Tracks

by Karen Woods

  Nevaya shook her head. Here she was trying to make amends and this stubborn cow was still being a bitch. She turned to make sure nobody could hear her. ‘Correct, I don’t have to tell you anything. I’m just keeping my dad happy. You just stay out of my way and I’ll stay out of your way too. Simple, isn’t it?’

  Tina didn’t need this shit first thing. ‘Listen, you cocky bitch, one day someone is going to wipe that smile right off your face and I hope I’m there to see it. Piss off out of my room and do what you want.’ She wasn’t proud of losing her rag but she just wanted to be left alone.

  Nevaya walked out and slammed the door shut behind her. There was no love lost here today, none whatsoever.

  Tina pulled up in the school car park and sat with her head resting on the steering wheel for a few seconds. From the corner of her eye she saw somebody running past her and heading for the alleyway. It was one theirs, she was sure of it. Nobody was about, and she knew she would have to deal with it.

  ‘For fuck’s sake,’ she whispered under her breath as she got out of the car and clicked the lock.

  Tina pegged it down the alley but soon ground to a stop. She stood there gasping for breath; it had been a long time since she’d set foot in the gym and to say she was unfit would have been an understatement. She squinted as she tried to make out shapes at the bottom of the path but then realised someone else had stopped halfway along. She moved closer, dodging dog shit and rubbish. It stank of bin juice and piss and she had to watch every step. Somebody was slouched against the wall a few feet away from her.

  ‘Are you alright?’ Tina waited until the girl lifted her head. ‘Amelia. What are you doing down here, what’s wrong?’

  Amelia had been crying, her eyes were red and swollen.

  ‘Just leave me alone, will you? Fuck off, just fuck off.’

  Tina was in no mood for more of this kind of behaviour today. She’d just left one moody teenager at home, she didn’t need another pecking her head at work. ‘There is no need to speak to me like that. You’re clearly upset. Do you want me to ring your parents?’

  ‘No! Just leave me alone!’ Amelia screamed at the top of her voice and banged her head against the brick wall behind her. ‘Nobody can help me, and certainly not them. Go away and just leave me here, I need to be alone.’

  Tina was concerned and intrigued in equal measure. The kid never really caused any trouble in the school, usually just kept herself to herself. Sure, she had a bit of a reputation, but so did half the other girls in the school. Tina stood for a few seconds thinking.

  Judging by the state she was in there was clearly something very wrong. And given her age it was going to be a safeguarding issue. As the lead safeguarding officer at the school she knew she couldn’t just walk away and leave the girl on her own. What if she went missing? What if she harmed herself? No, she had to stay.

  ‘Can you at least come inside where we can have a proper chat? Honest, if I stay here any longer, I might puke. I think that’s a dead rat over there. Come on, let’s go inside.’

  Amelia lifted her head up to see the brown furry rodent on its back not far from where she was standing. If there was one thing she hated, it was rats. ‘I feel sick.’ She jumped to her feet. Her cheeks filled up like she was holding a ping pong ball in each side. She sprinted out of the alleyway and straight into school, making for the toilets. Tina wasn’t far behind her, though she could barely breathe. Bleeding hell, the school day hadn’t even started yet and there was drama and an unwanted workout.

  Rita was stood in the corridor; she watched Amelia and the deputy head rush by, trying to get a better look at what was happening. Amelia didn’t look good. She was pale and sweating and liquid began to spray from her mouth even before she made it through the door. Tina blocked the toilets off while she was dealing with this emergency. That was all she needed – an audience. Given half a chance, the kids would be all over it, making things ten times worse than they already were. Gossip spread round a school like wildfire.

  Amelia raised her head weakly from rim of the toilet bowl. ‘I’ve been like this for days. When will it ever stop?’ Tina was trying to clean the floor while getting her breath back. This job was grinding her down, drama after drama every bloody day.

  ‘Have you eaten something that doesn’t agree with you?’

  It was clear that Amelia was struggling to get her words out. Tina helped her up and sat her down on a chair. ‘Come on, take deep breaths. I’ll get you a cold drink of water and you might start to feel a bit better.’

  She was back in a couple of minutes with a full glass. Amelia sat sipping it slowly as Tina watched her.

  ‘How are you feeling now?’ Amelia put the glass down and dropped her head into her hands, mumbled under her breath. Tina struggled to hear what she was saying and asked her to repeat herself. Amelia looked up.

  ‘Miss, I think I’m pregnant. I’ve missed my period and I’m puking every morning. You need to help me. My dad will leather me if he knows I’m knocked up. Please, Miss, help me. Make it go away, do something. I can’t have a kid. I can’t even look after myself properly, make it stop, take it away.’

  Tina groaned inwardly. It wouldn’t be the first pregnancy test she’d bought for a pupil at the school. The girls were always thinking they were with child in this place. She thought of what her own mother would have said if she’d come home knocked up. She’d always warned her not to have her knickers up and down like a yo-yo. Little did she know then that getting pregnant was never going to happen.

  ‘Right, let me go and drop my bag off upstairs and then I’ll call the clinic. I can go with you.’

  Amelia was distraught. ‘No! Are you not listening? I said nobody can know about this. I don’t want a clinic to go on about my “choices”. If I’m pregnant then I’m getting rid of it. I don’t want a baby at my age. How the hell will I cope? I can’t do it.’

  The irony of the situation had not escaped Tina. Her cheeks burned. Here she was desperate for a baby and this young girl was desperate not to have one. Life really wasn’t fair.

  ‘OK, OK, just relax.’ Tina walked up and down dragging her fingers through her hair. She had to think on her feet. ‘Just stay there for a minute, let me go upstairs and speak with the head. I’m not going to tell him what’s happened. I’m just going to say you need some sanitary pads for now. No one asks questions if you say that.’

  Amelia sat with her arms wrapped around her body, shivering, sobbing. ‘Just hurry up. I don’t want to be on my own. My head’s going to burst if this isn’t sorted. I need help. Just help me, will you?’ She was desperate.

  ‘I’ll be back, just stay put.’

  As soon as she heard Tina leave, her heels clipping down the corridor and up the stairs, Rita crept into the toilets.

  ‘You don’t look well, Amelia, are you alright?’ There was no reply, but Rita wasn’t leaving it at that. ‘I heard you being sick. That’s not right, is it? Do you need to go to the doctor’s?’

  Amelia stood up and went back inside the cubicle and locked the door. She didn’t want to talk about it and this nosy cow didn’t seem to be moving for love nor money. She pressed her back against the toilet door. ‘It’s period pains, miss. I suffer with them every month. Just leave me alone will you?’

  ‘Do you need some tablets, a paracetamol or something?’

  ‘No thanks,’ Amelia replied. Tina rushed back in with her car keys in her hand. She shot a look at Rita and told her she was no longer needed.

  ‘It’s alright, I’m dealing with this, Rita, you can go back to work.’

  The cook raised her eyebrows but slunk off. Tina had her black leather handbag on her shoulder and clutched her keys tighter. ‘Come on then, let’s get this sorted out. Dry your eyes first though. I can’t take you anywhere looking like that. You look like you have done ten rounds with Tyson Fury.’

  Am
elia walked to the mirror and dabbed the crumpled white tissue into the corners of her eyes. ‘Please miss, promise me you won’t tell anyone about this?’

  Tina knew she couldn’t promise her anything, she’d have to report it. ‘Come on. We can talk about this more when we know what’s happening. You might not even be pregnant and then you’ll be worrying for nothing. Let’s just get a supermarket test first, then we can talk about next steps.’ Tina started to walk out of the door with Amelia behind her, her head down low. She looked like she had the worries of the world on her shoulders. A door slammed shut behind them. Tina looked round immediately, but nobody was there.

  The deputy headteacher stood outside the cubicle once she had passed over the test and gone through what Amelia had to do with it. She stood now biting her nails, waiting for the old lady who was taking forever to wash her hands to leave the toilets, then banging her fist on the door. Her voice was low. ‘Have you done it? Pass it me, hurry up.’

  The door creaked open and Amelia handed the white plastic stick to Tina. The teacher looked at it as tears filled her eyes; she knew she would never experience this for herself, she would never have a positive result on a pregnancy test. She would never have the joy of knowing that a child was growing inside her. She would never rush home to tell Chris that he was going to be a dad again. No one would ever call her Mum. The sadness hung in her chest like a lead weight. ‘Miss, miss, what does it say?’

  They walked out of the toilets before anyone else came in. ‘Just get in the car, we can talk about it there. You can’t wash your dirty laundry in public – let’s keep this to us, not the world and his bloody wife.’

  Tina could barely speak. She sat in the car, with her head resting on the steering wheel. Amelia watched her impatiently, desperate to find out if she was tubbed.

  ‘Miss, come on, just tell me and put me out of my misery.’ Tina lifted her head up slowly. She had to put her own issues to the back of her mind and deal with this situation professionally.

  ‘Amelia, it’s a positive result.’

  The girl swallowed a large mouthful of air – she looked like she was choking. She reached over and gripped her arm. ‘Just breathe, take deep breaths.’

  Tina reached to her left and pressed the button for the electric window. Some fresh air would help. The cold breeze drifted in. Amelia gritted her teeth together tightly. ‘Forget what I said earlier. Take me straight to the clinic. I want it gone today; can they do an abortion today?’

  Tina squirmed; she wasn’t comfortable with this one little bit. ‘Listen to me, Amelia, you’re just panicking at the moment. You’re not thinking straight. Let’s go back to school and have a chat about your options.’

  Amelia smashed her fist against the car door. ‘Fuck off, will you? You don’t know my life; you know nothing about me and what my family is like. My dad will do me in.’

  ‘What about the father of the baby? He might want to support you and the baby. You should talk to him first.’

  ‘I don’t even know who he is, miss. I’ve slept with a few lads over the last month.’

  ‘Well, you could have a DNA test when the child is born but let’s worry about that later.’

  ‘My dad thinks I’m a virgin, miss. Imagine telling him I don’t even know who the dad is, he will shit a brick. Miss, I know what I want to do. Don’t try and persuade me to keep it. If you don’t help me, I’ll do it myself. I’ll drink vodka and get a coat hanger or something. That will do it, won’t it?’

  Tina was alarmed. ‘What about all those people who can’t have children? You could have the baby and put it up for adoption, make someone’s dream of having a child come true. Don’t rule that out.’ Tina welled up and a single fat tear rolled slowly down her cheek. She couldn’t help herself. ‘Amelia, you might as well know – I’m one of those women. I can’t have a child and do you know how hard it is for me to sit here and listen to you? It’s selfish, very selfish.’

  Amelia stared at her. Then she punched the dashboard. ‘You fucking have it then, go on, you have it.’

  Tina retaliated. ‘Have you no feelings, Amelia? This is a child we are talking about, not a bleeding pair of trainers or something. You just can’t make a decision like this in a few minutes. You have to think about it properly.’

  Amelia turned her head towards the window and sucked in large mouthfuls of the cold air. She slowly calmed down. ‘Miss, I’m sorry but I really, really don’t want a kid. Maybe if I was older and had a partner, things might be different, but look at me, Miss, I’ve been thrown out of mainstream school and let’s face the facts: I’m never going to finish school with any qualifications, am I? And certainly not if I’ve got a baby to raise. The best thing to do is to get rid of the baby. Go on, what other options do I have?’

  Tina answered without even thinking, the words leaping from her tongue before she could hold them back. ‘Then maybe you’re right. I’ll have the baby. If we’re careful, nobody has to know that you’re pregnant. When the time comes for you to give birth I will stay by your side and take the baby when it’s born.’ Tina was completely caught up in the moment. Why shouldn’t she have a baby? Turn this unwanted pregnancy into a longed-for child?

  Amelia reached over and squeezed the teacher’s hand. ‘D’you mean it, miss? If I have the baby you’d take it? And it will be our secret; nobody will ever know? How would we manage that? It’ll be months.’

  Tina was in deep now. What was she thinking? How would it work? The logistics … She had to tell the girl that it wasn’t possible. But she couldn’t do it. Where was her head at? There were laws about this sort of thing, procedures to follow. She needed to tell Amelia this instead of getting involved in some ridiculous web of deceit. But she couldn’t let go of this dream. Tina turned the key and closed the window.

  ‘I do mean it, Amelia. But this has to be our secret. I will find a way to look after you until the baby is born but you mustn’t tell a single person, not a living soul. Because, if anyone finds out about this, we would both be in trouble, deep trouble.’

  She had no idea how it was going to work, but she’d find a way. Tina smiled. She would be a mother after all.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Ged rolled a spliff and passed it over to Frankie. Now that Nancy was out of the picture things were back on track.

  ‘I need you to get on the seven o’clock train to Blackpool tonight, mate. This is the biggest load you’ve taken so you need to be extra cautious. Just get up there, drop it off and bring the money straight back.’

  Ged nodded. He took a deep breath before he spoke. ‘This is the last run I’m doing, Frankie. My old man is out of the nick this week and I want to keep him on the straight and narrow and how can I do that if I’m dabbling in the world he’s trying to leave behind?’

  But Frankie was having none of it. ‘Nah, you can’t just stop. You’re quids in and you are earning. You’d be a fool to give that up, wouldn’t you?’

  Ged sucked hard on the spliff and exhaled before he answered. ‘It’s just the way it is. I need to think about my old man, don’t I?’

  Frankie wasn’t impressed. You could see the cogs whirring. ‘Do whatever then, mate. Just get your arse up there tonight and sort it out.’

  Ged looked relieved. He’d been dreading telling Frankie that he was stopping. It had gone better than he’d feared. He looked at his watch and closed his eyes. One last job and this would be over for good and he could go back to his normal life without all the stress and worry hanging on his head. He’d saved a few hundred quid now, so that should help him out for a while. Well, until his dad got back into work and back on his feet. Frankie stood up and scouted the area. He seemed agitated, like he had something on his mind. ‘Pick the gear up from the usual place and let me know when you’re on the way back and I’ll meet you. Like I said, don’t fuck this up. It’s a good wage for you to finish on.’

&nb
sp; Ged pulled his jacket down. ‘Oh yeah, Frankie, before you shoot off, I want to thank you for all you’ve done for me. You hooked me up and sorted me out. Cheers for that.’

  Frankie didn’t seem to be arsed with his mate’s thanks. He was already walking off, never turned back once or said a word.

  Ged sat on the train looking out of the window, lost in a world of his own. A final trip, then it was over. Bright lights in the distance, the noise of the speeding engines. This was his last drop, the end of feeling anxious, the end of putting himself at risk. He patted his coat pocket and closed his eyes for a few minutes. He’d be in Blackpool soon and his plan was to get in and out as quickly as he could. There would be no staying over at the trap gaff, he was just doing his job and bringing the cash back. Then he’d put this life behind him. He wasn’t a thug, a gangster, who was he trying to kid? Ged opened his eyes quickly as he felt the back of his seat move. He could feel someone’s warm breath; the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and a cold rush of adrenaline flooded through his body. His knife, where was it? He rummaged in his coat pocket. Voices behind him, whispering. Ged gripped the handle of the sharp metal blade inside his pocket, and braced himself to plunge it deep into anyone who thought they could have him over. He jumped up and looked behind him, meeting the eyes of two teenagers, both dressed in black with hats pulled down low. He stepped out into the aisle and headed to the toilets still clutching the blade. He was probably being paranoid, but those two guys seemed shifty as fuck.

  Ged stood in the toilet and checked his watch, he’d be in Blackpool any minute now; he relaxed a little. He turned left out of the toilet rather than right and went to sit somewhere else, looking back as he moved along the aisle. The two lads had gone, nowhere to be seen. He was spooked though, his breathing getting faster and his heart still thumping. He looked around again just to double-check. Nothing. He let out a laboured breath and found a place near the doors ready for a quick exit. He perched on the edge of the seat, trying to make sure he had a good view of the areas around him. If anybody was coming for him, he would be ready for them. He reached into his coat pocket again and gripped his knife again. Frankie had given it to him and he never thought he’d actually have to use it but God help anyone who fucked with him – they were getting it dug deep into their flesh.