by Sue MacKay
‘Will he take us out on the boat?’
‘You’ll have to ask him.’ She wasn’t getting caught up in saying things Jamie might not want to partake in. ‘He knows his work schedule. I don’t.’ How did he manage the erratic hours of his work and the sudden, unexpected calls for S and R with these two to take care of? Christine obviously had a lot to do with them, but surely not every day of the week?
There was more to him than what she knew so far. At S and R he was always totally focused on the job at hand, and nothing else seemed to bother him, but who knew? He might be a master at covering up his worries. Or he might compartmentalise everything, dealing with the immediate problems and leaving everything else till later.
Ryder waved the remote in the direction of the TV and increased the volume.
Checking her watch, Kayla shook her head. ‘Sorry, kiddo, it’s time to turn that off.’
‘But I want to watch it.’ A pout shaped Ryder’s mouth.
‘Let’s record it and go say goodnight.’ Then she’d make the tea.
Moments later the only sound she could hear was giggling coming from Jamie’s bedroom. A lovely sound that clenched her heart, reminding her of what she was missing out on.
CHAPTER SIX
‘YOU’VE PASSED MUSTER with my boys,’ Jamie said. Their reactions to Kayla were heart-warming, and surprising. He hadn’t believed they’d be so trusting so fast after David. Maybe they weren’t as jaded as their old man.
‘They’re easy to get along with.’ Kayla stood with her mug in hand, appearing to be sussing him out.
Medically or otherwise? Surely she didn’t think of him as just a patient? After talking about her longing for children? Would her emotions make his boys vulnerable? He didn’t believe so but he still had to put them first in case he was completely wrong about Kayla. ‘They usually ease into being friendly.’ He’d only felt that way twice, with Leanne and now Kayla. It was still hard to believe that the strong and wonderful love he’d had with Leanne could go belly up so fast. He couldn’t have loved her more. His heart had been completely invested in their love and marriage, so her leaving had crushed him. He hadn’t known then how big a fright she’d got when she’d thought it was him who’d been killed in the fire he’d been attending, and if he had, she’d still have left because she was over him.
Caution was his go-to place now. Even if he could shrug aside the hurt of the past and find a woman he might—a very big might—fall in love with, he had to remember it wasn’t on his agenda until Ryder and Callum didn’t need him for every step they took.
‘Why are they cagey about strangers?’ Kayla sat down on the end of the bed. ‘I’d have thought Ryder was always outgoing. He’s such a chatty little guy.’
Sometimes he just had to give up on holding out and move on as fast as possible. This was one of those moments because he didn’t want Kayla thinking he was being aloof. Not when she’d given up her night to be here for them. ‘When their mother and I split, things got nasty for a while and sadly they were in the middle of the battle. Ever since then they’ve been wary around people they don’t know. Except you.’ Despite his worries he liked that she’d been accepted so readily. It felt as though he’d passed one hurdle on this new road he found himself on.
‘It’s been hard for you all.’
Her tone was non-judgemental but still he felt the need to defend himself. ‘I fought hard to be in their lives, to have a solid footing in their day-to-day goings-on. I like being the father who takes his sons to the ski field or on a holiday or spoils them by occasionally buying the toys they ask for. I want to be there for the arguments over what I make for dinner, for the days they’re unwell, and the football games and parent-teacher meetings.’
That’s enough. If Kayla doesn’t get the idea then she’s never going to.
‘A true dad.’ A smile lifted her mouth, and sent warmth throughout his battered body.
That was the nicest thing he’d heard for a long time. She hadn’t stopped to think about it either. He sipped his tea to hide the emotions rolling through him. Something about Kayla made him open up a little. He’d never spoken about Leanne and their battle to anyone. If one of the men at work or S and R asked about being a solo father, he shrugged the questions aside with, ‘I love my sons.’ It was the reason he’d fought so hard for his right to be an involved parent. That, and taking his responsibility seriously. ‘I do my best.’
His parents hadn’t been a shining example of how a loving family worked. It had been every kid for themself and there’d been six of them in total. He and none of his brothers and sisters were close. As the youngest he’d tried hard to be loved by any of them, but it hadn’t happened so he’d learned to hold himself tight and get on with things until he was old enough to get away and create a life of his own. One that had to include love and happiness. He’d found it with Leanne.
He’d also lost it with Leanne. But he had two sons he adored and would fight to the end of the world and back to be there for them. He lived how he wanted, not how he was raised—caring and supportive of others, and especially of his boys. ‘Ryder and Callum are my world.’ Just to emphasise the point.
‘I can see that.’ Her smile was soft and genuine.
A new ache started behind his ribs. One that any amount of painkiller tablets was unlikely to dull. Kayla was definitely getting to him, stirring a need for someone special to share his life with. Subject change required. ‘Why did you choose to come back here? Family? Friends?’
Her smile dimmed as her gaze dropped from his face to the mug she held in both hands. ‘After Dylan died I continued living in our apartment for nearly three years, believing my life was over. No man I loved, no children of my own. Then one day I realised if I didn’t get out I’d be there till someone came looking for me and found a fossil sitting in the chair by the window.’
Sadness touched him. Obviously Kayla still hurt.
If only his body could move easily and he had more than boxers on, he’d be out of the bed and hugging that sadness away. Instead he gave her a heartfelt smile. ‘Do you think you made the right move?’
She nodded. ‘I grew up here, and rushed away as soon as I was old enough to support myself in the big city up north. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Queenstown, it was just that there seemed to be so much more to do out in the wider world that my parents didn’t need to know about. They were quite possessive of me, growing up.’
‘And was there?’
Kayla drained her mug, then nodded. ‘Definitely. I found everything I was looking for. Fun, excitement, a career I put a lot into, and then there was Dylan. Yes, Auckland was good to me. And then it wasn’t.’ She stood up. ‘How’s your head? Still pounding like a bongo drum?’
End of conversation. He understood. ‘More like a pair of them. When’s my next dose of pain relief?’
Glancing at her watch, she smiled again. ‘Not for a couple of hours but I can give you something lighter to be going on with.’
He watched her step out of the room. Confident without putting it out there too much. The type of woman he preferred. He sank back into the pillows, groaning as pain throbbed and his head filled with images of having fun with Kayla. The next groan was louder.
‘Here, get these into you.’ A slim hand appeared in his vision with two white tablets in her palm. The other hand held a glass of water.
Those pills weren’t going to make the slightest bit of difference to what was ailing him. Kayla would not vanish as they dissolved in his gut. Her smile and soft voice would remain inside his head, teasing him, pestering him with her genuine concern and care. ‘Thanks,’ he muttered.
‘Have you ever worried about the dangers of your job?’
He had to stare at her for a moment to make sure Leanne hadn’t turned up. ‘No,’ he snapped. ‘I have not.’
Those beautiful eyes filled with remorse
. ‘Steady. I didn’t mean to upset you. Nor was I being critical of what you do.’
Then why ask? ‘I’m probably less at risk than Joe Blogs driving to work on the main road. I trained to be prepared for when mistakes happen.’ He paused.
Want to rethink that?
‘Okay, things can and obviously do go wrong, but I don’t spend my time worrying about it. I won’t give up my work because of today.’
Kayla swallowed and said quietly, ‘I’ve obviously hit a nerve. I wasn’t looking for trouble or suggesting anything such as you shouldn’t do your work because of the boys. Life’s full of obstacles and there’s no avoiding all of them.’
It was good to know she wasn’t accusing him of not thinking about his boys when he went to a fire. But then why would she? ‘I guess I’m the one who should apologise.’ Old habits didn’t die fast. ‘Sorry.’
Her smile was brief. ‘No problem.’
He’d hurt her with his reaction. Seemed he could still get annoyed over things Leanne had belted him with too often. ‘There was a fire in the hills and along the lake edge. One of our firemen was caught in a fireball and died. That same day Ryder had appendicitis. Leanne tried to get hold of me but I was out of reach. When she heard about the death she thought the worst.’
Kayla nodded. ‘Understandable.’
‘It flicked something in her. She was afraid it could happen to me and she didn’t want the boys to suffer. That’s when she packed up and left, taking Ryder and Callum to have a life where they weren’t worrying about whether I came home or not.’ His mouth tasted bitter.
‘She told them what happened?’
‘I’m not sure. The guy who died had kids at the same kindergarten so of course they heard. I didn’t figure how much they’d understand. They were so young.’
‘I can see why they were edgy when you came home with a bandage around your head.’
His sigh was full of despair. ‘Me, too. But once you talked to them, they came right. Maybe honesty pays off, even about something like this.’
‘No gory details.’ Kayla smiled.
‘Not a one.’ He returned the smile around a yawn.
‘Sleep time for you.’
She was right. If only he didn’t have to be there alone.
* * *
Kayla stepped quietly into Jamie’s room and paused, listening to deep breathing. He was either asleep or pretending to be. She’d leave him be. Groping around in the dim light from the hall for his wrist to check his BP wasn’t going to achieve much except an annoyance factor.
‘You all right?’ Jamie grunted.
‘I’m fine. I came in to check up on you.’
‘You can’t sleep?’
Tell him yes, save him worrying about something he had no answer for. ‘No.’
There was movement in the bed. He was shoving to one side, leaving the other half empty. ‘Get in. It’s a damned sight more comfortable than the couch. I won’t touch you, I promise.’
Did he have to sound so certain? Like she didn’t ring his bells even a tiny bit? ‘I’ll stick to the couch. You need your sleep.’
If you say I won’t affect that then I’m going to curl up in a little ball and pretend I’m the most wanted woman in the country and deny the hurt you inflicted.
‘You snore?’ Was that a hint of laughter?
‘Not that I’ve heard.’
‘I’ll be the judge. Get in. We can put pillows between us if that’ll make you feel more comfortable. They’re in the wardrobe.’
‘Jamie, is your head throbbing? Your vision blurry?’
‘Yes, to both. So I can’t see you and I have no strength to do more than go back to sleep. Seriously, how do you think I feel knowing you can’t sleep and that your legs are probably aching badly all because of me?’
‘You have such a beguiling way with words.’ That mattress was so tempting, no matter that Jamie was taking up two thirds of it.
‘Take your trousers off. They won’t be comfortable for sleeping.’
Another putdown. Take her trousers off for comfort, not because he wanted to see her shapely legs. She laughed. ‘Charm isn’t your thing, then.’
‘Am I getting through to you?’
Yes, damn it. She went to turn off the hall light, returned to sit on the edge of the bed, her heart fluttering as if she might be making a mistake. Or was it because she felt happy, even excited? Why excited when Jamie was beyond doing anything more than sleep? Because he’d be close, if unattainable. The memory of being held in his arms was blinking like emergency lights. Appropriate considering she might be in trouble here. Except the cure was simple. Return to that uncomfortable couch, aching legs and all.
Shucking out of her trousers instantly cooled her overheated skin. If only it cooled all her body. Grabbing a handful of sheet she lifted it, slid underneath and pulled it up to her chin.
Straight away her legs felt better, though still tense, as was the rest of her for fear she’d move and bump into Jamie, who, despite moving to make room for her, was sprawled in all directions.
‘Goodnight, Kayla.’ His voice was thick with sleep as his breathing deepened, slowed.
‘’Night, Jamie.’ She waited and waited, and then heard a small snore and smiled. ‘Go, you.’ Oh, to fall asleep so easily. She should. The last few days had been busy with a spate of older people having falls, and there’d been the death of a paraglider after getting caught in a downdraught that had dropped him on rocks on the Shotover River. She’d longed for one of Jamie’s hugs that day but hadn’t had the guts to call and say what had happened and how she needed him.
Closing her eyes tight, she breathed deeply for calm. Close enough to Jamie that she only had to move her arm a few centimetres and she’d be touching his muscular body. Get out of here. Right now. Before she fell asleep and snuggled into him. She might hurt him. His bruising wouldn’t take much of a knock to ache like hell.
Excuses, excuses. You’re afraid of touching him in case you can’t find it in you to move away again.
Kayla’s eyes shot open. Really? She stared into the darkness above them. They hadn’t even kissed. Not once. Near, but not near enough. She wanted to kiss him. Really kiss him, long and deep, find the man behind the smile. But that didn’t mean she cared more than a little about him. She might yearn to press her length against his hard body and absorb his warmth and strength and kindness, wipe away the sense of being too alone, but she could not give in. She mustn’t.
Why did Jamie make her feel this way? Why not any of the other good-looking, friendly men she met as she went about her work? Tipping her head sideways, she tried to see him in the dark. Impossible, so she relied on memory, which showed how gorgeous he was and why she felt soft and gooey on the inside, hot and tight on the outside. Jamie did this to her. No other man. And here she was, lying right beside him in his bed. ‘Why am I here?’ she demanded of the darkness.
‘Kayla? That you?’ croaked Jamie.
‘Yes.’
Glad I came tonight.
It felt like home, comfortable with this little family. Family. She tensed.
If only.
‘You all right?’
‘I’m fine, and looking after you, not the other way around.’
‘We seem to have a knack of getting knocked over and the other one appearing to do something about it.’ Jamie was starting to wake up properly. Not good when he needed to rest and sleep.
‘We’re quits. One accident each.’
A yawn filled the air.
‘Go back to sleep, Jamie. It’s the best cure for what ails you.’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘Need more painkillers?’
‘No.’
What was the problem then? ‘Jamie?’
‘Shh. You talk too much, woman,’ he quipped.
She talked too much? Hadn’t he said he couldn’t sleep?
No, Kayla, he said he didn’t think painkillers would help what was bothering him.
Oh. Had she got that right? Was having her in his bed disturbing him? She couldn’t help smiling. She wasn’t suffering on her own. Or she was because she’d got it all wrong. Wouldn’t be the first time, and most likely not the last. Rolling over to face away from him, she muttered, ‘Sleep tight,’ and closed her eyes. She’d fake sleep until hopefully it happened. If it didn’t then she’d be a grump all day tomorrow.
* * *
Jamie woke muscle by muscle, desperate to breathe slowly and not to over-activate the dull throbbing going on in his head and shoulder. It had been a long night, pain interspersed with sleep, tablets swallowed with water, and that tantalisingly warm body curled up beside him. Kayla did a number on him even as she slept.
Sometime during his last snooze she’d backed up against him. Whether she’d been aware or not, he hadn’t moved away. Instead at some stage he must’ve draped his arm around her waist and tucked her even closer because there was a new warmth on his skin from his ankles to his neck where she touched him. Her hair was splayed on the pillow between them, and her chest was rising and falling softly.
Hopefully she wouldn’t attack him when she woke, believing he’d done this on purpose. He should back away, withdraw while she slept. It would be safer. And impossible. Being so close to another person chipped away at the loneliness he’d carried since Leanne had left. It gave him hope. For someone to care about and who might do the same back. But what if it was thrown back in his face when the going got tough? That’d hurt too bloody much.
Was this why his parents had never been loving towards him and his siblings? They were afraid of losing their love? Of having it tossed aside like it didn’t matter? Hadn’t they realised how loved they were by all of their children anyway?