When I Was Yours, When You Were Mine

by Evie Sinclair

  I pretend to ignore what the tiny touch from him does to me, and I focus on Sammy. “I’ve missed you,” I say, hugging her.

  Logan stands behind us, Kingston stands next to him. They’re already laughing with one another - a friendship Kingston doesn’t want to give up.

  Was I really just a convenient fuck he had on his way home?

  I genuinely need to give him more credit, but my heart stings.

  “Hey Logan.” I dip my head, because I know tears are going to fall.

  “I’ve missed you,” he says, hugging me tight.

  “I’ve missed you ... so much,” I confess, holding him.

  We decide to bring all my boxes and bags inside while there’s four of us here.

  “Where’d you stay last night? I thought the drive from Montreal would have been easy considering how long some of your other days were …” Logan chats away like an excited child.

  Kingston and I are standing behind him, we give one another a look.

  “I decided to visit a friend. Mae wasn’t fussed,” he says, casually.

  “Who?” Logan asks, stacking the boxes in size order.

  “Kelly,” Kingston says much too quickly.

  Logan looks at him. “Kelly?” A grin forms on his lips. “Where’d you meet this one?”

  “This one?” Sammy asks in disbelief.

  “This one you’re referring to would be a woman. A living, breathing woman,” I drawl with an eye roll.

  Logan frowns. “Yeah. Sorry. You’re right. Where’d you meet Kelly?” he asks Kingston.

  "Old family friend of Lily’s,” Kingston easily lies through his teeth.

  “Old family friend.” Logan wags his eyebrows at Kingston.

  “Nah. Not like that.” Kingston retreats to get the last bag from the trunk.

  “Were there fireworks?” Logan asks me.

  “Fireworks?” I query.

  “Yeah between King and Kelly.”

  “Errrr. Yeah. Sure.” I grab a glass and fill it with water.

  “Wait. Aren’t you seeing Taylah?” Logan asks as Kingston carries the bag through the front door.

  “Ummm. Yeah.” He drops the bag with the boxes.

  “But, Kelly?”

  “Yeah, I said it wasn’t like that.”

  “Mae just said there were fireworks.” Logan sounds confused.

  Kingston frowns at me.

  “I think you’ll find I half-heartedly answered your dumb question,” I groan.

  Sammy and I share a pained look in one another’s direction.

  “So, how’s Taylah?” Logan begins searching the fridge. Never one to stay on a single task or topic for too long.

  “Yeah, she’s good.” Kingston makes full eye contact with me. I immediately busy myself with cleaning the kitchen sink. “I think we’re going to take a break, though,” he finishes.

  Logan spins around, closes the fridge door. “No way?”

  “Yeah. Wasn’t working.”

  “Sorry to hear, man. I know you liked her a lot. When was it? February? That was a loose weekend. She sure can party.” Logan has his elbows resting on the kitchen counter.

  Sammy stares at me, eyes wide. “Is there food?” she practically yells.

  Logan and Kingston snap their heads up to look at her. “No, Sammy …” Logan looks confused.

  “Let’s order in?” Her smile is forced and clenched.

  “What’s up with you?” Logan asks, completely unaware of the tension emanating from everyone in the room except him.

  After twenty minutes-too-long, we settle on pizza. Sammy and Logan declare they want to make extravagant cocktails. While we wait on the food, I carry a few boxes to my room. It’s weird to be back, nothing’s been touched since I left for Seattle.

  “So, this is Mae Walker’s bedroom.” Kingston stands in the doorway, leant against the frame like he did back in Spokane.

  “You’ve seen it before.” I hang dresses in my closet.

  “Only in passing between Logan’s room and downstairs. I couldn’t stare too long ... creepy.” His lip quirks, and I want to kiss him.

  “Well, it looked like this, but messier. It’s weird to be back.”

  “Yeah. I feel the same and I haven’t even been home yet.”

  “I’ve never seen your room.” I grin at him.

  “I always wished you had.” He shrugs. “Thought about you in it.”

  My jaw drops. “Kingston.”

  “Yes?” He baits me.

  “You are breaking the rules.”

  “I’m not touching you …”

  “I guess you’ll be thinking about that in your room again tonight …” I hang another dress up.

  I hear him groan. “This time I know for a fact what I’m missing out on,” he mutters.

  “I can hear you,” I say, smoothing the wrinkles out of a badly folded jumpsuit.

  Kingston watches me from the doorway.

  “PIZZA!” Logan yells from the kitchen.

  “COMING!” I scream back.

  When I reach the doorway Kingston doesn’t move an inch.

  I look up at him. “You’re not playing fair,” I say.

  “This isn’t a game.”

  “You’re the one playing like it is.”

  He dips his head. “Staying away from you is hard.”

  “You said this had to end,” My voice quivers.

  “PIZZA!” Logan yells, again. Kingston flinches.

  “COMING!” I repeat, and turn my attention back to Kingston. “You want to keep your friendship with Logan,” I repeat what he’s told me many times before.

  “He’s like a brother to me …” he says. I make a face at him. “I’ve never allowed myself to believe you and I could be together,” he admits.

  “So I was more than a simple road trip lay?” I ask.

  Kingston adjusts himself against the frame. “It was never just about sleeping with you, Mae.”

  I want to believe he’s standing in my doorway, putting his friendship with Logan at risk because he wants more than sex, but he was so certain it had to end once we were back. If it’s not his dick talking, then it’s his heart - and if that’s the case, I’m at a loss for where we go from here.

  “I’ve had my heart broken and shattered. I’m still healing. I can’t have someone half holding my heart right now,” I say, truthfully.

  He opens his mouth to speak.

  We hear feet stomping up the stairs. Kingston shoots out from the doorway, stands in the hallway, hands in his pockets.

  Sammy appears at the top of the staircase. “Hey lovers, Logan’s gonna come up here soon and ask questions so I’d get on down to the pizza.”

  “Thanks, Sammy,” I groan at her wording.

  She offers me a big cheesy smile and skips back downstairs.

  “Let’s try to stick to the rules,” I say, eyeing Kingston.

  He gives me a simple nod, a bitter look on his face as he follows me to the lounge room.

  “So, tell us about the road trip!” Logan shoves half a pizza slice in his mouth.

  I sit cross-legged on the couch, Sammy sits on the rug in front of me.

  “Not much to tell.” I shrug. “Kingston wrote some great songs while he was in Austin.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Logan watches Kingston who is spread out on the rug in front of the T.V. “You plan on writing more of your own?”

  “Yeah. Working on it.” Kingston tries to shut the conversation down.

  Logan eyes him. “Cool, man.”

  “How’s the business going for you both,” I ask, looking between Sammy and Logan.

  Logan’s face lights up. He’s got an incredible talent for carpentry, and I’m thrilled he’s pursuing it.

  “You should see this place we’re working on!” Logan says. He looks at Kingston. “King, the owner’s a huge fan of yours. Told him I’d introduce you.”

  “Sure,” Kingston says, chewing on the exotic and oddly shaped piece of pineapple sticking out of his
cocktail.

  Logan hones in on a particular piece of pizza, and Kingston moves his attention to me. I smile at him with his piece of pineapple, and he offers me a wink.

  “Sammy says you’re going to start painting again.” Logan returns his focus to me.

  Caught off guard, and my heart spasming from the wink, I throw my attention back to Logan. “YEAH,” I say louder than I expect. “I started again on the trip and I always hated that I gave up on it in Seattle.”

  Logan frowns at my weirdness.

  “Cool. What’d you paint?” Sammy asks, quickly.

  “Errr. A squirrel.”

  Kingston’s a much better liar than I am. He was also very swift with removing the paper covered canvas of his face, that he still hasn’t seen, from the car before Logan could see it.

  “A squirrel.” Logan sounds perplexed, but ends up looking impressed.

  “Handsome squirrel,” Kingston chimes in.

  “He was okay,” I say.

  “How do you know it was a boy?” Sammy asks.

  I give her a pointed stare, her mouth forms an ‘O’.

  “What do you mean?” Logan asks. “Not a dumb question - Gray squirrels all look the same, learnt it in school. Something different about their butts …”

  I raise my eyebrows. “Interesting …” I try not to laugh.

  “I feel like I’m missing something?” Logan frowns.

  We all shake our heads. “Nope.”

  “David Moss is back in town,” he changes the subject, looks at me.

  “Oh, yeah?” I ask, sipping on my extremely unique cocktail, with an immense amount of mint. I can feel Kingston’s eyes on me.

  “Yeah …” he trails off. I stare at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

  “He’s a nice guy.”

  Sammy looks shocked. “Are you seriously trying to set her up?” she asks. Logan feigns confusion. “I don’t think I have to remind you that she recently came out of a bad relationship AND you are usually the one keeping everyone away from her.”

  “Often when people come out of bad relationships, they end up in other bad relationships soon after. David’s a good guy …” Logan states.

  “I’m not sure if that’s an actual scientific fact, Logan. Did you read that somewhere?” Sammy asks.

  “Yeah, I’ve read it,” Logan defends himself.

  “I just don’t think she needs you setting her up. The head-fuck alone is enough to send her crazy. I’m confused as it is and I’m not in her head.”

  “Her is here,” I say, raising my hand. “She can hear you. But, I do agree with Sammy - you setting me up with people is confusing.”

  Logan looks to Kingston for backup.

  “I agree with them.” Kingston shrugs, his foot vibrating. “Plus ... David’s a dick.”

  “Really?” Logan asks, genuinely intrigued.

  “He’s not a dick,” I say, eyeing Kingston.

  “Yeah, he is.” Kingston stands firm with his opinion of David.

  “Always thought he was a nice guy,” Logan mutters to himself.

  “Enough about David, please,” I beg.

  “Actually, I would like to hear more about David,” Logan requests.

  “That’s it! He’s lost his fucking mind!" I declare, looking between Kingston and Sammy for support.

  “What do you mean?” Logan asks.

  “This isn’t going to work, Logan. I’ll end up cutting myself off from you completely if you keep acting like this. Ever since Dale and I broke up you’ve been entirely obsessed with controlling my life and who is and isn’t in it. It’s ridiculous, Logan! I don’t know how you can’t see that!”

  “I don’t want you to get hurt again!” he defends.

  “I’m going to get hurt. That’s the fact of life. I. Will. Get. Hurt. You can’t stop that from happening. And right now it’s you that’s hurting me!” My breathing increases and my chest feels tight. I’m right on the edge of having a panic attack.

  “Maybe you should have this discussion in the morning,” Sammy points out. “And not after cocktails and lack of sleep.”

  “I agree,” Kingston stands behind me, I don’t even recall him moving there. “Maybe sleep on it and talk in the morning.”

  Logan nods. I nod. Exhaustion hits me, strong and fast.

  All I want is bed, sleep, and Kingston. That last want is a problem.

  Sammy sits on the edge of my bed, like a parent tucking me in.

  “I’m sorry tonight ended in a fight,” I say.

  “Don’t be silly. Like I’ve said before - Logan needs to get his shit together.”

  I tear up. “I’m so tired.”

  “You need to rest.”

  I nod. “It’s weird being back in this room. I don’t like it.”

  Sammy leans in and kisses my cheek, then moves to my window. “I would stay with you to keep you company, but I have it on good authority that someone’s going to be creeping through this window tonight.” Sammy unlatches the lock.

  I would roll my eyes, but I’m too tired. “What about Logan?”

  “I’ll make sure he understands if he even thinks about waking you up before you’re ready, he can say goodbye to his one and only twin forever.”

  “That’s dark,” I half-heartedly laugh.

  “Darker if he catches you and Kingston in bed together …”

  “Mmmm. Don’t even.” I shake my head.

  “Goodnight Mae-Mae,”

  “Night, Sammy. You’re the best.” I yawn. Sammy blows me a kiss and softly closes the door.

  Not knowing when or if Kingston is going to climb through my window, I turn off the light and pull the covers up, trying to block out my overactive mind.

  I’m tossing and turning, trying to double up the duvet so it’s heavier to ease my growing anxiety, when I hear my window rattle.

  In the moonlight I can see Kingston wedge it open.

  “I’m not a burglar,” he whispers, closing it behind him.

  “Sammy warned me.” We’re both whispering. I watch him amble toward my bed. “You have broken absolutely every rule you originally set,” I say, amused, too tired to feel righteous.

  “I haven’t touched you yet …”

  “King …” He stands by my bed. “Please stop hovering.”

  “Can I get in?” he asks.

  “Yes.” I pull the duvet back.

  He begins to undress. “You’ve made a mess with the blankets,” he points out.

  “I need weight on top of me, my anxiety is bad,” I easily admit to him.

  He’s standing in his boxer briefs, and I’m a mixture of anxious mess and horny as hell. It’s an interesting combination.

  He crawls in bed as I get up.

  “What are you doing?” he asks.

  “Getting another duvet.”

  “I can be your weight,” he moans.

  I chuckle, and spread the extra blanket across my side of the bed.

  “Mae, what are you wearing?” Kingston’s voice is low and controlled.

  I look down at the flimsy black lingerie shorts and tank I found buried in one of my drawers, the rest of my pajamas being dirty, or lost in boxes.

  “Oh. This little thing?” I ask, faux-bashful.

  “Yeah. That little thing …” he mutters. I can just make out his eyes, completely focused on my body.

  “Are you checking me out, Kingston James?” I kneel on the edge of the mattress. He pushes himself up and toward me. “Nuh-ah-ah. No touching. Your rules.” I sink back on the bed.

  We’re face-to-face. “Can I hold you one last night?” His eyes soften.

  I must nod because he pulls me close so our limbs are intertwined.

  I breathe in his scent. “One last night,” I mumble against his skin.

  CHAPTER fourteen

  We’ve been back in Maine for two weeks and I’m feeling good with the rhythm we’ve fallen into.

  Logan and I run together in the mornings, it’s mending parts of our relati
onship that still feel strained. We eat breakfast on the patio afterwards. Sammy turns up to pick at the leftovers and then her and Logan set off for work. Depending on Kingston’s plans, he’ll have breakfast with us or I’ll meet him at a cafe for coffee.

  This morning I have a particularly springy-spring in my step. Logan and Sammy’s client loved the pieces I painted for them and have referred friends.

  “Two sets of friends have emailed me,” I excitedly relay to Kingston over coffee.

  He grins over his coffee. “I'm not surprised, you’re insanely talented.”

  I dip my focus to the half eaten bagel in front of me. “I never saw this in my future, King. Honestly. I keep thinking I’ll wake up and it’ll all be a dream.”

  “It’s real life, baby,” he says, casually, but being called baby by him no longer feels casual. There’s a heat behind words like that.

  My lip quirks in a small smile. “I like that we’ve found common ground,” I admit.

  We haven’t had a sleepover since the first night we got back.

  “We’ve both been extremely well behaved,” h agrees.

  “I was always well behaved,” I scoff.

  Kingston’s phone buzzes on the table. He glances at it, and then looks around.

  “Fucking kidding me,” he mumbles.

  “What?”

  “Keep a smile on your face and don’t look around like I just did,” h says, and then shows me his screen.

  It’s a photo of us - right now, from seconds ago - him grinning at me over his mug. I automatically scowl, then make myself smile.

  “How? Who?” I ask. “They move fucking quickly. How’d you know?”

  “I got Taylah to set me up with notifications when people post about me. Sick of finding things out about my life from other people.”

  “Mmmm. I could imagine.” I grab his phone from him. “My boobs look perky.”

  He laughs. “I’m going to buy you a giant scarf.”

  “No one will ever sleep with me again if you do that,” I counter back. His eyes turn stormy. “What?” I ask. “We’ve come to an understanding about us. Am I meant to become a nun?”

  “Do you want to hear me talking about sleeping with other people?” he asks harshly.

  I bite my lip. “No. You’re right.” I look at his hand resting on the table. “If you weren’t you and I wasn’t me and Logan wasn’t so mental - I would kiss you right here, right now.”