My Blue

by Jacobs, Emery

  “He’s lying,” Gracie and I say at the same time.

  “The truth will eventually come out,” Gracie says as she helps me to my feet. She holds on to me for a few seconds until I have my balance again.

  “I hope you’re right, but I’m also afraid there’s a lot more to the truth than any of us are prepared for.”

  27

  Leo

  I twirl the small beige velvet box through my fingers. Spending time with Blue over the last week or so has brought back so many memories. Some are good, some bad, but all give me clarity on why I’ll always love her. Me loving Blue is one constant neither time nor distance will ever change. I just wish everything wasn’t so fucking screwed up.

  Ella Blue.

  Amnesia.

  The band.

  Her life without me.

  Asa.

  Motherfucking Asa.

  “Dammit!” I yell, knowing there isn’t anyone around to hear me. Then I laugh. I’m so damn delusional. She left me before and she’ll leave me again. The ache in my chest is still there from the last time she took off.

  I drop my head back and close my eyes. The Texas sun beats down on my skin as I remind myself of everything that has happened in my life since Blue showed up at the Bait Shack. My car was stolen and found. One of my best friends was killed in a car accident. Her ex-boyfriend showed up like he owns her, and my fucking heart won’t let her go.

  The crunching of gravel pulls me out of my thoughts. I glance down at the box holding the ring I wanted to give Blue the night I was arrested. All I wanted was to promise my love to her and have her promise she’d come back to me in return. I shove off the gray-washed picnic table where I’ve been sitting for the past hour, thinking, figuring out how I’m going to help Blue remember her life. She needs more than her past in Idlewood. She deserves her whole life back.

  I turn to face the truck heading my direction and recognize it immediately—Beau. When he texted me earlier, I told him I was gonna be doing some thinking, and Redwood Park is the only place I come to think. A door slamming a few feet away lets me know my brother is heading my way. The sun is so bright I don’t even turn to watch him walk over. I just wait.

  “Hey, everything okay?” Beau asks once he’s standing in front of me.

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” I lie. It’s easier than explaining to him that my life is fucking falling apart and the only thing I can do is watch it happen.

  “I know about Wade,” he says as he lowers his gaze to the ground. “I’m sorry, man. I know he was one of your best friends.” He crams his hands into his front pockets and kicks the gravel around.

  Wade being gone is going to leave a hole in my life. He was always just so himself, not giving a shit about what anybody else thought, and that guy—fuck if he couldn’t hook up with the hottest chick in the room. I shake my head and then rub my eyes. “There won’t be a day that goes by that I won’t miss him, ya know. Life is just so fucking unfair.”

  The slamming of a truck door pulls my thoughts from Wade back to the present. I look toward Beau’s truck and see Blue leaning against the door. What the fuck?

  “Did you bring her with you?”

  He nods. “She showed up at Mom’s house looking for you, said she tried to text you a few times but never got a response.”

  Dammit! I left my phone in the car and she needed me.

  “Did she say what’s going on?” Bile rises into my throat at the thought of Asa saying or doing something to upset her and her not being able to get in touch with me. “Please tell me that fucking asshole of an ex of hers didn’t do something to her.”

  Beau’s forehead wrinkles and he shakes his head. “What are you talking about? What ex-boyfriend?”

  “Nothing, never mind.” I don’t really have the time to explain everything right now, so he’ll just have to wait for those answers. I’m just relieved she’s okay.

  “Anyway, one of Ella’s friends dropped her off at Mom’s. I guess she thought Mom would know where you were. Of course she didn’t, and she also didn’t know Ella was in town, which led to a thirty-minute conversation about everything she’d missed over the last eight years.” Beau rubs his jaw and glances back at Blue. “But anyway, luckily I was there working on the plumbing in the kitchen and offered to bring her here—to you. I hope you’re okay with it, because if not, you can be the one to tell her to leave.”

  Beau turns toward his truck, but before he takes one step, I say, “Really, brother? That’s all you’ve got for me?” Short and to the point is Beau’s thing, and at times, it’s annoying.

  He turns back to look at me with his eyebrows drawn and a huge-ass frown covering his face. “Don’t shit on this girl. She’s been through a lot and is trying like hell to figure out what to do.” He looks down for a couple of breaths before returning his gaze to mine. “She may not tell you this, but she’s scared, scared of the memories that are waiting for her, and she needs you. I don’t know why, but she does.” He tosses me a pack of cigarettes, which I barely snag before it hits the ground. “I quit smoking.”

  “Sure, you did.” He laughs before looking over his shoulder at Blue.

  I cock my head to the side and raise an eyebrow. “Since when did you become such a big fan of Ella?” He never liked the idea of us dating in high school, and then after my arrest and her dad being a dick—well, let’s just leave at he’d have been perfectly happy if I never saw her again.

  “I never disliked Ella. I only disliked the two of you together because it seemed like there was always some shit going on that made you unhappy, but now…” He takes a couple of steps toward me. “Now that I’ve experienced true love, I think it’s only fair that the two of you give it another try if you really love her.”

  “Wow. Did all that just come out of Beau Matson’s head? I’m impressed. So Emmie’s right.” I laugh.

  “About what?” He lifts an eyebrow in confusion.

  “You are a romantic.” I laugh again, except this time it’s a belly-aching laugh.

  “Shut the fuck up, man, and keep my wife out of this.”

  “I forgot to ask how you got all the details about Ella’s amnesia—you know, that you mentioned earlier. I mean, you guys were only together for five minutes during the ride from Mom’s place, right?”

  “This information came from me eavesdropping on the two of them and Mom’s never-ending question-and-answer session.”

  I nod. “Yep, Mom doesn’t usually stop with the interrogation until she gets what she wants. I’m guessing she got quite a few answers from Blue.” I glance over at Blue, and she gives me a hesitant smile.

  Beau nods and then walks away.

  “Later!” I yell, and he throws up his hand with his famous backward wave. I swear, I’ll never understand how he ended up with somebody like Emmie.

  As my brother reaches Blue, he nods in her direction, and a huge smile covers her face before she makes her way over to me.

  “I hope you’re okay with me going to your parents’ house—” She barely gets the words out before she drops her eyes toward the ground.

  I know what she’s thinking. She said my parents’ house, and she must have suddenly remembered that my dad is no longer with us. He died about two years before Blue left, so I know she remembers.

  “Hey, Blue, it’s okay. Don’t let a slip of the tongue ruin the moment.” I touch her cheek gently as my fingers move along her jawline. “Please look at me.” She slowly lifts her head until her eyes are focused on me. A single tear falls from her right eye, and I quickly wipe it away with the pad of my thumb. “Please don’t cry, baby.”

  “I really don’t want to cry…it’s just that today has been a terrible day.” She blinks a few times, freeing a few more tears from her eyes.

  I hate to see her cry, it fucking twists me all up inside.

  “What happened today? Please tell me Asa didn’t hurt you.” If he did, I’ll be on the first plane to wherever that son of a bitch lives and—I bl
ow out a deep breath and stop that thought process. Blue needs me focused on her and not thinking of all the ways to make her ex suffer.

  “No, no, he didn’t hurt me, but Gracie and I were able to get him to talk. The only problem is whether or not he was telling the truth. I don’t know if I mentioned it before, but Asa is a drug addict, liar, and pretty much an all-around bad guy.”

  If he’s so bad, why did you date him?

  Her eyes flit from me to the table we’ve sat on a hundred times, and she slides her hand down my arm until she’s gripping my wrist. “Let’s sit.”

  I take the few steps from where we’re standing to the old table. Blue climbs on top, and I slide onto the bench just beneath her.

  She slides her fingers into mine and squeezes tight. “I have so much to tell you, Leo. It’s almost overwhelming. I don’t know where to start, and I’m not sure how you’ll react.” Her dark eyes are sad, and I fucking hate it. I know it has to do with Asa showing up. Fuck that motherfucker.

  “I want to know everything, Blue. Everything. Don’t hold back. I want to know your memories, your struggles, your happiness, and even your sadness, because all of that makes up your life, and I want to be a part of your life.” Be careful what you say, dumbass. I push off the bench and stand in front of her. “Let me help you, Blue. Let me be a part of your journey. Tell me what happened today.” I lean in and press my lips to hers. The kiss doesn’t linger, but it wasn’t meant to.

  She sighs before taking a deep breath.

  “First, I need to tell you that my memories are starting to come back quickly. Sometimes something triggers it, kind of like déjà vu, and then other times it feels like the memories just slam into me from nowhere. Sometimes I get dizzy and feel sick to my stomach, and other times there are no physical symptoms. It just feels weird.” She squeezes my hand again and then drops her head back, staring at the blue sky.

  “We’ve got time—you don’t have to unload everything today. Like I said, I’m not going anywhere.” The anticipation is killing me. I want to pace, want to beg her for details, and I want to shut down my mind because, like always, my thoughts race toward everything negative.

  “I’ll start with Asa. Remember he’s a liar.” She bends her head slightly and closes her eyes, like she’s regrouping.

  “Yes, I remember.” My heart is beating so hard and so fast that I’m scared it might explode before I find out what she has to tell me.

  “After several minutes of Gracie and me not giving him a choice other than to tell us about the night of the concert, he finally caved.”

  “Wait a second—he was at the concert?”

  She nods, sniffles, and then rubs her nose.

  Well, fuck. That’s new information. Calm the fuck down and listen.

  I lean in and kiss her cheek. “Tell me what he said, Blue.”

  “He told me he saw me the night before the concert at the rental. He was there with Gracie’s dad. Then he admitted to seeing me after the concert.” She swallows hard and looks me in the eye. “He said I was out back alone, smoking a cigarette.”

  “Did you talk to him or did he just see you and leave?” Of course they talked, you idiot.

  “He said he begged me to talk to him about getting back together and I said no, so he left, which means he’s the last person we know saw me before the cop found me the next morning.” The tears roll down her face and she shuts her eyes. “I have no memories of anything he said happened. Do you know how that feels? To know you did things and said things and then poof! They’re completely gone from your mind.” She opens her eyes and wipes the tears away. “The only thing I remember from that night is one song and meeting Jenna. Then the next day I woke up in the hospital, and I only remembered you. I thought I was still seventeen, and I begged the nurses to call the police department to see if you were still in jail.” She laughs softly as the tears continue to fall.

  “Ella,” I whisper, resting my forehead against hers. I fucking hate this for her. “Do you remember anything from the day before the concert, or maybe the day before that?”

  She shifts around on the table, setting her feet on the bench before jumping to the ground. She tilts her head back and forces a smile. “After Asa left today, I tried to force myself to remember all the things he talked about, but I got nothing.”

  “I think you may be trying too hard. Remember what the doctor said—not to force anything. Your memories will return in time.”

  She grabs both of my hands in hers and squeezes. “What’s this?”

  Shit. I forgot I still had the ring in my hand.

  She takes the small box from me and stares at it. Her brown eyes widen, and it’s obvious she recognizes it from all those years ago.

  “Leo,” she whispers, her eyes moving from the velvet box to me. “I can’t believe you still have this. I mean—I assume it’s the same one you had the night of my seventeenth birthday.”

  My heart flipflops in my chest as I watch her examine the small box. “Yes, it’s the same one.”

  “You’ve kept it all this time?” she asks curiously.

  “This box and the ring inside it have been around for a lot longer than eight years.” I place my hand over hers, trapping the box between us.

  She tilts her head slightly while raising an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

  I should’ve shoved the damn thing in my pocket before she arrived, because this is not a conversation I wanted to have today.

  “The ring belonged to my grandmother. It was the first ring my grandfather ever gave her. She said they were too young to get married, but this ring”—I motion toward the box we’re holding— “was his promise that they’d one day be married and spend the rest of their lives together.” I smile and pull my hand from hers. “So, the ring held their bond until they were old enough to marry.”

  “That’s such a beautiful story, Leo. I never knew your grandfather, but he sounds like he was a good man who definitely loved your grandmother.” She turns her hand over and holds the velvet box in front of me.

  I take the ring from her and shove it in the front pocket of my jeans. “I was planning on giving you this ring on your seventeenth birthday.” I don’t know why I’m telling her this, because nothing that happened that night even matters anymore.

  She takes my hands and slides her fingers between mine. “I know.” She rises up on her toes and kisses my lips softly. “I would have promised you forever,” she whispers against my mouth. She nibbles on my bottom lip before pulling away, and her eyes are different from earlier. They’re happy and bright; she’s so beautiful it hurts. I never stopped loving her, and I never will. It doesn’t matter where she is or who she’s with.

  “I really like kissing you.” She giggles as she pulls me back to the picnic table.

  I smirk. “So do you want to kiss some more, maybe somewhere we can be alone?”

  She laughs. “I would love to kiss you for the rest of my life, but before we commit to anything that long term, there’s something I really need to tell you. It’s a memory I had the day I saw my dad. I’ve been avoiding it because I’m afraid it may change your mind about me.”

  We sit on the bench facing each other. There isn’t anything she can say that’ll change how I feel about her.

  “I had some kind of memory surge when my parents were here. It was terrible. My father was screaming and demanding things that didn’t make sense. He acted like he still had control over my life.” Her face flushes as she gulps in a deep breath. “I remembered that night. I remember what my dad did to you. There were drugs—Kami’s pills. My mother found them, and my dad assumed they were yours. It was awful. He’s the one who had you arrested and—”

  “Kept me in jail all night so he could get you out of town.” I don’t want her getting so upset over something I already know.

  Her eyes grow wide and she arches an eyebrow at me, her confusion apparent. “Wait, you already knew?”

  I let out a sigh of relief. Thank fuck
there are no surprises with that confession. “Yes. I saw your father the day I was released. He did actually admit to having me arrested, but I’m not an idiot. I already knew he was involved.”

  “What about the drugs? Did he mention that my mom found pills in my nightstand drawer?”

  “No, he never said anything about drugs. He just basically said I couldn’t look for you and I could never bring you back to Idlewood or I’d be sorry.” Those weren’t his exact words, but close enough.

  “Oh, Leo, I’m so sorry. It was all my fault. It’s been killing me not to say anything to you, but I was so afraid you’d walk away from my train wreck of a life.” She moves in closer to me and rests her head on my shoulder.

  “Blue, look at me.” She lifts her head and raises her gaze to mine. “I don’t know what your dad did or said to you that night he sent you away, but I promise you I never blamed you for anything. I was so fucking lost without you, but at the same time I was scared to look for you. I felt helpless, but I always knew one day I’d see you again. I just hate that it’s under these circumstances.”

  She climbs into my lap and wraps her arms around my neck. “I wish I knew why I stayed away. It just doesn’t make sense to me.”

  My heart aches for her. She’s so lost without her memories, and I can’t help her. “You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.” I pull her in closer to my body and wrap my arms around her waist. I love you so fucking much.

  “Leo,” she whispers.

  “Yeah, Blue.” I nuzzle my nose against her warm skin and inhale deeply. Vanilla and strawberries have never smelled so good.

  “Promise me you’ll never let me go again.” Her voice is soft and steady.