Honour Thy Father

by Honour Thy Father (retail) (epub)

  Joe broke away. ‘I’ve got to have one swipe,’ he cried, throwing a wild punch which lifted Ricky off his feet.

  Nelson hauled him up again and held him at arm’s length. ‘What do you think, John?’ he said while Ricky squealed in terror. John was still struggling with Joe and Nelson lowered Ricky again. ‘Blow,’ he said contemptuously and Ricky scuttled away.

  ‘Remember what we said,’ John shouted after him and Ricky’s speed increased.

  ‘Thanks, lads,’ Joe said, straightening his clothes. ‘I should have seen him by myself though, given him a bloody good hiding. I’d have felt better.’

  ‘I’ll bet he’s had plenty of those in his time,’ John said. ‘This will have frightened him more.’

  Joe turned to Nelson and shook hands with him. ‘Thanks, Nel,’ he said. ‘I think you had the most effect. He’ll think twice before he risks crossing you again.’

  ‘They turn my stomach,’ Nelson said, ‘fellers like that. I asked around about him and they say he starts kids on poppers then gets them on the hard stuff. He’s on it himself. Did you see his arms?’

  ‘I didn’t notice,’ said Joe. ‘Thank God I walked through the gardens that day.’

  ‘Aye, she had someone’s good prayers that day,’ Nelson said simply and sincerely. He put his hand on Joe’s shoulder. ‘You saved her, Joe, and she’ll realise it in time.’

  ‘Thanks,’ was all Joe could say huskily, then he and John left Nelson and took the train home.

  A few days later Joe’s policeman friend phoned him to tell him that Ricky had left Liverpool. ‘He knew we were on to him and he scarpered,’ he said. ‘But we’ve put the word round about him.’

  Joe said nothing about his confrontation with Ricky and he was sure that Rosa had not heard about it. She continued to be subdued and miserable and refused to take phone calls from the faithful Neil or any other boyfriends. ‘Tell him I’m out,’ was her refrain when her mother called her to the phone.

  Summer had given way to autumn with gales and heavy rain and Laura and Sean’s trips to the shore were now only a memory. Instead they occasionally went to a club during the week and on other nights went to the swimming baths then sat in the small room at the back of Laura’s house playing records.

  ‘Do you think this fellow’s a bit mean?’ John asked one night when Anne returned to the kitchen after taking a supper tray to the ‘lovebirds’, as she and John called them.

  ‘I think he’s just anxious to keep fit,’ Anne said.

  ‘Not much fun for Laura, though, is it?’ John grumbled but Anne only laughed.

  ‘I think she’s happy just to be with him,’ she said lightly.

  Sean’s obsession with fitness was in preparation for the football season and Laura was dismayed to discover that he played for two teams, for his school’s Old Boys team on Saturdays and for a League team on Sunday. For a while they continued to go to a nightclub on Friday nights, and on Saturday evenings they met up at a local pub, but Laura saw nothing of him during the day at the weekends.

  They had occasionally made a foursome with Mary and her boyfriend, a droll character named Danny, which they had all enjoyed but now Laura was unable to make any plans with Mary as Sean’s life seemed to be dominated by football.

  The Friday nights at a club were dropped because he wanted an early night in preparation for Saturday’s game and Saturday nights usually meant a meeting with his teammates and their wives and girlfriends, when the day’s match was discussed and analysed ad nauseum. If they played away matches there was no meeting at all.

  Laura was hurt that he seemed to find it so easy to forgo her company but she told herself that it was just the first enthusiasm at the start of the season and things would soon be back to normal. Sean suggested that she come to watch a home match but warned her to wrap up well because the ground was very exposed.

  She borrowed a sheepskin coat from her cousin Dilly and wore boots and a scarf wound round her head. She was glad of its concealing folds when Sean attempted a shot at goal which went wide.

  ‘Greedy bugger,’ a man beside her growled. ‘There were three men in a better position than him but he won’t pass to anyone else.’

  ‘No, he thinks he can do better from thirty yards than another feller from five,’ another man agreed. ‘Right bloody big-head he is.’

  Laura’s cheeks burned and she pulled the scarf forward to hide her face as the men continued to criticise Sean.

  ‘Look at him, thinks there’s a scout here from a bigger club,’ one muttered as Sean tried another shot at goal.

  ‘Pass to your mates, you greedy so and so,’ the other men roared.

  Laura dodged behind a bigger man in case Sean looked round but he ignored the shouts. The big man was shouting abuse indiscriminately but the first two men concentrated on Sean.

  ‘Chicken!’ one of them yelled. ‘Look at him,’ he added. ‘The way he chickened out of that tackle. I wouldn’t have him in the team.’

  ‘Looks like a bit of a poof the way he’s always poncing around,’ the other man said.

  I can tell you you’re wrong about that, Laura thought grimly but she worked her way through the crowd away from the two men, unwilling to hear any more. She remembered comments when she and Sean were with his teammates about Sean hogging the ball. At the time she thought they were praising him for working hard but now she could see a different meaning. But it’s not true, she thought loyally. Sean’s not like that. He was just trying to do his best to score for the team and those two men were determined to pick on him.

  The match finished with a 1–1 draw and as the players came off the field Sean came over to her. He was covered in mud but he smiled at her. ‘Glad you came?’ he asked. Without waiting for a reply, he said eagerly, ‘What did you think of my game?’

  ‘Very good,’ she said. ‘I was impressed.’

  He smiled again and looked down at his muddy strip. ‘I’m going for a shower and I’m promised a lift home. If you’d like to wait, I’ll see if they can squeeze you in.’

  Laura shook her head. ‘No, I’ll get off. See you later.’ She kissed him and turned away to catch a bus home but her spirits had lifted. Now she knew why Sean was trying to score the goal himself. He was trying to show her what a good player he was. She wished she could see the men who thought he was trying to impress a football scout and put them right and she hummed to herself as she waited patiently in the bus queue.

  Although Laura made excuses for Sean, her loyalty was tested to the limit during the following weeks. She saw less and less of him. They still travelled to work together, but he had joined a squash club and stayed in town two nights a week to play with friends from the office, so she travelled home alone.

  He still played football on Saturdays and Sundays but Laura stopped going to watch him or meeting with his teammates and their wives and girlfriends. Sean had no doubt about his popularity but Laura was soon uneasily aware that many of the jokes about him were meant to wound. She was hurt by them but Sean seemed unaware, armoured in his own conceit.

  As time passed their outings decreased until she was only seeing him on one or two evenings a week, and travelling to work, when they were often joined by friends so had no private conversation.

  On Friday night they usually went to a cabaret club but on two occasions Sean fell asleep during the acts. Laura woke him roughly. ‘I’m glad you find my company so exciting,’ she snapped but Sean only laughed.

  She was too proud to protest or ask to see him more often but she was bitterly conscious that she needed his company more than he needed hers. If he loved me, he’d want to be with me, she thought but she was confused because when he was with her he was so loving. He resented any attention paid to her by other young men too and made it clear that she was his girlfriend if anyone became too friendly with her. That must mean that he loves me, she told herself, but the honesty which was often her undoing suggested that it might mean only a dog-in-the-manger attitude.

&nb
sp; Her temper grew ever shorter and the uneasy truce between herself and her father was soon broken. John was worried about Gerry and it needed very little to cause a quarrel between them.

  The rest of the family tactfully ignored Laura’s problems but John said one evening, ‘Are you staying in again, Laura?’

  Laura’s temper flared immediately. ‘Everyone’s not like you,’ she snapped. ‘Got to be out every night.’

  Battle was joined right away with Anne and Julie vainly trying to keep the peace. Finally John shouted, ‘I’m sick of pussyfooting around, not mentioning the way that fellow’s behaving. Get rid of him, Laura. He’s no good to you.’

  Laura rushed out of the room closely followed by her mother and when they reached Laura’s room, Anne took her in her arms. Laura was crying bitterly and at first Anne only held her, murmuring, ‘Oh love, love,’ and rubbing her hand round and round on Laura’s back, but when she was calmer they sat on the side of the bed.

  ‘Your dad doesn’t mean to hurt you, love,’ Anne said gently. ‘He’s a bit tactless but it’s only because he’s worried about you. We all are.’

  ‘There’s no need,’ said Laura, still weeping, but lifting her head proudly. ‘I’m glad Sean is so fond of sport. It’s not as if he’s off after other girls.’

  ‘No, I know that,’ Anne agreed, ‘but it makes for a dull life for you, love. Why don’t you take up a sport or go out with your friends when Sean’s not free?’

  Laura drew away and looked down at her clasped hands. ‘He doesn’t like me going to clubs without him,’ she muttered. ‘And anyway, I never know which nights he’s playing squash.’

  Anne was furious but tried to control her anger. ‘But he can’t expect you to stay in waiting for him to decide to see you,’ she said forcefully, then as she saw the expression on Laura’s face she said hastily, ‘I think Dad hoped you would take an interest in CND.’

  ‘I would?’ Laura gasped. ‘Whatever made him think that?’

  ‘You said you were worried about the bomb,’ Anne said but Laura laughed scornfully.

  ‘I’ve got more sense,’ she said. ‘What do they think they can do? If the top dogs decide they want the bomb they’ll have it and they won’t take any notice of people waving banners or lying in the road like at Aldermaston.’

  ‘But it does have some effect,’ Anne protested. ‘You know Dad often quotes his grandfather’s remark that little drops of water together make a mighty river. Politicians need our votes so they will listen if enough people protest. Don’t forget, you have a vote now too.’

  ‘But it’s an obsession with him,’ Laura said, forgetting the cause of the quarrel. ‘You don’t really think it’s such a danger, do you?’

  Anne was silent for a moment then she said quietly, ‘Do you remember the man Dad worked with whose wife took thalidomide? Their baby was born without arms or legs and with a malformed liver. He died after two days but I’ll never forget the day Dad rang me to tell me. The man had told him that Alder Hey Hospital had many babies without limbs.’ Anne’s eyes were full of tears as she looked at Laura. ‘I remember I was ironing. We didn’t know about thalidomide then and we thought it was caused by nuclear fallout. I just sat there stunned for a minute then I was so angry. I wanted to go to Parliament, scream at them to stop it, lie down in the road, march, do something, anything, to stop them testing the atom bomb.’

  ‘But it wasn’t nuclear fallout,’ Laura said.

  ‘Not that time but things like this happened in Hiroshima and Nagasaki after the atom bomb was dropped. I always felt Dad was right to oppose it but it never really came home to me until that day, Laura. It was like a pit opening under my feet.’

  ‘I never really thought about it,’ Laura said. ‘I only said that about the bomb wiping us all out because David’s friends said it.’

  They had moved away from the subject of Sean but now Anne said gently, ‘Speaking of them, don’t you think we should have another party? Everyone seemed to enjoy the last one. Perhaps when David’s home for Christmas. I’m sure Julie would be keen.’

  ‘She certainly enjoyed the last one,’ Laura said dryly. They stood up and Anne hugged her daughter again.

  ‘Think about what I said, love. Get some other interests,’ she urged but Laura only nodded.

  After her mother had gone, she perched on the deep window seat and stared out at the garden, filled with shame as she thought of how her behaviour had appeared to other people. She thought of her mother’s words, ‘He can’t expect you to stay in waiting for him to decide to see you.’ Her mother would never say that to hurt her but only because she was stating a fact. I must seem like a right wimp, Laura thought, feeling more and more depressed and humiliated as she recalled comments made about her and Sean.

  ‘Proper little sultan, isn’t he?’ one girl had laughed when Sean had turned to Laura on the train and informed her that he was not playing squash so they could go out that night. Other remarks returned to her, some merely flippant and some malicious, and gradually her depression was replaced by anger, as much with herself as with Sean.

  What is wrong with me? she asked herself. Where is my pride, my self-respect? Me, Laura Redmond, letting myself be picked up and dropped like an old glove when it suits him. Deliberately she let herself think of all the traits in him that she had refused to acknowledge, his selfishness, his massive conceit, his thick skin which made him able to ignore remarks from people who detested him and his confidence that she would be waiting gratefully for his notice when he spared her an evening.

  I don’t even like him, she thought with a shock of surprise. I never really loved him, not the fellow he really is, only some romantic dream that I fitted round him.

  She stayed staring unseeingly from the window for a long time, then as darkness fell she turned away, her mouth set in a determined line. From now on things would be different but she would not give him the satisfaction of a scene. She could imagine him thinking, perhaps even saying, that she wanted more than he was prepared to give. She would let the affair fade away.

  With Laura, to think was to act. She deliberately took a later train the following morning and applied for another job in the same building that had been advertised. She was interviewed immediately and accepted and told that she could start as soon as she was free.

  She handed in her notice when she went back to her office. The supervisor was so annoyed that she told Laura that she could leave at once.

  Mary was amazed when Laura told her at lunchtime that she was starting at the new office the following day. ‘I didn’t know you were thinking of a change,’ she said. ‘Halkin and Breen are a good firm to work for though. They have flexitime, you know.’ She glanced sideways at Laura. ‘I suppose you won’t want that though, will you? You’ll want to be on the same train as Sean.’

  ‘Not necessarily,’ Laura said airily. ‘To tell you the truth, I’m finding him a bit of a bore lately.’

  ‘Thank God for that,’ Mary exclaimed, too surprised to be tactful. ‘I’m glad you can see it at last.’

  ‘He’s not that bad,’ Laura said, affronted. ‘He can be very nice but I’m a bit cheesed off with all the sport. It’s not my scene.’

  ‘Nor mine,’ Mary agreed hastily. ‘Listen, are you seeing him tonight? Danny’s started evening classes. We could go out and celebrate the new job.’

  ‘Good idea,’ Laura said. ‘I’d like that.’

  Sean was not on the train but when she reached home her mother was pleased to hear about the change of job and even more about her date with Mary. She said nothing about Sean and neither did Laura.

  She enjoyed the night out with Mary and realised how much she had missed the light-hearted banter of the crowd they met and the music.

  Sean was waiting on the platform the following day and said immediately, ‘Were you off work yesterday? You didn’t get the train yesterday morning.’

  ‘No, I went in later,’ Laura said casually. ‘I’ve changed my job. The same buil
ding but a better firm, Halkin and Breen. I start this morning.’

  Sean was astounded. ‘But you didn’t tell me,’ he complained. ‘I didn’t know you were even thinking of it.’

  Laura shrugged. ‘It was just on impulse,’ she said. ‘The job was advertised so I applied.’ She laughed. ‘I thought I’d have to work a month’s notice but old Simmonds was so mad. She bounced in to Mr Clark, then said I could go immediately.’

  Sean was evidently annoyed. ‘You must have had some idea,’ he grumbled. ‘You never even said you were fed up at work.’

  ‘I don’t think we ever discussed my work,’ Laura said. ‘But I wasn’t fed up. I just saw a better job going. It’s more money and flexitime, luncheon vouchers and so on, so it’s a good move for me.’ She said nothing about wanting to get away from the girls who knew of her unsatisfactory affair with him.

  She was supposed to work for a month before starting flexitime but on the first day a large order came in at twenty minutes to five and she willingly stayed with some of the other staff to complete the documentation for it.

  ‘You’ve been a good help,’ one of the men told her, yawning and stretching when they finished. ‘The ship’s sailing on Wednesday. Fancy coming for a drink with us at Riley’s?’

  Laura agreed and they all went along to a pub near the station for a drink. There were eight of them, men and girls, and they decided to go on to a singing pub where they would get something to eat but Laura said she would go home. ‘Another time,’ she said and they assured her that they often did this when they worked late for any reason.

  Her mother was pleased to hear of the visit to Riley’s and the invitation to go on to Flanagan’s. ‘You should have gone, love,’ she said. ‘Get out as much as you can.’ Again she said nothing about Sean but Laura looked quizzically at her and they both laughed.

  Laura had said nothing to Sean about her night out with Mary and she decided not to mention her visit to Riley’s. She was uncertain whether she was yet ready to tell Sean how her feelings had changed towards him. Although during the day she was determined to finish with him, during the night she often lay awake, thinking of their early days together. I’m sure he loved me then and I loved him, she thought. Sometimes she wept at the thought of never seeing him again and wondered whether she was right to end their affair.