by Read, Calia
“I know, I know… I was just as upset as you are,” Serene says.
Étienne observes the two of us as though we have lost our minds. Then as he looks at me, his eyes widen as though something just occurred to him. “What are you doin’ here at this hour?”
“Yes, what are you doing here at this hour?” Serene repeats, as though she’s now seeing me.
Just because Serene lied for me doesn’t mean she’s going to make this easy for me.
“I… I was overserved last night, so I thought it would be best to take one of the guest rooms last night.”
My reply is so rational, that not even Étienne can find a flaw in it. He nods and immediately turns his attention back to Serene. “What did you do with the rug? That blasted thing cost far too much than I’m willing to admit.”
Serene waves a hand in the air. “Oh, don’t worry. I immediately took a towel to it. Soaked all the coffee up. It’s almost like it never happened.”
“All right,” Étienne drawls out slowly. “Well, I’m goin’ to read my newspaper in the dining room. Is there anythin’ else that’s been nearly ruined that I need to be aware of?”
“No. That should be all,” Serene says.
Étienne skeptically looks between us and walks away. The moment he steps into the dining room, I sag against the wall. Serene turns and rushes back over to me. Her mouth forms an O shape, and her eyes widen before she mouths the words, “Oh my gosh.”
“What. Was. That?”
Dragging my hands through my hair, I take a deep breath and look at her. “Precisely what you believe it to be.”
“What I believe I saw was a frantic Asa Calhoun buttoning up his shirt as he ran out of my home. Which, by the way, from what I saw… wow.”
My lips curl upward. I know Serene is jesting. But the idea of her looking at him makes me jealous. “Hush. You’re married.”
Serene nods and some of the humor fades from her eyes. “But so is he.”
At once, her words drain the very life out of me. I drop my face into my palms and lightly groan. “I know, I know.”
“Come on. We can’t talk here.” Serene places her hands on my arms. Wordlessly, Ben opens the door as though it’s a common occurrence for a secret tryst and a breakdown both to occur in the Belgrave foyer in one morning.
Once we step outside, I take a deep breath and walk toward the far edge of the porch. The breeze greets my skin and brings clarity to my head. Serene’s heels sound on the porch floor as she comes toward me. I curl my hand around the cool stone of the Corinthian column in front of me.
Serene stops beside me and sighs.
“Do you want to repeat history again?” she asks.
I glance at my sister-in-law and look into her serious eyes. She’s thinking about one thing: what happened in Georgia.
“I’m an awful person. Just awful.”
Serene places an arm around me. I can’t help but lean against her. “No, you’re not. You are simply in love.”
Lifting my head, I stare at Serene helplessly. “In love with someone fate doesn’t want to be mine.”
Serene continues to look forward, a faraway expression in her eyes. I’m so desperate for guidance, I will listen to anything she has to tell me. “It seems that way, doesn’t it?”
“Tell me where to go from here.”
“I don’t know, Nat. No one can tell you that. You and Asa need to make that decision.”
I don’t reply because, the truth is, Asa and I don’t know how to resolve this. The truth is history started to repeat itself far before Georgia.
Our first kiss sealed our fate. Anything after, we were unable to stop…
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
1911
Nathalie
“My, my, my… you’re up early,” Étienne observed.
I cleared my throat as I dabbed the corners of my mouth with my napkin. “What do you mean? I’m always up early.”
“Hardly. You’ve been known to sleep the mornins’ away like Livingston.”
“Well, be that as it may, I’m no longer a child. I’m a woman. I know it’s important to wake up at proper a time.”
And because I am going to meet your best friend in our stables in ten minutes…
Who was I? What I was about to do wasn’t like me. If I was Serene, yes. In fact, I could practically hear her hum of approval in one ear followed by one of her witty retorts.
As for me, this was bold and daring. But my love for Asa outweighed anything else.
Étienne resumed eating, unaware of the nervousness building inside me.
Soon, the wait became too much. I took a hearty gulp of my orange juice and stood. “I believe I’ll go ridin’,” I announced.
Étienne flicked his eyes in my direction before he looked around the room. “Okay,” he slowly replied.
I gave a curt nod and smoothed my dress over my thighs. “I just wanted you to know. Have a lovely day.”
Spinning on my heels, I walked out of the dining room. The moment I was in the hall, I quickened my steps. Rather than exit through the front door, where multiple eyes would see me, I took the French doors in the back, leading to the garden.
Each step caused my heart to quicken, but my resolve hardened. I was not in the wrong. My brothers didn’t need to know every aspect of my life. I was no longer a child.
As I stepped into the barn, I looked around the dimly lit setting. There was no sign of Asa, and before my panic set in, I took a deep breath, reminding myself he would show up. He said he would, and Asa never lied.
The smell of animals and dirt greeted my nose. I had been in here so many times the scent was one I was used to. Dirt and hay crunched beneath my feet as I walked past stalls, some empty, others with horses inside.
When I reached my horse, I smiled. Aurora was a purebred Arabian stallion with a high tail, a beautiful white coat, large eyes, and a small muzzle. I’d had her since I was thirteen and Étienne deemed it acceptable for me to move to a larger horse.
He gave me Aurora, cautioning me not to be reckless with her. At first, I wasn’t. But I couldn’t seem to help myself. It was almost as though Aurora sensed my need to break free from every constraint the minute we were away from Belgrave.
“Hi, girl,” I said in a soft voice. “How are you?”
“She’s awfully big. Is this the same horse you had years ago?”
I recognized Asa’s voice behind me. A thrill shot up me that he was here. He made it. I smiled at my horse as Asa slowly approached. “Yes, her name is-”
“Aurora, yes?” Asa said from my right.
Looking at him from the corner of my eye, I tried my best not to stare. It was not every day I found myself alone with Asa Calhoun.
The object of my affection reached out and petted Aurora’s snout. His dark brows slanted low in concentration. I wondered if he slept with that frown. He wasn’t frowning when he kissed me. As though he could hear my thoughts, Asa sharply turned his head in my direction and intently stared at me. It became difficult to breathe, harder to think as clearly, and nearly impossible to stand up straight. As I fought to take small breaths, and inhale the fresh, crisp scent that I had come to know as Asa’s, he stood as solid and tall as a tree. He was unmoved and composed.
I would think he felt nothing if he didn’t clear his throat and back away.
I stayed put, in front of Aurora and continued to lovingly pet her, hoping it would calm my racing heart. It just might work if Asa would stop looking at me. Perhaps a tight, enclosed space for us wasn’t the wisest decision. I didn’t think I had taken a proper deep breath since he moved beside me.
Abruptly, I turned to him and blurted, “Do you want to ride with me?”
Something about the way I posed my question made Asa’s eyes flare with heat. I know he was thinking about what happened between us. I know because I was thinking about it. Every minute of the day.
“Yes,” Asa replied, his voice gruff, “I can ride with you.”
I exhaled a shaky breath. “Wonderful. Let’s get the horses ready.”
I avoided the sidesaddle hanging on one of the barn hooks and grabbed an English saddle. If I must, I would ride sidesaddle. But there was nothing better than being astride, free to ride without the proper riding habit. I found the riding skirt restrictive at times. But the breeches that came with the long riding coat? It was nearly as thrilling as the very act of riding itself. When no one was around I would take the opportunity to shed the heavy jacket.
Such as now. I slid my arms out of the finely made jacket and draped it across the gate of Aurora’s stable. Asa’s eyes swept down my body, watching me as I moved around the stable. Blood thrummed beneath my skin, in fear or anticipation of what was to come, I didn’t know.
The two of us prepared the horses, and when they were ready, we gently guided them out of the stables by the reins. As to not get caught, neither one of us lingered long out in the open. We mounted our horses and once Asa was settled, he looked at me. With my reins in hand, I nudged my head toward an indirect path not used by many. “Follow me.”
The trail started out narrow, causing us to go one at a time. When I was younger, Julian first showed me this trail. It was hidden behind the stables, by an underbrush of trees, making you feel you were almost in front of the Belgrave property. The land back here felt more protected, and better hidden. Julian said he liked the trail when he was mad.
“You can run, and run, and run surrounded by these trees. The next thing you know, you’re set free, and it’s nothin’ but the sky and the land all around you. I think it’s heaven, Nattie.”
Every time I took this path, I thought of Julian and wondered if heaven was filled with trails for him to run down.
Asa was silent the entire time. I didn’t offer conversation. For me, this was the most peaceful part of the ride.
I saw the separation of trees up ahead and smiled at what was to come.
The moment we broke through the clearing, I urged Aurora forward and she toke off. It didn’t matter how many times it happened, that first gallop was always thrilling. Aurora’s hooves beat against the ground, the rhythm creating a harmonic sound. My hair escaped from its low bun. Tendrils flew all around me, but the feel of the wind through my hair made me want to go even faster, and I was about to, when I heard, “Nathalie! Stop!”
I pulled on Aurora’s reins and she slowed. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Asa approaching. A thunderous expression on his face.
“What was that?” he called out.
I couldn’t stop myself from the laugh that escaped me. I was still too exhilarated from how fast I was able to go. “It was a race,” I replied as I slid off Aurora. I let go of the reins, knowing she wouldn’t stray far.
When I turned, Asa’s eyes blazed with anger as he approached. “You could have fallen!”
“But I didn’t because I knew what I was doin’. I’ve ridden Aurora for years. I wasn’t in danger.”
Before I could tell him there was nothing to be worried about, he reached out and held my chin between his fingers. Still trying to catch my breath, I tilted my head back and watched him. Every second I stood there, gathering my bearings, I realized I might have pushed Asa too far.
He never treated me less than. It was so easy to forget the age gap between us. But it was there, nonetheless. And right now, as Asa stared down at me with eyes of a man on the brink of losing control, our age difference couldn’t have been more apparent.
“You’ve known me your entire life. Are you in danger right now?”
If he asked me the question two minutes ago, I would’ve said no. But now I wasn’t so sure. I felt almost trapped, unsure of what to do next.
His grip on my chin didn’t loosen. I couldn’t slip away if I wanted to.
“Nathalie?” Asa prodded, arching his dark brow. “Are you in danger?”
Those light brown eyes remained fixed on me, as he continued to inspect me with the single-minded focus he always did. And then his lips came down on mine.
I knew I had made a grave mistake by the intensity of his kiss. It was brutal and driven by passion. There was no gradual build to mouths shyly opening, but a primal meeting of lips, teeth, and tongue.
I was just as unprepared by this kiss as I was by the one before, but that didn’t stop me from responding. My fingers gripped his arms, tracing the curves of his biceps. When my hands moved back up his chest, to link around his neck, Asa held me tighter, his hands wrapping around my waist. There was no space between us. Against my stomach, I could feel how hard he was. I didn’t know what I needed or wanted. What I did know was desire continued to burn inside me, and every time I was with Asa, it fed the flames.
I wanted to see what else Asa could give and show me. I wanted everything.
As Asa’s mouth moved against mine, I experimented and sucked on his tongue. The action pulled a throaty groan from his throat.
Suddenly, Asa pushed me away. He held me at arm’s length and breathing deeply through his nose, he stared at me with something close to confusion. I looked right back at him, raising a shaking hand to my lips.
He lowered his hands and cleared his throat. “I didn’t come here for this.”
“Why did you come? To scold me on my ridin’?”
He frowned. Asa couldn’t help himself. Frowning came naturally. His eyes drifted to my lips and stayed. “No…” His words faded as his eyes burned hot. Abruptly, he shook his head with a start and focused on the tree behind me. “No. I came to tell you we can’t be alone.”
“I believe that could’ve been said through a letter if you didn’t want to see me.”
“If I was a coward, yes.”
I smiled at his curt tone. I loved when he spoke so honestly. It was rather refreshing. But in this situation, I didn’t believe him. His actions didn’t align with his words.
You didn’t kiss someone you didn’t want to be alone with.
I didn’t know how to express my thoughts properly, and I knew positively nothing about men. Not that that would help with Asa. He was as complex as they came.
I just wanted to be alone with him for as long as I could. But I couldn’t make Asa accept the feelings he was stubbornly fighting. That was up to him.
So I acquiesced. “Very well. We can no longer be alone.”
Asa appeared stunned that I agreed so quickly. Did he want me to fight him? I didn’t understand this man. He was unhappy if we were secretive, yet he was equally upset if I agreed we shouldn’t be together.
“We will never be alone together, and we will never kiss or touch again,” I declared. “Never.”
Asa hesitated, suddenly not so quick to respond. “Well… I- I didn’t…” For the first time, he stumbled over his words. Scowling, he looked away, and gathered his wits. “I said we couldn’t be alone.”
“But us bein’ alone leads to kissin’. Seems to me one event cannot happen without the other.”
Asa knew I was right. He wanted to prove me wrong, but he couldn’t. With his hands on his narrow hips, he gave a terse nod. “Yes, you’re right.” He emphasized this shouldn’t happen again, but now he looked more upset than me. “This is the last time.”
With my hands behind my back, I stepped toward him, and tilted my head back to look him in the eye. “Absolutely. Last time.”
When his chest met mine, my nipples hardened. Asa’s eyes dilated. His hands stayed at his sides, but they curled into small fists.
He dipped his head, his eyes focused on my mouth. I raised myself to my tiptoes .
“This is the very last time,” he said against my lips.
“Last time,” I agreed and closed my eyes.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
1911
Asa
Tonight, would be the very last night.
It had to be.
I adjusted the lapels of my coat as I walked down the darken corridor of the Pleasonton’s home. The rest of the guests were in the sitting parlor having drinks.
They would never be mistrustful of me because I had never given them a reason to be. None of the guests would presume I was meeting a woman in one of the guest rooms in the Pleasonton’s home.
They’d hold those presumptions for libertines like Livingston, but not me. Never me.
That’s what made my departure from the party so easy. I made my exit with single-minded focus. I’d been thinking of this since the start of dinner.
I was becoming mad.
All for one woman.
That was why this had to end. Not because I didn’t want Nathalie. Because I wanted her more than was necessary. I treated my fascination with Nathalie as though it was an object. I viewed every angle, and just when I thought I had it figured out, I discovered something new I was intoxicated by.
My steps were quick as I moved up the stairs. The same stairs I’d ran up with Miles, Étienne and Livingston as a young boy as we rushed off to our next adventure. My hand gripped the banister and my footsteps slowed as I hesitated. They were no longer by my side, and now, I was rushing toward Nathalie.
The thought was akin to a bucket of cold water being thrown over my head, but it wasn’t enough to stop me. I continued up the stairs, taking them two at a time because Nathalie wasn’t a childhood adventure I would soon forget about. I needed every moment with her like my next breath. In fact, I was starting to become consumed with these liaisons. When I reached the second floor, I was nearly panting as though I was out of breath but it was only with anticipation.
I walked down the hall, past Rainey and Miles’ rooms, and when I reached the guest room, I didn’t balk and walked right in.
Nathalie was across the room by the window. When she heard me walk in, she turned.
Here it was. The perfect moment to tell her that I couldn’t see her anymore. But she smiled and I was immediately disarmed. She moved closer and the heady scent of vanilla and jasmine greeted me, and the words began to die on my tongue.
“I didn’t think you would come.”