When I Was Yours, When You Were Mine

by Evie Sinclair

  I freeze. I know this voice. I turn slowly to my left.

  “Dale?” I ask, bewildered at seeing him here.

  “Hey Mae.” He wears his plastered on fake smile, the one I came to learn meant he was looking for an argument.

  “What are you doing here?” I place my drink on the bar and push the barstool I’m sitting on away, creating space between us.

  “It’s not hard to track down Kingston James and his new flavor of the month.”

  Bile rises in my throat. There’s an edge to Dale I don’t remember. He’s grown his beard out, his eyes are bloodshot.

  “Why are you here?” I ask, again.

  “To work things out. We have to work this out.” He motions between us.

  “There’s nothing to work out. I’m going back to Maine. It’s too late,” I say. “You can’t show up like this, Dale. That’s not how a breakup works - not how this breakup works.”

  “There’s no rules to this.” He drinks from a beer can.

  “Yes there are. Because I say so.” My stomach’s doing backflips over the fact he’s sitting in front of me.

  I glance at Kingston on stage. He’s focused on his guitar. I grab Dale by the wrist and head for the exit.

  “I knew you’d come round,” Dale leers once we hit the sidewalk outside.

  I turn to him, red faced and furious. “You broke this.” It’s my time to motion between us. “You ruined it. And I’m not torn up about it anymore. But, I’m mad as all hell that you’re here. Don’t kick me out and then come looking for me when I don’t spend months begging for you back.”

  “Mae, you’re acting crazy - ” he begins.

  “ - no. You don’t get to call me crazy. Your manipulative ways no longer work on me, Dale.”

  “Because Kingston James is in the picture?” he scoffs, arms crossed.

  “So you admit you manipulate me?” I counter back.

  “I have done nothing but look after you and carry your pathetic excuse for an existence,” he spits.

  I step back in shock at his repulsive admission. “You flew all this way to try to get me back and that is your tactic?” I ask in disbelief. “Or maybe it’s not that you want me back - maybe you can’t handle the idea that I’ve moved on.” I force a strained laugh through gritted teeth.

  People are walking past us, half watching, half confused by the public disarray of the two of us. To the side of the venue there’s a small alleyway of trash cans, I turn and make my way into the darkness.

  “Mae - ” Dale follows me.

  “ - I want you to leave.” I plant my feet firm.

  “But you’re right. I flew all this way.” He seems detached from his emotions.

  “I want you to leave,” I repeat.

  “So you can go on fucking that washed up QB in there?” He spits out a laugh.

  “That man has more talent, more kindness, and more common sense in his little toe than you could even wish for.” I stare him down.

  “He’ll use you up, Mae. You think whatever is going on between you two will last? You’re kidding yourself. He’ll use you up and move on without a second thought.”

  “Like you did?” I deadpan.

  “What we have is different. You misunderstood …”

  “I misunderstood you telling me that we were over and that you’d met someone else?” I ask, faux-shock expression on my face. “Excuse me for my lack of judgement.”

  “I love you.” He stands in front of me, his hands holding my arms. “You hear me? And you don’t get to leave me.”

  “I didn’t leave you. You forced me out.” I look down at the scar on my forearm. “Remember?” Dale looks down. He lets go of me and I stumble back. “Please, leave me alone.”

  He crumbles to the dirty ground, discarded plastic bags litter the curb around him. “Don’t do this, Mae.”

  I feel a natural instinct to go to him, to fix his hurt. I hold myself back, knowing it’s what he wants me to do. It’s a pattern we’ve played out for years.

  “You need to leave,” I say, standing strong.

  A side door opens, light streams out from inside.

  “Mae?” Kingston stands in the doorway, confused. He studies my face, my messy hair, my frantic manner. “Babe?”

  “Stay - ” I try to push him back into the hallway. “I’ll come back in. Stay,” I whisper.

  Dale gets to his feet, a plastic bag rustles. Kingston’s head shoots to the left.

  “Mae?” Kingston asks, eyes on Dale.

  “An old friend,” I say meekly.

  “Is that what you call me?” Dale’s voice sounds cruel.

  I turn my back to Kingston and stand in Dale’s face. “Stop this,” I hiss. “Go home, Dale.”

  “Dale?” Kingston asks from behind me.

  I lower my head, helpless. “Kingston, don’t make this worse than it is,” I plead.

  “Dale?” Kingston looks past me.

  “Last I heard that’s my name.” Dale fronts up, chest pushed out.

  “He’ll kill you, Dale. Stop it.” My eyes are on Kingston, my hands on his chest. “Kingston, please. I’m begging you.”

  He looks down, his eyes meeting mine. “I told you if I ever saw him, Mae.”

  “I know. I know. But, people say things all the time. Please take me home. I want to go home. Don’t do this.” I shake my head, my hands grip his shirt. He pulls me in, holding me against his chest.

  “You do everything she tells you to do?” Dale speaks up. “Now that you can’t throw a ball?”

  Kingston is silent. I pull myself from his chest and look back at Dale, standing firm with my back against Kingston.

  “He do everything you ask him?” Dale turns his attention to me. “You do everything he asks you?” His eyes dance with malice. “You choke on his dick like you did mine?” He switches his focus back to Kingston. “She can suck for days, but don’t push too har - ” Dale is in full attack mode.

  In one swift motion Kingston lifts me by the waist and places me to his right, he’s on Dale before he can finish his sentence. He holds him against the brick wall of the bar on the other side of the alley, his hand around Dale’s neck.

  “Kingston,” I shriek.

  As I move to him, a bodyguard and the manager of the venue flank me either side. They get there first. Kingston is speaking to him in a controlled tone. I grab at his arm, but can’t hear what he’s saying.

  “We’ve got this Mr James.” The manager says matter-of-fact.

  Kingston lets go of Dale, before swiftly turning back around and punching him hard in the face.

  I gasp.

  Dale staggers back into the manager, blood streaming from his nose, a frenzied smile on his face. “I’m gonna post this security footage everywhere, you piece of shit,” His voice is hoarse.

  We look up at the cameras at the side of the venue.

  “ Oh, those?” The manager asks, a cheshire grin on his face. “Those are definitely broken.”

  They march Dale out of the alley and he yells the whole way.

  CHAPTER twelve

  The next morning I lie in Kingston’s arms as he traces sleepy circles around my belly button.

  “ I’m sorry about last night,” I whisper.

  Kingston looks at me with tired eyes. “Why are you sorry?”

  “It was crappy. What if someone saw you punch him?” I ask.

  “No one saw.” He kisses my forehead.

  “How do you know?”

  “I’m just deciding so.”

  “What if he goes to the police?”

  “He’s not stupid enough to do that. Four people stood there and heard the demeaning and revolting things that came out of his mouth. If what he says is true, Mae …”

  I squeeze my eyes shut. “Maybe he’ll learn his lesson.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks delicately. I scrunch my nose and shake my head. Kingston pulls me in tight to his body. “If you ever want to talk … please let me know.”
/>
  “I will.”

  We drift into sleep, where I lucid dream about Kingston and I sitting hand in hand at the dinner table, with Logan smiling at us, accepting us.

  “King?” I whisper.

  “Mmmm?” he mumbles.

  I pull the sheet over my head, my face against his chest.

  “I like this.” He doesn’t respond and I wonder if he’s asleep. “I don’t know what this - us - is, but I needed to say it, again.”

  He shifts his face down to meet mine, the light streams through the sheet, creamy strands of the sun’s rays on our face. His eyes are open and they’re trained on me. He kisses me.

  “Morning breath,” I say, pulling away.

  He holds me to him. “I don’t care. I like this, too,” he gruffly grumbles, a smile spreading on his lips.

  I can feel him hard against me. “Oh, hey.” I grin.

  “You’re wearing silk pajamas and I’m thinking about your ass in the air and licking your - ”

  “ - Kingston!” I exclaim, mortified.

  “What?” he asks, a glimmer in his eye. “You didn’t enjoy it?”

  I bury my face back into his chest. “I loved it, but it’s embarrassing.”

  He pulls my face up. “Nothing about your body on display is embarrassing, Mae Walker.”

  I wrap my arms around him. “I like that you sleep naked.” I state.

  His hands run down the outline of my body, he cups my hips. I flinch.

  “What was that?” he asks, pinched brow.

  “What?” I ask.

  “That hesitation. I saw it.”

  I run my hands over his chest, up his neck and cup his cheeks. I lean up and kiss him softly.

  “I thought about what Dale said last night. It makes me feel gross.” I admit.

  He nods, taking in my admission. “I’m sorry he said those things.”

  “Do they turn you off me?” I question.

  “Nothing could turn me off you. What he said says more about his treatment of you than anything else.”

  Damn, he’s good with his words. “I feel safe with you. I want to replace those awful memories with good ones.” I kiss his jaw. “I really want to suck your dick.” I bite my lip. “But, we’ve just spoken about my ex.”

  Kingston coughs out a laugh. “I would love to create better memories with you.” He grins at me. “Let’s get coffee, shower, and get well away from conversations of your ex.” He kisses me again. “Unless you need to talk it out … and then I’m all ears.”

  ◆◆◆

  We drive three and a half hours to a charming little town, winding through forest filled roads ending up at a long, leafy driveway.

  “What is this?” I ask inquisitively.

  “I asked a friend of mine if we could stay at his cabin,” he casually answers me.

  “A friend?” I ask.

  Kingston wears a smirk on his face, but keeps his eyes focused on the road. I choose not to prod any further on the matter as we pull up out front of the most beautiful cabin I’ve ever seen. Cabin is also a loose term for log mansion with a complete wrap around deck.

  Kingston punches in numbers on the door’s keypad, they open to a giant entry that leads to an open planned lounge, kitchen and entertaining area, with a tree filled view from floor to ceiling windows.

  “This is stunning,” I state. “I thought we were driving all the way home today,” I say, enthralled by the lush green outside. “I’m glad we’re not.”

  Kingston’s arms wrap around my shoulders, an intimate moment that would have once felt awkward, feels completely natural now. I lean back into him, my hands covering his.

  “I wish we didn’t have to go back,” he says. I look up at him. “Everything changes when we get back. And now that I know what it feels like to hold you and taste you, I hate the idea of you being so close, yet so far …”

  I glance back out the window and take in what he’s said. It sounds like in his mind when we get back to Maine whatever this is between us ends. My pride wants to ask why it has to, but I bite my tongue, because I know the reason is Logan. Or at least that’s what I’m guessing it is. I haven’t even contemplated the idea that Kingston has never been in a relationship before.

  Could all of these intimate moments be fleeting? Have I read too much into the soft morning kisses and the kind words? Did I really think I could be the woman who gets to love Kingston James?

  “You okay?” he asks, snapping me from my thoughts.

  “I’m great,” I reply.

  He turns me around, leans down to gently kiss me. Without heels I stand a good eight or nine inches shorter than him. His hands are already in my hair, deepening the kiss.

  I pull away, because I can’t not ask him. “Before we - you know - ” I begin, his full attention on me. “Us … the last few days … I don’t think we properly spoke about it … this ends in Maine?” I ask.

  “I figured with Logan and our friends around …” he trails off. “If we could, I’d live on the road with you, doing this, for the rest of my life.”

  “That’s a huge statement …”

  He realizes how it sounds. “You know what I mean.”

  “I think so,” I say. “I get it. We waited - I mean - I know I have waited for this for a crazy long time. But that doesn’t mean it needs to become something more than what it is.” I watch him, trying to figure out how he feels about what I’m saying. “Maine is a good way to finish whatever this is before it moves into dangerous territory.”

  “Dangerous …” Kingston repeats.

  “You know. One of us hating the other. Logan finding out. Friendships lost.” I roll my eyes.

  “Maine it is then,” he says, hands back in my hair.

  “Maine it is,” I repeat, before he claims my lips again.

  ◆◆◆

  Staying the night at the cabin turns out to be the perfect decision. I wake up feeling like it sorted out the sexual frustration and need between Kingston and I. That is, until he rolls over, waking up, fingers grabbing at my naked hips.

  “Morning,” I say, my voice husky.

  He kisses my neck. “You smell like flowers,” he mumbles. This brings back memories from our early morning shower, washing the night of heat off our bodies. My stomach drops, this is the last morning I’ll wake up next to him. This space will be filled by another woman, many other women. I’ll be a distant memory of a road trip he made with an old friend that one time.

  “You’re thinking,” Kingston says. I’m lying on my back and I turn to rest my cheek against the pillow to look at him, he’s focused on me.

  “I’m thinking that a few years from now waking up next to you will simply be a memory.”

  Kingston frowns, he plays with a strand of my hair that’s journeyed over to his pillow. He’s usually quite easy to read, but he’s giving nothing away.

  “I fucking hate that.” He stares at the ceiling, his face still neutral, only his words giving way to feeling.

  I don’t know if it’s him cursing or him indicating that he’s going to miss this, but I have a sudden need to be close to him.

  I hook my leg over his body and straddle him.

  His eyes crease in a sleepy smile, his face so handsome I can barely put words together. I choose not to speak. Instead I kiss his neck, and begin to make my way to his chest. As I kiss lower, he realizes what I’m doing.

  “Mae, you don’t have to …” he says, his face stern.

  I look up from where my lips are kissing below his belly button.

  “I would very much like to know I spent my last morning with Kingston James sucking his dick,” I declare.

  His stern look turns to shock, followed by a chuckle. “You are so much more than I could have ever imagined.”

  I bite my tongue and wink at him - the one time I haven’t fucked up and embarrassed myself with a wink.

  I continue to kiss my way down the v-shape on his left side, and then his right. And because I know we don’t have a
ll day, I take his whole length in my hand and my mouth follows.

  “Mae.” His voice is gruff. “Fuck, babe.” His hands move through my hair.

  I glance up and he’s watching me slowly licking the length of him, and I fasten my pace, moving my hands in the same rhythm, making sure there’s always friction.

  He lets out a guttural groan, and before I know it I’m on my back and he’s hovering over me, a look somewhere between out-of-control and devastation on his face.

  I trace the frown line along his forehead. “What’s wrong?” I ask. He’s silent. “Did you not enjoy it?” I ask.

  “I was so close, Mae. You have no idea.” His chest heaves as he catches his breath.

  I instinctively move my core toward his hardness. His eyes stay on mine. He reaches to guide himself in. “Condom?” he asks.

  “I’m clean and on the pill,” I state.

  “I’m clean,” he repeats. And I trust him with every fibre of my being.

  We don’t break eye contact as he fucks me, my heart both breaking and filling up at the same time. He finds my clit and with that I come undone beneath him, shamelessly screaming out his name.

  The three hour drive home is mostly silence and music. Before we reach the off ramp, Kingston pulls over on the side of the road.

  “Everything okay?” I ask.

  He turns his body to me. “I want to kiss you,” he says.

  “You’re breaking the rules,” I try to tease.

  “Last time. I promise.”

  And at the mention of him promising to kiss me one last time, my lip quivers and I begin to sob. He holds my face and I give in.

  Our last kiss tasting of salty tears and promises already broken.

  CHAPTER thirteen

  The moment I see Sammy and Logan skipping down the front porch steps, it feels bitter-sweet. I’ve been hanging out to see Sammy. And I know Logan and I need to sort through a lot of things. But I know it’s an ending of something that holds so much of my heart.

  “Mae!” Sammy squeals, jumping into my arms, legs wrapping around me.

  I stumble back, and low and behold Kingston’s arms are there to catch me. He’s snuck up behind me and I fall against his body. He puts his hands out to stabilise me.