My Only Reason (Men of Monroe Book 2)

by Rachel Brookes

  I was breathing heavy, utterly confused, and extremely pissed off. Was this a game to him? Were my heart and my head not important to him at all? My liquid courage seemed to have turned into liquid fury.

  His hands shot out and landed on my hips, his fingers curling around and digging into my flesh through the stretchy black material. I stared down at him, my eyes locked with his, darting desperately to find out what the fuck was happening.

  “Okay, let me lay this out crystal fucking clear for you for the last time. I didn’t come here to discuss this, but I will. It’s been a shit time since we had it out. All I’ve wanted to do was come to you and beg for your forgiveness, but I stayed away, knowing you’d be deep in your head where shitty thoughts of me live. So, here it is. I don’t want to be friends with you because I’m going to win you back, and when I do, you’ll be my girl, my lover, and my best fucking friend. I don’t want to be just your friend. Drew, Sasha, and Missy are your friends. I guess I’ll let Ben take a little of the best friend title. So, yeah, call me your friend if that makes you happy, but I told you it was game on, and Freckles, I know you’re not a game, but a word of warning, I’m not going to stop until you’re mine again, and I belong to you. Best fucking friends forever. That’s you and me.”

  My eyes watered as I stared down at him. His words confused me in the most beautiful way. I wanted to jump in his arms, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted him to make love to me, but I was quickly learning that fear was stronger than want. Could I really trust him with my heart again?

  “I don’t know what to do,” I whispered as I felt a single tear spill down over my cheek and drop to the floor. “I don’t know what else I can give.”

  He swallowed hard, and sorrow filled his stunning green eyes. “I can’t give up on you, and I refuse to give up on us. I just can’t Marnie. I won’t.”

  I nodded, tears spilling over my cheeks as he stood from the couch and towered over me. I didn’t hesitate or question myself, I just wrapped my arms around his middle and held on. It was the first time I’d chosen to be in his arms since I ran to him five years ago when Dad died. I went to him then because only he could comfort me when my mind was filled with turmoil, and right now, that’s exactly how I felt. But this time, it was different because the turmoil I was feeling was brought on by us. He held me tight, his arms around my shoulders squeezing me against him as if he would never let me go. His warmth caressed my soul as his scent intoxicated my senses, and I wanted to memorize it all and lock it away forever because during my darkest days, life had shown me that tomorrow is never guaranteed.

  The fire continued to crackle behind us as the Christmas lights twinkled in the corner. I rested my head over his heart and counted the beats.

  “Ducky and Josh will be here soon,” he whispered, his voice sounding deeper and rawer than normal. “You okay with them still coming over?”

  I nodded against his chest. His arms loosened around me, and I stepped away, putting a little distance between us. I swiped a finger under my eyes, knowing that my mascara had run, and I was probably looking like a hot mess.

  “Give me a minute to clean up.”

  I started to make my way to the stairs, but he stopped me in my tracks when he called my name in a way that curled around my heart and attempted to piece it back together.

  “I’m going to do right by you, Marnie Lavender. That’s my lifelong promise to you.”

  He turned away and disappeared into the kitchen while I continued to stare at the spot he’d just occupied. It was only when I heard the crunch of gravel outside signaling people arriving that I rushed upstairs to the bathroom. As I fixed my mascara, voices floated upstairs. Ashlyn, Josh, and a tiny little girl’s voice.

  After giving myself another once-over, I slowly walked downstairs and was greeted with the sight of Austin with the most perfect little angel in his arms, giggling and squirming. It was at that exact moment I experienced the expression ovaries exploding for the very first time.

  “Hey there, Marnie. Thanks for inviting us over.”

  I blinked away from the spectacle of Austin with his niece and smiled at Josh.

  “No worries at all. Thanks for coming over.”

  Ashlyn rushed to me and wrapped me in a hug, and exuberantly said, “Merry Christmas, Marnie!”

  Her excitement was contagious. “Merry Christmas to you too! Now, are you going to introduce me to your little girl, or what?”

  “Oh my god, yes! Austin, give me back my daughter.”

  Austin didn’t give her back her daughter. He just walked toward us, smirking and tickling the giggling blonde in his arms.

  “Baby girl, this is your aunt Marnie. Aunt Marnie, this is Aria.”

  “Ducky,” Austin warned, but I didn’t care. I would be this perfect little girl’s aunt if she wanted me too.

  Aria looked at me with big green eyes and lashes I was immediately envious of. She had the same eyes that Austin and Ashlyn shared, the same kind of eyes I once wondered if my own children would have.

  “Is ’dis your howse?” she asked shyly, clinging onto Austin tighter.

  I lowered my voice and smiled at her. She was so freaking cute. “Yes. Do you like the Christmas lights?”

  She nodded vigorously.

  “How about Christmas tree-shaped cookies? Do you like those?”

  Her face lit up with a huge smile. “Yes, I lub, lub, lub ’dem.”

  “Maybe you, me, and Mommy can go and eat some while Daddy and Uncle Austin put some wood on the fire and pour some adult drinks.”

  “Yes! Yes! Yes! Daddy I’m going to eat a hunded, bilzon of ’dem!”

  “I think Eden has just come in second.” Josh chuckled before burying his face in his daughter’s neck and blowing a raspberry that brought on a shriek of pure joy.

  “Eden?” I asked, looking between Ashlyn, Josh, and Austin.

  “My sister-in-law. You’ve just taken first place in the favorite auntie category because of Christmas tree-shaped cookies. My baby girl goes crazy for anything sugar.”

  I tapped the side of my head. “I’ll remember that.”

  Aria climbed out of Austin’s arms and immediately grabbed Ashlyn’s and my hands and pulled us out of the living room and toward the kitchen. I glanced over my shoulder toward Austin and found him watching with a playful smile on his lips.

  Tonight was going to be interesting, indeed.

  The next morning, I woke up to giggles coming from downstairs. For a moment, I had no idea what was going on. Then I remembered the amazing night before. After Ashlyn, Aria, and I had a giggle fest in the kitchen and ate almost all the cookies, we went into the living room with a plate of the leftover cookies for Austin and Josh. Aria ran straight to Austin and didn’t leave his side all night. The four of us sipped whiskey, Aria told us stories about her Christmas presents, and we all sat around the fire, laughing, singing, and talking until Aria crashed out on Austin’s lap and he carried her upstairs to bed, and yes, my ovaries had their second explosion for the night when her tiny arms went around his neck and held on tight.

  Then the adults had more whiskey, ate more dessert, got a little drunker, and finally called it a night when Austin fell asleep on the couch with his head on Josh’s shoulder.

  It was the perfect kind of night, and a Christmas I wouldn’t forget any time soon, and I had to thank Austin for that because if he hadn’t had turned up on my porch, I would have spent Christmas night alone.

  I pulled on a long woolen cardigan and some extra thick socks and tiptoed down the hall toward the stairs. The guest room door was still closed, so I assumed Ashlyn and Josh were catching up on some sleep. The first thing I noticed when I reached the top landing of the stairs was how warm my house was. Usually, a chill would seep in overnight but not this morning. I tugged my cardigan tighter around my body and slowly moved downstairs.

  I snuck into the kitchen and started the coffee, then rested against the counter with my arms folded across my chest, and my legs cro
ssed at my ankles and glanced into the living room. Austin laid on the couch with Aria tucked in against his chest, both covered in a blanket, watching cartoons and giggling when he’d randomly tickle her sides. It was hands down the most precious thing I’d ever seen, and I could have watched them for hours. At some point since he woke up, he’d turned on the Christmas tree lights, stoked the fire, and cleaned the living room of our mess from the night before.

  He shifted his head to the side and looked toward the kitchen, and his eyes met mine.

  “Morning,” he mouthed while his eyes twinkled and contentment washed over his face.

  Austin’s words last night rang through my head. He wanted a life with me, and this kind of life would make him happy. He wanted to lay on my couch with his niece tucked in close while the fire he’d created burst with reds and oranges. He wanted soft good mornings and lazy smiles. He wanted bed socks, crazy bed hair, and a contented heart. More than anything, he wanted a life we created together.

  And me …? I was more confused than ever. Because my heart told me I wanted everything he did, but then my head would tell me to be careful.

  But now he’d given me all his truth, and it was up to me to work out what I’d do with it. Run? Stay? Second chance, or end us for good? Even when we were thousands of miles apart, he was always on my mind, even when I desperately tried to forget.

  The biggest question that replayed in my mind, though, and the question that would make or break us was, could I live life without him?

  So now I had to decide; was it too late for us, or was this our chance of starting our new version of forever?

  Twenty-Three

  Austin

  You could say things between Marnie and me had changed since Christmas night. As soon as she said we were friends, we morphed into her version of what friendship looked like for us. When Sasha hosted the annual friend’s get-together two days after Christmas, Marnie was initiated into the festivities. The six of us—Ben, Sasha, Missy, Drew, me, and Marnie—ate way too much food, drank far too much booze, and sat around Ben and Sasha’s living room laughing till the early hours of the morning. There were still moments of hesitation between us, but overall, she’d talked, laughed, and seemed easy around me.

  Since then, we’d sent a couple of texts here and there, but I’d been working nights, so I slept while she was awake and worked while she slept, so I hadn’t had eyes on her for a few days.

  “What’s the likelihood that you’re planning on swinging by Hamilton’s to see Sasha tonight?”

  I was on the roster for work, and it just happened to be New Year’s Eve, and Ben had mentioned at the beginning of our shift that Sasha, Marnie, and Missy were heading to Hamilton’s to ring in the new year.

  He kept his focus on the road ahead. “Very high.”

  “Good.”

  “Why?”

  Because I’m going to kiss Marnie.

  “It’d be good to see them.”

  He scoffed next to me. “Again, it seems I have to remind you that I’ve known you since we were five. You can’t bullshit me. What are you planning?”

  I told him straight. “I’m done with telling Marnie my intentions, so I’m going to show her.”

  “About fucking time.”

  An hour later, we walked into Hamilton’s with ten minutes to go until the clock struck midnight. It was going to be a flying visit, in and out, but it meant I got eyes on Marnie. I scanned the bar, trying to find any sign of her. Ben tapped me on the arm and pointed across the bar toward the lounge section where I found Marnie standing with her head thrown back, laughing hard at something Sasha or Missy had just said.

  I nodded toward the main bar where Drew looked run off his feet. “Gonna grab a Coke. Want something?”

  He shook his head, then disappeared into the crowd, and I headed toward Drew. After ordering my drink and having a quick chat, I rested on my forearms and checked my phone. The new year had already started for Ashlyn, so I fired off a quick text to her and received one back almost instantly with a photo of her, Josh, Josh’s brother Ky, and his wife Eden attached. She looked happy, drunk, and in love.

  Stabbing pokes in my back had me spinning around. Missy stood there, staring at me expectantly. I opened my mouth to say hi, but she interrupted me before I could speak a word.

  “Sasha and I like Marnie a lot.”

  I nodded, not exactly sure where this conversation was heading.

  “What are you going to do about this?”

  “Do about what?”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Getting back your girl.”

  “Missy—”

  “Don’t Missy me. You two have been circling each other since she moved back. She’s awesome, Austin, which you know more than anyone. Sasha and I have really clicked with her. We want her to stick around, so please, for the love of all things holy, don’t fuck this up. Get her back! Use that Austin Hart charm and make her happy because I might not know her as well as I know Sasha, but I know when someone is into someone, and she is into you. She’s just scared, so make her not scared. Get back your girl!”

  I stared at Missy. She stared back, with her hands on her hips, daring me to come back with something she didn’t want to hear.

  “Jesus, you are going to break someone’s balls one day.”

  She groaned and swatted my arm. “Don’t talk about balls. I haven’t had sex in a while, and a girl has needs.”

  “Your best friend likes setting people up, get her to find you a man to sort out your needs.”

  “I’m not that desperate… yet.”

  I grabbed my drink from the bar with one hand and grabbed Missy’s hand with the other. “Let’s get to the group before you start talking about your vibrator collection again. I’m still recovering from that conversation.”

  Yep, I know all about Missy’s vibrator collection. A few months back, we’d all gone out for drinks, and Missy had decided to have shot after shot of tequila. After shot god only knows what number, she planted herself on my lap and started talking about her vibrator collection in detail, and how they are her boyfriends because she can’t find her happily-ever-after man and that’s what she wants next.

  “I bet Marnie has a vibrator.”

  Fuck me, I did not want to think about that right now as I’m walking toward her. I’m thinking a raging hard-on wouldn’t be the best way to say hi to her.

  Marnie locked onto us moving through the crowd and offered the slightest smile over the top of her whiskey glass. I had admired her outfit as soon as I arrived, but now as I crept closer, I took in every inch of her again. Her little black dress was tight, strapless, and tempting, her hair was curled and hung loosely around her shoulders, and her usually pink pout was painted with bright red. She looked fucking incredible.

  After saying a quick hello to Sasha, I circled the tables until I was next to Marnie. She smiled shyly up at me and took another sip of her whiskey.

  Leaning down, I whispered, “I just got accosted by Missy at the bar. You have a couple of girls quite protective of you.”

  She pulled away slightly and glanced up at me with big eyes. “Oh boy, what did she say?”

  Her reaction piqued my interest. “What do you think she said?”

  “I’ve had shots of whiskey, we were talking about sex, and you might have been brought up, so who knows what she said?”

  “Oh, really? It must have been a sexy as fuck convo if you and I were involved.”

  She shook her head, rolling her eyes. “Don’t get cocky!”

  “It’s not cocky if it’s the truth.” I dropped my eyes to her chest, taking in the swell of her breasts. “By the way, you look fucking incredible tonight.”

  Her tongue poked out between her red painted lips, and her eyes flashed with heat. I fucking lived for that look, it was the look I’d seen plenty of times, and it usually resulted in getting royally fucked by Marnie. If I had to tell her how incredible she looked every day for the rest of my life to get that look I wou
ld because it would never be a lie because she always did look incredible.

  “It’s almost time. Marnie, Missy, grab a glass of champagne.”

  Sasha handed each of them a flute from the tray Drew had placed in the middle of the table we were standing around. He’d brought Ben, me, and himself a round of sodas, seeing as all of us had to get back to work once midnight struck.

  Excitement sizzled in the air, and my heart thundered in my chest with expectation and need. A need for new beginnings, second chances, and Marnie. I glanced at her and met her eyes. Over the speakers, the singer of the band playing had started the countdown, and the entire place counted along with him.

  Ten.

  Nine.

  Eight.

  Seven.

  Six.

  Five.

  Four.

  Three.

  Two.

  One.

  Happy New Year!

  Two seconds after the clock struck midnight, I had my lips on Marnie’s for the first time in five years. I swallowed her gasps as her body turned to steel against me. I counted the seconds, waiting for her to push me away, but when I got to five, she pushed her lips ever so gently against mine and began to move with hesitation but fierce familiarity. I wrapped my arm around her waist and hauled her in tight against me. Faintly, I heard the clink of her glass being placed on the table, and then her fist clutched the edge of my shirt and her other arm wrapped around my neck. Our mouths moved together, becoming reacquainted, and remembering the thousands of kisses we’d shared in the past. I had no fucking clue how long we kissed, or if we had an audience. All I was certain about was that I was living out the fantasy of having my mouth on hers again. I had my forever girl, my dream girl, my only reason in my arms, and just as I remembered, she fit perfectly against me.