A Rake's Redemption

by G. L. Snodgrass

  “Nathanial,” she said softly as she put her needlework down next to her. “What is wrong?”

  He stopped pacing and turned to study her for a long moment, then shrugged his shoulders.

  “Is it Olivia?” she asked. “Are you worried about her finding a husband? I can assure you. She will have no difficulty there.”

  He continued to frown as he shook his head. “No, I am not worried about Olivia finding a husband. I am however worried about you finding one.”

  “Me,” she gasped. “Why would? … I mean, how?”

  He shrugged those massive shoulders again and said, “Lord Brookstone will not be a hindrance. No longer can he frighten suitors away. Your cousin has accepted you back into the family. There is nothing stopping you from marrying.”

  She frowned. What he had said was true, and the thought had not occurred to her. What did that mean?

  “Why would you worry about that?” she asked as she held her breath. Suddenly things had turned very serious. Very troubling.

  He shrugged again. “For many reasons. If you were to marry, I would no longer be able to rely on your help with Olivia. She … no, both of us have come to depend upon your advice and guidance.”

  She sighed heavily, he was worried about his sister. The realization sent a bolt of despair through her.

  “You needn’t worry, Mr. Caldwell. I doubt I will ever marry.”

  “Why not?” he asked, “Now that any hindrance has been removed. I thought you would be anxious to marry.”

  Shaking her head, she remained silent afraid if she said the wrong thing she would start to cry.

  “Is it because of our time together. About you not being …”

  She looked up at him, desperately trying to understand what he was asking. At last, his words made sense and she blushed again.

  “No, it is not that,” she said as she studied her hands, fighting to hold off a frown. He wouldn’t be put off, she realized, he truly desired to know why.

  Sighing she said, “I have come to the conclusion that If I was ever to marry, it would only be to a man who truly loved me. To a man, I loved desperately. Unfortunately, such a marriage is quite rare in the ton. I can assure you. So, I find it highly unlikely to occur.”

  He nodded slowly as he pondered her words.

  Why all this talk of marriage? she wondered, Was he truly worried that she would leave before Olivia found a husband? Or was there something else?

  As if in answer to her question, the man before her poured himself another drink and began to pace.

  “Lady Alice,” he said with a hesitant voice that sounded so different from his normal, confident voice. “As you know, although I hold no title. I am a wealthy man. A very wealthy man. I can usually obtain what I want easily. Without having to ask.”

  Her heart stopped. Was this possible?

  “As I am sure you are also aware,” he continued, “I find it difficult discussing such things as emotions and feelings. I may be able to admit to myself that they are there. But discussing such things in public is rather difficult.”

  All she could do was nod. Her mouth had suddenly gone very dry. Gripping the fabric of her dress she tried to stop her hands from shaking. Was he going to ask her to marry her? Here? Now? Were her dreams about to come true?

  “As you are also aware,” he said with a slight frown, “I may not have the best reputation. Especially when it comes to a situation like this.”

  He was. He was going to ask her to marry him. She could see it in his eyes. That was why he was nervous. That was why he was pacing. Really. It was going to happen.

  “Be that as it may,” he said, “I believe you know how I feel about you. I also believe that we could …”

  A quick knock on the parlor door stopped him.

  “What?” he yelled at the door. Obviously upset at being interrupted.

  “Sir,” Benson said as he stepped into the room. “I apologize, but Lord Warwick is here. He says it is rather important. Something only you can help him with. And time is of the essence.”

  Alice’s heart fell as she watched Nathanial’s eyes cloud over trying to understand what Benson was telling him. His attention was being pulled away from her. From this moment. No, don’t stop, she thought as she desperately prayed that he continue. Please don’t let him be pulled away now.

  “I’m sorry, Lady Alice, I will be just a moment,” he said with a deep frown.

  Setting her jaw, she nodded as she replied, “Of course.” Taking a quick breath, she tried to calm her heart as it pounded in her chest. He had been about to ask for her hand. There was no doubt in her mind. It had been so clear. And now, her dreams were to be delayed.

  He grimaced, nodded back to her, then followed Benson out of the room.

  So close she thought. She had been so close to receiving everything she had ever wished for.

  Chapter Twenty

  Nathanial tried not to grumble as he marched across the entranceway to his study. He had been so close. What is more, she had not turned him away. He had seen it in her eyes. That mix of hope and fear. She well knew what he was about to ask her. And yet she had not stopped him. She hadn’t pushed him off.

  No, she wanted him to ask for her hand. There was no doubt in his mind. God, what a woman. To be willing to take on such a man as himself. No title, rough around the edges, demanding. But it had been there in her eyes. She wanted him for her husband.

  The thought sent a charge through him. Lady Alice Weston wanted to be his wife.

  “This had better be good,” he demanded as he stormed into his study to find Lord Warwick and Jocko waiting for him.

  “Nice to see you as well,” Lord Warwick responded with a grin.

  “What is this about?” Nathanial said as he sat down behind his desk. “I am busy.”

  “Oh,” Warwick replied. “Benson said you were in the parlor with Lady Alice.”

  Nathanial stared back at his friend and fought against the urge to strangle the man.

  “What can I do for you?” he asked as he forced the anger out of his voice.

  Warwick smiled. “I need to borrow Jocko for a few days. And I need him now. We must hurry.”

  Nathanial glanced up at the Breton who only gave a Gallic shrug and shook his head. He was as clueless as his employer.

  “Why?” Nathanial asked.

  Warwick hesitated for a moment as he carefully selected his words. “Let us say that I am in need of his specialized knowledge. You can have him back in four or five days.”

  Nathanial studied Lord Warwick for a long moment then gently shook his head. “No. You will have to give me more than that.”

  Lord Warwick took a deep breath and held it.

  “I’m not a French spy, damn it,” Nathanial said as he leaned forward. “You can tell me. And believe me. I am not putting Jocko in danger unless I deem it important.”

  Lord Warwick let out a long breath and nodded. “There is a man who needs to be retrieved from the coast of Breton. He has information vital to Wellesley. Only if we are winning in Portugal will Napoleon hesitate to invade England.”

  “And only Jocko can help you?”

  “He knows that coast. He grew up sailing those waters. And, it will be a moonless night in two days. So, we must make haste.”

  “Don’t you have your own sources?” Nathanial asked, surprised that Warwick was in such difficulty.

  Lord Warwick shook his head. “Let us say that they are no longer available.”

  Nathanial stared at his friend for a moment. “That means they are captured or dead.”

  “The same thing,” Lord Warwick replied.

  “Is this mission of yours important? Truly vital?” Nathanial asked.

  Lord Warwick sighed heavily. “Probably the most important I’ve come across. It might very well alter Wellesley’s plans and become a turning point in the war “

  “Do you even have a boat?” Nathanial asked him. Refusing to think about what it meant for the me
n who had been captured. Better off to have been killed outright.

  “No, but I think I can get one in time.”

  Nathanial frowned as he thought of the woman across the hall. Warwick’s timing could not be worse. He was tempted to push his friends request aside and ignore it. But no. this was too important or Warwick would never have asked.

  “No need,” Nathanial answered as he stared out the window analyzing the situation. “We can use mine.”

  “Yours?” Lord Warwick asked. “And, what do you mean by we? I just need Jocko.”

  Nathanial shook his head. “I have a boat that is perfect. A French fisherman. Tied up at the London docks.”

  “Why do you have a boat like that?” Warwick asked.

  Nathanial smiled back at his friend. “Let’s just say that I am partial to French wines.”

  Lord Warwick rolled his eyes. “Of course, and what is a little smuggling? You do know that we are at war with France.”

  Nathanial laughed, “Yes, I have been told that. Why do you think my men have to use a French fisherman?”

  “And my second question. You are not coming.” Lord Warwick said with a force that left no doubt that he could not be swayed.

  Letting out a deep breath of regret, Nathanial he said, “It’s my boat, Jocko works for me. If it is that important. Then of course, I’m coming. Besides. It will take at least two of us to man the boat. You will have to go ashore to retrieve your man. Jocko can’t be expected to do it all alone.”

  “Sir, …” Jocko began to say, but Nathanial shot him a quick look that let him know to remain quiet. His friend pressed his lips together and nodded as he stepped back.

  “Those are the terms,” Nathanial said. “The two of us and my boat. Take it or leave it.”

  Warwick studied him for a long moment. Obviously trying to work out some way around his problem. At last, his shoulders slumped in defeat as he nodded.

  “Very well,” he said. “But we must hurry.”

  Nathanial nodded. “I have the necessary clothes onboard.”

  “Of course, you do,” Warwick said as he shook his head.

  “You and Jocko wait for me. I will be with you in just a moment.”

  Warwick nodded as he got up to leave.

  “Um… Is anyone going to ask me if I wish to do this?” Jocko asked with a deep frown.

  Nathanial and Warwick both paused on their way out and turned to the Breton. Staring at him for a long moment, Nathanial said, “You’d slit my throat if I kept you away from this. A chance to hurt Napoleon, a few days of adventure. I couldn’t keep you away if I tried.”

  Jocko smiled. “So true, mon ami. So true.”

  Nathanial turned to hurry and tell Alice of his pending departure. He found her still in the parlor, her embroidery still in her hands. She looked up at him, her face a little paler than normal and her eyes beseeching him to finish what he had started.

  But this was not the time. He would have to ask her upon his return.

  “I am sorry Lady Alice. Something has come up. I will be away for a few days. Four or Five. Can you please inform Olivia for me when she returns?”

  Her face grew even paler as she looked over his shoulder at Jocko and Lord Warwick waiting for him.

  “Away? she asked. “A few days? Why?”

  “Sir,” Jocko called out from behind him. “We must hurry if we are to catch the evening tide.”

  He shook his head. Why did this all have to happen now? “I can’t explain, my dear, but I must be off immediately.”

  “Of course,” she said. “I understand.”

  It was obvious to him that she didn’t. But being the Lady that she was, she refused to add to his burdens. Refused to demand he finish the question that he had begun earlier. Instead, she would hold her head up high and await his return. God, how he loved her.

  Stepping into the room, he reached down to take her hand and pull her up into his arms.

  “I promise,” he said. “I will explain everything when I return. And then you and I will talk about our future.”

  She nodded as a tear began to form in the corner of her eye. “Of course, Nathanial,” she said. “I will be here. Waiting.”

  He looked down at her for a long moment then leaned forward and kissed her. To hell with what people thought. To hell with the open door at his back. This was his woman and he was going to tell her goodbye properly.

  Her lips melted into his as she held onto him as if afraid to ever let go.

  “Please be careful,” she said. “I will be unable to rest until you return.”

  He smiled back down at her. “Parting has never been so hard.”

  “Caldwell,” Warwick called forcefully. “We must hurry.”

  “I will return as soon as I can. I promise.”

  She smiled weakly and nodded.

  Sighing heavily, he pulled himself away and joined the men at the door. Stepping through the door, he turned and looked back. Alice stood at the parlor door, watching him leave. Their eyes locked as a sudden fear settled over his spine.

  For the first time in his life, he was afraid. Deathly afraid that he would not return to the woman he loved.

  .o0o.

  Alice’s heart broke as the door shut behind him. So close, she thought. So close to hearing the words she desperately wanted to hear. And yet, business was more important. Her sadness was quickly replaced by a sharp anger.

  Why had this happened? Why couldn’t he spend but a few minutes more and say what he needed to say?

  Instead. Lord Warwick arrives, her world is turned upside down. And Nathanial departs as if on some boyhood adventure. Leaving her alone, confused, and upset. Didn’t the man have any concerns for her feelings?

  Sighing, she turned to see the butler, Benson, studying her. His brow crossed in a deep frown.

  “I wouldn’t worry, My Lady,” he said. “I am sure Mr. Caldwell will be alright.”

  She smiled sadly as his words registered. Nathanial was bound for danger. Of course, there could be no other explanation for the sparkle in his eyes. The man lived for it.

  Her heart sank at the realization that he might not return. That something bad could happen and she might never know why or how. A heavy sense of dread settled over her. What would she do if he didn’t come back? How could she ever live if Nathanial was not part of her world?

  Setting her shoulders, she nodded back to Benson and said, “I am sure you are correct.” What else could she say at a time like this?

  Taking up her dress she began to go upstairs. She needed to inform her mother that Mr. Caldwell would be gone for a few days. She would also need to discuss it with Olivia when she returned.

  So like Nathanial, she thought. Leaving her to make sure everyone was informed, instead of doing it himself.

  No, she chastised herself. Do not be angry with him. Accept him for the man he was. It was that sense of action she loved so much. That willingness to wade in and fix all wrongs. Her only complaint was that he’d chosen to help Lord Warwick instead of addressing her needs, her dreams.

  “Mother,” she said as she entered her mother’s room without knocking. “Mr. Caldwell has left. He won’t return for days.” The tremble in her voice let her know how close she was to crying.

  Her mother, sitting up in bed with a book in her lap looked up and frowned. “Away?” she said. “For how long? Why?”

  “I don’t know,” Alice replied as she quickly decided not to inform her mother of Nathanial’s intentions to ask her to marry him. Her mother would analyze every word and then determine that surely Alice had been mistaken.

  But, she knew what she knew and no one would ever convince her otherwise. No, she would hold that secret until he returned. And if he didn’t, she would hold that secret until the day she died.

  Her mother frowned, “Well, that is a bother. We were to attend Lady Gloucester’s ball tomorrow.”

  Alice shrugged her shoulders. “We will have to send our regrets. I don’t believ
e we can attend unescorted.”

  “We could,” her mother said as she looked out the window. “Such things do occur these days. But people would comment. And we can’t miss this opportunity. Olivia is all the talk. We need to be there.”

  Alice remained silent as her mind wandered after Nathanial. What was he doing? Where was he going? What could be so important that he could leave her like this?

  “Quick,” her mother said, interrupting Alice’s drifting thoughts. “Get my stationary. We must send a note to Lord Bradford and ask him to step in where Mr. Caldwell cannot.”

  “Lord Bradford?” Alice asked with a frown. “Shouldn’t we perhaps confer with Olivia. She might not be so welcoming of the idea. Besides, we are not family. I don’t think we should take it upon ourselves to arrange Olivia’s life for her.”

  Lady Weston studied her daughter for a long moment, then waved her hand as if swatting away a bothersome fly.

  “Of course, we should.,” he said as if Alice’s thoughts on the matter were of no importance. “Now get me my papers. I want to get a note off before Lord Bradford has an opportunity to commit to something else. As Caldwell’s dearest friend, he will, of course, be willing to escort us to Lady Gloucester’s.”

  Alice shook her head as she retrieved her mother’s stationary and a pen and ink from her desk. Her mother had arranged the dinner tray across her lap and held out her hands, silently hurrying her daughter along.

  “Really, Mr. Caldwell leaving like this,” her mother said with a frown. “The man can be so inconsiderate. He is the most discussed man in the city. Every hostess wants him, and therefore Olivia at her event. This is a golden opportunity. And he dismisses it as if it were of no import.”

  A strong surge of anger flashed through Alice. How dare her mother criticize Nathanial. “Mother,” she said as she handed her the writing instruments. “I do believe that Mr. Caldwell warned us that at times, his business might call him away.”

  Her mother rolled her eyes. “Business, business. That is all these tradesmen ever think of.”