The Doctor Who Has No Chance (Soulless Book 11)

by Victoria Quinn

  I shrugged. “It’s as good as it can be, for the time being. I’m so excited to get him, and then, like, a second later, I have to give him back, and it’s like…” I shook my head, unable to find the words.

  “Like your heart lives outside your body and she just took it away.”

  My eyes narrowed on his face. “Yeah, that’s exactly what it feels like.”

  “I know. I had to go through that with Derek when he was younger.”

  “Before I was born?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, it was torture. It was a different situation, but Valerie wouldn’t let me see Derek and used him as a bargaining chip to leverage my compliance. She wanted us to get back together, and when I was uncooperative, she took him away. It was a really bad situation for everyone involved. Despite my reservations about Catherine, that’s something she would never do.”

  No, she wouldn’t. She’d never been a vengeful or spiteful person. When her father passed away, she went into this weird vortex and became a different person, but once it was over, she was exactly who she used to be.

  “Have you figured out a schedule yet?”

  “Not really. Everything is still so new, and I have to move a bunch of stuff around. I’ll have to leave my position at Kline because I think it’s unfair to expect Catherine to hand him over every weekend, and I don’t just want him every other weekend, so…”

  He nodded in agreement. “When you have a kid, you have to make sacrifices. If you don’t make those sacrifices now, you’ll pay for them later. I see it happen all the time with my colleagues who didn’t take the time to be with their kids when they were young. And since that foundation was never formed, there’s no chance to form it later. Once that opportunity is gone, it’s over.”

  I wouldn’t let that happen to me. “You and Mom always made time for us, no matter how busy you were.” Mom would take me to school, Dad would pick me up, and after we were put to bed, they stayed up late with their laptops and got caught up before work the next day. They chose to sacrifice their sleep for decades.

  He nodded. “And I hope you do the same with Ryan and your other children.”

  “I will.” Now I kinda wanted to get started on the next set of kids so they would be close in age to Ryan. Derek and I were nearly seven years apart, and while we were close as adults, we weren’t close as kids. Maybe Sicily would be down for that. We were perfectly compatible in every way, and I was going to marry her at some point—why not do it now? It was probably way too soon. I hadn’t even known her a full year. But when you knew, you knew. She was totally the right person for me, just the way Dad knew Mom was the right person from the get-go.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  I didn’t realize how long I’d been quiet. “Sicily.”

  “She seems to be okay with all of this, which is a huge testament to her character. Most people don’t want to be with a single parent, to deal with a kid who’s not theirs, but she’s along for the ride.”

  “Yeah. I can tell it’s a little hard for her, but she’s getting better.”

  “Hard how?”

  “I don’t think it’s necessarily because I have a kid, but the fact that I have him with Catherine, and…it’s just a reminder, you know?”

  He nodded in understanding.

  “But it’ll get easier in time. I can tell she’s smitten with Ryan.”

  “Can’t blame her.” He gave a smile. “That is one handsome boy.”

  I grinned with pride. “Why, thank you. I bet it’s driving Derek crazy that he’s not the only one with cute kids anymore.”

  Dad chuckled. “I think he’s fine with it.”

  “He acts like it, but I know he’s not.”

  “Despite our success, we are not a competitive family, Dex.”

  “That’s what you think…”

  Sicily carried the bags into the guest bedroom, where my suitcases were open on top of the bed. “Okay, I got everything on the list, and extra, extra bug spray.” She opened the shopping bag and started to pack everything inside. “That should be everything.”

  “What about your stuff?” I came beside her.

  “Oh…it’s at my apartment.”

  “Why wouldn’t you bring it here?” I asked. “We leave at the same time.”

  “I didn’t think about that. We’ll figure it out later.” She packed everything inside until there was nothing left but the empty bags and a receipt at the bottom of one. I glanced at it and scanned the items. “You only bought one of everything.”

  “Because I already have my stuff. You know, can only carry so much at once.” She closed the top and zipped each one up. “All you need to do is pack your extra clothes, and you should be set.” She left the room and headed back into the living room.

  I followed her. “Baby?”

  “Hmm?” She turned around and regarded me, looking at me like everything was fine.

  But it didn’t feel fine. “I feel like there’s something wrong. It’s been that way for a few days.”

  “I’ve just been really stressed out about this trip and juggling all my other responsibilities, and now there’s also Ryan that we have to incorporate… It’s just a lot.”

  Those were all reasonable explanations, but it still didn’t assuage my concerns. “Are you sure? Because something just feels…off.”

  “Yes.” She turned away again. “Should we get dinner started? I’m starving.”

  I went by Catherine’s apartment after work so I could spend time with Ryan. My schedule was too hectic to keep him overnight, so this would have to do. When I returned from my trip, I still wouldn’t be able to see him for a while because I didn’t want to expose him to anything I might carry.

  I sat with him on the floor, watching him crawl around and grab blocks and dinosaurs before he presented them to me.

  Catherine joined me, watching our son between us. “Two weeks?”

  I nodded. “I tried to get out of it, but it was too short notice.”

  “Why would you try to get out of it?”

  I looked at Ryan. “Him.”

  “Yeah, it’s hard to leave him. Every time you take him away, I feel like I might die.”

  “I feel the same way.”

  “Well, be careful. I know they’ll take care of you, but you never know.”

  “I’ll be fine, Catherine.” I’d never really cared about my personal safety until now. Now, I had a little person who depended on me, whose life would be deeply impacted if I didn’t make it back. Now it seemed a little irresponsible that I was leaving.

  “Sicily is going with you?”

  “Yeah. She’s my shadow.” Everywhere I went, she was right behind me. Everything I needed, it was in her hand the second I needed it.

  Catherine stared at Ryan.

  I watched her for a moment. “I appreciate the way you’ve handled Sicily. I know it’s probably hard to see her with me and know that she’s spending time with Ryan when I’m spending time with him. It means a lot to me that you’ve made it work.” I knew she wasn’t warm or remotely kind, but at least she accepted it in her stony silence. That was better than nothing. “When you have someone, I will be just as supportive.” I didn’t like the idea of some guy being a stepfather to my kid, but I’d be mature and deal with it.

  She turned her gaze on me and stared for a long time.

  “What?”

  She looked away again and shook her head. “Nothing.”

  My family came over for pizza as a going-away party.

  We had a good time, but when it started to get late, they said goodbye so I could get some sleep before our flight.

  Mom held me for a long time and squeezed me tight. “Please be careful, Dex.” She pulled away and gave me that mom look. “I admire what you’re doing so much, but please, take care of yourself.”

  “I will, Mom. Don’t worry.”

  “And take care of Sicily, alright? Don’t let her leave your sight.”

  “Never.”
r />   She kissed my cheek. “Love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  Dad hugged me next, one of his big hugs with his palm cupping the back of my head and a kiss to the forehead. “Call me if you need anything. You know I’ll be there.”

  “I know.”

  “Love you.”

  “Love you too, Dad.”

  They filed out, and everyone else gave me hugs goodbye. When they were all gone, I shut the door, and it was just Sicily and me. We probably wouldn’t get much sleep tonight, not for a good reason, but because I never slept well before a flight and she was probably nervous for the trip we were about to embark on.

  The second we were alone, Sicily’s mood plummeted. She moved to the couch and took a seat, sitting upright, like she had something to say.

  I moved to the spot beside her and looked at her. “Baby, what is it?”

  “I’m not going with you tomorrow.” She kept her eyes down on her hands as they rested on her knees.

  Now I understood what had been bothering her all week. She was too scared to come with me, and she probably felt guilty because she was always there for me. She probably felt like she let me down. “Baby, it’s okay. Really. I’ll be fine. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with.” While I was disappointed she wouldn’t be there to help me, I wasn’t angry at all. I was self-sufficient and would handle everything on my own. I wanted to take her on safari and see some of the local sights, but it was different to travel abroad as a woman than it was for a man, not that I would let anything happen to her.

  “No…that’s not what I mean.” Her eyes were still down, unable to meet my look.

  Now my heart sank, plummeting just the way her mood had.

  “The only reason the three of you aren’t together as a family is because of me…and I just can’t live with that.”

  My heart literally skipped a beat at her words.

  “So, I’ve hired someone to replace me, and I’m going to train them while you’re gone—”

  “Are you serious right now?”

  She stilled.

  I caught her by the back of the neck and forced her to look at me, to see the rage in my eyes. “No.”

  Her eyes started to water. “I’m sorry—”

  “I don’t want to hear it. This is not happening. I’m not letting you do this. It’s absolutely ridiculous.”

  “It’s not ridiculous. Think about it, Dex. You really want to drop off Ryan at Catherine’s for the rest of your life? Have to deal with that pain every single time you let him go? You want to take turns over the holidays? You want to do all of that when you would have taken her back before you even knew about Ryan if it weren’t for me? If there’s a chance that you guys can work it out, you should, especially since you still love each other—”

  “I love you, Sicily.”

  She winced like I’d struck her. “I think you love her too. I think you feel too guilty to go back to her when you know you should, because you already hurt me once and you don’t want to do it again. You promised you wouldn’t hurt me, so you’re keeping your promise…but you don’t need to—”

  “That’s completely untrue.”

  She pushed my hand off her neck. “I’ve been part of this for a long time, Dex. I know how you feel about her. I know how you felt about her. And if the only reason you two aren’t together is because of me…that’s not right.”

  I shook my head, my jaw clenched so tightly that my mouth hurt. “Sicily, you’ve got it all wrong—”

  “No, I don’t. I love Ryan, and he deserves to have his family together if there’s a chance. If you’d been divorced for a while and naturally went your separate ways, that’s one thing. But that’s not your story at all. You would have found your way back to each other, even without Ryan, and I think that makes me the villain here.”

  “The villain?” I asked incredulously. “Sicily, you’re being stupid right now—”

  “Listen to me.” She raised her hand to shut me up. “I’m a woman. I’m naturally maternal. And despite the way I feel about Catherine, I understand how she feels, that family is more important than anything, and I can’t stand in the way of that.”

  I shook my head.

  “This isn’t a negotiation, Dex. I’ve made my decision.”

  “If you really think I’m gonna let you walk away, then you know nothing about me.” She was my whole goddamn world. I’d just pictured myself asking her to marry me so we could have kids to keep them close in age to Ryan. I’d literally pictured my future with this woman. “What am I doing wrong to ever make you doubt the way I feel about you? Why don’t you fucking get it?”

  The tears overflowed and dripped down her cheeks.

  “Yes, you’re absolutely right. I won’t deny it. If we hadn’t met or been together, I would have taken Catherine back. But who fucking knows what would have happened? I might have been with her for a while and realized it wasn’t how I remembered it being. And then maybe I would have stayed for Ryan, but maybe I wouldn’t have. But that doesn’t matter because we did meet. We did get together. We did fall in love.” My hands were clenched so tightly into fists that the tendons in my forearms hurt. “Does it kill me every single time I have to give Ryan back? Fuck yes. Does it hurt that I can’t be with him all the time, that I won’t get him every Christmas, that I won’t get to be part of his daily life? Yes. But that’s how it is. I’m not going to go back to Catherine when I’m in love with another woman. Don’t you think that’s unfair to Catherine? To be with her when I’m in love with somebody else?”

  “I honestly don’t think she’d care…as long as you were a family.”

  Her mind had been poisoned, and it was driving me insane. “Where the fuck is this coming from? We were fine, and then—” I remembered the first time I’d noticed her sudden change in mood, when we stepped into the elevator, the day Catherine dropped off Ryan at the office. “Did she say something to you?”

  She immediately looked away.

  Now smoke was coming out of my ears. “What the fuck did she say to you?”

  She just shook her head.

  “Sicily, I asked you a goddamn question. Tell me, or I’ll call her ass up right now and ask her.”

  She turned back to me. “It doesn’t matter what she said, because I already had these thoughts before she even said anything to me. Ask your mom. I said the same thing to her.”

  “I…I can’t believe she would do that to me.” I couldn’t believe Catherine would manipulate my relationship to get what she wanted. She left me. She walked away. How dare she sabotage the best thing that had ever happened to me?

  “That’s not how it happened, okay? She just said that it hurts both of you to trade Ryan back and forth, and you still love each other…and I’m the only reason you couldn’t work out your differences.”

  I shook my head, about to chip my own tooth. “Don’t listen to that bitch.”

  Her eyes widened.

  “Think of the source. Of course, she wants you to feel guilty so she can get me back. Don’t listen to her. I’m not going to be with a woman I don’t love anymore because of obligation, because I’ll be a great father without being married to his mother. We will make it work.”

  Instead of being persuaded, she was in the same emotional state as before, as if nothing had been resolved.

  “This is so fucked up, by the way, to say this to me before I leave tomorrow.”

  “It was the only choice.”

  “No, it’s not, Sicily. Don’t do this—”

  “It’s already been done.”

  “What happened to we’ll always remain professional, regardless of what happens between us? Now you’re just leaving? Replacing yourself with someone I haven’t even met? How is that professional?”

  “Because I don’t think it’s fair to Catherine for you to see me every day while the two of you—”

  “Be co-parents and nothing more?” I asked incredulously. “Sicily, I don�
�t want to be with her. How many times do I have to say it?”

  She turned to look at me, head on and still. The look lasted a while, her gaze burning into mine. “You know I’m right, Dex. You know everything I said is true. And if it were you, you wouldn’t let yourself be the reason Ryan’s parents aren’t together.” She left the couch and walked to the door without looking back.

  Despite my anger and disagreement, I didn’t go after her.

  I was actually too pissed for it.

  I was pissed at Sicily for making this decision, and I was super pissed that Catherine put those thoughts into her head because she still felt entitled, when she had no rights to me any longer. Now, I was about to leave tomorrow, and there was no time to do anything except allow it to happen.

  Twenty-Three

  Sicily

  I didn’t feel good about blindsiding Dex like that.

  But I knew if I didn’t take advantage of the timing of the situation, I would never have the strength to leave him. I needed time and space to prepare Kendra to replace me, time alone so I could sob on my couch while I cried tears of wine from the bottle I drank. Now, I didn’t have a job, and while I had my savings, I needed to find something soon.

  I wanted to go back to the Trinity Building.

  But with Cleo…I wasn’t sure how that would work. She seemed to have a level head and didn’t hold grudges, and while she might not agree with my decision, she would understand it. I’d wanted Dex the moment I laid eyes on him, and I realized he was never mine to have. He’d always been wrapped in Catherine’s tentacles, and I never had a chance.

  Kendra was nice and smart, and I was certain she would do a good job with Dex. It would take time for her to be proactive rather than reactive, and Dex would have to ask for the things he needed until she started to figure it out on her own. But he would be in good hands, and she would have the greatest job ever.

  Dex didn’t call me.

  I didn’t expect him to because he probably had no time, but he might not be able to either, with bad cell reception. But it really didn’t matter, because if he called, I probably wouldn’t answer.