My Only Reason (Men of Monroe Book 2)

by Rachel Brookes

  She tasted like whiskey and second chances.

  She felt like new beginnings and chasing dreams.

  “Happy New Year, Marnie,” I hummed against her lips when we broke our kiss. Her wide eyes held mine, and I didn’t dare look away. I didn’t want to lose her yet. Her fingertips traced her lips, sweeping over where mine had been moments ago. I leaned in close, my breath caressing her ear, and whispered, “You still taste as sweet as I remember.”

  When I pulled away, she licked her lips and focused on my mouth. It was only then that I realized she was still clutching onto my shirt.

  Our connection only broke when Missy’s excited voice rattled the air around us.

  “Now, that is what I call a New Year’s kiss. About time!”

  Marnie spun on her heel and bumped Missy with her hip, before reaching for her flute of champagne and clinking it with Missy’s. Out of the corner of my eye, I locked onto Sasha staring at me with a wistful look on her face. I winked in her direction, then she cuddled into Ben, who kissed the top of her head before simply nodding at me.

  He liked this for me.

  He liked this for Marnie.

  But I had no clue what this kiss would mean to Marnie.

  But to me, it meant the fucking world.

  And I wouldn’t stop kissing her until she told me to.

  Fingers crossed, she never did.

  Twenty-Four

  Marnie

  My new year started with kissing Austin freaking Hart. Could you believe it? Because I sure as hell couldn’t! Considering how much I had to drink last night, I woke up feeling incredibly fresh and ridiculously happy. The kiss kept replaying in my head, and I kept touching my lips because I could still feel his lips on mine. Austin kissed me. He kissed me! Lots of tongue, little nibbles, bruised lips. My heart remembered as soon as his lips began moving on mine, and we fell into perfect sync. It was exactly how I’d remembered, but it felt so incredibly different in the most beautiful way. Soft to begin with, testing to see how I’d react, but then I pressed into him, and he kissed me hard, and deep, and claimed my mouth like he’d done thousands of times before.

  I hadn’t heard from since he left Hamilton’s, but I knew he was heading back to work until this morning. When I woke up, I’d checked my phone expecting to find a text from him, but there was nothing. Maybe he was busy, or maybe he fell asleep, who knows?

  I couldn’t overthink this.

  My phone buzzed beside me on the couch, and Sasha’s name flashed on the screen. Smiling, I swiped across and answered, expecting her to start asking me questions about last night. I had no idea where my head was at. Did I enjoy the kiss? Hell yes! Did I want to kiss him again? I’d be lying if I said no. But what did this mean? Gah! So many questions!

  “Hey, Sasha!”

  “Austin’s been shot. A bullet gr—.”

  Three words were all it took to forget the night before and for my world to spin out of control. I hung up, grabbed my keys, and bolted out the door. I had no clue if I locked up my house, I couldn’t remember driving to the hospital, and I’m certain I broke every speed limit getting to Monroe Memorial Hospital.

  As soon as I arrived, I burst through the double glass doors and sprinted down the sterile hall toward the nurses’ station.

  “What room is Austin Hart in?” I demanded to the young, wide-eyed nurse sitting behind the desk once I reached her.

  She stuttered her response. “Sorry, miss, are you a family member?”

  “I need his room number. Please,” I begged, tapping the glossy top of the counter with my nails as my anxiety spiked out of control.

  “I’m sorry. I can only give that information out to immediate family.”

  I did not have time for this. Austin could be dying somewhere in the hospital, and I was getting the runaround. I rested my forearms on the counter and leaned over toward her as I head straight toward a full-blown panic attack. “I need his room number. He’s a member of the Monroe Police, and he could be dying! I need to get to him. I have to see him.”

  Waves of uncertainty, fear, and unknowns crashed within me, drowning me in a sea of regret. I felt myself spiraling toward hysterics. I hated this place, and now I was living with the real possibility of facing the worst day of my life all over again. But this time, instead of it being my dad, it was Austin. This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Please not now. He’d only just kissed me. I could still feel his lips on mine from last night. God, why wasn’t anyone helping me? My head whipped from right to left as I searched up and down the halls for someone to help me.

  Ben! Why didn’t I think to call Benji?

  With my hands shaking, I pulled out my cell and scrolled to his number.

  “Marnie?”

  I swung around and let out a deep, unsteady sigh of relief as Boston, wearing his paramedic uniform, strolled toward me, with his brow furrowed.

  Stepping away from the counter with the nurse still staring at me with wide eyes, I rushed toward Boston as my lip began to tremble.

  “Can you please find out what room Austin is in? I need to get to him. Please.”

  I had no clue if he’d even know, but right now, I had to cling to the hope that he did.

  “He’s in room 6A. Let’s get you there.”

  As soon as the room number hit the air, my brain screamed at me to run and get to Austin. My boots slammed onto the glossy white tiles below as I sprinted down the pristine halls searching for room 6A. Behind me, Boston cursed and called my name, but I didn’t stop.

  The longer it took me to find his room, the greater my fear grew, and the more I panicked. All I needed was to see him and to see him breathing, and I’d be okay. Well, that was what I was telling myself anyway.

  Around another corner, I skidded to a stop when I finally found his room. I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t take a calming breath. I didn’t attempt to reel in my fears. I burst through the door and rushed toward the bed where Austin sat up with his eyes open and breathing and more importantly, alive.

  “You got shot!”

  Two sets of eyes came to me, but I only paid attention to Austin.

  “Are you a family member of Mr. Harts?”

  The glare I fired at the attending doctor rendered him speechless, and I wasn’t asked again. He quickly finished scanning the file attached to the metal clipboard he held, then excused himself and left the room, leaving just Austin and me.

  “You got shot,” I repeated, this time in barely a whisper.

  That was when the shakes started.

  The gentleness in Austin’s eyes as he stared back at me did nothing to calm my inner turmoil. I sucked in an uneasy breath and frantically scanned every visible inch of his body, desperate to make sure he was safe and truly okay, and that I wasn’t imagining things.

  He reached out, his fingertips grazing my hand gently before linking us together and tugging me toward the bed. “I promise, I’m okay,” he whispered, dragging his thumb over the back of my hand as he held on. “It’s just a graze. A flesh wound.”

  “You had a bullet penetrate your body, or graze, or whatever the hell that means, and now you’re in hospital, and you’re telling me you’re okay!” I shrieked, my head shaking from side to side as my anxiety hit to the roof. “That does not sound anything like being okay.”

  His huge hand squeezed mine, tenderly. “Freckles, you need to calm down.”

  He could not be serious. “Do not tell me to calm down, Austin Nathaniel Hart!”

  “What’s going on?”

  At the sound of Ben’s voice, I spun around, ripped my hand from Austin’s, and stormed over to him. “He got shot!”

  I was hysterical; I couldn’t calm down, and I felt like my heart and lungs were going to explode out of my chest at any second.

  “MJ, you need to calm down.”

  I dropped my head, squeezed my eyes shut, and sucked in a shallow breath. Gut-wrenching, raw emotion boiled to the surface, and I squeezed my eyes tighter, and whispered, “Peop
le need to stop telling me to calm down.”

  “Freckles,” Austin held out his hand, palm up, encouraging me to grab him again. I stared at his hand as I spiraled headfirst into the deepest, darkest parts of my soul where memories of the worst time of my life resided. Being back at the hospital and hearing the low murmur of voices and monotonous beep of machines and inhaling the scent of high-grade disinfectant reminded me of the hellish day that changed my life forever.

  The day my dad was shot.

  I rushed into Monroe Memorial Hospital flanked by Mom, Cora, and her boyfriend, Trent. Ten minutes earlier, two officers from Monroe PD had shown up on our doorstep, interrupting dinner to give us the heartbreaking news that Dad had been shot at work and had been rushed to the hospital in a critical condition, and we needed to get there as soon as possible. That was all the information they had. We immediately followed them to their cars, and Mom and I went with one of the officers and Cora and Trent went with the other. I sat next to Mom, clutching her hand, and watched Monroe pass by through the window. Not a word was said, it was eerily silent, and the vibration from the tires hitting the road was the only sound to fill the car. It was the longest ten minutes of my life.

  Now, as I stood just inside of Monroe Memorial Hospital, I gasped at the sight in front of me. There was not a vacant chair, piece of floor, or wall to lean on in the waiting room. It was overrun by men I recognized from the Monroe PD; Dad’s work colleagues, new and old. But it wasn’t just the PD that was here. As I scanned the room, I met the eyes of the mayor, the fire chief, and EMTs for Monroe and from the surrounding towns. Some sat on the floor with their knees to their chest, others paced the room, slicing their fingers through the hair, and others stood still with their arms crossed over their chest. Not one person was talking.

  Ben edged toward us, but my attention was locked on Austin who’d just appeared through the double doors, flanked by Vice Captain Santora. Gasps, whispered curses, and sharp inhales of breath hit my ears, but all I heard was screaming white noise.

  Austin might have broken my heart two years earlier, but right now, he was all I needed. His shirt was covered in blood, and in the deepest pits of my stomach, I knew it was Dad’s. From the moment Dad met Austin, he’d treated him like a son and became more of a father to him than his real father had been, and even after Austin and I were no more, Dad still treated Austin like that. Their bond was unbreakable. Their connection beyond boss and employee. Austin would have rushed to Dad’s side without question, and now as I stared at him, I knew he was there when the bullet was fired.

  “Freckles, come here.” Austin’s voice cracked under his soft demand.

  “Oh god,” I heard Cora whisper next to me.

  “Oh fuck,” Trent said shortly after.

  I shook my head and edged away. His handsome face crushed me, but it was his eyes that destroyed me. They were empty. Two pits of nothing. Staring blankly at me yet answering the questions I didn’t want to ask.

  “No! No! No!” I sobbed, sliding down the wall and crumpling on the ground. My heart splintered, shattering into a billion pieces and then grinding to dust.

  Vaguely, I heard my mother scream out in agony, crying out my dad’s name, begging for answers, and sobbing, “Why? Why? Why?” over and over again. Feet pounded on the ground next to me as people rushed to her side.

  Strong arms that had held me up many times before wrapped tightly around me and crushed me against a firm, comforting, and broad chest. My cheek rested against Austin’s thumping heart, and I clung onto him for dear life, not even caring that blood was soaking into my clothing.

  “Take me away from here.” I sobbed, looking up at him with desperate eyes as my body shook violently against his. “I can’t stay here.”

  His arms became slack around me briefly before he curled me into his side and tucked me in close. “I’ll do whatever you want, Freckles. I’ll take you wherever you want to go, I’ll give you whatever you need. Always.”

  I continued to stand at arm’s length away from Austin. He stared at me, still holding his hand out for me to grab. Hopefulness filled his eyes, and his mouth was moving, but I didn’t hear a word he was saying. Every time I swallowed, it felt like I had razor blades shoved down my throat, and my heart slammed painfully hard in my chest. The similarities between the day we lost Dad and now were what nightmares were made of. Even though Austin was okay, I couldn’t ignore the fear that had rooted deep in my belly. That drive to the hospital, the unknown of whether he was okay, and hearing, “He’s been shot,” were way too familiar.

  “I’m glad you’re okay. I-I just, I’ve got to go,” I stuttered, before bolting for the door.

  I’d never moved so fast in my life.

  As my feet pounded against the floor, one thing continued to replay in my head.

  I could have lost him forever.

  Forever had always been something I wanted with him, and today, in a blink of an eye, I could have lost that chance.

  Tears blinded my vision as I ran out of the hospital and into the crisp January air. Sucking deep breaths, I leaned over, my hands resting on my thighs as I tried to control the panic spiraling through me.

  I jumped when a gloved hand touched my arm. Before I had a chance to spin around, arms wrapped around me, hauling me toward a warm chest.

  “He’s okay.”

  Closing my eyes at the sound of Drew’s voice, I wrapped my arms around his waist and held on. Tears dampened his shirt as he continued to hold me against him while I fell apart. My mind kept bouncing between the present and the past. One moment, I’d hear Sasha’s voice telling me Austin had been shot, then I’d have a flashback to seeing Austin covered in Dad’s blood.

  “It’s a graze. The bullet didn’t go in, it just skimmed past his skin. It bled, it would have burned him, and it would have been fucking painful, but Marnie, it didn’t enter him. I don’t know what police protocol is, but I’m thinking he’ll be out of here either later today or tomorrow with a few stitches, a little pain, and some recovery time ahead of him.”

  I stepped back, out of his arms, and stared up at him. If it’s just a graze, then why was he here?

  “Why are you here?” I asked, pulling my jacket in closer to my body.

  “Ben called me to come and pick up Austin’s truck, so I got Crazy John to drop me off. Ben’s getting Sash to drop some things in for Austin, and then she’ll take Ben home.”

  My heart sank.

  I should be picking up things for Austin.

  “You okay to drive?”

  I nodded, sniffing. He jerked his head toward the parking lot, silently requesting me to walk with him. Giving the hospital one last look over my shoulder, I walked next to him. We chatted about everything and nothing at all. He asked how Luscious Lavender was going, how Christmas was, and whether I was enjoying the cold weather. I asked how Hamilton’s recovered after last night’s New Year’s Eve festivities, whether he was dating anyone, and if the chicken wings were still as amazing as I remembered.

  “You need me to stock the bar with whiskey?” he asked when we reached my car, knowing full well due to past experiences that whiskey was my go-to for shitty times as well as celebratory times.

  Grabbing my keys from my bag, I glanced up at him, smiling for the first time all afternoon. “Hamilton’s should always be stocked with whiskey.”

  I beeped the locks and opened the door, turning on the engine and blasting the heat.

  “Just so you know, I’ve got a stool and a bottle of whiskey whenever you need.” He jammed his hands in his pockets, then smirked. “And don’t forget what I said. Austin’s going to be okay. He might just need some tender loving care. Oh, and by the way, I saw that kiss you two shared last night. About fucking time.”

  With a suggestive wink, he turned around and walked back toward the front of the lot where Austin’s truck was parked. After I watched him leave, I climbed into my car and enjoyed the warmth. With one final look toward the hospital, I pulled out
of the parking lot and headed home.

  My mind seemed a little less turbulent.

  But my heart? Well, that was anyone’s guess.

  Twenty-Five

  Austin

  I’d never been more excited to see my apartment than I was today. An hour ago, I was finally discharged from hospital, and Ben and Sasha had been there to pick me up and take me home. I’d been going stir-crazy in that stark white room, and all I wanted was my own space and to get more than three hours of unbroken sleep. For something so minor, I was getting prodded and woken up at all hours of the night, and I was fucking done with it.

  “You good?” Ben asked, hovering at the front door with Sasha.

  “Yeah, I’m going to plant my ass on the couch and try to catch up on some sleep.”

  He nodded, satisfied with my answer, while Sasha kept her eyes glued on me, not even blinking.

  She stepped away from Ben and came to me, only stopping when she became the only thing I could see. “Will you text me if you need anything? Food, coffee, company? Anytime, day or night?”

  I smiled, trying to ease her worry. “Yeah, Sash, I can do that. Actually, I do have a favor to ask.”

  She took a step closer, her need to help shining bright. “Whatever you need, you’ve got it.”

  “Can you go and check on Marnie? Maybe invite her out for a drink or coffee?”

  Since she’d fled the hospital room, I’d tried to text and call her, but she never responded or picked up. The grief in her voice and the look of despair on her face when she saw me were some things I’d never forget. It was fucking with my head that I couldn’t reach her because all I wanted to do was get to her and protect her from the thoughts I knew had taken root in her head.

  “Yeah, I can do that. I’ll give her a call today,” she whispered, her eyes turning gentle.

  I wrapped my uninjured arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close. “You’re the best.”