BLISS

by A. R. Breck

  “Mercy? Where’d you go?” Aric calls, coming closer. Mercy looks wide-eyed at me in worry before bending over and picking up the fallen can of green beans.

  “I’m in here.” She says on a wobbly breath.

  She gives me a look just as Aric turns the corner.

  “What are you guys doing in here?” Aric frowns, looking Mercy over like she’s already guilty without her having to say the words.

  She lifts the can towards Aric and gives me a look. “I was just picking up this can I knocked over. Aeron was talking to me about going to the party. I guess we can go tonight if you still want.” She looks over at Aric with her innocent eyes and I want to go and slap her fucking ass for being so good at lying.

  If I open my mouth, I’m going to be sticking my tongue right back into Mercy’s mouth. Best if I keep it shut for now.

  “Yeah, yeah. We can go.” Aric says with a small smile.

  “Great, okay. I’m going to go get ready.” She speeds out of the pantry, still with the can in hand, and doesn’t give either of us another glance.

  When she’s gone, Aric still stands there staring at me. I stand there, and wait, because I know something’s coming.

  “Stay away from her.” He says before walking off.

  Yeah, fat chance, buddy.

  15

  Mercy

  What am I getting myself in to?

  I seriously don’t understand why I ever said I’d go to this stupid party. Mostly after how Aric reacted to it. I’m almost certain that whatever happens tonight isn’t going to be good.

  The only reason why I said yes was because I need to stop feeling this… heaviness that sits in my chest every night.

  Yes, I want some pills.

  Whatever it was that he gave me took away my pain. That lingering suffering that I feel at night and the painful loneliness that I feel at the worst of times. It took it all away.

  It numbed it out and now that it’s back it almost feels worse than before. I don’t know what kind of pills they were. Maybe they were just heavy-duty ibuprofen for all I fucking know. Either way, I need just a couple more until I can get over this hump, or whatever the hell this is, and go back to just being normal.

  I don’t know.

  I feel so lost some days.

  I feel like I’m sinking, and suffocating, and drowning, and withering away.

  Aric has made so much of that pain go away since I’ve moved here. He’s been keeping me afloat the hurricane of depression, and for that I’ll forever be indebted to him.

  I don’t know what’s going on with us, but something’s there. I’ve been feeling it with him. That spark. It simmers below the surface and I’m wondering what’s going to happen when it erupts. Or, if it will even erupt.

  I can’t deny a small part of me has felt empty without Aeron around. Oddly enough, I’ve missed the tiptoeing that I was doing around the house in his presence. Without him, it’s felt calmer, easier, and less heavy.

  Yet, even in a house full of men, I still feel empty.

  Where has he been? With another girl? In jail? How would anyone know? I mean, I guess since Dave hasn’t said anything, he probably wasn’t locked up. But still, come and check in every once in a while, for fuck’s sake.

  Now I’m getting ready for this party, and I’m tempted to call the entire night off and curl underneath my sheets and wait for the pain in my chest to pass.

  It’s deeper than my chest.

  It’s in the pit of my soul.

  And the only thing that I’ve found that takes away the pain completely is those damn pills that Aeron gave me.

  Embarrassingly enough, I would never admit it, but I went into Aeron’s room when he wasn’t here and snooped around. I hoped to find a couple more, but sadly I found nothing.

  Finishing off my makeup, I give myself a once over and sigh.

  This’ll have to do.

  My short, high-waisted shorts and ripped band tee will have to do. I try not to get too dressed up, since I don’t really know the dress code at these kinds of parties.

  I mean, the last party we went to was super relaxed. Aric wore jeans and most people were just hanging out in their everyday clothes. But, I’ve also been to a party back home where people we’re in club attire at a random house party and I would hate to dress up like that and be the laughingstock.

  So, I’ll just dress in my ripped jean shorts and black shirt and hope I can fit in with the rest of them.

  I could go and ask Aric, but he’s been a little stiff since this afternoon. He’s smiling and pretending to me normal, but I can tell from his face that it’s fake.

  Fake. Fake. Fake.

  I hate it, and I don’t want to ask him what the hell is wrong, because then he’ll end up prying into what happened with Aeron. Worst case scenario, I end up spilling the beans that he pressed me up against the wall next to his snacks and almost devoured me.

  Devoured. Me.

  Seriously, I don’t know how else to put it.

  When I’m with Aeron, it’s like the world turns on its axis. I’ve never experienced anything like it. And this time, I wasn’t even high on anything. It’s like he’s a drug all on his own.

  When I hear a knock at my door, I give one last puff to my wavy hair and go and open the door, revealing a—thankfully—casually dressed Aric.

  “Shit, babe. You look hot.” Aric leans down and kisses me on the cheek. It seems his earlier stiffness is long gone. Back to friendly, playful, charming Aric from the Fourth of July.

  “Thanks.” I blush and walk over to the bed and grab my phone.

  “Are you sure you want to go? Dirk’s parties are kind of wild.” Aric scratches the back of his neck.

  I so, so badly want to stay here. I’d rather go down to the basement and watch movies with Aric for the rest of the night. To be honest, what we really need to do is sit down and talk about the Fourth of July. Were we just fooling around or does he want to be something more?

  I don’t know why I think we even need to talk about it, since I don’t know what answer I even want him to give me anyway.

  Maybe this is why I’m so wound up, but I know once I try to get in my bed, I won’t be able to sleep.

  I need one pill, at least, to get me through the night. I feel like I haven’t slept in a week. Honestly, it’s been since Aeron gave me the pills a week ago.

  I’m exhausted, and if I didn’t have to go to this stupid party to get some pills, I’d skip. For sure.

  I sigh and force a lie. “I would seriously take you up on that offer if I didn’t just spend all this time getting ready. Now I feel like we have to go. Plus, I told your brother we would.”

  “I don’t think he really cares if we went to the party. He probably wouldn’t even notice if we didn’t show up.”

  “I think he would. You don’t give him enough credit. I think he just wants to spend some time with you.”

  Aric mumbles under his breath and I turn around and give him a look. “What was that?” I swear he said something about me, but I can’t be so sure.

  “Nothing. Are you ready?” He smiles at me, but the stiffness is back on his lips.

  Whatever. If he’s going to be pouty and not even discuss it with me, that’s just another reason to get out of the house. Maybe some space between me and Aric is what I need right now.

  “Yeah. Let’s go.”

  ~

  Pulling up to Dirk’s party, I can see why they say that Dirk has crazy parties. When we were at Shane’s house on the Fourth of July, I thought that was crazy. This is ten times that. Twenty, maybe. There are kegs set up all over the place. Tables set up with shot glasses and different bottles of liquor. Speakers are set up all throughout the yard and loud music blares through them. I can hear it inside of the car.

  It’s a good thing this house isn’t in an everyday neighborhood. Every house sits on a few miles of land. Although, with how crazy this party is, there’s a good possibility that they still get the cops
called on us.

  People are outright smoking bongs and blunts in the yard, while others dance to the music. Men have their tops off. Women have their tops off.

  I feel like pressing my hands and face to the window like a kid driving through Disneyland. I’ve never anything like this before. I don’t know if this is the type of party I belong at. This isn’t my scene.

  I’m about to ask Aric to turn around and go home when the thought of lying in bed all night awake pops in my mind. Maybe we can just stick it out for a little bit.

  Maybe.

  “Ready?” Aric asks if he parks, giving me a look that seems like he knows exactly what I’m thinking. I don’t blame him. This doesn’t seem like Aric’s scene either.

  “I didn’t realize it would be so… wild.” I laugh as I look over at him. “Yeah. Let’s just show our face and head out in a little bit. Okay? Maybe we’ll still have time for a movie.” Hopefully that’s enough time for me to find Aeron and grab a few pills from him.

  Aric’s eyes heat and he reaches over to grab my hand. “That sounds ten times better than this.”

  We exit the car, and then start walking up to the house and Aric wraps his hand around mine. I glance over at Aric and see a heavy frown on his face. Following his eyes, I see him looking at a few questionable guys who have their eyes on mine. They’re leering at me, heavily. I give Aric’s hand a squeeze. He glances over at me, and I give him a small smile, leaning into him more as we start walking towards the door.

  I like Aric. I actually have feelings for him. I’ve also been finding that my heart beats for him.

  There’s only one problem.

  My heart doesn’t only beat for him.

  It also beats for Aeron.

  The question is, whose does it beat harder for?

  I stay close to Aric. He nods to people here and there, but doesn’t stop to talk to anyone. I don’t see Declan, Luke, or Shane anywhere. Maybe this isn’t their scene, either.

  “Do you know any of these people?” I ask when we walk into the kitchen. It’s not as crowded inside as it is out. It’s such a nice night out that the yard is packed with people. No one wants to spend time inside.

  “Yeah, well, kind of. Most of these people already graduated. Some are from down in the cities. I know them from Aeron, but I don’t really hangout with any of them.” He leans down and whispers in my ear. He looks around before looking me in the eye and asking, “Do you want a drink?” He gestures with his head to the counter filled with liquor.

  I shrug. “Sure, whatever.” Aric walks off to grab us drinks. I glance around, hoping to see Aeron somewhere around here. I notice the dinner table has been shifted to the side of the room and the people from Shane’s party who were with Aeron are circled around it. No Aeron, though.

  Bags and pills and white powder litter the table as they talk with each other like it’s just another day.

  But, I guess it kind of is for them, isn’t it? This is the norm, where they sit around with loads of drugs in front of them while they’re probably high as a fucking kite.

  I wonder if their pain has been numbed, too.

  My heart speeds up at the thought.

  Aric returns with a red solo cup filled with a dark liquid filled about halfway along with a drink for himself. “I texted the boys. They’re going to head out here for a little bit to see what’s up.”

  I frown. “I thought we weren’t staying that long.”

  “We’re not. We can go when we want. They can stay if they want.” He lifts his shoulders. “Or they can head back with us. Although, if they don’t…” He lifts his eyebrows and puts his arm around my shoulder. I smile at him, thinking of the Fourth of July.

  My belly starts to warm. Shit.

  Aeron chooses this very moment to waltz out of a nearby room with a man that I’m certain has been to jail multiple times. He’s covered in tattoos, much like Aeron, but has this demeanor about him that screams I’m a felon.

  Aeron looks up as if he can sense I’m standing right in front of him. A light lifts in his eyes until he sees the intimate embrace me and his brother is in.

  The light fades and in its place forms a malicious shadow.

  “Well, look who decided to show up. Little bro, I’ve been asking you to come to Dirk’s for years, what made you change your mind?” The creepy man behind him probably hears the same tone that I’m hearing from Aeron, because he turns around without a word and walks off.

  Aric gives my shoulder a squeeze and looks down at me. “Well, Mercy wanted to come out for a bit, so I thought—what the hell. We’re not planning to stay long, though. We’re going to try and watch a movie before it gets too late.”

  Aeron runs his tongue along his top teeth. He hasn’t even looked at me since that first searing glance. “Isn’t that sweet. Well, there’s plenty of drinks and weed and other things while you’re here. I won’t be home tonight. Wouldn’t want to interrupt your cuddle time.” He shakes his head in irritation and walks past us, heading to the table to his friends.

  “He is such a fucking douche bag. He never used to be like this. I don’t know what happened.” He shakes his head. “Well, he’s always been a dick, but not towards me.” He looks at me with narrowed eyes, like he’s trying to figure out what happened between him getting out of jail and now. I look away from him, afraid he’s going to be able to see what’s written all over my face.

  When his phone buzzes in his pocket, he shakes off his mood and pulls it out to look at it. “The boys are here. They want us to meet them outside. Must be even more packed outside because they said they can barely get to the door.”

  Shit, once they’re all around I’ll never be able to get the pills from Aeron. How am I going to do this?

  “You go. I’ll be right there.”

  Aric’s eyes immediately lower in suspicion. “What? I’ll wait for you.”

  “No. No, go ahead. I’m just going to use the restroom.” I nod my head towards the door right off the kitchen where I’m hoping the bathroom is.

  “I can wait.”

  I lift my hand up and run it down Aric’s cheek, hoping to snuff out his concern. “Seriously. Go get your friends. I’ll be right there.”

  He chews on his cheek as he thinks it through. He doesn’t want to leave, but probably doesn’t want to keep arguing with me so he takes a step back, making my hand drop. “Hurry up. Anyone—and I mean anyone—tries to even talk with you, come get me. I don’t fucking care what you have to do. Just hurry up, okay?”

  I nod, and when he leans down and kisses me on the lips, my eyes widen in surprise. I kiss him back, because he smells so deliciously good and tastes even better. His lips are soft and perfectly meld to mine. It’s a quick kiss, but it’s packed with so much emotion that when he pulls away, I’m still breathless.

  “Hurry.” He gives me one more look before walking away.

  I look over my shoulder and once again come face to face with Aeron. If he could murder with his eyes, I would be fucking dead at my feet. He looks so vengeful that I almost want to forget it and decide to not ask for the pills.

  But I need them. I can’t keep doing this.

  Straightening my spine, I swallow down a mouthful of my drink and then walk over to Aeron. He lifts up an eyebrow as I approach. I lift my own in response. He knows why I’m here, but from the look of it, he’s going to play a game with me, and I have no time for games.

  “Aeron.” I say when I reach the table, making the eyes of all his friends stop what they’re doing and turn around to look at me as well.

  “Mercy.” His voice sounds tight, like he’s reached the end of his rope and he’s near his breaking point.

  Lacy, that snotty girl from Shane’s party, looks at me with a scowl. She’s filled with tattoos and piercings herself. She looks like she could beat my ass, and I really don’t want to get beat up right now. But when she scooches closer to Aeron and lays her hand on his lap beneath the table, it takes all my effort to not leap over
the table and pull her hair out.

  “Can I talk to you for a minute?” I say between clenched teeth. This rage—this jealousy—overpowers me to the point my hands are shaking. I don’t know where this is coming from, and honestly, it’s freaking me the hell out.

  Aeron looks me over and seems to finally see my rage when he slides his chair back. Grabbing onto the girl’s hand underneath the table, he places it on her lap before leaning over and giving her a kiss. On the fucking lips!

  “Lacy, I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere, all right? I’m spending the night tonight.” The fucker winks at Lacy before walking right past me. I can literally feel the steam pouring out of my ears as I glare at her.

  She gives me a catty smile and I so badly want to slap it right off her face. But, I’m on limited time here, so I turn around and follow Aeron over to the hallway next to the bathroom.

  “Do you have the stuff?” I ask once we’re in a quieter area.

  Aeron laughs and sticks his hands in his pockets. “Not for you, I don’t.”

  I take a deep breath to stop the imminent explosion. “Come on, Aeron. I don’t have time for this.”

  Aeron drops the act, suddenly looking angrier than I’ve ever seen him. He reaches up to my chest and pushes me—literally fucking pushes me—into the bathroom right behind me. I stumble back, reaching back and grabbing onto the sink behind me. He stalks towards me, slamming the bathroom door shut behind me and finalizing his move by pressing the button on the knob to lock it.

  I look around, hating how small of a room he’s put us in. Our chemistry and our anger are too big for this tiny room. Old fashioned wallpaper lines the bathroom walls. The small white sink sits adjacent to the toilet. Cute little red towels are set up nicely. I’m guessing a woman set these up. A guy like Dirk would never decorate a bathroom like this. At least, I don’t think he would.

  “You just have to fucking kiss my little brother right in front of me, don’t you? What are you playing here? Is this some fucking game to you? I supply your drugs, and you get to fuck my brother?”

  I reach out without thinking and land an open palm right against his cheek.