The Reed Security Relationship Manual: A Reed Security Romance

by Giulia Lagomarsino

  Hunter: You know, I think we should put a pin in that grenade for another time.

  I nod slightly with a grin.

  Giulia: I thought you would say that.

  Whiskey

  Giulia: Chris, it’s good to see you. Love the cowboy hat.

  Chris: Thank you, ma’am.

  Giulia: How are you feeling about the series ending?

  Chris: I’m feeling good about it. I have my woman. I have my kids. Things are going well for us.

  Giulia: Were you able to stop Axel from screwing the tranny?

  Chris: I don’t want to talk about it.

  Giulia: Oh, don’t be like that. The readers are dying to know how far it got.

  Chris grits his teeth, refusing to answer.

  Giulia: I’m sure there are other things about you that I could tell the readers. Things you may not want them to know.

  Chris: Like what?

  Giulia: Like…what really happened after you and Ice waxed Jules.

  Chris: Nothing happened.

  Giulia: Not on paper. But that doesn’t mean that something didn’t happen after the scene ended.

  Chris: You wouldn’t.

  Giulia: You don’t really believe that.

  We sat and stared at each other as he tried to decide what to do. He knew I had him. There was no way he was getting out of this.

  Chris: Fine, you want to play dirty?

  Giulia: Is there another way to play?

  He leaned forward and grinned.

  Chris: I think I just killed off Plaid Man.

  I gasp.

  Giulia: You wouldn’t. You can’t.

  Chris: You’re the one that’s always saying that you don’t really control what the characters do. He was at the party. I took him out hunting, and you know, he wasn’t wearing an orange shirt. I thought he was a deer.

  Giulia: But…I love Plaid Man.

  Chris: Yep, so did everyone else. It’s a shame when characters do crazy shit behind your back.

  Giulia: Fine. You don’t have to tell us what happened with Axel and Belinda.

  Chris leans back in his chair, his eyes just barely shining out from under his cowboy hat.

  Giulia: I’ll find out for his series.

  Chris: I’d like to see you pull that information from a Navy SEAL.

  Giulia: I won’t have to. Whoever he falls for will do that for me.

  Chris growls slightly, then gets up and storms away. Meanwhile, I fan myself to cool down from the hot man that just glared daggers at me.

  Lola

  Lola: Alright, let’s get this over with.

  Giulia: Do you have someplace to be?

  Lola: Yeah, I have a Quidditch tournament to get to.

  Giulia: With your kids?

  Lola: You would think, but no. I talked some of the guys into a rematch.

  Giulia: I thought they hated Quidditch.

  Lola: They also hate waxing, but look at how many of them are doing that on a regular basis now.

  Giulia: I guess you’re right.

  Lola: I usually am.

  Giulia: So, tell me how things are going with Ryan.

  Lola: Is that what this is? We’re gonna do the whole girl-talk thing? Because I gotta say, I really don’t do girl-talk.

  Giulia: Think of me as the person that is guiding how your relationship with Ryan turns out in the series your kids will appear in.

  Lola: Who says I want my kids appearing in any of your series? Look at what you put me through.

  Giulia: But you ended up with Ryan.

  Lola: Yeah, only because you screwed him over too. And James! Why would you do that to a kid?

  Giulia: Well, it happens in real life.

  Lola: So that makes it okay? Face it, you cruelly tore a mother and wife away from her family.

  Giulia: Would you like me to bring her back from the dead? I’ve had readers ask for that. Ooh, I could have it that someone gave her the same thing that the doctors gave Ice, Hunter, and Gabe to make them appear dead. She never really died, and she was really taken to a hospital where experiments were performed on her. Then she escaped and came running back to find the love of her life, Ryan. Except he’s with you now. And when she shows up out of nowhere, he doesn’t know what to think. He doesn’t run and hug her because he’s with you, but he’s torn. She was the love of his life—

  Lola: I’m the love of his life.

  Giulia: Yeah, yeah, but she was his first love. He was devastated and couldn’t function without her.

  Lola: And then I came and healed him.

  Giulia: You healed each other. But imagine the twist if I brought Cassie back. Man, that would rock everyone’s world.

  Lola: Are you trying to make sure I shoot you?

  Giulia: Hey, I control your future.

  Lola pulls a gun and points it at my head.

  Lola: And I control yours. If you fuck with me on this, I’ll make sure that you never write another book again.

  Giulia: Alright, you know it’s getting a little weird when imaginary characters start threatening you.

  Lola: Who says I’m in your imagination? Don’t fuck this up for me, or I’ll be back to finish you off.

  She walks away, still pointing her gun at me.

  Giulia: Well, that was different.

  Ice

  Ice: Giulia.

  Giulia: Iceman.

  Ice: So, what’s this whole interview about? Are you thinking of using me in another series?

  Giulia: No. I just wanted to get your reactions about the series. What your likes and dislikes were.

  Ice: Well, I could have done without Plaid Man.

  Giulia: Jake? He was awesome.

  Ice: He was competition.

  Giulia: Were you worried?

  Ice: Of course not. I mean, you had me worried when I couldn’t win Lindsey back. Frankly, she was overreacting. Don’t tell her this, but it was totally irrational that she flipped out over that kiss.

  Giulia: You think so?

  Ice: Of course. It wasn’t like it meant anything. I mean, I begged to keep her. Now, how many men would beg for a woman?

  Giulia: I guess not many. But it was more that you broke her trust.

  Ice: But our chemistry was undeniable. I mean, let’s face it. Nobody accidentally fucks someone else.

  Giulia: That’s true.

  Ice: But it made for a great storyline. I gotta say, I liked being the only guy that could say he accidentally fucked someone.

  Giulia: Or, you could say that you didn’t want to admit that you slept with her.

  Ice: Well, you could say that, but accidental fucking is so much sexier.

  Giulia: Okay, so what else?

  Ice: Well, I didn’t really like getting shot in the chest. The recovery time was a bitch.

  Giulia: But you’re an imaginary character. It’s not like you actually felt the bullet.

  Ice: But the readers did. I can guarantee there were a few pretty ladies out there shedding tears over my death.

  Giulia: If it makes you feel any better, I cried when you died.

  Ice: Good to know you would miss me.

  Giulia: Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I find it easier to kill off women than men.

  Ice: Why’s that?

  Giulia: Well, because it’s easier to build men up to be heroes in my head. Women…they’re not as important to me as the male character. I find it hard to write women.

  Ice: Well, you sure wrote Lindsey well. She bitches at me all the time. I’m pretty sure that’s all that’s required to write a woman well.

  I cringe as I see Lindsey appear right behind him, tapping her foot on the floor.

  Ice: Let’s face it, the only way to shut up a woman is to shove your cock in her mouth. Am I right?

  Lindsey: You are in so much trouble.

  Ice spins around and then looks at me accusingly.

  Ice: You did that on purpose.

  Giulia: Hey, you’re the one that told me that you understo
od hating someone so much, but wanting to fuck them at the same time. You’re welcome.

  Burg

  Burg: Just so you know, if you say one word about the tranny during this interview, I’m walking.

  Giulia: I wasn’t planning on talking about it at all.

  Burg: Good. A man can’t be known for the only stupid mistake he’s ever made.

  Giulia: I don’t know that it was your only mistake.

  Burg: Really? Name one other mistake. Just one. You can’t, because I’m the man that went through cancer with his woman. I had to watch her almost die, and I even cried in the book for you.

  Giulia: Several of the men have cried in their books.

  Burg: Maybe, but it was nothing like you put me through. You know, that storyline killed me.

  Giulia: In what way?

  Burg: My character was only known for the cancer storyline. It was like you took all the fun out of us.

  Giulia: Well, it was kinda hard to write about you and Emma after that.

  Burg: See, and I don’t understand why. I mean, we had all that fun with the sheep-fucker comment and at the end when I burst in on her in her cancer meeting. I mean, you could have taken that so much farther.

  Giulia: Well, I was on a writing deadline.

  Burg: Sure, so my storyline suffers.

  Giulia: I don’t see it that way.

  Burg: Still, you could have used me later in the series. I was a good character.

  Giulia: I did use you.

  Burg: Yeah. You had me shoot Hunter!

  Giulia: Right, well, everyone has to play their part.

  Burg: Yeah, but you could have had me run in and save the day, but no, you made Michelle lose it because she thought she lost Hunter.

  Giulia: Don’t bring readers into this. I didn’t do that on purpose to hurt any of them.

  Burg: You know, just once, I want to be the man that everyone talks about.

  Giulia: They do talk about you. In fact, you got your revenge in the end.

  Burg: By sending a tranny off with Axel? Yeah, I really got my revenge.

  Giulia: Well, look on the bright side. At least she…he…didn’t try to kiss you. And, you got to fire off that RPG at the helicopter in Parker’s book. That was fun.

  Burg: Sinner did that. I was just there.

  Giulia: Well, that’s what Sinner does. I can’t help it that he thought of it before you.

  Burg sighs heavily.

  Giulia: If it’ll make you feel better, I can plan something really awesome for you in the kids’ series.

  Burg: It better be big.

  Giulia: Huge.

  Burg: Explosive.

  Giulia: I can make it so explosive that you don’t make it out.

  Burg: Hey, I didn’t say I wanted to be killed off.

  Giulia: You said you wanted to be the hero. I could make it really awesome. You could sacrifice yourself for everyone around you. They would erect monuments in your name. Forget Knight, you would be the one that everyone praised.

  Burg nods.

  Burg: I like it, but maybe make it toward the end of the series, so I can still have some fun in the meantime.

  Giulia: I’ll see what I can do about that.

  Gabe

  Gabe walks in with a sexy grin on his face.

  Gabe: Giulia.

  Giulia: You know, in my head, you walked in here naked.

  Gabe: In my mind, I walked in here with Isa and there was a porno on TV.

  Giulia: I guess we can’t always get what we want.

  Gabe: So, I gotta ask, before this goes any further, are you gonna make Vittoria an assassin?

  Giulia: You know I can’t tell you that.

  Gabe: I’m her stepfather. I have a right to know.

  Giulia: You only want to know so you can prepare yourself for Isa’s reaction.

  Gabe: Well, let’s look at this logically. When you “killed” me off, Isa wanted Cazzo to choose between the company and her. How exactly do you picture this playing out?

  Giulia: Several ways. First, sexy assassin meets another sexy assassin. That could be interesting. I probably wouldn’t do the whole assassin meets normal person that changes her. Knight did that. I could make it that she has a hit for a hot guy and ends up falling for him.

  Gabe: Or, you could just make her a really badass military chick.

  Giulia: Yeah, but I’ve done that. Besides, it’s not like this has to be decided right now. I mean, I have three series between now and then.

  Gabe: Make Enzo the assassin. Anybody but Vittoria.

  Giulia: I like her being the assassin.

  Gabe: But assassins usually become assassins because of something terrible that’s happened to them. Vittoria has a good life.

  Giulia: Sure, now. But what happens between now and then?

  Gabe: Oh God, this is even worse than if we were really alive. I have literally no control over what you do to her.

  Giulia: I know. Imagine all that can happen to her in the years where she’s growing into an adult. The possibilities are endless.

  Gabe: Look, I’m just asking that you take it easy on us. Isa’s not a big fan of the kids being in the military school anyway.

  Giulia: Oh, come on. It’s not actually a military school.

  Gabe: They wear uniforms, Giulia. You threaten to waterboard them.

  Giulia: Hey, that’s only when they’re not practicing gun safety and then lie about it.

  Gabe: And you think Isa would just think that’s okay?

  Giulia: Well, I didn’t really ask her opinion. Besides, I could make her change her mind.

  I glance up as I think hard.

  Giulia: Ah! See! Now, she likes the idea of Vittoria kicking ass.

  Gabe: Just like that.

  Giulia: Yep. See, Vittoria’s getting to that age where boys want certain things from girls. I’m sure you can remember what it’s like to be that age. All those hormones running through you. Hell, think of all the kinky shit you do now, then tell me that you don’t want Vittoria to train to be an assassin.

  Gabe thinks about it for a moment.

  Gabe: Fine, you may have a point.

  Giulia: See? There’s a reason that I’m the writer.

  Gabe stands to leave, but I stop him.

  Giulia: One last question.

  Gabe: Yeah?

  Giulia: How big was it? Parker’s monster cock?

  Gabe grins.

  Gabe: Wouldn’t you like to know.

  Jules

  Giulia: Hey, Jules.

  Jules: I’m sorry, who are you again?

  Giulia: Nice try. I know you know who I am.

  Jules: Can’t slip anything past you.

  Giulia: So, what was your favorite part about this series?

  Jules: Definitely not having my balls waxed. Can’t say that was a lot of fun.

  Giulia: You never had your balls waxed. That was Jackson.

  Jules: I didn’t?

  Giulia: Nope. Ice and Chris waxed your leg.

  Jules: See? I can’t remember shit. I think you did some kind of hijinx on my brain.

  Giulia: I would never do that.

  Jules: Woman, you’re the devil in disguise.

  Giulia: Nope, just a writer. So, tell me, what’s your fascination with Lifetime movies?

  Jules: There’s no fascination. In fact, I wish they were never invented. It’s all a ploy by desperate women to get men to snuggle with them.

  Giulia: Really?

  Jules: You bet your ass. See, normally, it would be a night on the couch, kissing and fucking. But nope, once that Lifetime movie is on, all she wants is for you to hold her. Like a man ever went to a woman’s house with the intention of holding her.

  Giulia: What about Ivy?

  Jules: Look, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I love Ivy, and I would hold her if she wanted me to, but that doesn’t mean my cock is on board with that. I can guarantee you that I’ll be doing whatever it takes to set the mood so the little general gets sal
uted at the end of the night.

  Giulia: So….wouldn’t a Lifetime movie be a good thing? You get to comfort her and hold her, all the while making yourself look really awesome?

  Jules: I guess.

  Giulia: And because you were so understanding and loving toward her, don’t you think she would be extra loving with you?

  Jules ponders this a moment.

  Jules: Goddamnit!

  He gets up and storms out of the room.

  Giulia: Where are you going?

  Jules: To watch a goddamn Lifetime movie.

  Sniper

  Giulia: Hey, it’s Sniper!

  Chance: Don’t call me that.

  Giulia: I like it. It’s a good nickname.

  Chance: What do you want? Why am I here?

  Giulia: Well, we’re here to talk about your book.

  Chance: And why would I want to do that?

  Giulia: Well, it was a good book. I mean, you went from treating Morgan like a slut to falling in love with her.

  Chance: Yeah, I’m a really great guy.

  Giulia: Well, you proved your love for her.

  Chance: Yeah, after I thought she was dead.

  Giulia: Well, you played a pretty big role in the Reed Security series. What was your favorite part?

  Chance: Probably the poker nights. You know, before you made me lose my fucking mind. I really liked those chill nights, just playing poker with the guys.

  Giulia: It was Go Fish.

  Chance: Whatever. I looked killer with my cigar and my snazzy outfit.

  Giulia: Well, that’s how I imagined you. And you played that part with Cap, trying to lay down the law with Maggie in his book.

  Chance: You know, you always made me sound like an asshole.

  Giulia: No I didn’t. You were the guy that got screwed over and were smart enough not to let it happen again.

  Chance: I guess that’s true.

  Giulia: And I never had you get waxed.

  Chance: Thank God for that. I can’t even imagine what that would have been like.

  Giulia: I imagine it would have hurt.

  Chance: So, you’ve never had any waxing done?