalie reached for her daughter’s hand while the nurses finished getting her settled.
“All went well,” one said as she lifted the chart from the end of the bed. “Now it’s some rest for you, young lady.” She turned to Milt and Natalie. “It’s not visiting hours but I hear you’ve travelled a long way so you can stay for a few minutes.” Her gruffness was swept away by her brief smile. “I’ll leave you to it.”
“Mum.” Kate’s lip trembled.
Natalie leaned down and held her daughter close. “Just breathe,” she murmured. When she felt Kate relax she sat back. “One day at a time, darling.”
“They want me to stay in Adelaide for a few days once I’m out of here. I could ask one of my friends but I’m not ready to explain…”
“Don’t worry about anything,” Milt said. “We’ll sort something out.”
Kate’s eyelids were heavy. Natalie patted her hand. “Sleep now. I’ll be back later.”
They waited until she drifted off then let themselves out.
“I can book another room at the hotel we were in,” Milt said as soon as they were outside.
Natalie shivered and pulled on the coat she’d been glad to retrieve from her car. After her weeks in the west she was feeling the cold. “Let’s think on it for a while. I’m not sure if we’d be better somewhere like Glenelg rather than the city. A place where we can get some fresh air, maybe walk on the beach.” She looked up at the grey sky. “Even if it’s freezing.”
“Shall we find somewhere for coffee and a bite to eat?”
Natalie nodded.
They’d only just finished eating when both their phones rang. Natalie’s call was from Laura. She filled her in on Kate, told her Bree was on her way home and that they were staying on with Kate for a while. Natalie sent Laura a cyber-hug. The brightness was back in her daughter’s voice and that buoyed her own spirits.
Milt’s call ended at the same time.
“That was the stock agent. I’ve got sheep to get ready for the sale. Bree can manage but we’re seeding as well—”
“Why don’t you go home, Milt? I can look after Kate. It’s only a few days and then we’ll be home.”
“What about Sean?”
“I’ll talk to her about that when I go back later.”
His phone rang again.
She did some Google searches for two-bedroom apartments hoping to find a place where Kate could have some space. They were all rather pricey.
Then her phone rang too, a number she didn’t know. “Well, that was unexpected,” she said as she finished the call.
“What’s happened now?” Milt asked.
“That was Veronica.” Natalie stared at the phone in her hand. “She’d heard about Kate and wanted to know if there was anything she could do while she was in Adelaide.” She looked at Milt. “She’s offered us her apartment.”
An hour later Veronica was letting them inside. And Natalie felt a strange sense of deja vu.
“This is very good of you, Vee,” Milt said.
“It’s the least I could do. You’ve both been so kind since my diagnosis. Jack has certainly appreciated your hospitality. And as I told Natalie, I’m going home in the morning so this place will be empty. I’ve got a week off from treatment so I’m making the most of it.”
The woman who gave them a tentative smile was so different from the one who was in pieces the last time they saw her. The apartment seemed more welcoming too; it was fresher than it had been the last time and brighter in spite of the grey day.
Milt took Natalie’s case into the spare bedroom. “Bit of a waste of time really,” she said. “I haven’t got much with me for cold weather but I guess I can make do till I get home.”
“I’ve got several jackets and cardigans here,” Veronica said. “We’re about the same size. You’re welcome to help yourself.”
Milt came back and stood beside them. “Thanks again, Vee.” Natalie knew he was anxious to get home now that things were sorted in Adelaide.
“I’ll drive Milt over to pick up his vehicle,” Natalie said. “Then I’ll go back and visit Kate. I’ll probably spend the afternoon at the hospital.” She wished Veronica was going home today too but evidently she had an appointment first thing tomorrow before she headed off.
“I’ll make us some dinner,” Veronica said.
“I could buy something on my way back.”
“Let me. I don’t always feel like it but today’s a good day and it’s more interesting to cook for two.”
“If you’re sure.” Natalie agreed and she and Milt stepped back into the cold winter’s day.
Laura went to the back door at the sound of a vehicle. The dogs weren’t barking and she was expecting Bree but it was her grandmother’s car pulling in by the back gate.
Just as Olive opened her door there was a sharp shower of rain. Laura plucked an umbrella from the rack and dashed out to meet her.
“Thank you, Laura dear,” Olive said as they reached the shelter of the verandah.
“I didn’t know you were coming out today.”
“I’ve come to stay. There’s a case in the car. I gather you’re on your own.” Olive fixed her with a sharp look. “The rumour mill is running rife in town. I thought I’d better come out and find out for myself what’s going on with my own family before one more person tries to tell me.”
Laura felt bad she hadn’t rung Olive but Kate had been determined to keep her baby a secret, at least until she’d had the chance to talk to Sean.
Another vehicle cruised across the yard and came to a stop. This time it was Bree.
“Come inside out of the cold.” Laura waved to her sister over Olive’s shoulder. “I’ll put the kettle on.”
Bree didn’t stay for a cuppa, she’d bought one on the way. She stopped long enough to change her clothes and accept the sandwich Laura made her before she dashed out to do sheep work.
Faced with her grandmother’s steely look across the table alone, Laura wished her sister was still there.
“Kate’s okay,” she squeaked and cleared her throat.
“And the baby?”
“You know about the baby?”
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sp; “I put two and two together and got three quite some time ago.”
“Kate didn’t want to say anything until she’d told Sean.”
“You seem to know about it, and half the town, judging by the comments I heard in the supermarket this morning.”
“Oh.”
Olive sat back with her cup of tea. “You’d better fill me in.”
Natalie slipped quietly onto the seat beside Kate. Her daughter’s eyes opened instantly.
“Oh, Mum, it was you earlier. I thought I’d dreamed you up. And Dad.”
“He’s gone home but he sends his love. How are you feeling?”
“Tired. I’m always tired.”
“That should pass soon.”
Kate’s lip wobbled again. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“About what, exactly?”
“The baby?”
“Termination, you mean?”
“Oh no.” Kate shook her head sharply. “Sean would never forgive me.”
Natalie blew out a soft breath. “You’ve told him?”
“Not yet but I know he’ll be happy.”
“But you don’t feel the same?”
She shook her head. “I’m a total weirdo, I know.”
“You’re not weird.” Natalie reached for her daughter’s hand. “You’re entitled to your own feelings. Not everyone wants to be a parent.”
“Dad said you went through a rough patch after Bree was born?”
“Did he?”
“He was such a rock, Mum. I was too scared to talk to Sean. You weren’t there.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She gave a wobbly smile. “I hadn’t expected Dad to be the one to help me through it but he was great.”
“He loves you…and so does Sean. Don’t you think he should have the same chance?”
“He won’t understand.”
“How do you know? He wasn’t expecting to be a father. It will be a shock for him too but he’s a level-headed bloke and he loves you. You’ll work it out.”
Kate still looked doubtful.
“When’s he due back? I don’t understand how he hasn’t worked out something’s up. You usually ring each other every day.”
Kate chewed her lip. “I sent him a text yesterday morning and said I’d be out and about and I’d message when I was free to talk.”
“I think that time has come, don’t you?”
Kate nodded.
“Where’s your phone?”
“In the drawer.”
Natalie gave it to her. “You ring and I’ll go and get a coffee. Is there something I can bring back for you?”
“A bag of salt-and-vinegar chips?”
Natalie smiled. “I’ll see what I can find.”
Back in the farmhouse Olive was determined to stay no matter how much Laura assured her that she and Bree could manage. She’d insisted on taking over the spare room Kate had been using. Laura gave in and retrieved Olive’s case, overnight bag and a swag of groceries from the car, thankful that she’d checked the room after Paul had left. She’d tidied and put fresh sheets on the bed for him the night before and then this morning he’d left it looking as if no-one had slept in it.
“I’ll leave you to settle in,” she said, wondering why Olive had brought so much stuff with her for a night or two.
“Who does this belong to?”
Olive held a jacket aloft, the brown tweed one that Paul had worn yesterday, his weekend coat, not the long-lined deep blue one he wore to work.
Laura could say it was Sean’s but they both knew he wouldn’t wear a coat like that.
She stepped across the room and took it from Olive’s grasp. “It’s Paul Brown’s, Mum’s principal.”
“I know who Paul Brown is but what’s his coat doing in this bedroom?”
Laura thought of several lies, he’d left it after dinner one night, she’d put it there for safekeeping, but she was tired of telling half-truths. “He knows I don’t like it here on my own. He stayed last night. Here in the spare room.” She tried to keep a straight face. It was the truth but it so nearly hadn’t been. His caressing of her head had led to her kissing him, which had got fairly heated, and clothes being loosened, but Paul being the gentleman he was had slowed things down and they’d gone their separate ways to bed. That hadn’t stopped her dreaming about him and what it might be like to have shared her bed with him.
“I see.” Olive’s sharp gaze bored through her and Laura scurried from the room.
Her dad arrived home then and not long after that Bree came back. Laura put the kettle on again, made some more sandwiches and set out an assortment of the sweets she’d baked.
Over their late lunch, Milt told them about his brief trip to Adelaide and the latest about Kate, then he and Bree made a plan for the rest of the afternoon and he went to change. Bree took off again and Olive disappeared. Laura stood, hands on hips, surveying the messy kitchen. Once more she was in the role of family servant.
She scratched Bubbles under the chin, put another log on the fire and started collecting plates. Out in the passage beyond the kitchen door she heard her dad.
“You don’t need to stay you know, Mum. The girls and I are fine and Natalie will be home in a few days.”
“Laura’s had a lot of cooking to do. I can help her at least.”
Olive’s softer voice could barely be heard beyond the door but Laura’s shoulders lifted. “Thanks, Granny,” she muttered. At least someone realised her workload.
“You should have told me she was here on her own last night,” Olive went on. “I could have come out.”
“We had other things on our mind.”
“Did you know Paul Brown was here?” Olive’s voice rose a notch. “All night.”
Laura stopped collecting plates and moved closer to the door.
“Well, Laura wasn’t on her own then, was she.”
“Don’t be smart, Milton. They were out here alone – unchaperoned.”
Laura held her breath then let it out as her dad laughed. “Times have changed, Mum. They’re both adults and quite capable of making their own choices.”
One of them bumped the kitchen door. Laura scurried back to the table. Her dad stuck his head in. “I’m off, love. See you around six.”
“Okay.”
Olive bustled past him, shutting the kitchen door behind her. Laura carried the plates to the sink to hide her wide smile. “Would you like another cuppa, Granny?” she asked over her shoulder.
“Good heavens no, I’ll turn into a cup of tea. I thought we could plan what we’ll have for dinner tonight. Do it together.”
Laura bent to open the dishwasher. “That’s a great idea, thanks.”
Thirty-Five
Kate lay still as the release of sleep slipped away. She’d been dreaming she was home but the stiff sheets with the crunch of the plastic underneath told her immediately she was still in hospital. She opened her eyes. The room was only dimly lit and her mum was sitting near the window reading a book in a shaft of late-afternoon sunshine. She looked up as Kate stirred.
“Hello, sleepy head.”
Kate stretched. “I can’t believe how much I want to sleep.”
“Listen to your body.” Natalie came over to the bed and brushed some hair from Kate’s face. “And talk about how you feel.”
Kate wriggled up in the bed. “Did you have post-natal depression, Mum?”
“It was hardly talked about in my day but I definitely had something.”
“I can’t imagine you being a mess. I haven’t even had the baby yet and look at me. You’re so strong.”
Natalie smiled and shook her head. “There are people who can help these days. I had your gran. She was supportive in practical ways.”
“What about Dad?”
“I didn’t really tell him how I felt. I thought if I told him I wasn’t coping…well, it’s silly and all long ago now. We need to focus on you.” Natalie placed a hand on Kate’s
cheek. “I know it’s not always easy but you should talk to Sean about how you feel and get him to tell you what he’s thinking.”
There was a soft tap on the door. They both looked up and Kate’s heart gave an extra thump as her husband stepped into the room.
“What are you doing here?” she squeaked. When she’d called him he’d said he’d be there the next morning.
“That’s a nice welcome.” He strode to the bed and wrapped her in a gentle hug. “I left the truck at your parents’ place and brought your car.”
Kate nestled against him, relieved and anxious at the same time.
“You made good time then,” Natalie said.
“Hello, Natalie.” He grinned and released Kate. “Let’s just say I got here as fast as I could.”
Kate watched as her mum went round the bed, hugged her husband and planted a kiss on his cheek.
“I’m glad you’re here. I’ll head off now.”
Kate gave Natalie a pleading look. She wasn’t ready to face the talk she knew she and Sean had to have. “You don’t have to rush away, do you?”
“I’ve got a few things to do.” Natalie gathered her things and pressed a kiss to Kate’s forehead. “You two need some time and I’ll be back tomorrow after lunch. Ring me if you want me to bring anything.” She squeezed Kate’s hand, her gaze piercing. “You need to talk.”
Kate chewed her lip as Sean turned away to wave Natalie off.
The door closed softly behind her and he came back to the bed and took Kate’s hand. “This is not where I expected to find you after two weeks away.”
“It’s not a place I ever imagined I’d be.”
“You’re okay?”
She nodded.
“And…” He glanced in the direction of her stomach. “The baby?”
“Is strong and healthy.” She explained the tests and procedures she’d had and when she finally stopped he let out a sigh.
“I wish I could have been with you. I would have come back sooner if I’d known.”
“You wouldn’t have made it. It all happened so quickly.”
He drew up the chair her mother had vacated and took both her hands in his. “So tell me what happened? It must have been a shock to head to the hospital and be told you were pregnant.”
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