Teacher I Want To Date

by Kayla, Mia

  My hand flew to cup my mouth as Carla sat there, and a moment later, she placed her hand on top of his. Maybe they had been going through a rough patch when he was with me, or maybe there had never been a rough patch and Mike was an arrogant ass. Either way, staring at the both of them made me realize that love wasn’t easy, that it was something you had to work at and stick with. And when you fell out of love, you needed to work at it to fall in love again, to fight for that love. I swiped at the first of the tears falling down my cheeks, thinking about my father, my childhood.

  I knew it wasn’t my fault that he’d left, nor was it my mother’s. My father had made a choice, just as Mike had made a choice. There was an internal shift in me, one where I knew there was only one thing to do. Now, it was my turn to make a choice of my own.

  Chapter 26

  Gabby

  Two days passed, and I’d spoken to Mason but not seen him. I was preparing for the Halloween dance at the school, which was at the end of the week, so I was busy, working in the gym with the kids to get the decorations up and organizing the logistics for volunteers.

  “Hey, Chris,” I addressed one of my students and pointed to the far end of the wall. “Those streamers are a little low. Can you fix those?”

  Sarah approached with the tablecloths. “Miss Cruz, do I just do the long tables or the circular tables too?”

  Every time I saw Sarah, she reminded me of Mason, and an ache initiated in my chest. Her eyes were similar to his, and they were alike in so many ways—their mannerisms, their love of numbers, their organizational skills, even the darkness of her hair matched her uncle’s.

  “All the tables, Sarah.” A sadness slammed into me, but I pushed the emotion down, keeping myself busy.

  I scurried around the room, putting up the ghosts and goblins and witches on every bare wall. After I organized the utensils and punch bowls for the witch’s brew, I sprinkled some confetti on the table.

  An hour later, my phone rang. It was Mason.

  “Hey,” I said, a tightness in my tone.

  “Hey.” There was a nervous vibe in his voice. “Can I see you today?”

  “Mason …”

  We needed to talk, there was no doubt about that, but I was avoiding the inevitable because I didn’t want the here and now to end.

  “I know you’re busy, Gabby. You’ve made that known for the last few days, but I can’t help wondering if that’s just an excuse.” He sighed heavily on the phone. “Or maybe my mind wants to go to the absolute worst place. Either way, I miss you, babe. Can I see you tonight? Are you at the school? I can drive there.”

  Closing my eyes, I rubbed at my brow. “It’s fine, Mason. I’m just about finished here. I’ll drive to your place right after.”

  As I hung up the phone, I wondered if things would really be fine. My stomach clenched with anxiety because deep down in my gut, I knew they wouldn’t be.

  Mason

  I paced the length of my living room. If I checked my step counter, I’d bet it would indicate I had already walked half a mile. It’d been sixty-seven minutes and counting since I hung up the phone with Gabby. Dinner was on the table. I’d decided on chicken Parmesan, something that I had perfected. I’d debated on ordering in, but cooking comforted me. Chicken Parmesan especially reminded me of my mother’s cooking since it was her recipe.

  I looked out into the city beyond my floor-to-ceiling windows. I was on top of the world. I had a wonderful job, unlimited fortune, and a great family. Still, I felt incomplete. I had all the money in the world, but what I wanted in life could not be bought. I wanted stability, a family, what my parents had had, and what my brothers currently had.

  I’d imagined I’d be married by now. At least, that was what I’d planned out years ago. Marriage and then a baby. In that order. Essentially, I wanted both with the same woman, but the universe had other plans.

  Lionel had drawn up the documents, which I would have to have Janice review. Charles was right. We needed to agree on an arrangement prior to the baby being born. Janice hadn’t called me, and I hadn’t spoken to her, still shocked and struggling with it all.

  The doorbell rang, breaking me from my thoughts. I walked over and opened the door. It was as though I’d been holding my breath for days because, without a second thought, I took Gabby in my arms and kissed her full-on, without restraint.

  Her hands gripped my biceps, pulling me flush against her, my hardness against her softness. I couldn’t get enough. My hand threaded through her hair, and I tugged at the ends. Then, I pulled back and peered into her lust-filled eyes. I trailed my nose along her temple, to her cheek, her chin, and then licked a path down her neck and up to her lips again.

  “Hello.” I laughed. “I don’t think that was said yet.”

  She laughed, too, and it lightened my heart. When she rested her chin on my chest and looked up at me, my stomach plummeted to the ground. Up close, I could tell she’d been crying.

  “Hello, handsome.”

  Her forehead crinkled, and a deep emotion passed through her. I could read it all in the span of hazel staring back at me. She touched my face, caressing my five o’clock shadow.

  “I love you. You know that,” she said with such intensity, such emotion.

  I took those words in and let them wash over me. But when a tear slipped from her eye, I knew that it wasn’t I love you forever. Gabby was saying, I love you, and good-bye. And my heart seized, fear threatening to choke me.

  I served us dinner and wine, feeling as though I were walking this thin wire, monitoring what I said and did because one wrong move and that wire would snap. We were seated at the table, eating, not speaking. She was cutting up her chicken and spooning her broccoli into her mouth as though it were a chore. She filled the silence with small talk even though we’d never been small-talk type of people.

  Me? I was strategically planning in my head, every response to any doubt that she might have.

  This gnawing feeling stirred in the pit of my stomach, but I pushed it down. “How was work today?” Which was not what I really wanted to ask her. I wanted to ask her if she was okay, which I knew she wasn’t. How could she be? But then I wanted to let her know that we would get through this, confirm that fact over and over again. All she needed to do was stay.

  “Fine,” she answered vaguely. “Are you ready for the dance? Be there at six thirty, right?”

  I nodded as my chest tightened, feeling as though there were a physical weight in the center of my heart. I’d volunteered for Sarah’s dance more than a month ago to make amends with Sarah. I couldn’t have predicted this, me and Gabby, here and now.

  “Yeah. The dance starts at seven.”

  She ducked her head toward the pasta that she’d only taken a few bites. Mostly she’d been moving around her food, the fork tinging against her plate.

  “Are you not hungry, Gabby?” My voice was quiet, and as I reached out to place my hand on hers, I realized I was trembling.

  “I’m not too hungry.” Her stare was vacant, which made my stomach roll.

  “It’s my mother’s recipe,” I said, smiling for both our benefit. But it felt forced and fake and all things we were not.

  Her head popped up. “Oh. I didn’t mean it was bad, Mason. It’s actually good.”

  “Okay.” I blew out a silent breath as though she’d told me that she wasn’t going to die. But crazy as that seemed, I was taking every little good sign, even the fact that she liked my mother’s pasta, and tucking it away for safekeeping. “My mother would be rolling over in her grave if you didn’t like her chicken Parm. She got it from my grandmother, so it’s been passed down.” I picked up her plate and placed it on top of mine. “It was my birthday request every year.”

  I rubbed a hand against my chest, thinking of my parents and the short time they’d lived on this Earth. “After my parents passed away, Charles made sure that he had some sort of chicken Parm on the table when it was my birthday, whether it be on the menu at a resta
urant or home-cooked in our Barrington home. He even gave Becky the recipe, but it’s just not the same.” I shook my head, nostalgia coming back full force.

  Gabby placed a tender hand over mine, her thumb caressing the top. “I know how much you miss them. I’m sorry you lost them. And to lose them together …”

  I peered up at her, and my voice quieted to a hush as an intense longing hit me. “They were so in love; they couldn’t be apart. So, it only made sense that they would leave this world together.” I placed my free hand on top of hers, sandwiching her hand in. “I want that, Gabby. I want what they had. A life on this Earth full of happiness and love, a house full of kids.” I swallowed hard, and my voice pleaded with her. “We’ll have that, right? Can’t you picture it?”

  Our eyes locked in an intense stare.

  But when she pulled her hand away, my stomach fell and kept on going until it hit the ground. She swiped at her eyes and looked away. In the next moment, she stood, reached for our plates, and walked them to the sink.

  I stood. “You’re leaving me, aren’t you?” I flinched at my own words, but I knew.

  And who could blame her? But resolve was back in my shoulders because I wasn’t going to give her up without a fight. I loved her too much to ever let her go.

  Her back was to me, but the tiny tremors in her shoulders indicated that she was crying. She placed the plates in the sink and turned to face me, eyes flowing with tears. “Mason …” She swiped at her eyes.

  I couldn’t stand her crying, so I erased the gap between us, brought her in, and pulled her into my chest. “We’ll work through this,” I said the words with pure conviction in them. I needed her to listen to me and believe that everything would work out.

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” she said, and I could practically hear her heart breaking too. “But I think …” A shudder left her, and I tightened my hold around her. “I think we should think about that baby—your baby.”

  I had difficulty swallowing, and my heartbeat slowed almost to a stop. “I am. I’m going to be the best fucking dad because I want to. If I fail at every other job, that’s the one job I don’t want to fail in.”

  Did she believe me? Did she believe that I would kill myself to be the best dad and the best partner?

  “But just because I want to be a good dad, that doesn’t mean I can’t be good for you.” I paused, and a thought pushed through. “Unless you don’t think you can raise another woman’s child.”

  I swallowed. Because although I loved Gabby with my whole heart, if she couldn’t love my child, that was a deal-breaker for me. It would break my heart to let her go, but this child, my child, was innocent in all of this. She had to be all in this with me, or it wouldn’t work.

  “That’s not it.” Her mouth slackened, and she shook her head. “I know I’d love that child just as much as you because he or she would be a part of you.” She blinked back tears, trying to make them stop flowing, but they wouldn’t cease. And even though she was crying, she was breathtakingly beautiful.

  I cupped her face and swiped at her tears with my thumbs.

  When she peered up at me, her eyes were resolute. “I think you and Janice should try again.”

  I went stock-still, and I blinked down at her. Twice. Then, I released her and pulled back, running one hand through my hair. “Sorry, Gabby. But that’s a load of bullshit right there. We’re having a baby together, but Janice and I will never, ever be together again.”

  So, that was it—the real reason for this good-bye? She was leaving me, so I could go be with Janice? If she was fucking leaving me because she couldn’t possibly raise a child who wasn’t hers, that I could live with. This I could not.

  “I don’t even love her anymore. How does that make any sense?” I threw up both hands and openly gaped at the ceiling and then back at her.

  She twisted her fingers together and walked to the couch where I followed and sat next to her. “When I was younger and my father left …” Her voice was barely audible. “I always wondered why he didn’t stay, why he couldn’t just stay for us. Why were we never enough?” She sucked in her bottom lip and released a shaky sigh. “Now that I’m older, I understand. They weren’t in love anymore. And he was in love with that new woman.” She peered up at me with torment and a sadness that gutted me from the inside out.

  “Still … I don’t think I’d change my view on things. Because he married my mom and took vows and had children out of love. How does he know he couldn’t have worked it out? People fall in and out of love all the time. He should have fought … fought for her … for us.” A shudder escaped her. “He should have stayed—if not for my mom, then for us girls.”

  She bit her bottom lip, her stare turning vacant again. “There were times when I needed him. Times where I needed advice about guys, about shop class, about real life, about college decisions that my mom couldn’t answer. So … I still wish he had stayed. Because I needed him when I was younger. And there would’ve come a time when we were older, when we wouldn’t have been as needy, that he could’ve lived for himself. But when he was younger, I wished he had lived for us. Because that’s the job of a parent … to be selfless and loving.”

  I nodded, hearing her, but I disagreed wholeheartedly. I knew her mother had struggled to make ends meet, but she’d done what she needed to and raised three beautiful, independent women. What a home needed was love even if it was not conventional.

  “Fact: your father was a shitty dad. He could have separated from your mother and still been around for you, but he chose to stay away instead of stepping up and being a man.”

  I took a breath and exhaled slowly, making sure she heard me loud and clear. “My baby won’t lack love or advice or want for anything, Gabby. And I don’t need to be with Janice to be a good father.” My voice was firm, sure. “Even though the baby won’t grow up in a two-parent, traditional household, that doesn’t mean they’ll be missing out. My child will grow up in this world, not knowing anything else other than splitting time filled with fun and laughter between two parents.”

  She shook her head, not really hearing me. “You think that now, Mason, but the child will know. The child will feel it when they go to class and see other parents together and wonder why their mommy and daddy don’t live in the same house.”

  This was Gabby in her truest form, bound to her broken past. She wasn’t seeing things clearly because she wasn’t listening.

  I leaned into her and tipped up her chin. “Babe, you’re worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet.” My voice was soft, coaxing. “You’re going to break up with me because you don’t want to ruin my kid’s life? The kid isn’t even born.”

  She started to cry again, her shoulders shaking from her tears. “I saw Mike a few days ago.”

  And then I reeled back. I hadn’t thought she could possibly shock me twice in a short period of time, but I was wrong.

  She quickly added, “It was right after you told me Janice was pregnant. I don’t know what compelled me to go to his house, but I’m glad I did.” She pushed an escaping strand of hair behind her ear. “He was there with his wife, his two kids. A wife he’d said he didn’t love anymore. But, Mason … he was happy. The kids are happy. They all were.”

  My body relaxed a little when I realized they hadn’t actually spoken and he hadn’t tried to fucking touch her again. And I knew where she was going with this, but I would never be on the same page.

  “How do you know you won’t be happy with Janice again? How do I know this isn’t another repeat of Mike’s situation, and I’m just a girl standing between two people who should be together?”

  Automatically, I stood. My hands fisted at my sides, and my jaw clenched as I paced away from her and then back to face her. What the hell is she talking about? “This is bullshit, and you know it. The reason you’re leaving me makes no sense at all.” There was an undeniable fire behind my tone.

  Her gaze dropped to her hands again.

 
She wasn’t hearing me.

  I would have laughed in a different situation because when did Gabriella Elise Coratina Escavez Cruz ever listen to anyone but herself, especially when she believed in her gut that she was right?

  But she wasn’t right. Not this time.

  A desperation I’d never felt before filled my veins, and I couldn’t control the trembling in my tone because this was it. I was losing her; I was losing this fight. “Don’t do this.”

  She sniffled and swiped at her nose. “You could only say it’s bullshit since you’ve never lived my life. And you haven’t.” Though her voice was quiet, there was certainty in it, in her posture, in the way she wasn’t breaking eye contact. She was going to leave me. “You don’t know how hard it was to grow up fast, just to take care of my sisters because my mother was working nonstop. You don’t know how hard I wished for my father to come back. And maybe if … maybe if that woman had denied him, had the integrity to think of someone besides herself, had the strength that I had in leaving Mike or leaving …”

  Me. Leaving me.

  I dropped to my knees as though the wind had been knocked from my lungs. A feeling of despair tore through me, numbing me. “You have to know that this is different. Your past, our future. It’s going to be different.” The world seemed to slow to a halt, and the heaviness that initiated in my chest spread throughout my whole body.

  “Mason, this is me being unselfish. This is me loving you and wanting the best for you and your unborn child. This is me giving you a chance. And to do that … I have to let you go.”

  “Gabby”—a breath—“please”—an exhale—“don’t do this.”

  When she bent down and kissed me, I knew she’d made her decision. Her tears wet my face—or maybe they were mine.